I cancelled at my dentist’s office. Tryin’ to give me the runround urged I have a sleep study done.

Apnea

Yeah. They do sleep studies too.

The dentist office

Yeah.

Sleep studyhavent heard of it at a dentist office

Evidently they’re trying to . . incorporate . .

. . Horseshit

              Smacks snake oilish

You think?

I do

I thought likewise.

                     Bunch of dimwits.

Dimwits

           Awman excited to hear ya use tha terminology

Aryou kiddin? Between Gram and you. Ever occur to you that the pair of you thought most people were dimwits?

I remember a lot of eidgets . .

. . Yeah.

         Madeup the majority of the remaining half who weren’t dimwits.

   kind of sheepish Yakiddin me

No.

    You and Gramma were brutal.  What is it she said that you’d chime in right behind her wearing a cheerleading outfitshakin’ pompoms?

Ah  I know

Say.

Give it a moment

                  You got dimwits an eidgets down  Itll percolate up in a matter of seconds

her eyes grew big

                    Oh shit.

Came to yahuh

Do not suffer fools gladly.

Yah

      Look how sharp you are

Me?

    Look how sharp you and Gramma were.

How smart she was I learned from her

                                          She made me the feminist I am today

Oh Papa, I kinda think you were inclined.

                                            Gram was just the straw that broke the camel’s back sealed the deal.

Really think so

You kiddin’ me? You were the oldest. Your sisters always talked about how you encouraged them, encouraged them never to settle for less, never take bullshit off anyone.

                                                        Anif someone tried to give them a hard time you wanted their name. You’d have a chat with them.

The aunts  Wow  Wha busybodies  he smiled big

                                                      True they were right  But women are the best the brightestsmartest sex on the planet

Guys

       Fuckin knuckledraggers

You didn’t get that from Gram.

No

     Don have to hang out with them too long not the learn tha  If women coud be a fly on the wall in all the sport lockerrooms Ive been in an overheard their shit

                                                  OH MY  GAWD

Dimwits an eidgets an knuckledraggers Oh my

Right out of the Wizard of Oz?

Exactly baby  Exactly   

1836,  day-between-2-Ts,  27  12. 23

2118,  day-between-2-Ts

the last dream climaxed

                                then ended

   now

            the sun went down over the cinematic dreamhorizon he waited patiently for the overnightmornings fifth-bill of however how many –bills his mind had in storewould throw at the wall

                                                                            frankly

he anticipatedat some point superimposeIMPOSE run twothree at once on the superHUGE dreamscreen

                                                                                               Vegas Sphere has nada on him

SUDDENthere was a soundlessexplosion purewhiteness shocking his eyes

                                                                                    silently prevailed    prevailing

   continued

              continuing uncomfortably

he wondered if he died

      strangelynow the whiteness changedtexturised  weave he wasnt dead Yes ohyes woven  hunreds count  long staple   Egyptian Cotton

                            a sheet

a hard focus

               glint    goldenhued drips  drabs

   honey

           pulling back   pointofview receding

lowerright

         back  of womans head entering the frame

hair piled on top her headsecured with chopsticks

                                                          around her neck  a spiked leather collar

she lickedup the honeydabs

   naked her shoulders  her backfurrow of her spine

                                                           she crawled

pointofview receding furthur

upperleft appearing in frame

                                    a disembodied semierect cock

      wasnt honey

motion eeeasedceased

images blurred

unfocused

   dull   darkening

                           went matteblack

the end

AMish,  Saturday,  16  12. 23

123preferred,  day-between-2-Ts,  27  12. 23

   smiled

           loved when his imagination kicked in treated him to the impossibleimprobable

possibly happened in his eyes  projected on them brain to eyes  or maybe eyes to brainhe could care less

he saw it unveil

                 first runmaybe   perhaps the only run

hes never had anyone jab him in the ribs and tell him  You wouldn’t believe what I just saw.”

                                                                                                    he would

he was susceptible to anything imaginable

                                             as a kid he climbed into big trees to their uppermost limbs sat in a narrow crotchswaying with the breeze and let the clouds act let them tell him a story  great white billowing cloudssensuous  dark angry stormclouds  both so passionate    clouds intrigued him

Where were you?you missed dinner. his mother demanded

You don’t feed him. his father said

his kidbrother I told you, he was sitting up in the tree on the corner.

Were you?

I was

Didn’t you hear your father whistle?

I heard

You didn’t come. Knew it was dinner.

Yes

Don’t feed him.

I’m not.

           He made his choice.

