not zero-sum rum

it irritated himirritated him enough that she showedup in his dreams though showingup showedup in the nicest vividway possible 

                    he believed she did because he defended her her sex from bigmouths pronouncement 

                                                                                                                Horseshit Ya really believe tha

 

Yeah I do, I stand by it.

Yare a horses ass

No, you, you’re the one with a big mouth . . what’s your estimate?

Farfar less than yours 

                         But before I say Im gonna turn your gun around 

he was surprised he could see his eyes through his bitter sneer 

                                                                   Go ahead, try . . won’t hold water.

Wha goes for women goes for men

That’s crap. I’m so sick an tired of you holding women above men . they’re not the superior sex . .

. . Head an shoulders man heads an shoulders Yare proving my point

I’m proving your point?

Have absolutely proved your pigdom all men to varying degrees Gawdknows your stocks ticked up appreciably

Fuck you.

           he was somewhat surprised he could still make out his eyes through his bitterbitter sneer

 

  If  if half female athletes are gay half male athletes are too

 

You’re so full of shit.

                      looked like he had a mouthful of shit

Still stand by your obscene guess

HALF.

Half of your male athletes fanboy  HALF 

it was weird to see her dressedup 

that afternoon they played Horse he managed to beat her 60/40 it irritated her

                                                                                     Howbout we play one-on-one?

Yare on 

she was as tall as he collegeaged   he had her easy by ten years

but she didnt have his hops

Care to return to Horse

NO.

You played well

You played better.

More experience

she laughed 

                  Riight.

she wore a kneelength diaphanous rosebudcoloured dress over a slip colour flattered her creamy tawny skin kicked her shoes off under the tablewalked the hall barefoot was very appealing

he bought her a mojito she wanted the mint muddled the bartender recommended against it she backed him downarticulated Please, I know what I want, I prefer it bitter. turning to him she concluded  Particularly after this afternoon.

Yare not going to stophuh

I don’t like to lose . particularly, particularly . . to a man.

                                                            What are you drinking?   

You opened the door they had Mount Gay Black Barrel Had him pour me a couple fingers straight

May I?

Help yourself

she sipped 

             he may have watched too keenly there was an erotic tick in his pants

Hmm peppery . . gingerbread, vanilla.

You make it look enticing

handing the glass back to him she touched the tip of her tongue to her upper lip

another tick

What’s going off in your head?

My head

Yes. she took him by the hand and lead him out onto a secluded balcony 

                                                                              Yes. You should tell me.

Confess

I’ve heard it’s good for the soul. 

                                 I’ve got a confession though too . . if you don’t mind, please, I’d like to say first.

Please

she set her mojito on the stone railing took his drink placed it beside hers

                                                                              You’re familiar . . to the victor . his or her spoils. 

Yes

she took his hand and slowlydeftly tucked it between her legs 

                                                                        I’m not wearing panties.

he gasped  Im having erotic tickings in my pants

Can I feel . .  it wasnt a question

they masturbated 

  wasnt a zero-sum match

dreamtime Thursday – ReggaeFriday,  7--8  7. 22

1506,  Saturday,  20  8. 22

Sweet guy

            he was at the delivery of his granddaughterhis daughter had chosen artificial insemination she said she wasnt going to endure the messysticky pickup after a failed male They’re fuckin’ children, never grew up.  and since hed been over the moon to help raise his granddaughter 

                                                           I didn’t have this time with my girls, so, retired, I can enjoy my granddaughter, she’s given me a new lease on life.

he understood his brother he had had a cancer scare but it seemed he was being able to leave it in the rearview although there were doctor appointments to keep and eyeballs peeled KNOCK ON WOOD he rapped on his skull  he didnt know what that was like

 

. . . a new lease on life.

Innarestin he didnt like the idea of renting of being let     

                                                       Thas quite a bargain bro

It is, it is marvelous. I can’t help but wonder how things might have been if I had this kind of time with my own girls.

It makes me a little blue to think about it.

Time  Opportunity   Unfortunately no redos Id take the fortune you have now and run with it like a motherfuc . .

. . Ssh, baby might be around.

Fucker 

        Shes not a year She doesnt understand English

No, but she’s walkingmight sneak up on us and have secret powers we’re unaware of.   he winked

he winked back Given DNA coming down from you  very unlikely 

STOP.

they laughed

My daughter’s extraordinary.

Our daughters are extraordinary 

                                   Thasaid  might really be unlikely our DNA was a determinant factor

Yeah. Right.

