his brotherrecovering from cancer remarked about his granddaughter  she had given him a new lease on life

lease

he heard leash 

                leash on life

he preferred leash to lease 

a lease could be revoked

leash

    life would have to take it out of his handmano a mano  he wouldnt be a rollover he enjoyed casting a shadow

he liked walking on wellworn shoes thin soleshe could feel the rottingconcrete of the street the grit sand stones crushed olives dropped acornstheir splitshells sidestepping busted bodies of squirrels cats lying them off in the grass at the side of the road never a dog dogs wear leashesare walked are domesticatedwho wanted to be domesticated  sounds like a thing a woman – sexist perhaps – a thing a woman might pullhe wouldnt pull  she was welcome her freedomwelcome to enjoy him as he enjoyed her  but if she wantedhad an itch he couldnt scratch KNOCK YOURSELF OUT  she was responsible for her happiness  not him

   lease on life 

                  he preferred a leash and whip

after1900,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  21  9. 22 

1344,  Sunday,  4  12. 22 

Allman Brothers  Whipping Post  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSuoW8MTbZY

Onitsha Nobel Prize winner J.-M. G. Clezio 

                                             the books not in the library where he livesbut its not the first time hes been irked   worse  copies of books hed like to read have been formatted either audiobooks ebooks or both  and because they exist the library refuses to acquire them in print 

                                                       Onitsha is about the authors time in Nigeria

“Laila goes from one store to another trying on clothes – both women’s and men’s. ‘It’s my way of being someone else,’ she remarks. ‘That is, myself. . . . What I am looking for is my reflection in the mirrors. It frightens me, and attracts me. It’s me, and not me.’”

Laila one-ups him 

she looks in mirrors

                     he doesntdoesnt seek being anyone elsehas hard enough time being who he is  he knows whos the mirrorhas seen him all his life – all his life – Yay how ridiculous 

IF hes going out hell take a looksave himself odd glances or putting off someone fastidious  somebody like Laila

he remarks to a friend he sees oncetwice a week Lemme know if I need a shave only because he knows hes goodlooking enough to get away with his mirrorless gambit like dust collected on artworkhe chuckled  or an antique

0934,  Sunday,  4  12. 22

Will Oldman  Sapele  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOmT92L2U4g

he dreamt of squalordreamt of stealing an expensive shinyblack limousine and parking it in the innercitysharing it with homeless on an overnight first-comefirst-serve basisdreamt of beating up a homeless bastard with his fist whoarriving late  shutout  smashed the rearwindow to inconvenience those who were timelywere inside 

he banished him Yare not welcome ever again  

                                                the lout must have had it in his head that violence would remediate his tardiness at the expense of someone other than himself when homeless recovered enough as he stood over him feet planted shoulderwidth apart crossarmed glaring  he crawled away stood then staggered off

                                                                                                    an all the while a refrain sounded in his ears an obsessive tone he couldnt shake Something isnt because it is said Only when tried an true is it 

   Evidence

               Evident

it struck him oddterribly odd that anyoneout of hand would accept the word of another

                                                                                          BAAAAH

Yay there is tha

earlyAM,  Sunday,  4  12. 22

1104,  Sunday,  4  12. 22

https://www.google.com/search?q=sheep%27s+BAAAH+&rlz=1C1ILPI_enUS778US778&ei=Fe2MY_D_NObWkPIPkt6Q2AQ&ved=0ahUKEwiw3ovl0eD7AhVmK0QIHRIvBEsQ4dUDCBA&uact=5&oq=sheep%27s+BAAAH+&gs_lcp=Cgxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAQAzIICAAQFhAeEAo6CwgAEIAEELEDEIMBOgsILhDUAhCxAxCABDoOCC4QgAQQsQMQxwEQ0QM6EQguEIAEELEDEIMBEMcBENEDOggIABCxAxCDAToOCC4QsQMQgwEQxwEQ0QM6CwguEIAEEMcBENEDOgUIABCRAjoICAAQgAQQsQM6CAguELEDEIMBOggILhCABBDUAjoFCAAQgAQ6CAguEIAEELEDOgsILhCABBCxAxDUAjoLCC4QgAQQsQMQgwE6BQguEIAEOgsILhCxAxDHARDRAzoLCC4QgAQQxwEQrwE6CAguENQCEIAEOgcIABCABBAKSgQIQRgASgQIRhgAUABYvCFg1iRoAHABeACAAYcBiAG1BpIBAzcuMpgBAKABAaABAsABAQ&sclient=gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:b4e4c803,vid:v8-8WsYj9FU

