Why waste a minute being timid

                                         Right

he liked it

a long freakin phonaesthetic

                              HA  though not a prosthesis

pro thesis

            pro threetits Awa  he believed

                                              but

digging deeper he found that the three-breasted goddess a War goddess  was East Indian Meenakshi

                                                                                                             he was going to stick with Auwa looks a bit like three breasts  eh

he thought so

   he wasnt timid

once his stuttering quit as a young boy he was balls to the wallwoudnt shutup

                                                                                     evidently

he had lots to say

                        lots

timid

      wasnt elemental

if he had his druthers it wouldnt have been elemental to anyone

                                                                      Open your mouth  Say

SAY

      to his dismay he was learning too late too few people actually said what they meant

   waste a minute being timid

                                   Fuck you Hobbitman

2100,  day-between-2-Ts,  21  2. 24

2050,  Saturday,  24  2. 24

dried off he walked in towel over his shoulders through the sliding glass door from the pool where he did laps

the invitefriend called explained he was having a pool party

                                                                 yet 

he had been the only one who went in

therefore

           unimpededuninterrupted laps

he sidestepped a couple heading out

                                       recognised them  nodded

he didnt introduce himselfwouldnt

                                    he feuded with the husband in the local newspapers opinion page understood the husband played off his name asif that held water  he was fourth generation wealthy family real estate land developer    nepotism

he had no respect for either him or his aberrent opinions

he supported all his opinions with fact evidence  receipts

clown just spewed talking points

                                   but he was wellknown  wealthy

inside he looked around

                            nope

not a soul hed entertain

wrapped the towel around his waist put on his tshirt   poured himself a whisky  grabbed a beer from the glassfaced beverage frig behind the bar   took a seat in a corner where he could overhear the inebriated gathering

                                                                                                              he arrived late

he had no intention of catchingup

they were flinging crap carelessly about

                                             they agreed   appeasement

he shifted in his seat

was getting fuckin antsy

   Sit still Youll win no battles here

                                       These are ardent believers    Whydya come

I didnt know friend would be entertained these lummoxes

Airs

     Has to maintain airs  hes third generation

He is

       Youre correct   Why invite me

Youre a friend

he nodded

Coolin your jets

Im tryin

I can leave you alonelet you be

   I  I believe so

Awright  Im around in case

                                voice inside him disconnected    mariachi

whisky gone half a beer  hed leave when he was finished

he remained sitting listening to the horseshit

they seemed titillated by appeasement

                                           though none of them had skin in the game

people who did wouldnt countenance appeasement

he agreed with them

   You want to say

                       I felt your angst

I do

Then tell me

You know

I do  But air it quietly

                        Youve no friends here     Appeasement

Awright

          Actually its pronounced  he said it softly   PissonmeImeant

   Thereya go

                  Better

Yah

Finish your beer lets get out of here

he muttered Bottoms up

                           set the glass and bottle on the bar left without saying goodbye to his host

2034,  Thursday,  22  2. 24

1249,  Saturday,  24  2. 24

Like my father, your grandfather used to say, policeman and priests should never die.

Tha woudnt work Think of a Chicago cops pension

                                                      Thad go bust   Do priests have pensions

Why we talkinbout this

   You brought up my father.

Yes  I bring Grampa up because you rarely talk about him or Gramma   or Uncle Don

What’s to bring up?

Memories

            Theyre gone  You must have memories good memories

I don’t like to think of them.

Really

No.  I don’t like to think of them.

   Heartache because theyre not here

Son, please, there he goes hes rarely Joe typically son I do not like to think about the past. It’s gone. There’s nothing to be done.

Im not talkin done

                       Im talkin remembering  I think you like to think that Ill think of youtalk of you

You will, but that’s you. Ya got an iron beartrap for a brain, snaps shut, nothing escap . . 

. . Unless it gnaws its leg off

Yes. Grim.  But that.

                         Your mother was like that.

Until she wasnt

Yes.  Until she couldn’t.

Yes  Youre correct

                       Excuse me

Son, you obviously enjoy remembering. I don’t. 