  Yah 

       Broke the mold when we were born Gotta be grateful we got out before it was

they mused  laughed again harder

Youre a sweet guy Im terribly happy you have a new lease on life

nodding eyes filling with tears Me too, me too.

he hugged him and kissed him 

                                    STOP  youll get me started

1726,  Monday,  15  8. 22

1018,  Saturday,  20  8. 22  Happy Birthday Lulu

Cameron Diazpretty sure her name ends with a z  Shes an acronym

She’s an acronym?   What the hell are you talking about?

You brought her up

Up? I asked you what you thought of her.

What do I think of acronyms

It’s her name, a name's not an acronym.

Not two days ago ya sprung L K I T on me in a text an I wrote back No I aint playin

                                                                                        An acronym

I was trying to bait you.

You know me better than that 

                                Yawere tryin to be clever an tha don work for you

Ouch. he feigned injury

                         How do you really feel?

Lord knows I try.

Then say it don make up an abbreviation  

                                            Your life gets abbreviated youd be pissedYES  I said a word tha disgusts me

Im puttinup a flare got it  just say whaya mean spell it out don need to be a mystic when were trying to communicate

That’s rich coming out of your mouth.

Pray tell

I try to hang onto to what you’re saying and I get lost, can’t keep up.

Then you say you cant an I repeat

It’s embarrassing that I can’t keep up with your flights.

Yasay you arent an I repeat

It’s not like I’m a child I have a hard time keeping up, I mean . . you rock the boat violently and I get knocked overboard.

 

An yasay an I repeat

                       Were good  Im patient  Its rare ya irritate me

Cameron Diaz Bringin you backround

Awright. 

          How is her name an acronym?

Lemme stop ya more likelylemme correct you 

                                                 When I say that I don mean C A M E R O N each letter meaning something like your ridiculous L K I T which henceforth Im lettin govanquishing from my memory banks  only got limited space

You don’t think it’s clever? trying his best to look butthurt

You don think its clever just tryin out your shorthand 

                                                         Camerons a letter Diaz a letter  not payin no mind to acronyms no mind to Ms Diaz

You don’t think of her?

She think of me

You’re not a celebrity.

Celebrities arent celebrities theyre just people  I don feel the thrall 

                                                                     Youll note I didnt say enthralledwhich youd take to mean I meant you were enthralled . .

. . I’m not.

As I said

Man, how your brain works blows my mind.

Ill take that as a compliment.

420preferred,  Thursday,  18  8. 22

1148,  ReggaeFriday,  19  8. 22

Hes a pretty sweet guy when he isnt being Bobby

she flinched like she was slapped  then howled 

                                                     I can’t believe you just said that!

Tyranny of family 

                    I didnt chooseup the team so whenever one crosses a line Im first to stomp their toes ridicule em 

No . . not really. 

                   You’re kidding? 

Im not

        We share a name anif they misrepresent me if they havent good sense to say theyre talking for themselves I catch wind of tha I come down like a ton of bricks Im takin no guff for wha comes out of their mouths  Me an mine don have many similar ideas

How is how . . is that possible?

Thawere unalike  Think   Have lived apart nearly two generations  Youll recall I left home at nineteen an Im the oldest They live within twenty minutes of each other except for one brother but hes a cretin

He’s a fireman?

Yes An officer

A first responder.

Yes  but tha don make him special It speaks more to the hierarchy hes willing to serve to submit to  In my mind scarcely a step above a GI 

                              Bobby was a GI  As I said hes sweet when he isnt being Bobby

I still don’t know what to make of that.

Nothing to make I accept it yamight as well

An enigma?

Sure he shrugged  Whynot Though I find tha generous

And you’re his brother.

Tyranny of family  a two way street           

1726,  Monday,  15  8. 22

1018,  ReggaeFriday,  19  8. 22

Gillian Welch  Give that Man a Road  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJEiPcnrdU0

as he spoke he could see it in his face that he was going to pull up short thought he had the brass ring dead to rights was sure  but misjudged the carousal ridehis pretty pony descendent as he passed 

                                                                                           he let him dangle a bit

subtly shook his head it was exhausting completing his thoughtsreminding him where he was going

Need a little help bro

either he looked exasperated or his pained expression was so practised itd become a reflex  kneejerk 

You know where I’m going?

