if he wasnt in some kind of state of agitation pain  FUCK

                                                         he wouldnt be who he was

wouldnt recognise himself

if he passed himself on the street

   had done it though

                          but rarely

didnt

        find the cut of his jib compelling

“What you regard as small, isolated incidents sets off a chain of events you could never have anticipated.”

                                                                                                                wasnt in his wheelhousedidnt have a strategy didnt worry logistics flew by the seat of his pants

hadnt let him down yetfigured  figured    when youre on a rollROLL muthafucker

                                                                                         governed by Newtons inertia

wouldnt let external forces fuck with his qi 

he could be a cunt with the best of em

                                         “You believe you’re making choices and all you’re doing is slotting in the pieces of a foreordained conclusion.”  Bruen  London Boulevard

1345,  2sday,  12  3. 24

2323,  2sday,  12  3. 24

Phoebe Bridgers  The Know the End  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQByi9IHiZo

Temptations  Papa Was A Rolling Stone  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLMOaiHUzHo

Killers  Mr. Brightside  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvIJyRkS9y0

Thas a poor choic . .

. . Oh bullshit excellent choice

                                 Rolls right off the tongue, try it.

No not tryin it You understand the purpose of a safe word

I do.

Fine Tell me wha you understand

It tells my partner I want to stop.

Stop

Yes.

Correct

           Know whaya did there

What I did.   What did I do?

Made a clear concise declaration

                                    Stop

One syllable

I think your wordwhile youre understandably enamoured an enthralled by it is lousy

Lousy? Think I couldn . .

. . I think an aggressive partner ya wont have time

                                                       You like itknowin you because most woud be in the dark therefore it only confers attention on you

My little craven friend

So you know it?

I do took human anatomy late freshman year 

On cadavers?

Of course

How?how’d you possibly get in? That’s reserved for first year med students.

Or for someone who knows someone

                                       I had a letter of recommendation High biology teacher Mr Demerest I prepared all his exhibits for three years  I was awfully good

Applicable when I worked two summers as a butcher

Thasaid

           Were getting off subject

Poor choice

In B D S M currency  bondage discipline sadism masochism D an S can also stand for dominance submission 

wearily shook his head  bored I know I know.

I despise acronyms hence my tarry glad youre up to speed

Current parlance safe words red full stop yellow too hard slow down green disregard my screams go harder

Note yellow  two syllables  capeesh thas also two Yawant short an sweet

Brachioradialis Five  Aint gonna cut it

                                          Wont impress your partner

You know so muc . .

. . Forearm muscle flexes it at the elbow enables pronation supination dependent on the position of the forearm

Im happy to share mine I bellow NO

   Think about it

                          Christ

234preferred,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  3. 24

1156,  2sday,  12  3. 24

Zappa  Camarillo Brillo  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkppN14ugMo

Muffin Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWQb_T9_nwA

The Torture Never Stops  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw_LpINt8lk

. . . Whoawhoa  whoa

What?

Whoa

Whoa what?

You always been this way Estimating   Sizing up

                                                       Hungup on men

You don’t?

Hellno

         You know better

OHthat’s right.

                 You don’t see men.

Not in the least a waste of time

I hear you, but I have a hard time imagining you don’t.

Stop  You struggle to imagine so naturally its out of your wheelhouse

                                                                           Look at all the men you want compare em to yourself Im takinin takinadvantage of my time enjoyin the fairer sex  the superior sex   Theyre worthwhile

You’re so full of shit.

   Me

       While you ogle men  Thas rich

Tellya wha  lemme guess

trying to remain unriled little rouge in his cheeks Guess what?

Your apparentintrinsic ability of estimation  Physical estimation height weight

What of it?

Id wager an Im not a betting man  but Id wager you coud work a carnival make money guessin peoples weight

Maybe their pronouns or sex too

laughed  Pronouns. Yacrack me up

                                      Weight?  Ohyeah. Handsdown.

was lookin for confirmation

surprised him how glorious itd be

234preferred,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  3. 24

1232,  Monday,  11  3. 24

ELP  Karn Evil 9  1st Impression  Part 2   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc6ymS4NGxg 

Ah  thaswha he was thinkin

                              sometimes things tried to slink away after he toldem Stay

treated em like obedient dogs

why he wouldnt have a dog

                              wasnt keen on obey obedience

   it was okay they tried

he wouldnt respect em if they didnt

                                     tried hard to put the shoe on the other foot

someoneanyone told him STAY

Can kiss me arse

                    Best bring backup

Wharya goin

stoppedemfast in their tracks acted like if they didnt look over their shoulder to his words theyd vanish into thin air 

disappear like a fart in the wind

   he recalled

having conversation with a mate

                                   they said theyd rather be overestimated than underestimated by an opponent  inevitably took things to physical competitions or confrontations

perhaps a kind of farcical male instinct hed overcome

he had scars matey curiously lacked

how does one come away from a knockdowndragout without lifelong blemishes  reminders   memories

   Really

Really what?

Underover overunder estimate

I know you understand.

I understand you

Then what’s the question?the statement.

Either woud strike me thathey werent a worthy opponent

Unworthy?

Yah

     Why waste time or energy with someone who wasnt equal

Unequal?

   Yah

How's that?

Time  Who has time to estimate its On Ya act don think beat ass or ass beat

Inevitable

   he just looked at him

looked like a fart might before dissipating

234preferred,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  3. 24

1130,  Moms Monday,  11  3. 24

Survivor  Eye of the Tiger  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxxfQ7-aMrE

she was a thick gal

she would have been voluptuous if she were sevenNO   eight YES  eight inches taller

looked Hispanic

could have been Islander

had he been in Seattle hed bet Islander

but he was in California

she wore a nondescript sports jersey  39 on its backnumbers legit tack twill not heat transfers

why he knew that he couldnt say

absorbed it somewhere

the more he read the less he knew

she was pickingup a prescription

last one he pickedup was three years ago

let his order stew three days before collecting it so itd be there

three years ago they told him to come back in five hours

America on Drugs

Five hours he asked  emphasis on five

she was crispdidnt lookup

                            That’s what I said.

apparently bedside manners are the Providence of physicians fingerscrossed  hadnt seen one of them in years either

he returned three days later

who knew hed remember now habitual

Bitched

          anything might

clerk asked her name

he didnt listen

                if she was eight inches taller he might have

Birthdate.

Nine Nineteen Nineteenninetynine.

39 made all the sense in the world

59 would be crap

together 3 and 9 are pleasantly round

which unfortunately did not assist her stature

maybe 11

maybe stripes

approximately1500,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  3. 24

1131,  Sunday,  10  3. 24

Billy Preston  Will It Go Round In Circles  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F_DRNCGjQM

she said I’m up to me arse in love with you.

he bedded hershe bedded him they bedded the night they met

they were in their first date date

                                    dinner

she wore a flattering sheath

he nearly shit

               he was visiting Ireland have a Guinness creamed at a pub a Jameson buy a merino wool pullover sweater

hadnt anticipated her  Laura

                               her freaking freckles

she made him want to connect em fashion the known constellations on her body with blacklight ink makeup new ones

   No  Anticipation

                             thought   . . up to her arse

anwha an arse

found he preferred it to ass

                               or maybe it was the way Laura said it  flauted it   My arse this my arse tha

hed take her arse any way she offered Just keep sayin kiddo  keep sayin it

. . . in love with you

theres leeway

growing room

   theres no commitment

I love you

   in love isnt I love

                        he recalled a line from Bruens Killing of the Tinkers Mrs Bailey says to Jack “She’s far too fond of you to be your wife.”

in love fond

love

     not casual not a ploy

hed been both

lotsa in loves

one love

   still hooked

he was visiting   they knew Laura  knew

1435,  Saturday,  9  3. 24

1659,  Sunday,  10  3. 24

Mr Jones

film

question

         What is deranged in a deranged world?

asked in 1933 as Holodomor was taking place in Ukraine

the Soviet state denied it

as 1619 is being denied in America today

as many in the South insist the Civil War wasnt fought over slavery

women shouldnt have autonomy over their bodies

deranged

                        Government should be deconstructed

deranged

                    The Constitution of the United States should give way for a Unitary Executive

deranged

                        We should suffer a white patriarchal theocracy

deranged

   theres some Whats

2021,  2sday,  5  3. 24

2145,  Sunday,  10  3. 24

an array:

https://michiganadvance.com/2024/01/16/project-2025-if-allowed-will-cement-america-as-a-rightwing-authoritarian-state/

https://msmagazine.com/2024/02/08/project-2025-conservative-right-wing-trump-woke/

https://theweek.com/politics/heritage-foundation-2025-donald-trump

https://thomaszimmer.substack.com/p/what-project-2025-would-do-to-america

https://markrozell.gmu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Rozell_and_Sollenberger_UE_and_Bush_Legacy_Chapter_2013.pdf

https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/full/10.1086/714860#

Neil Young covering Phil Ochs’ Changes  these changes  not those or theirs  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9gyHnWegb4

grabbed his eye  read alcopops

                                 thought Wha the hells tha   said it out loud

she turnedshushed him  regarded the sanctity of library

                                                           whispered What?  Why?

Alcopops Ever hear of it

Can’t say I have. What is it?

I havent a clue Metz is one

One what?

An alcopop

Which is?

Donknow First experience with it   Though I love it

You love it?

Seein something yanever seen before how coudya not

That’s all fine and dandy.  What is it?

Arent you tickled alcopops    Fun cominout of the mouth 

   Tickled.

               What is it?

My guesstaken in context  A beverage

                                          A beverage a woman asked for

Breakin it down  Alco short for alcohol  Pop sodapoppy sweet  Maybe fruity effervescent   Alcoholic sodapop my guess

One or the other.

Yamean

It’s either soda or it’s pop. I call it soda.

Ya get the gist If Im correct

                                  I may be wrong

There you go. I adore that about you.

Whastha kiddo

That you concede you could be wrong

Thank you

               I was wrong about you

Wrong?  Not wrong I wouldn’t say wrong.

Weel  I didnt see nohow a relationship between us beyond a friendship

No?

No

I surprised you.

Yadid You continue to surprise me

Kinda surprised me too.

Were you then  wrong

Not wrongnot necessarily.

                             You grew on me.

1435,  Saturday,  9  3. 24

1330,  Sunday,  10  3. 24

STOP woudya stop a moment.

What? upset he interrupted

   Just a moment

                      Youre the third person in two days whos mentioned spectrum in conversation First time I thought they meant Spectre misheard the organisational nemesis of Bondwent down a rabbithole  I didnt think to ask for clarification timely so I skipped it it was mentioned in passing

Then last night my daughter mentions it  Is tha a thing I asked She laughed Papa. Whenever you think to ask if something is a thing, it’s a thing, awright? She explained it although more specifically as autism Evidently there are other clinical avenues disorders considered in kind

Now you

            Thank you for extending me a moment to explain

stuffed their upset  You’re welcome.

                                       Hadn’t heard of it before?

No Ive not  Been around years I understand

Minimum of ten I’d guess, at least in regards to autism, longer otherwise. I think it was first used to describe schizophrenia.

Schizoid

Yes.

Knew of it however not in terms of spectrum

Curious you were they stumbled You were . .

. . Ignorant You can say I was   However when things arent in ones wheelhouse theyre not confronted ignorance is easy

“Serena (a Down’s baby) didn’t have an extra chromosome, it was us, the normal ones, who were lacking the added spark. Would I could have held on to that moment, if I could have just sampled the energy for a little longer. I’d no longer need oblivion. Such knowledge is shocking, and few can handle it with care. I was even less able than I’d have imagined.”  pg130  Ken Bruen  The Killing of the Tinkers