                                                   I think of things ahead of me, not behind me.  I go forward.

I go forward

You do.

         And I often wonder what will happen when the time comes that you can’t carry everything you have forward.

I think you know

I don’t.

Ill die

       I aint no cop or priest

1510,  day-between-2-Ts,  21  2. 24

1214,  Reggaefriday,  23  2. 24

Blood, Sweat & Tears  And When I Die  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_ELQyfJ-yk

Wha did you say was incredulous he started laughing ribaldly before she could answer

over him  You heard me.

she said something

saw her mouthher lips move

he couldnt hear her over himself

                                  barked Wha I cant cant  cant hear you   pointed to his ears

she slapped her arms across her chest

began tapping her foot

                         which only exacerbated his laughter

her visage streaked  tears in his eyes

                                                       WOOO

Are you quite done?

he wiped his tears with his sleeve

                                     Christ  I havent laughed tha hard in a long time

You heard me.

Oh  I did

           Just couldnt believe it came out of you a chuckle began in his throat   I wonder if youd say it again see if Im laughed out

Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare.

he stuffed the chuckle

                          Coudya say it again  he was earnest

I said I called him a dirty booger.

a chortle  she killed it with an evil eye

                                          Lemme try cleared his throat   You dirty booger

Huh

       Its more fun to hear than sayterribly  terribly hilarious coming out of your mouth

Thanks. When I go into comedy I’ll use it.

                                             I wanted to call him a prick, but I imagine he’s called a prick all the time. His little entourage erupted in laughter.  Just . . like . . . you.

Well babe Its not something you hear often let alone coming from an adult let alone coming from a woman

   Ansuch a goodlookin woman

sweetly  Thank you

1449,  day-between-2-Ts,  21  2. 24

1046,  Reggaefriday,  23  2. 24

Jethro Tull  Locomotive Breath  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP627X1JBow

Bill Linda Maggie contemporaries  had different opinions of their old man than he

                                                                                         he cautioned them

thought itd be obvious

maybe if he hit them in the head with a brick

Hes your father I make his mud

                                    Your old mans cool

Think not.   Is your father cool? You said he’s dad’s age. 

BINGO

         My father isnt a friend

was rural Montana  circa Eighty

                                   Ravalli County  not twothousand people

very different now

he hadnt been there since ‘02

he called Ralph

                  their old man

Bills nowheresville for years

Linda Spokane  had five husbands before she was 40

Maggie’s in Boise.

                      Occasionally. Ralph said  he and his wife saw the girls

not ten minutes into conversation Ralph began talking shit about the younger generations  miscreants about Missoula  the homelessness there   Bozeman the homelessness there

                                                                  . . . worthless human beings.

Whas their incentive

   What do you mean?

Well Ralph I cant saycant imagine you can wha their circumstances were are  their upbringing was

                                                                                                  An I believe if someoneanyone has been stripped of hope  are hopelessness  they got nothing to lose

Hopelessness  Homelessness

I believe something to think about  consider

   I've not.

Often traipses across my brain

                                 Which isnt to say I am correct  I try to punch holes in it the concept the rationale  It don move  Stands like an archery target

Give it a thought

I hear you.

            I hear you.

So Im coming through Montana in April  Id like to stop ansee you an Marilyn

Yes. We’d love to see you. We’re homebodies. Gimme a call a couple of weeks out.

Awright

         Then again in a week to remind you  Then again in route

Yeah. See. I knew you were a sharp kid. 

1412,  day-between-2-Ts,  21  2. 24

0958,  Reggaefriday,  23  2. 24

C, S, N & Y  Our House  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKYjUn-SBcg

was in a bar Ogallala Nebraska off Eighty near his motel

older fella saddledup beside him

by his dress appeared to be passing through too

Excuse me, may I ask what you're drinking?

Shot an a beer

Could I buy you a drink?

                           I got an hour houranahalf thereabouts to burn an bored easily. I’m less bored if I’m gabbing.

Shots Redbreast Doppelbock on tap

fella called over the bartender

                                 A round what he’s having, please.