  I do  

         But yalet me know when yad like me to declare your destination

I appreciate that.

he nodded Thas awright 

                           he knew where they werehe triangulated  so he decided to go off in his head visit The Book of Disquiet waking up 

                      “With the coming of the dark light that fills with gray doubts the chinks of the shutters, . . . I begin to feel that I will be unable to remain much longer in my refuge, lying on my bed, not asleep but with a sense of continuing possibility of sleep, of drifting off into dreams, not knowing if truth or reality exist, lying between the cool warmth of clean sheets unaware, apart from the sense of comfort, of the existence of my own body.”

YAH. 

      Could you help me out?

he closed the Book  Yes happy to help   Yare gonna kick yourself

Seems I do more frequently than I care to.

Hypnopompic 

               As yare wakingas opposed to hypnagogic  as you enter sleep

Yes. his head fell forward slightly   I don’t know why I can’t remember.

Whywoudya  you scarcely remember your dreams 

                                                       Maybe you might try this on for size HypnoPOMP Hypnopomp and Circumstance Impressive formal activities or ceremonies  Seems up your alley

My alley?

Certainly not minecorrect

No.  No definitely not.

                         A clever trigger though.

Yes Visualising  Imagery

Now . . . if I can remember.

he nodded  Anif Im around I gotcha 

259preferred,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  2  3. 22 

1219,  Thursday,  18  8. 22 

CunninLynguists  Hypnopomp  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXjuakp4E0s

diggin to China

he stoodup went to the studio door lookedright up the hallway to the laundry room at the left impeccable timing bomber appeared in the doorway 

                            So did you find a Chinaman

when bomber used the catbox he spent threefour minutes burying whatever it was he left sounded like he was digging to China

his Grandmother convinced him he could 

                                           she handed him a spade and told him to go out by the fence by the alley and dig to China  if he was real fortunate along the way he might unearth dinosaur bone or two

                                                                                                REALLY 

Yes, really Joseph.

Ohboy 

        the shovel was as big as he was  he had to go down the steps to the backyard carefully so he didnt trip on it  he dragged it to the fence then turned aroundlooked back at his grandmother 

                                                                                  Here

she waved sidehand waving him to her right

he dragged it fourfive feet  Here

she waved him a little further along  into the shade of the walnut tree beside the one car garage they didnt have a car

he dragged it another threefour feet  Here

shed flash him an okay with her hand   

he went at it

bomber reminded him of her words

he couldnt count how many holes he dug that summer

digging all afternoon his mother would come out and tell to him to put the dirt back  We don’t want anyone falling into the hole and hurting themselves.

No Momma

Hurry up now, we’ll be eating dinner soon and you still have to wash up. I left a towel beside the water spigot, fresh clothes, hurry Joe. his mother called him Joe his grandmother Joseph

Yes Momma

 

never did dig to China find a Chinaman or a dinosaur bone

1055,  Thursday,  18  8. 22

1130, Thursday,  18  8. 22

Gillian Welch  If I Ain’t Going to Heaven  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR-dUNg1FGg 

There’s a First Time for Everything  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIX_umnUXV8 

sipping his black coffeemind meandering the creep crossed it

                                                                the former twice House-impeached Senate Republicans hadnt the good sense or balls disgraced president the MAGA starletYES  muchmore effete than masculine

Miranda is going to be read to him “You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorneyBOSH!he refuses to pay them, one will be provided for you.” 

he may have to go that route a public defense attorney forced to work on his behalf

reap what you sow

  by the bye heard a real doozy yesterday M A G A  Make Attorneys Get Attorneys snickersnicker 

the telephone rang

                   he snatchedup the receiver put it to his ear went to speakshe tumbledbubbled over the top of him Wa waWAIT  lemme put my coffee down so I don scald myself 

                                                             his girlfriend making an obscene call she was truly excellent at it so freakin imaginative

2240,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  8. 22

1022,  Thursday,  18  8. 22

http://www.mirandawarning.org/youhavetherighttoanattorney.html

https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-struggling-find-good-lawyers-washington-post-report-2022-8

she saidshe swayed as she said You know, fight or flight . . I’m a flighter.

Jackie  a flighter

Yes.  No? she looked bemusedtickled his heart  Fight or flight, I’m a flighter.

Okay he thought flee but he wasnt going to fightbecause she wouldnt   besides he was havin onehelluvatime keepin his eyesup keepinem from wanderin down acrossback an forth over her tremendous breasts the freckles the furrow between them  sometimes ya gotta swallow a little pride to have a shot at the promised landAmen brother talking to himself they were splendid could take an eye out  he crossed his fingers

You staying to watch the movie tonight?

Were watching a movie  All I heardbout was a get-together

she grimaced It’s a scary movie I’m not keen . .

. . But you cant say no

I couldn’t I’d spoil their fun, evidently I bring something by watching it.

