Apologises

havent not tha he hasnt thought of it every day visited formers brightred line scarlet rubberstamp on America in awhile

1,105,546 dead from Trumpvirus 

                                       Cuddle tha when you go to sleep tonight

 

There will be more empty beds and broken hearts tomorrow night

2124,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  11. 22

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/

 

   causticmixed  messages 

he was sick of themsick of being told accused 

                                                When I tell you something take me at my word

hed said Lets relax lay down in bed an talk We havent talked since I can remember when corrected himself No my mistake was last when I lost the bone safekeep through a hole in my pocket I didnt know was there thas the last

she replied No, I don’t think so.  You look tired, and I’d like to read.

Read

Yes.

Would you agree we need to talk

I think we should talk, but like I said you look tired and talking might become counterproductive, it’s late, you’ve said you don’t want to argue when it’s late.

How does talk become argue in your mind

Because some of the things you might like to talk aboutwant to say . will provoke an argument.

Will 

I think they will.

   Because you don want to discuss them   If not now when

Some other time.

Im asking when

Another time. See.  Already getting heated.

   Yare getting heated  please don speak for me 

And you’re becoming abrupt.

Abrupt 

            Youknow yare right   I am tired

 

As I said. 

          We’ll save it for another time. her head listed to a side seeking an unspoken agreementacknowledgement

he was too tired he wasnt giving her that 

                                            Then Ill leave it up to you I keep trying you keep denying

head snapped erect he knew it would

                                      You’re tired. 

Yave said 

             Im laying down I wish you would too

she answered picked up her book from nightstand 

   he was tired  not tired

early AMstill dark,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  11. 22

1011,  Day-between-Two-Ts

Nadja  You Write Your Name In My Head  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooW0HkDasKA

it mused aloudsaid I’m watching you. 

OhHellno 

           Ive been watchin youIm all over you youve nothing on me Im a voyeur par excellence 

he wasnt bragging 

since he first readlearned the word it appealed to him reminded him of voyager vicarious 

                                                                                             held a flame to his feet since a boy  he wanted to travel National Geographic taunted him but it wasnt in the cards  the family had too many mouths to feedtoo little time to recreate 

                              but when it presented he played or read 

reading cultivated his voyeurism 

a voyeur 

         nothing more than being observant aware HAmindful  he HAed because older he teased his daughter about the mindfulness apps she had on her smartphone which alerted her                    

   Really baby

Yes really Dad, I haven’t time. 

                                 no  she didnt   stretched herself thin  when she was a collegiate athlete he worried shed burnout she HAed him  You misunderstand Dad . this isn’t arduous . . it’s a lifestyle. 

                                                                                               Lifestyle 

he was observant 

                 could suppose being a voyeurarduously aware mindful was a sort of lifestyle he recognisedwas amazed by the miniscule overwhelmed by the overwhelming 

quit asking Did you see tha  began to believe things happened solely for his benefit 

                                                                                          reminded himself to be modest 

however viciously defended himself if called to taskhis preface You really want to go there  he asked once

Hmm a viciousvoyeur

   Sounds like a predator. it said

Yare still here

I said I’m watching you.    

2015,  Twosday,  25  10. 22

1154,  Twosday,  29  11. 22

Johnny Cash  I Won’t Back Down  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LBYrDx_784 

Tom Petty  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5II-WnW9OJo

blue guitar redux

her blue guitar leans in the corner

against the stereo speaker

where she placed it

she liked as she used to tell him in bed after they made love how invisible fingers

radiating from the speaker held it stroked it strings played impossible chords

the guitar sounded so different

shed never be able to recreate that music  imagine or remember it

she said often the music was in accord to the music hed play during their lazy afternoons together

his imperfect scratched 78s the keenly-guarded refined 33 1/3s  and those raucous 45s

she loved the echoes in her guitar its reverberations slipping like snakes in its chamber

she loved how the wind moving through the house visited it too  

those days when she complained it was too cold and why did he have to have the house open  

and on those days when the house was too hot
and the overhead fanblades were desperate to have their go at it
and the days since
when she hadnt been there to complain

but he would imagine she did
imagine all the qualities of her voiceits timbre and tone

when she was elated

or distraught

when she was dreamy and contemplative

or singing with her eyes closed

all her persons he loved  and didnt  that she shared with him every moment they improbably had  

without thought hesitation  or reservation

they  figuring improbably  that they would always have
stretched across the wide warm gulf of their living together

and now the sound hole of her guitar seemed far far larger  for each and every day