he tripped to the Midwest for his fathers birthday that weekend

his flight arrived late Wednesday evening his niece on her way home from workshe went in late picked him up at home family stayed up to greet him then they excused themselveswent to bed his time trailed theirs by three hours travel didnt affect him he went to the kitchen and sat with pen and paper magazines at the table

the kitchen table was novel

                             his place was too small he didnt have one

at the tables center was a Lazy Susan it matched the table

on it were two small potted green plants a crystal candy jar

                                                               his father would ask You don’t have one?   Nah Dad I don eat candy to speak of   You should have a candy jar.   An empty jar   You could fill it.   he laughed Yare the guy with a sweet tooth   You’re mother had a sweet tooth.   Obviously its not hereditary   Son, his father rarely called him by his name you should have a candy jar, I have four around the house.   So yare never far from onecorrect   Oh . I could suppose you could say that.   Its evident   I can’t believe you don’t have a candy jar.

                                                                                                  there was also a cut-crystal toothpick holder filled with cellophanewrapped toothpicks matching salt and pepper shakers a metal cylinder filled with peppercorns for freshcrushed pepper if preferred

the chairs around the table were Scandinavian design woodslats artfully bent forming continuous lines back to fanny to thighs  when his parents bought them in the 60s he thought they were very modern  they remain timelessly modern

he sat with the paper before himAtlantic magazines right cellphone atop them  above were three fingers of Jack in a crystal tumbler

he took a sipshifted his hips ahemmedcleared his throat 

                                                              before going to bed his sister told him had she sent pictures from the cemetery to his phone headstones  they would go Monday or Tuesday  it was her way of preparing him several relatives died during Trumpvirusnot of the virus he was unable to attend their wakes funerals

she was being thoughtful

 

he appreciated it 

                   he looked at the pictures saw stonessaw their facescould heard their voicesremembered interactions mell pell snapshots  laughter attended them  until tears rippleddiluted them  their voices quit 

                                                                                                    when he moved away he understood the risk  he never imagined wholesale family deaths seven  when airtravel was illadvised 

   it was a really nice kitchen table  hed eaten at it with every one of his deceased relatives

  

0022,  Thursday,  20  9. 22

1222,  Saturday,  2  12. 22

NIN – Trent Reznor  The Persistence of Loss  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kz9YRgugls

words appearwritten letter by letter before his eyes as he dreams

his dreamed-self gooses his dreaming-self 

                                            You seeing thiswe got something else going on here  Or are you playing with me

It aint me

We a conduit

Might be

   For

For Why ask me 

Because youve created me 

                             Yarean don let it go to your head  are a kind of autarch . .

. . Author

   Said autarch  but author ruler of absolute power  there is tha Im cool with either as Im an actor  Im dreamed

Autarch new word hmm   I like either

he rolled his eyes he had some capacitieshe wasnt an automatondidnt await every instruction  The words

Im not doing it 

Okay  The writing isnt goodneeds editing 

                                             I assume we can do tha yah 

Yah

Awright shall we

Lets get to it

   they proceeded like skilled surgeons on the reams of words illsentences that scrolledcollected down onto the wellswept fishbone HERRINGBONE THANK YOU parquet floor

                                                                     they picked it out together 

dreaming-self could be an autarch but wasnt  authoras he said was more concise an ofttimes he rolled with dreamed-self when he went offscript bent on improv 

                                              their  creative amalgamation

      

 

Amalgamation Theres something there

What are you talking about

Gamete

   Ohyes I see  Amalgamete

Yah addon   Amal-gamete   wait for it gamete-ideation

Nice  Amalgamation   Amalgameteideation 

Yes

I like it 

We do

      

0030,  Saturday,  17  9. 22

1043,  Saturday,  3  12. 22

NIN – Trent Reznor  13 Ghosts II  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgUWOeGzopA 

shooting from the hip 

                     he loved it 

loved waking every morningmake his absolutions  then without any idea what might be waiting at the keyboardthe begging electric white paper  proceed

his daily processionroutine was rarely disrupted 72 consecutive days last count they were preceded by seven days of travel for his fathers birthdaywouldntve missed it for the world  not the world   

as a child his father introduced him This is my son Joseph, when he grows up he won’t live here.

he was true to their words although it took him two years longer than he wantedchewed at the bitpulled restlessly in the harness  20years old not 18 

Yeah, living in a meat cooler will do that.

Wha

Stop, you heard I don’t have to repeat myself.

No 

You relish going against the grain, you’re downright obnoxious sometimes, purposefully being contrary for the sake of being contrary.

A contrarian

Yeah.

I disagree I keep to my moral convictions I was raisedif not religiously but religiously steadfast taught to adhere honour do right by myself  Damn wha others think

And of concessions, compromises, that fairminded people concede?

Cant Coudnt 

                Not if they detractdiminish me 

But when you come to a crossroad . .

. . Devils crossroad

No. Of course not.  

I sidestep crossroads Suffer no Clarksdale Mississippi old US highway 61 old US 49  coordinates latitude longitude 34degrees11minutes41seconds North 90degrees33minutes50seconds West

                                                                                 I run thoroughfares  full speed ahead HAdamn the torpedoes Admiral Farragut  You should understand he didnt have a choice either

Living in a meat cooler isnt a choice Weather dictates  I don pay attention to forecasts because weather is weather is weather 

          You have yet to accuse me of living on a hot skillet

No, I haven’t, but next summer I will if I can cop it off you.

Knock yourself out 

                        Please  

1247,  Reggaefriday,  2  12. 22

1640,  Reggaefriday

Robert Johnson  Crossroad  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ_7nYEpkBo  

Mogwai  I Know You Are But What Am I?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMAZJ7RAQ5o  

Three Dog Night  Easy to be Hard  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIffz-72B8Y

he watched Journey to the Center of the Earth on DVD last night 

                                                                   OHshitno in colour 

the 1959 film was shot in Color by DE LUXE 

hed watched itmany times on blackanwhite television  it and The Time Machine Ohfuckno  its also in color 1960  Metrocolor

   they were disfiguring his youth he aiding an abetting 

the hitch in the filmALWAYS whenever he watched iteven last night Pat Boone  even as a kid he thought he was wrong for the rolewasnt believable 

                              it occurred to himhumourously given how religious he understood Boone to be he wondered if Boone forced his way thawas rich into the role as Sinatra did in From Here to Eternity a delicious rumour Godfather released in ’69read it as a kid planted that suspicion in his head  Sinatra a singer not an actor Sinatra got the part by having Mafia associates put a severed horse head in Cohns bed Paramount studio president to scare him

Boones insincerity which he realised was what he saw on screen was nailed-down during an telephone interview on January 27, 2018

                    “I think it was God honoring my efforts, my efforts, to just to stuff what I thought was right for me and turn down roles with Marilyn Monroe and other people that were immoral stories . . and risking, you know, being booted right out of the movie business and out of entertainment . . but . following my conscience actually turned, as it turned out as I look back . . paid off.”

   Paid off  money  residuals   how Christian of Boone   that said even as a singer Boone turned him off

2126,  Thursday,  1  12. 22

1224, Reggaefriday,  2  12. 22

3:30 minute-mark  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg2kt2uF6vs 

https://www.shmoop.com/study-guides/movie/from-here-to-eternity/behind-the-scenes/production-studio 

https://wheremusicmeetsthesoul.com/patboone/ (Boone turned down a role to work with Marilyn Monroe in a film called the Stripper)

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0057537/trivia/?ref_=tt_ql_trv 

 

   if   if If IF  McCarthy become Speaker 

                                             theres talk of Republicans pissing away taxpayers dollars on bogus investigations against the January6 Special Committee its members DOJ FBI impeaching President Biden cabinet members McCarthys to followHup-two-three-four orders  of what-would-be his absurd base Freedom Caucus like a trailing dog its nose up the leads ass 

                                        and not to be outdone new House committee leads are also promising pissing matchestaxpayers dollars of their own old axes to grind  not that their subjects are legit but rather as political theatre being sensational salacious bogus  because they can

they wont spend money on their constituentsfor the country but rather to groom themselves

1552,  Thursday,  1  12. 22

1036,  Reggaefriday,  2  12. 22

https://www.politico.com/news/2022/10/07/house-gop-2023-impeachments-00060869                                                  https://www.politico.com/news/2022/10/03/biden-world-house-gop-investigations-00059888 

https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/gop-will-investigate-jan-6-committees-investigation-rcna59619?cid=eml_mda_20221202&user_email=e4c91d00eead6d858374885584701152a02c6d873bb23bf387b4583a289e5951 

3.8 million taxpayer dollars  https://www.msnbc.com/the-reidout/reidout-blog/republicans-trump-special-counsel-rcna58143

What did you do during Trumpvirus, Daddy?

there was a kind of a blush twinge a hint reminiscent of kids who thought to ask their GI fathers returned home from service  What did you do during the war, Daddy?

Trumpvirus 

             he was proud his daughterall his kids picked up on his disdain Whell I didnt meet your mother during that prolonged shitshow Lots of people died lots died needlessly lied to misinformed werent a priority 

                                                                                                      I wrote a lot of letters wrote a lot kept my nose clean Suffered heartbreaklots of people suffered heartbreak It was an ignominious time  I wrote letters to cunt politicians 

JOE! his wife

I SORRY he called out to her 

                               he looked at his daughter I apologiseyour mothers right I should have curbed my tongue

It’s okay, Daddy, it’s a word in the dictionaryI looked it up, but I’ve only heard you use it when people disgust you.

she was a smart cookie all their kids were figured they got their mothers brains while she figured they got his love of reading reading the dictionary 

                                 Why do you read the dictionary, Daddy?  

   Words  I love words  Theyre second only to your Mom  you kids 

AIN’T GETTING YOU OFF THE HOOK!

WOUDYA QUIT LISTENIN

NO!

Momma’s got good ears.

Thas how we met She was a server an overheard me dressdown a guy who wasnt treating her wellwas rude to her

She hasnt quit listenin to me yet 

THAT’LL BE THE DAY! 

   Baby  good thing your mothers cute

1151,  Thursday,  1  12. 22

1218,  Thursday

Country Joe and the Fish  Vietnam Song  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft0vkKCadgk

monkey see monkey do 

                          unlikely hed want to see her monkey he had dropdead dealbreakers stitched hard black on his resume resume  wha crap his on-line dating app  Republicans can suck my dick it was not an invitation

Stefaniks “weaponised” Justice department “corrupt” law enforcement perhaps formers asshole is large enough to accommodate not only hisbut her head too fingers crossed they went one after the other would make crazy footagego viral if the pair had to be rushed to Emergency with their heads up his ass 

                                                                                the preeminent echoooohooh chamber 

McCarthy Dammit, she’s so lucky.

1414,  Thursday,  1  12. 22

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/stefanik-echoes-trump-justice-department-special-counsel-rcna59387?cid=eml_maddow_20221201&user_email=e4c91d00eead6d858374885584701152a02c6d873bb23bf387b4583a289e5951&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=TRMS%2012/1/22&utm_term=Rachel%20Maddow%20Show

Democrats are not Republicans  its a shame media believes they have the treat Republicans asif they were a political party  https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/30/us/politics/mccarthy-jan-6-committee.html

a friend he hadnt seen in some time happened to be rolling through town  he called to see if hed like to meet for dinner 

mentioned an Italian place Heard anything about it?

A good place things to him never got better than good

Awright. Meet youshould arrive . in . hour an a half. Time for you?

Plenty Ill meet you there 

he arrived early ordered a jug of dago red a house wine it was served it in a canewrapped jug  he thought a nice touch

no sooner than Sofia the server set the bottle and glasses down than Steve arrived at the table following the buxom hostess who wore a peasantstyle blouse scoopedneck and skirt 

                                                                  he stoodgreeting him  the women stepped backout of the way not to become embroiled in their slugginghuggingslapping embrace  they evidently enjoyed their enthusiastic welcoming smiled broadly at their unabashed affection 

they thanked Eva Sofia excused herself 

                                           Manohman, I love their outfits, you know they wore them?

Halffigure you did

Had no idea, but seeing I fullyfigured you knew.

Ya give me too much credit they are appealing certainly piques ones appetite 

I should say. 

               he reached overgrabbed the bottle by its neckbegan pouring We should toast.   

A toast

Yes. I believe this maybe the first time we’ve eaten at an Italian . . ristorante.

Oh blow me getting all dagoey on me ristorante

Not shabbyhuh? 

                 Saw it on Sofia’s nametag, wears it up near her shoulder. 

I saw  Misdirection

Could be, though wouldn’t have hung right dead on.