1440,  Saturday,  9  3. 24

1237,  Sunday,  10  3. 24

Chantal Kreviazuk  Surrounded  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqfd4v-_byg

guys gather get a few under their belt no wimen round  things deteriorate degenerate get raunchy  had to be their nature

        that said  asocial  ahole   wasnt his usual fare

                                                             yet

he found himself a link in the chain arc in the circle

                                                       gratefully

wasnt a circle jerk

yet

this evenings fare

                    ASS

not getting ass but rather ass  fanny  apple   heartshaped ass

                                                                        gluteus maximus

and Word When Where Name winged its wayround to him on him before he could dodge

Yareally wanna know

they Fuck Yah

Not going to top my predecessors

they  Fuck Yahed

made him laugh

                   the circle guffawed

Youll not be impressed

ON WITH IT they shouted

Awright

          Sweetest ass I ever laid eyes on was in the film Mr Jones twentyminutesthirtyseconds in

Anyone learns who she is lemme know 

                                           Please

  

310,  Saturday,  9  3. 24

he pushed back didnt care how attractive she was  probably rode on it

                                                                           No  no such thing

What are you talking about? her eyes bulging a bit  It was a nightmare.

A dream theyre all dreams

eyes still enraged You don’t distinguish one from the other?

No

You voice high in her chest haven’t been terrified? 

Ive been frightened but I remind myself Im dreaming   I cant wont be hurt

Have you been murdered in a dreamdied . in a dream?

More times than I can say

   And yet . . you don’t call those nightmares?

No Dreaming

              Which isnt to say they werent awful   But I knew I wasnt at risk

They didn’t wake you?make you sit bolt upright?

No

      The French call nightmare cauchemar Irish broingloid

Learned both from Ken Bruens book The Killing of the Tinkers

   Why . . why are you telling me this?

Because someone others agree with you  An I like how they sound

How they sound.

Yes Not harsh like Night Mare

                                 Takes an edge off

You’re a real piece of work.  And terribly unsympathetic.

Difficult to sympathise when one disagrees

                                             Lemme say  Im disagreeing with you also because I can lucid dream manipulate scenarios outcomes I can decide to either let it ride or alter it I can disarm the stranger rarely ever dream of people I know or die

Yet another thing  I refuse to suffer tortureFinis

   Finis.

Yes

Then you’re lucky.

Not really

           Took me a long time to learn lucid dreaming  Luck plays no part

Try keeping a dream journal

Learn

   Nightmares efface dissolve  Become dreams

1630,  Monday,  4  3. 24

1237,  Saturday,  9  3. 24

You know whaya ought to suggest

she chuckled

                 Sure. I’m open to suggestions.  I’m at my wit’s end.

I can hear it in your voice

Thank you.   I wish you were here, Papa.

Ah thad be nice  I do too

                             But weve had our timeknew we were having our time

We did. We didn’t take it for granted.

No we did not

               Happened too fast Seems stuck on fastforward

Doesn’t it?

             What’s your suggestion?

A suggestion box

I’ve suggested it.

   And

It was declined.

The reason

They, management, called it arcane.

They said arcane

Can you believe it?

No   Shit

           Yareally got your work cut out for you

Tell me about it.

                   Didn’t you recommend a suggestion box at your employment? I seem to recall you did, think perhaps that’s why I recommended it for my company.

I did

Doesn’t sound like it was successful.

It lastedif I remember correctly fourfive months

                                                  Went to the lunchroom to make a suggestion an it was gone

What happened?

It was taken down because I was the only person making suggestions

No shit.

No shit

         Found out other employees felt intimidated to put their name on a suggestion

Cowards.

Im afraid so

   Well. It’d be unlike you not to accept it’s removal.

Few steps down the hall from the lunchroom then right an at the end of that hall was the CEOs office I went to see him he laughed   Dave said he had an open door policy It was closed  I rapped on it an let myself in

You let yourself in.

Open door policy

How’d that go?

Told Dave that since the suggestion box was no longer Id come directly to him Afterwards Id submit it to the rest of the company through interoffice email

How did you not get fired?

My concerns were legitimate

                               Works like intelligence Foundational  Call it the ruthless pursuit or quest to see what is not what one prefers

   That’s not going to fly here.

Sorry baby

             So sorry

0838,  2sday,  5  3. 24

1108,  Saturday,  9  3. 24

Peter Green  I’ve Got a Good Mind to Give Up Living  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1XWzbVktTQ