they didnt have

he was jealous of her guitar

her fingerprints her tentarch orweretheywhorls invisibly etched onto its strings  

its frets and tuning keys

                         her oils and scent on it

they were gone from him

                     his midnight showers eroded them from his skin its streams of water deafening his ears so he couldnt hear his crying or feel his hot tears running down his face
deafening him
a reason he fingered
because he could no longer hear her       

hear her voices 
feel her touch

blue

      her blue guitar

leaning dusty at the speaker

near the albums and jackets and paper slips brittlely ageing  yellowing  without the kiss of sunlight

as he

without her kisses

warm touches

reviving strokes


blue  

1502,  Clover Sunday,  1  6. 14

STOPsomething inside him  it barked Write it down whatever it was he didnt want to cross it scribbled charred trees

        warily he looked about in n out not knowing if to expect commendation or derision

   hollow air 

                      maybe whatever moved on or was folded inabsorbed 

charred trees

it did resonate please him 

charred trees

ash flakes tremble 

                            pensee probing 

sifted by a tickling breeze

cant see the forest for the trees

hope they catch the bastard

   rolled off his tongue asif planted or memorisedmesmerised barked Willtha do                                                                                                         listeningtipped his head forward

hollow air 

charred trees

             phonaesthetics ably welcome to join the motley crew hes assembling to overwhelm cellar door  which didnt impress him since first he understood what phonaesthetics is                                                                      

0833,  Thursday,  8  9. 22

1039,  Twosday,  29  11. 22

friend texted  :  :  okay to stop by to catch up . . . coffee?

he replied  :  :  hey  be fun maybe split a scone?   anxious2  

few minutes later  :  :  in a flash 

  :  :  door unlocked

he arrived in the promised flash

                                   They didn’t have any scones so I brought you . . no idea what it’s called . . pastry . for you . I was hungryhad pie this morning . damn Thanksgiving.

he chuckled Well thank you I appreciate that

Yabetcha. he shiveredcould see the chill run his spine Can we go outside have our coffee in the sun?it’s like a meat locker in here.

Comon   Its not tha cold

friend leaned back into the hall gazed at the thermostat on the wall leaning into the room said Thermostat says 50degrees.

Colder earlier suns been gazing in this room since Ninebout two hours

It’s 50.

Its only a number 

                  Qualify it tell it wha it is   Im aint givin any leverage

   You know . . it’s queer how you make it sound normal.

Normalcy  Subjective   We don wanna argueyoull lose

   What did ya . .

. . Youll lose 

            Trying to save you face man  it follows your hairline yare doomed

Jeesuus Kahrist . not in the door five minutes.

Hey honesty hasnt any sense of timeIts time jerked his arms for emphasis

Yeah whatever.  I’ll meet you out there.

Shutting down the computerfollow you out 

   the sparring the ju-jitsu friendships relationships 

                                                          how people cope   or not

prior to 11,  Monday,  28  11. 22

2146,  Monday

his second week back to politics after the elections  turkeys 

                                                               lost fiftybucks betting Democrats – Independents would keep the House and Senate straight odds which wasnt a bad bet for someone who doesnt bet

former who despises democracy has tossed his hat into the ring againTELLING  hed bet fifty that by November 2024 formerd be wearing a jumpsuit to match his hair

he held a dinner party Kanye West attended he prefers Ye aint happening  he aint no Prince 

                                                                                                     Kanye West brought Nick Fuentes with him as a guest 

                                   former West Fuentes have something in common 

                                                                                       they crave limelight 

for thatknowing that he hung a GOOTOP outdoor bug zapper 

                                                                aint the smell of napalm in the morning Apocalypse Now

but he did like barbecue

Fuentes curiously his parents arent named at Wikipedia Immaculate Conception by his reading he found him a rabid Holocaust denier an unabashed racist putting him on par with cunt he openly uses hateful language on podcasts anybody remember Invasion of the Body Snatchers recently hes called for the United States military to be sent into black hoodsdemands Jews leave the country 