No No I shoud say not 

                           So you don often have Italian

No, rarely, a business associate recommended it.

Im no good in the kitchen with Italian so Im drawn to them dine on whaya cant make a home  An other sundry other reasons

Sundry?

Yes

Sounds loaded.

Ohbrother involuntarily eyelids flutteredflooding with memory

Soundinglooking more loaded.

Yah  Your toast first

If I know you there’s a story. 

                                So here’s to our ongoing story, and stories you tell that enthrall me.

Aww yare mighty sweet

You’ll never know. he laughed

they clinked glasses

Ohshit, that’s tasty.

A freakin house wine they wont say what it is you cant buy a bottle to go You want it ya have to come 

                                                                                                             Brilliant to know when you got a good thing 

Steve raised his glass again 

                               To knowing when you got a good thing. 

Good things

clinked again

Really tasty. I’m happy I suggested here, would you have?

Idve asked what you were hungry for

I might not have said Italian.

Idve been at a loss I rarely dine out

Look at us suffering good fortune. 

                                    he sipped again  Your story.

Story  Yes 

            Since Im not one to kiss or tell . . Sofias timing was impeccable Kiss or tell? she askedhad come up behind him  Steve hadnt said 

                         he gave him a Thanks buddy look

Sofia was beside himhip at his shoulderher expression beckoning her question 

I know you know the concept Sofia

I do, though I wasn’t keen men did, you know, locker room gossip, have brothers, they’re pigs. 

Steves a pighe started Im a little bit pig

Just a little bit?

Yes wee wee wee a little bit  Steves a boar

What the hell? he grimaced  it was performative

Shaddup an take your beating  I know you know now Sofia knows You are who you are

This is really veering off trac . .

. . Shoud have said Sofia was coming up behind me 

So what about kiss and tell? she interrupted

No names he looked at Steve Not tha youd know them 

                                                            You really want to hear this Sofia

I’m intrigued.

Ya got me. said Steve

Really long delicious stories short 

                                    Ive had sexmade love with three different women in four differentexcuse me if I step on your toes glanced at Steve four different ristorantes It was remote booths aromas Chianti bottles dribbled with candle wax wine flickering candles checkered red an white tablecloths an amorous  amorosa equally possessed partners   

   You’re not having sex here, are you? asked Sofia 

Brava Sofia yare quick Woudnt want to play mumbleypeg with you

they chorused What’s that?

Another story 

                Appetizer Calamari Sofia

2300,  Monday,  28  11. 22

1101,  Thursday,  1  12. 22

https://www.artofmanliness.com/living/games-tricks/mumbley-peg/

 

   Apologises

havent not tha he hasnt thought of it every day visited formers brightred line scarlet rubberstamp on America in awhile

1,105,546 dead from Trumpvirus 

                                       Cuddle tha when you go to sleep tonight

 

There will be more empty beds and broken hearts tomorrow night

2124,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  11. 22

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/

 

   causticmixed  messages 

he was sick of themsick of being told accused 

                                                When I tell you something take me at my word

hed said Lets relax lay down in bed an talk We havent talked since I can remember when corrected himself No my mistake was last when I lost the bone safekeep through a hole in my pocket I didnt know was there thas the last

she replied No, I don’t think so.  You look tired, and I’d like to read.

Read

Yes.

Would you agree we need to talk

I think we should talk, but like I said you look tired and talking might become counterproductive, it’s late, you’ve said you don’t want to argue when it’s late.

How does talk become argue in your mind

Because some of the things you might like to talk aboutwant to say . will provoke an argument.

Will 

I think they will.

   Because you don want to discuss them   If not now when

Some other time.

Im asking when

Another time. See.  Already getting heated.

   Yare getting heated  please don speak for me 

And you’re becoming abrupt.

Abrupt 

            Youknow yare right   I am tired

 

As I said. 

          We’ll save it for another time. her head listed to a side seeking an unspoken agreementacknowledgement

he was too tired he wasnt giving her that 

                                            Then Ill leave it up to you I keep trying you keep denying

head snapped erect he knew it would

                                      You’re tired. 

Yave said 

             Im laying down I wish you would too

she answered picked up her book from nightstand 

   he was tired  not tired

early AMstill dark,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  11. 22

1011,  Day-between-Two-Ts

Nadja  You Write Your Name In My Head  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooW0HkDasKA