Gotcha.  waltzed off with purpose 

I’m Harmon.

Joe

shook hands

Traveling through?

Town strikes me locals drink at home

Fair that. I’m passing through too. Home’s in Colorado.

Im heading to Illinois Parents home

bartender set the drinks down  Openin’ a tab?

No thank you. handed him two Twenties

Right back with the change.

he set it on the bar in front of Harmon

Butte, Montana.   Have you ever been?

I have Crossed from Sula Fortythree through Wisdom Wise River took Fifteen north to Butte Was flying out to San Diego

You haven’t stayed?

No  Overnight Dinner Motel

So, you’re unfamiliar.

I am

There was an old red brick building there near Copper King Mansion. It’s been razed.

When they razed it I made a trip from Missoula, was living there, a teenager, before I was drafted, made a trip to pickup bricks.

Bricks

Then I was a hodcarrier for a mason. After Nam I returned and became a mason.

Bricks  A pallet pallets                                          

No, no.  I was a teenager.

Yasaid

          The building the bricks held some significance

Significance. that amused him he laughed

                                               I . . I wouldn’t go that far.  A memory. Bunch of guys. Five.

Went over to Butte to lose our virginity at a whorehouse, the razed building, the whorehouse.

Thas refreshin  Callin it wha it was

It was a notorious.

Ill take you word for it

The whore we were with was older than my mother.

We

I told you five.

Took turns

We did. Cost three silver dollars.

Wastha  inexpens . .

. . Cheap.

            She was a cheap whore.

Were there girls at a higher price

I could only afford three dollars. Might imagine there were, but I couldn’t afford more.

Seems . .

. . I couldn’t afford mor . .

. . Or you were the one thawas cheap

I couldn’t say.

   The bricks you fetched Tangible memories   Not fungible

Fungible.  Fungible bricks.

                                  You could say that. Not that I’d ever forget.

Nor I Harmon

               Nor I

1412,  day-between-2-Ts,  21  2. 24

1221,  Thursday,  22  2. 24

https://southwestmt.com/ghosts/ghost-stories/dumas-brothel-hotel/

he might have waited for the Snow Full moon Saturday 7:30AM EST  however itll be a micromoon apogee  furthurest from the Earth he could appreciate it not wanting to be soiled

                                                             though had he revealed Trumps dead under its minimal light

1,199,333 this evening who have diedwere murdered are magnifiedpronounced under the tears of family and friends who survive them

1,195,325 Americans had died as of 5February

     4,008 Americans in the 17days between  236 a day

                                                               yet the formercorrection the House twice-impeached rapist fraud four times indicted – 91 felony counts former hawks garish gymshoes cheap cologne

1947,  Thursday,  22  2. 24

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/

Yes  yesyes  yes yes     he had a hard on for Tolkien

                                                           though not for the usual Hobbit Lord of the Rings reasons 

he was able to get through Bildo Baggins called him dildo  youthful enthusiasmexuberance  plus it made him laugh when the faithful the Hobbitheads gathered and discussed the books

                                                                         JESUS

his hard on was engorged for Tolkiens  cellar door

                                                     talk about a swing an a miss

he wondered how many faithful of then now had cellardoor as a password to one thing or another

cellar door is the most beautiful word its two words in the English language its the aesthetic quality divorced entirely from its meaning  Hobheads referred to its euphoniousness youre phonyestness  he preferred of course he did phonaesthetics  ardently

and for the freaks who clamoured cellar door he soughtlistened for read for  alternatives

took in a beaut yesterday

                            he was talking on the phone with his old boss Ralph who except for military servicefought in Korea has lived since he was three months old in Montana

they were ramblinghad had too much fun working together  which unfortunately came to end when Ralph wouldnt take him on as an apprentice

Ralph didnt want an apprentice

                                  despite that

he agonized over it for three weeks before telling him  honestly   he just wanted to work not teach

it was his experience that some teachers he had could have learned from Ralphs example

Ralph flashedback

                   Ill tellya Joe, not only did I appreciated your hard word your attention to detail, but when we were out an about, going through town, in different hamlets, how the ladies were attracted to you like moths to a flame.  Dammit. I can remember one particularly girlie.  I can see her now.