                                          seemed itd be easier to remove Fuentes to another country  say NATO Poland Hungary Turkey  Belarus could be interested 

let him argue his rights as a citizen while he would deny Others their rights

   he didnt like the word piss

                                but he wouldnt walk across the street to piss on Fuentes if he were on fire

former  Kanye   pay heed

1715,  Monday,  28  11. 22

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/nov/28/donald-trump-shied-away-from-criticising-nick-fuentes  

https://www.axios.com/2022/11/25/trump-nick-fuentes-ye-kanye

he watched football at home on television 

Best seat in the House

   the black – the race as horrific a social construct ever conceived the men and women physically superior athletes he knewhe struggled to compete – could be if football was founded by black men there would be even fewer white athletes playing the game (CRT -- food for thought) – the black wide receiver leaptmade a one hand stabsnagged the balltapped his toes in the corner of the endzone TOUCHDOWN! the announcer screamed AN AMAZING RECEPTION!  he restored his teams lead late in the Fourth the announcer said into the mike  Brown! Crazy grab! Only his third touchdown reception this year!

   watching he muttered Here we go gotta endure another TD endzone performance 

                                                                                   but this cat was cool

casually he flipped the ball to a lineman rushing into the endzone  he kneltclasped his hands in prayereyeballed the heavens then standing he pointed up with long index fingers

   afterwards on the sidelinesTV cameras still glued to himzooming in perspiration rolling down his face he watched a teammate approach 

                      he could read their lips Hey, you religious?

          

shaking his head said No.

No. saw him chuckle  I think that’s taunting.

big white teethy smilenodding his head said Yah, but haven’t drawn a flag yet. 

                                                                                Brown instantly his favourite receiver

taunting         

classic    

1927,  Sunday,  27  11. 22

1550, Monday,  28  11. 22

  Hey mister

he heard it off in the distance he was nobodys mister

Hey mister

   Hey mister . . I’m talking to you.

looking up from his book a teenage girl had walked up and stood across the outdoor café table from him disregarding its ear he grasped the mug took a sip  it was cool hed take it in to reheat

  

I said I’m talking to you. 

Woudnt know 

You see any other misters around here?

I woudnt Im reading

You know . you’re here all the time.

Yare mistaken

No no, I’m not . . all the time.

Once a week though apparently yare keen 

   Are you a padophile? brazen  maybe a five dollar bet to win 

How do you spell tha

I know what it is. 

But you said incorrectly  Its pronounced pedophile with an e though I prefer a-e  English  p-a-e-d-o-p-h-i-l-e  to the American spelling 

                     An no 

If anythingif accuracy counts  Im a caffeineophile   Nice ring doncha think

 

   nothing 

              shadows of leaves in the branches overhead swayed on the tabletop 

speechless  flummoxed 

                         he wanted to say flummoxed  spell it for her too

maybe possibilities when she got older 

                                          if a dolt can be educated  or she takes her education seriously

hed slap her with a learning moment  Know Ben Harper Betsy

a twist appeared in her face he was taking her downtown  I’m not . .

. . Im not mister 

               Ben Harper  Songs Excuse Me Mr

the twist grew uncomfortable to look at  had to hurt

Excuse me mister but Im a mister too an yare givin mister a bad name  mister like you  His lyrics  Ben Harper  Ought to look him up listen to the song  Betsy 

I take my coffee where I wish

                                Now please  bugoff

early AM,  Monday,  28  11. 22

1042,  Monday

Ben Harper  Excuse Me Mr  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJjsEyW5l6M 

Je t'aime à vous

he heard it as plain as day heard it in his voice  in a dream

   he knew had he been awake and French who he would have addressed

but in dreams

                all bets are off

   a woman was beside him  he could feel her presenceher heat 

                                                                     but he couldnt see her

he wonderedperhaps  if his eyes were shut 

                                              that would be unlike him  professing his love without looking into her eyes

he was asleep though

   he repeated himself repeated himself because she hadnt in kind

                                                                   was it the first time

that awkward declaration  hope she felt the same although he wouldnt have said if he doubted her love

though she didnt say

   Je t'aime à vous 

                    she was therehe was sure  his eyes were wide openhe ran his fingertips across his eyelashes  he couldnt see his fingers either

   and again 

              but this time the words sounded like an echothey didnt feel like they came out of his throat 

                                                                                                               or else he wasnt confident she felt the sameHE WOKE 

he growled 

           something in his throat

he sat up tried to clear it 

                            still there

he roused two cats who were sleeping with him 

                                                       they looked as sleepy as he imagined he looked to them

he went to say good morning to them but said Je t'aime à vous 

                                                                  they looked as confused as he imagined he looked to them 

tried again  Good morning leftie Good morning bomber  thank goodness it wasnt beyond him to imagine he could wakeup speaking French

it was earlythe sun hadnt blushed the skys cheeks

   he laid back downwas going back in to find out who she was  at least give it a shot

he willed his hypnagogic visionwilled a womans silhouette into his eyesNah Alouette gentile alouette alouette je te plumerai 

