28.9.22


he slowly peeled the package she gave him 
                                              her handsanxious fingersentwined    she couldnt take itgasped  It’s a tshirt.

he smilednodded expected that  Thank you sweetheart 
                                                         but did not speedup his unpeeling
You don’t shake your gifts. I like to shake mine for hints.

  No still peeling I don 
                            casually distracted However knowing that bit of information baby Im terriblytempted to gift you a vial of nitroglycerin

Hahaha . . you’re funny.

   he liked teasing her  just enough for a little BANG 


he finally reached the pink cardboard box inside
                                                   maybe the tshirt was a ploy  rather she filled it with sticky raspberry-filled Bismarcks  a faint fruity scent emanated 
she noticed 
             I slightly sprayed perfume.

Aw its fragrant very pleasing like the lipstick kiss marks on the back of her envelopes

I thought you’d like that.

I do
     it smelled like the insides of her wrists elbows at her throat behind her ears behind her knees 
                                                                                                          Really  a tshirt

Yes. she trembled with excitement Open it you’re killing me . I want to know if you like it or not.

he grinned 
            Im sure Ill like it 
You’re stalling open it.
                        just like a kid  nice how surprises could still render her 
Yes
     Im opening it 
  Quit saying so do it.

he pulled the top free undid the paper a green tshirt embroidered Provocateur mimicking her handwriting 
                                                                                                               she genuinely touched him                                        

she smiled It’s what you do.

I love it 
         Though the catll be out of the bag

  There’s that, but I like to think when you wear it there’ll be no excuse from someone not to know and take offence.
You enjoy offending people.  

Not necessarily  if they earn it

Seems it’s earned . as you say . . frequently.

Frequently not always

Would you say very frequently? smiling like a Cheshire Cat dimples to die for

  Id say  Idsay I read a lot about a lot of different subjects

Very frequently?
                  Answer the question.

Apparently

Yes . apparently . . casualties of one being well-read.

Oh I like that  Can I cite youquote you

Sure. That’d be nice I’d be happy if you did . in a sense would complete me.

Complete you  How so

Citing me . . exciting me. 

Oh  I like that too 
                      Thank you baby

You’re welcome, love.

1523,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  31  8. 22
1139,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  28  9. 22


Oohbrother

on-line dating advisor

  Wha the fuck

he knew the nations adults were majority illiterate but he didnt think they were majority stupid 


dating advisor 
              Lemme guess Theyre akin to those hacks who wrote pamphlets How to Pick-Up Women advertised in the backpages of comicbooks and Mens magazines
                                                   If you need an advisor maybe you shouldnt be dating

he was on-lineon his PC when the advertisement populatedflickered at the right all the so-very-clever they-think games programmers play to attract attention not unlike flashers dressed in raincoats reminded him when he was flashed by a female friend for Halloween Trick or Treat! she criedconfusing him briefly  wasnt the Trick and Treat the same
   they were 


 dating advisors

   life coaches

    CHRIST 
              if people think Putins threat of deploying nuclear weapons threatens mankind  he can get in line 
  
1638,  Twosday,  27  9. 22
0946,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  28  9. 22
Hedgehoppers Anonymous  It’s Good News Week https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4KzGKnuUuc


not liquorLick her 
                 his mother said 
was the quickest way to a woman's heart.

he took her at her word

evidently he was a talentproved his mother right

now most mothers wouldnt availenable their son that tidbit

but she liked him more than his brothers

Keep it to yourself she cautioned him 
                                        If they figure it out on their own, God bless ‘em; but I doubt it.

prior to 1300,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  9. 22
0855,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  28  9. 22

27.9.22


he went homehome was where his parents made theirs because to date he hadnt found a place he might call homeset roots
   all things temporary since he left home

he went home to attend his fathers transitionalfluid he hadnt sought it ninetyfirst birthday

when he left home his father older than his mother by almostexactly two years the eighteen the twentysecond she drafted off him
     50 60 70 80 drafting48 58 68 78
his father would be 89 
                         but that early Spring Trumpvirus his mother quit drafting 
  her death astonished himhe was devastated

if his father turned 88 of course she would too 
                                                   she did not   she let loose the reins
letting loose 
             she diminished his sense of homeof belonging reminded him of mortality to a degree he thought prior he understood 
               he did not
a broken tricycle is not a bicycle
                                 his mother was the wheel who turned and dragged his father and him forwarddragged them in her wake

now they were static 
side by side
             while they embraced their shared axle-axis their unbroken spokes did not turn
 

he still hadnt figured out what to do

griefs funny that way

approaching 1700hrs,  Day-between-Two-Ts, 14  9. 22
1558,  Twosday,  27  9. 22


    Ouchie 


Stop doing that

beat up with a bowling ball

wasnt his usual tavern

but the barmaid was hot

0535,  Moanday,  26  9. 22
1127,  Twosday,  27  9. 22
The Power Station  Get It On (Bang a Gong)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2vHbXI2p4k


He understands that everything he observes doesnt have to be recorded documented chronicled commentated yah

Youve seen him workthe stacks of paper wha do you think 
                                                               when his innerMariachi talk about him behind his backso they think he listens  they thinkincorrectly that because hes able to shut them out of his internal dialogues their conversations are private 
often forgetting
                 no him no them

I think nobody has that kind of time

That kind of time will always be a matter of how one chooses to spends ittha he makes the effort is sufficient  He understands hell fall short

An thas because he doesnt seeNo no see is wrong   perceive doesnt perceive things like others do

Evidently 
           Recall the feather molt this morning bobbing above him  it coaxingcircling many many times before disappearing above the overhangthe hummingbirds at the feedertheir shadows on the window  a teeming he coudnt take his eyes off Whered he go  Suddenly he was vacantya did feel that

  Yes 
       The scant shooting star last night his riveted appreciation  he thought he might be the only person in the world who witnessed it

Yes The ghost of the English walnut in the yardthe apricot ghost beyond it vaporous but there

The bird shadows thrown on the ground around him as he walks and readscatching them peripherally then gazing at them

Then suddenly gone  Vacant

Wha is tha

I don know

addressing them they flinched 
                               Shoudoccur to you  Times I don feel Im of this place don belong  Long to be where I fit

Fit Thas odd to say 

Odder to be 


the Mariachi shrugged  the many gathered beyond them shrugged too

1045,  Sunday,  25  9. 22
1047,  Twosday,  27  9. 22
E.S.T.  Inner City, City Lights  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iajtly6zH1U 

26.9.22


a pensee

   phonebook 


new black ledger

need to bring it up-to-date

never wise to procrastinate

for those to learn Im dead

0535,  Monday,  26  9. 22


Hmm . . she said feels like he’s decided for us.
                                                   his girlfriend wasnt being accusatorycondescending she could be OHbrother could she honestly but no she was being considerateconsidering him and her in the sudden realm they only teased about while lying in bed until they silenced each other his cock in her mouth his mouthtongue in at her pussy hard to hear when at opposite ends an over slurping an sucking occasional gags 


it was golden hour
                    sun was setting 
in a new bar
             friends told them about it krazygood mixed drinks his girl was a witch an alchemist how could they not give it a try

the front door swungopen it was their habit to sit side by side facing it 
                                                                      in breezed a raspberryblonde more raspberry than blonde the sun behind her illuminatedpainted a vivid aura halo around her head and shoulder 
                                                                                                     they were struck
his eyes slid to hers she nodded

the woman enticed themrarely were they enticed 
                                                  such enticements most often played out in their bedroomthey enjoying separate imaginings  he was always curious of them what each saw  anif they could share show  would they

since very few men caught her eyethey had to compete with him he teased they usually acknowledged handsome women they had similar tastes the women looked like her
this one did not

through the doorinside she recognised that they were enjoying her she noddedsmiled said good evening as she passed their table
           there was outdoor seating behind them and while they were attracted to it the inspired décor within held them inside 


after a couple hours a couple drinksmaybe courage he asked his girl what she thought if he bought raspberry a drink he admitted he hadnt shaken her yet 
                                    Funny you should say, neither have I.  

he asked the waitress she floated in an out if she might know what the raspberryblonde outdoors was drinking 
  My kittycat? 
                This is her haunt I know exactly what she’s drinking, or what she might like, sometimes she leaves it to me, leaves me to read her.

Yes please wed like to buy her a drink 
                                          he upped the ante And well have what you serve her
You got it.

Dirty Bird martinis extra olives 
                                  they were stunnedpleasantly flummoxed a favourite of theirs 


not five minutes later raspberry came in to thank them for her drink 
                                                                       putting her hand on Esmeraldas shoulder Thank you for the drink, I’m Madeleine.

Esmeralda said youre welcome her name and Joe We’ve been calling you raspberry, your hair is beautiful.

piqued You’ve been talking about me? Are you the reason why my ears have been ringing?

Intermittently he said We cant be responsible the whole while likely others have noticed you and are intrigued

she smiled big dimples slyly coy I intrigue you?

humoured Esmeralda answered As you know . . yes . you’re very striking.