                                                              If I had my druthers I'd've had a piece of that pie.  But I thought, young,  he musedcould hear it in his voice  too young, too damn young.  You know?

It would have been San Quentin coil.

cracked him up

                      San Quentin coil

he could almost hear him nodding

                                 Definitely. Definitely.

   another phonaesthetic

1412,  day-between-2-Ts,  21  2. 24

1111,  Thursday,  22  2. 24

aproned gal behind the Circle K counter left breast    Sharon

nothing on her right breast

he wondered what its name was

Sharon please Thirty bucks on Four an the receipt please

                                                              I also have this gascard I was given

she scarcely looked at him

                            mechanically did entry into a machine gas pump machine

Okay . . . swipe now.

he went to swipe

STOP!

        he didIMMEDIATELY understood    it was his Safe word 

That’s a ten cents a gallon card?

It is

Gimme that.

he handed it to hershe snatched it

                                     We have a new card. Twenty cents off a gallon.

You kiddin me

she nodded  No.

Thas so cool of you Sharon

                             Thank you

You’re welcome. I have to say I can’t say how impressed I am you stopped when I said, you'd have saved only the ten cents.

Well Sharon  when a woman says stop tells me no  I do what she says

   she finally looked at him  Are you married?

I am

Too bad.

            I’ve been married three times and not of them understood Stop No.  You’re a thoughtful man, a real keeper.

Yawanna come home with me an tell my wife

344preferred,  Thursday,  25  1. 24 

344preferred, day-between-2-Ts,  21  2. 24

Ive not ever heard of that in regards to rugby   Though thasaid I do not follow rugby

I playe . .

. . Youve said Youve talked about the same college club game over an over

I think that I played gives me some cred.

Ive pitched pennies a couple of times too

Knock on, a rugby term.

Means

It’s a penalty.

You referred to it as value added

                                    Hence value added for the opposition

   I don't know what I meant.

                                At the time it seemed appropriate to our conversation.

We were talking about what the peak age was for men an women testosterone estrogen  Men I believe late teens early twenties begins tickin down by thirty

                                       Estrogen Whereof thereof 

Wittgenstein?

Yes

I’d guess late Twenties. Teenaged boys ought to be fucking women ten years older.

Amen brother  Antha shoudnt be against the law  GO GRRLS 

                                                                     Didnt happen to me

Thirty woud have seemed awfully old

Yeah me neither.

Therefore

           Why did you bring up knock on effect I don believe it is actually value added I understand it as a secondary often unintended effect say a repercussion  Or say a chain reaction

 

Annot a chemistry chemical chain reaction equation

                                                        I know youre fond of equations

It seemed appropriate when I said it when I thought it.

                                                              he shrugged

he returned a shrug

                      I don know

Me neither.

   But    Yare high

There’s that, there’s that.

If it should come around againinterrupt lemme know   Im fuckin curious

338preferred,  Thursday,  25  1. 24

1228, day-between-2-Ts,  21  2. 24

O stop

        Find somebody else blow smoke up their ass  I aint buyin it

It is, it’s a strategy.

It isnt

        You havent been playing long enough to have strategy Youll take whaya can get

Fuckin low bar

Well, I’m calling it strateg . .

. . Foolin yourself

I’m fooling myself?

Yare

         Actually youre exceptional at it

I havent met someone whos excelled at it better than you

When youre dead can I have your brain

Jesus.  What a thing to say.

You provoked me

How did I provoke you?

Strategy

          Where none exists

It’s pool. It’s only a game.

Then play the game

I will, but I’m allowed to call things what I wish . .

. . Not while playing me

                          Call em wha they are

What would you have me this shot? I’m calling it a strategy.

Whadaya think Id call it

I’m asking.

   Lack of confidence An utter lack of confidence

                                                             Wonder you ever got laid

after 1700,  Saturday,  17  2. 24

1044,  2sday – twosday,  20  2. 24

Def Leopard  Foolin’  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SnxBvH-0Mc