I did Im accountable

an ivoryamberstreaked coloured moon swept through the silhouette of a black bare tree

twothirds way through its crownthe last third the moon began to catch on the skeletal limbs  plaits   stretching like chewinggum

               either pulled or pulling  either in jest or pain or anger

the moon changed colour

                          ivory darkened  the amber deepened like driedblood

neither the moon relenting or the tree releasing

thickstrands thick spiderweave

   when the bulk of the moon  round  vast    was wellaway of the tree

                                                                              one or the other let go

a slow elasticity apparent

black limbs didnt trembled

the plaits caught up

                        then

the pair were separate

asif they never teased or angered or interacted

         but he saw

                            he saw

AMish,  Saturday,  16  12. 23

1033,  day-between-2-Ts,  27  12. 23

disappointed  Listen, if I sketch out step in please.

You won’t. 

If I do . . . please.  sounded to her like she was begging two heads were better than one

she hadnt spent time any substantial time in the MidWest since she moved but St. Louis Park Minnesota wasnt Waterloo Iowa  didnt occur to her that a chef salad could be as different as night and day

Iowa served iceberg lettuce

                             she couldnt remember if she ever bought it for a salad for tacosyeah

Iowa also heaped it with luncheon meat  she mistakenedhadnt ask for the dressing on the side  it was slathered over the top of meat over the iceberg lettuce

Thasnot a chef salad babe her father said

Preaching to the choir, Papa, preachin . .

. . his suddenunrestrained laughter interrupted her

   You’re laughi . .

. . With you with you Im laughin with you

I don’t think sodoesn’t sound like . with.

snort  Yaoughta saysnort  ya don believe so . .

. . You’re laughing at me.

I am I am

           Im laughin atya I can see your face your beautiful face all screwup all Whadafucks tha  snort snort 

Yawanna quitwith the pig impersonation.

Do I have to

   I suppose notno.  Tossed me for a loop . .

. . Speechless

Speechless, fuckin’ mute . . couldn’t believe that . . that was . thathat was a chef salad.

Youre not in Kansas any more Dorothytry an click those ruby heels fly back home 

Didya try to eat it

I had to ask the girlthe waitress an honest-to-God waitress not a server stitched in the breast of her swear-to-God Fifties diner’s dress uniform . .

. . Quaint . .

. . Not quaint, I’d say throwback but I’d be wrong . . . I had to ask Dolores for a side plate she screwedup her face Another dinner plate I interrupted her Yes. Please.

I excavated my salad to reach the pitifullyfew poor suffocated vegetables . .

. . Tomato slices.

Chopped.

Wasnt a chop salad ya ord . .

. . No. Chef.

   Truly luncheonmeat

Julienned SPAM.

Stop

No.

two night later in Reinbeck she ordered another chef salad

she didnt need backupwas on her game 

                                          Could I not get any meat on that, please?

Dearie, stitched Lucille said  that’s what makes it a chef salad cleared her throat  the julienned meat.

not ham not turkeysaid nothing nothing about swiss cheese hard-boiled egg slices

                                                                                        MEAT a mystery

1932,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  12. 23

2010,  2sday – Boxing Day,  26  12. 23

Does it feel like shes gone     It does to me

his guts twistedfelt like a spasticsnake

                                                   It does to me he whispered

was he trying to dissuade himself

he hadnt intuition

                    he left thapreferred tha  quality  to the very few women in his life

not those who passed through it

as he passed through theirs

fellow travelers

                 there for the sightssounds shake dust from their boots  hot showers    hotter motel beds

Gmorning

It’s afternoon.

he looked at his watch on the nightstand

                                              So it is  So it is    Afternoon  Buyya lunch

if a lot of dust she had a smartphone  Grubhub lunch dinner in bed

                                                                       then

in the morning

breakfast

            friendly fellow travelers 

no numbers exchanged

she had intuition

                   guts shuddered

if she was gone

it gone

          took it with her

Are you doubtin yourself

Yathink

   Stoptha

             Ball was never in your court yaknow tha   Nomo than in hers

Yare right

Were right

              Roll with the punches She may not be    You may not be

It was nice an easy

Thenbe  nice   an easy

                                Youll know before ya know it

   Aah  Gloria

2222,  day-between-2-Ts,  13  12. 23

1721,  2sday – Cold Moon/full moon,  26  12. 23

John Lee Hooker  (The Hot Spot)  Moanin'  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LMNSEJQhgg

Miles Davis  Gloria’s Story (The Hot Spot)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cr5yeFwvtk

Boxing DayNEVER heard of it

he received an invitation from his brother day after Christmas his son-in-law is English  It’s an English thing.