Thank you. 
            You’re a handsome couple, I noticed when I entered.

We may have noticed you longer finally I understand a sustained glance
                                                                             they laughedharmonised he was in heaven neither Esmeralda or Madeleine covered their mouths

That’s rare, choice, a sustained glance, I haven’t heard that before.

he nodded Its an innarestin story

Perhaps you’ll share it with me, however, I’m with friends, I wanted to thank you for the drink. It’s wonderful to meet you. 
     she shook their hands had a firm handshake and returned outdoors 


later raspberry returned the favourbought them a Dirty Bird 
                                                               Esmeralda said Well, this might be one too many. sighed Could you get me a water? I’ll have to nurse it . . and I have to go to the Ladies room.

he stood helped her with her chair not that she needed it 
                                                           he watched her walk to the rear of the bar until she was out of sight
he dug how she moved

when the waitress passed he asked for two waters no ice
                                                             he thought What a pleasant evening  he gave a private thought about Madeleine and Esmeralda 
it slightly aroused him 
he stopped thoughting 
                        made him laugh 


Esmeralda didnt return for a long while

the bar had filled  he was too involved with Esmeralda 
                                                           only time he looked away from her was when someone or a party entered  it was a popular place 


I’m back I’m sorry you’ll have to excuse me . . I ran into Madeleine in the Ladies room.

   And

And what happens in the Ladies room stays in the Ladies room. she laughed 
                                                                                  I crack myself up.
Clever  clever  She seems nic . . 
. . She is nice, I like her.

You like her I like her 
                       Weve had very few differences while weve been seeing each other  Its nice  Yare nice

Flatterer.

Get me closer to getting into your pants tonight

If you play your cards right.

Whaif I said its in the stars

Optimism dies hard. 
An Im a diehard optimist

casuallysubtly she reached between his legs and gave him a squeeze You hardly disappoint.

Clever clever Yare on a roll 
                              he held up his martini  To stars optimism you an erections

she took up her glass  I’ll drink to that.

they sipped

he stood Baby got to get the blood flowing Im going to settle up so when we finish our drink we can vamoose 


he found their server she pulled his tab card he settledtipped with cash 
                                                                            he thanked her for knowing Madeleines drink affording them an opportunity to meet her 


in the aisle walking back to Esmeralda Damn she was something to behold she couldnt have heard him though she turned precisely to his approachsmiling Maybe she did  Witch  Alchemist  Who knew a womans powers 
                                                                                                            a strong hand at his shoulder enough to stop him short of the table he turned  raspberry 
                                                                         Leaving?

No Settled up Well leave after we finish your drink I assume Madeleine thanked you in the Ladies room  I thank you

You can do better than that.

Esmeralda stood
                   if she could read his mind she could certainly hear Madeleine 
Better

Yes. raspberry put her arms around him and gave him a delicious warm soft wet kiss

he kissed back was pretty sure she felt him grow against her belly

the kiss over leaning away she said We should fuck. 
                                                         sidestepping him she went to Esmeralda embraced herkissed her as softly sweetly warmly wet 
                                    We should fuck . you make me wet. I’ll be outside for a bit. she walked to the front door

he walked up to Esmeralda  Innarested

she stepped close to himobscuring her handgrabbed his cock 
                                                                 Hmm . . feels like he’s decided for us.
  
2210,  Sunday,  17  7. 22
1222,  Monday,  26  9. 22

25.9.22

IED


he might have guessed
                        he sat across from himsat on metal folding chairs they werent meant to be comfortable shaped in an rough oval to accommodate all the menTHREE hours ten minute break halfway through fifty bucks a session fiftytwo sessions 
           talk about domestic violence

unless it was a team sport      

men dont bond 
                 no gay circle jerks daisy chains  no lovefest
usually during breaks a couplethree guys who took exception to what was said inside to them about their actions snarled at each other the facilitator smoking a cigarettehumoured took the briefest moment to remind them if fists were thrown theyd be bounced from the program violate their probation spend jail time prison time which would certainly be adjusted Up
               almost a third were familiar being inside 

the guy who made it a point to sit across from him said as little as he did 
                                                                             during session “sharing”  his was clipped unpunctuated run-onkeep up it had the makings of a game saying all he had to say in one breath the sole period provided when he took a breath   Fini
he didnt like him

but he didnt like anyone in the chamber

the guy across from him was small like a vial of nitroglycerin a jam shot  looked like an IED 
                                                                                                  he wouldnt turn his back on him 


threequarters way through the batterers program he was riding a city bus 

IED got onboardsaw him  sat beside him

the bus wasnt filled up

he said Isn’t this cozy?  said it facing straight forward

he turned his head  took in his profilehadnt seen it before 
                                                               One mans cozy is anothers creepy

he turnedlooked him in the face I creep you?  he tried to make it sound like it hurt

Somethinbout you man puts me offcant put my finger on it but its somethin youve left out of the ingredientsoff the menu

Ingredients? Menu?  Now you’re creeping me out, buddy . . who the fuck talks like that?

I do
     I aint your buddy

I sat here to make nice.

Yacouda sat across the aisle and made nice 

But I like things up close and personal.

I don care whacha like

You don’t?

Ya heard me 


Awright . . awright. 
                     he stuck his foot into the aislepushed off with his handgripped the bench with his otherslipped thin air and sit across from him
                             Better?  touch of a sneer on his face
Thank you  Yah better   IED reminded him of a rat
                                                      So Bob whahave you left off out of your story

Not important . preceded this bullshit, happened long ago.

I disagree our pasts make us who we arehave become  why history is studied

Studied?  I wasn’t much of a student. 

I struggled to be a student

Struggled? he cocked to his to a side

  Yah 
        Most things school taught didnt interest me Had it I woudve been a good studentthey woudve held my attention rather than me fighting to remain present

The sessions are like school. 

Bad school 
             Agree 

Howbout that . . we agree on something.

Yah

Yah. 
      IED noddedkept nodding  was thinkingparsing sparring   eyes were far off

he jumped gently  Whas missing Your story

he turned his head faced forward 
                                    in profile it appeared he was weighing it 

he to be honest was content not seeingwitnessing the twitch storm   head on 


Nam.  I served two tours as a tunnel rat. 

he might have guessed

1205,  Reggaefriday,  19  8. 22
1129,  Sunday,  25  9. 22
Creedence Clearwater Revival  Who’ll Stop the Rain  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIPan-rEQJA

24.9.22


he yelled

it reverberated through the housetickled the joists overhead that supported the second floor

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY

maybe his yell pierced the thin veil between Life and Death Existence and Existence elsewhere  wherever that was
ghosts were able 
                 he was jealous 
he could admit that

this was the only time he would

he was jealous as a teenager once

walking home from the party that night he thought hard about it

at home he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror

he didnt like what he saw looking back at him
                                                 Cold Turkey
                                                               teenager  he dropped it
jealousy was uglyhe wanted no part of itYET he couldnt persuade himself not to be jealous of ghoststheir ability to go between spheres  to interact    Exist 


he hoped she heard him 
  he stood still
                       listened 


talking to himself  Maybe next year  

it was fortyfive years to the day 
                                   I love you baby

1012,  Saturday,  24  9. 22
West Side Story  Somewhere  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtwIFrtZ7ww


he tried hard not to be that wayYaknow THAT way

he was patient 
               but No-such-thing-as-an-Absolute tried his patience for brevity NAh  no absolute

NAh goin down the rabbithole yet again 
What?

Do you listen to yourself when you talk or is there some kind of disassociationdisconnect that you cant hear yourself
Yare absolutely flying in the face of wha you insistdeclare you believe There are no exceptions manNONE

What did I say?

Wha did ya say  Yare in the midst of it

he stroked his chin NAh felt whiskers he could see on his face that NAh thought he had to shave

Hint You were tryin to advise me Must have forgot who you are talking to I do not like solicitationsnot crowdsource never keen on those who woud proselytize 
                                             Get down off your pulpit soapbox highhorse yare makin no inroads Ya know better than try I shoud think  If yare thinkin I woud think

Whenever you interrupt you throw me off.

So yare accusing me of makin ya forget wha the hell you were talkinbout Thas rich  I know  Ya just said . .
. . Then say. 


I gave you a hint  Absolute

That’s not a hintI said I don't remember.

a sigh began but he cut it off  You can always go pickup where you left off  Always Never Absolutes 
                                                                                                       Tha ships sailed 
You’re being stubborn.

    Or 
          You want me to make the mistake you made  I told you wasnt a good idea No  So ya made your bed  Had to sleep in it 


Does it ever occur to you that you’re inhumane.

Harsh Brutal  Yes   Serves my purpose

What the hell is your purpose?

   Tha no one wastes my time 
                                     Its finite 


if NAh was going to say something it caught in his throat

some time Day-between-Two-Ts afternoon,  21  9. 22
1240,  Saturday,  24  9. 22
E.S.T.  Leucocyte I.Ab Inito  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy-riKbFIqE