           Whellshit  thasnot going to help matters

early AM,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  23  11. 22

1157,  Sunday,  27  11. 22

Alouette, gentille alouette  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM0UyNqrS0o 

Explosions in the Sky  Losing the Light  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBUuarDZyeI

1-2-3-4  clock read

Thas how easy he thoughtrecalling The Dovells  then he thought Easy for me

Man donbe touchin me with those cold hands 

Always outspoken he thought Gotta 

                                    Gotta direct the stream aint marking new territory pissing haphazard on the floor  tha Id have to cleanup

   he read the clock a distraction had things in hand last thing he wanted to do just then was converse with his cock

he knew his hands were cold it was cold  Just suck it up dispense dispiss he thought with the antics an youll be warm again up against body in no time

If ya knew . .

. . I do yare me . .

. . Don interrupt . .

. . Shaddup an do wha yare out for

 

   odd he quit with the lip

finishing up he looked down at his cock 

                                         Oh quit the shit woudya 

cock was preeningtryin to tempt him 

                                       seductively We don have to be cold 

   STOP Im goodyoull be warm again in a heartbeat  Whadafucks with this guy he thought 

cock could read his mind 

                          Im horny  Spare the cock blue the balls 

Thasnot how it goes

I know how it goes  Im trying to be clevertryin to get a little attention here

   he rolled his eyes Later 

Howbout some attention other than yours

   I hear ya bro 

Ansince were being biblical Ill cite brother Bobbys mantra  Good things come to he who waits . . 

. . He paraphrased  Be patient . . . the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit . . . hath long patience for it  Excuse me all to hell for the ellipses

Precious fruit I like it   Proverb  Patience is a virgin

Asshole

Buttoning this up were done talkin turkey

whatever his cock had to say was muffled wasntcouldntwouldnt listen anymore had stuffed him back in his pants

He has a point a mariachi

   Blow me Im not contending with you immediately after tha   Take five

dejected mariachi yanked hisher herhis sombrero down low over their eyes

he could still make out the pout on their mouth 

                                                  Save it for another timenot in the mood  Yare welcome to return to it later awright

mariachis Awright was baleful

Awright Some other time

   its a bitch to be besetbeseiged by ones body 

                                                  seemed everyone thought they had a say in him twocents worth pitching

Sunday,  27  11. 22

Dovells  1 – 2 – 3  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGIH_LzjJ80

preying mantis 

praying mantis 

praying mantra

preying mantra

   tough to sort wheat from chaff

but all the above seemed like kernels to him fleshy  nutritious if one dug inwere open to suggestionwilling to not dismiss things immediately out of hand 

                                            play  be playful 

haftwist a strip of coloured paper join the ends Mobius strip

apply continuity where otherwise it might not exist 

                                                     annot if he tortured the process  any coloured paper one might want the entire spectrum 

                       or vantablack to brilliantwhite

   he liked opening doors then leaving them gapingwide open

222 preferred,  Sunday,  27  11. 22

Steve Roach  Dream Circle  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAQhuetZdhc

his telephone rang  Jesus Christ obviously he was running behind he muttered Why call  Hello 

Where are you?

Woke late broke a shoelace

Whell . . to make the time slot we have to leave now, you’ll have to catch up.

Odd man out . .

. . Again! But your doing. 

                          sarcastically Broke a shoelace.  I haven’t done that since I was little. 

Go

We have to.

Go 

    Ill see wha I can do

So you’re saying you might not come. 

their statement frosted his fanny Listen Ive covered my sharenot leaving you high an dry 

                                                                                                it seemed a good idea at the time some intimacy  then that went out the window when word got out   I wanna come.   I couldn’t say no, hurt their feelings. 

           An my feelings he didnt ask

he didnt want to hear that there was no consideration for himthat it would be fine  but didnt ask  he didnt want to hear I thought it would be fine with you should have asked but he thought that way because he wasnt one to make assumptions when he could askcould communicate                        

he did things harder than most at work or play

he didnt tie his shoes he tugged them 

                                        when he shook someones handgave them a hug   That’s a strong grip . . when you hug, you really hug.

he drew hard evident lines  had high bars   held himself to them fiercely

    he woke late broke a shoelace 

heat fled the original incentive             

left no one high and dry

1952,  Saturday,  26  11. 22

1030,  Sunday,  27  11. 22

Explosions in the Sky (Mountains mix)  What Do You Go Home To?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBDRTNevy5Q