How long have you been celebrating it

                                         he lived on the Left coast as affectionately referred to by his immediate landlocked family they lived in the Midwest

Ninetynine.

Since fuckin Ninetynine

   Yah yah. Ness met Mark late sophomore year, they lived with us after graduating, hed earned a lucrative internship to remain stateside.

What year is it

Twentythree.

An this is the first Ive heard of itfirst invite Ive gotten . .

. . Ya live a long way away anif yawanna nitpicksplit cunt hairs . . when was the last time you were in for Christmas?

Two

Was it Two?

You know it

he could hear him shift uncomfortably rolledsteel legged chair on kitchen linoleum

                                                                                       I’ve invited you now.

Which I appreciate nice  nicetabe included

Yahsure.

What is it

Day after Christmasthis goes wayway back lords and ladies large houses enormous estates to be maintained groundskeepers servants butlers maids cooks livestock shepherds. You’ve heard.

Not fond of the period though have heardyes

Boxing Day, the one day the hierarchy celebrates their help, gifts them.

Aah  White of emhuh

I guess you could say that.

   I did

         Unfortunatelythough  while I appreciate the offer Ill have to decline  Yaknow  Tradition   Or traditionally

Then if you would, understand from here forth you’re invited to the house for Boxing Day. I’ve cleared it with Helen.

Suhweet  Landmines defused unearthed

                                            If I make Christmas Ill make Boxing Day thank you

You’re welcome.

There’s more to it thantha.

                            his first schoolboy chum moving into the neighbourhood of the same Cub Scout pack

You know Boxing Day

Yah. Of course.

Fuck of course When did you learn of it

Grad school. Threefour, four, yah four guys, were from England, learned then.

Anya didnt say

Why would I say?

I didnt quit coming in for Christmas until we moved to Cali Ninety Grad school was much prior Youd come to the folks house on Christmashave dinner with us lotsa bullshitting an being as many polacks as we were we didnt get out of country didnt rub elbows with graduate students

                                                      Id think youd have said something then

I’m saying now. It’s also a regifting time, boxing an unwanted gift anew.  Boxing Day.

The masters would regift gifts to their help

Not masters. They don’t like being called mast . .

. . Now

No. Not now. Smacks of . .

. . Imperialism

                 But they were masters

Not now.

          That wouldn’t be appreciated, they wouldn’t like it.

Awwbut ya know I coud care less

That’s you.

But if I may

Whadaya got?

They shoudnt be upset if called masterbecause because when you and I were younger we were referred to as Master you were Master Jeff we were Masters before we came of age and were called Mister

                                                                                            Yah

Yah. You are.

Now Id allowthem being upset if were referred to them as doing his best black voice which was shabby Mastah Whole other kettle of fishyah

   Yah. You’re right.

Some appleshuh

Some apples.

2218,  Monday – Christmas,  25  12. 23

1327,  2sday – Boxing Day,  26  12. 23 

mentor admissions

                       politicallyincorrect ehmissions

those what or who made him wet

stiffened his . . .

                  Is this a family show  Weel if he woudnt spare his family why woud he spare anyone elses he woudnt

stiffened his cock

   film is art

Jeremiah Johnson

                    he was a bornagain Mountain Man

when people discussed loneliness or being alone he thought  Is tha a thing

                                                                                his daughter then chimes in his ears

If you wonder if something’s a thing; it is.

      it just wasnt his thing

Fight Club  The Man from Nowhere subtitles  West Side Story Yahweel excuse him all to Hell

whisper revenge in his ear an hellbout follow yaanywhere

Nin Miller Hemingway Faulkner Sade Rimbaud Lautreamont Surrealists Burroughs 40s noir writers pulp science fiction

VanGogh Picasso Impressionists Surrealists Abstract Impressionists cunts Yahright flowers painted by OKeefe  Whawoud Frida say

   speaking for himself  ONE HUGE ejaculation

                                                     spent sighing  hell have to get back to ya

1340,  Reggaefriday,  22  12. 23

2134 changin’up 1234,  Monday – Christmas,  25  12. 23

he woke this morning and from bed looked at the black steel locked gun locker and the cardboard boxes atop it

      made him smile

few weapons tons of ammunition   reloading supplies

                                                           on parhe believed with slavish white Christian national zealots

which made him laugh too

                           made him think of Jack Nicholsons Joker  Wait till they get a load of me.

though he hadnt Nicholsons maniacal laughter

rather his was tinged with cold reasoned lethalness

   what also made him smilelaughtickled him was his accumulation Was tha the right word his collection   hobby

in the boxes above were hunreds and hunreds of original panels hed scissored from the Minneapolis Star & Tribune Bloom Countys Doonesburys Calvin and Hobbes Far Sides Guindons Oliphants politicalsocial commentaries astute scathingwry observations that helped informhone his developing ideologies

                                                                               which he may not have developed had he not been an avid newspaper reader growingup  hed been a ridiculous ten-year current events paperboy  you can take the boy away from the paper but you cant take the paper out of the boy

he was madeup of blood and newsprint ink

wasnt paper mache

                      wasnt a sucker for straw men  smelled one  rudelytactlessly eviscerated the argument

his mother taught himsometimes with a crack in the back of the head with her hand  Do not to suffer fools gladly

she was ruthless Cut them down in their tracks.

like he cutpunctuated silhouettes at the shooting range

                                                           while there hoping theyd be the only silhouettes hed have to cut

   So what were they

hobbies   collections   accumulations

cold comfort

before 0700,  Monday – Christmas,  25  12. 23

1806,  Monday

Jack Nicholson  Joker  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxLFXnj9Nz8 

I’m confused. Earlier you wrote zero sum.

                                               Chinese?

Chinese

Yes.

Whas the confusionConfucius

Huh?

   Awrightsigh Confucius   Kong Qiu Chinese philosopher  Laozi  Another  Founder of Taoism

What are you getting at?

                            I asked zero sum, dim su . .

. . No stop  Not edible

                       Yaknoman For a moment I thought you were being clever   Then remembered youre not

What do you mean?

Zero sum Chinese

That’s what I’m asking.

Weel I believe any nation with eyes to Imperialism are zero sum nations They win you lose

   Imperialism.

Yes Practise theory attitude of maintaining or extending power over a foreign country countries Achieved through expansionism  The use hard power be it military or economic  Soft power  thaof diplomacy cultural imperialism

Kids farce Zero sum Chinese pulled the corners of his eyelids slightlyup Japanese slightly down Mixedup kid  NO   No  Americanese Russianese Noneeasy Calculating CIAese  Not nonzero sum

                                                                                  Dig

big sigh You lost me.

   There anything else on your mind I aint explaining beyond tha

                                                                      I believe I covered the bases Get a dictionary an encyclopedia learn for yourself if youre interested  How I learned   I hadhave  an interest

prior to 0700,  Monday – Christmas,  25  12. 23

1642,  Monday

to any and all spirits who sustain us

 

   Blue Guitar 

a favourite of mine – I loved conceiving it love repeating it like children  I hope youll enjoy

her blue guitar leans in the corner

against the stereo speaker

where she placed it

she liked  as she used to tell him in bed after they made love how invisible fingers 

radiating from the speaker held it  stroked its strings  played impossible chords  

the guitar sounded so different

shed never be able to recreate that music  imagine or remember it 

she said often the music was in accord to the music hed play during their lazy afternoons together  his imperfect scratched 78s  the keenly-guarded refined 33 1/3s  and those raucous 45s

she loved the echoes in her guitar its reverberations slipping like snakes in its chamber

she loved how the wind moving through the house visited it too

those days when she complained it was too cold and why did he have to have the house open

and on those days when the house was too hot

and the overhead fanblades were desperate to have their go at it

and the days since

when she hadnt been there to complain

but he would imagine she did

imagine all the qualities of her voice  its timbre and tone

when she was elated 

or distraught

when she was dreamy and contemplative

or singing with her eyes closed

all her persons he loved  and didnt  that she shared with him every moment they improbably had

without thought hesitation  or reservation

they  figuring improbably  that they would always have

stretched across the wide warm gulf of their living together

and now the sound hole of her guitar seemed far far larger   for each and every day they didnt have

he was jealous of her guitar

her fingerprints her tentarch or were they whorls invisibly etched onto its strings

its frets and tuning keys

                           her oils and scent on it

they were gone from him

                           his midnight showers eroded them from his skin its streams of water deafening his ears so he couldnt hear his crying or feel his hot tears running down his face

deafening him

a reason he fingered

because he could no longer hear her

hear her voices

feel her touch

blue

      her blue guitar

leaning dusty at the speaker

near the albums and jackets and paper slips brittlely ageing  yellowing without the kiss of sunlight

as he

without her kisses

warm touch

reviving strokes

   blue

  

1502,  CloverSunday,  1  6. 23

again 1350,  Monday -- Christmas,  25  12. 23