Cover your eyes Squeal

Yes. How did you know?

Because thaswha I do  I don care watchinem either

she giggled 

              So you’re not staying?

Are you

I will.

Then I have a reason to stay

To laugh at me?

No to be as uncomfortable as you

                                      Ifya like follow my lead  I don sit down

You don’t?

No

    I stand behind the sofa

To get a running start?

Yes  are you readin my mind

Can I stand with you?

Happy ifya did

Then Ill stand with you.

 

with the first fright she grabbed his hand 

                                                Do you mind?

No

second fright she tuckedup beside himthen squeezed in front between him and the couch

he put his arms to either side of her

Thank you.

she was antsykept shifting her feetmoving her ass against him

it became obvious

she turned slowly around between his arms faced him

My.

If youd like

  Ohmy.

he gestured with his chin

                              Yare missing the film his heart was beating hard 

she smileddimples she was killing him 

                                        I found something else I'd rather do. thoughtfully she leaned her forehead to his chin

dreamtime tetherin Saturday-Sunday,  13 – 14,  8. 22

1116,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  8. 22

a sleek glossyblack Jaguar coupe came up the drive into mall parking lot slowing down out the passenger windowtrying to lower it the driver cried  Hey handsome!

he was the only one walking handsome as he was but kept on his steady stride evenkeel 

he didnt know a damnsoul who drove a Jaguar 

                                                   let alone a guy

he crossedright behind the Jag off the pavement onto a wide islandgrass and trees a couple of benches to take a load off

crossing into another lot now his nose in a book The Last Days of Roger Federer he heard an engine approaching him from his right 

               he pulledup to let it pass continuing to read  it did not pass but stopped

he hated these interactions with vehicles vehicles smarter than their drivers he didnt read with his ears  he lookedup

Black Jaguar 

               Did you hear me?

he didnt recognise the man not young not old   they irritated him 

                                                                       Are you talking to me his irritation answered

I hailed you. hailing might have worked for him

I dondo hail an I dontalk to strangers like my Mamma taught me Have a fine day he brought the book backup to his face and crossed in front of the idling Jag

I KNOW YOU

Sssh Im a secret he mumbled over his shoulder

I KNOW YOU 

                  the Jag entered gear and rolledup on his right as he walked I SAID I KNOW YOU

So you said though I woudnt be able to convince my Mamma

Jag coasting You walk around town reading.

Evidently

How do you do that?

Practise 

You’re certainly not sociable.

Walkin Readin

                    No

You know, you’re a prick . .

. . Handsome  a handsome prick

                                    whoever he was he had to hit the brakes in order not to hit the island he steppedup onto then a brief drive 

                         then a right onto a sidewalk that ran beside thirtyfive miles per hour traffic

then back into his book                                                                                               

1320,  Twosday,  16  8. 22

1246,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  8. 22

he liked to mine mindspush buttons

                                        it was his nature

if someone knew him they KNEW that 

few did

          some thought their dictatestheir authority would subsume that

but they didnt know him   

he got into peoples headsperplexed them 

                                          cracked them like black walnuts he made battle  nuts confronted  crushed together in his hand  those whose shell broke he ate  he set aside the winners for rematches

to managements dismay the winnersthe shelled gladiators from bulk twentypound bags were celebrated  he set them atop three edges of his cubicle 

they had stipulated that nothingno personal effects could be visible  if they understood himthey hired him they should have known it was of no consequence to him 

                                                it wasnt their cubicletheir personal spacetheir working environment atmosphere

It seems to me  I don walk into your offices tell you wha personal things you may or may not display on your walls  Walls  Imagine  or your desks DO  I    So who are you to tell me

they backed off

how Wise were they

but despite his efforts he was the only one who refusedcrossed them

his coworkers toed the linedidnt follow his leadrefused  to side with him

their unequivocal submissionthey felt  allowed him to flout the norm

Its a gawddamn work place we spend eight or more hours a day here  It shoud be comforting

management was aware  they were content he was a one offan oddball 

                                                                            how flexible of them     

had he not been a linchpin between corporation and consumers things might have been different    

he knew that

they recognised it

so they turned a blind eye

mining minds isnt a sure thing

                                 anymore than staking a claim in Coloma California or working the confluence of the Klondike and Yukon

he turned soil

dug furiously

panned

sluiced

sometimes hard work doesnt pay off

which isnt to say it wasnt worth the effort

2125,  Monday,  18  7. 22

0104,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  8. 22

Neil Young  Old Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAtDrFdomN4