she saidshe swayed as she said You know, fight or flight . . I’m a flighter.

Jackie  a flighter

Yes.  No? she looked bemusedtickled his heart  Fight or flight, I’m a flighter.

Okay he thought flee but he wasnt going to fightbecause she wouldnt   besides he was havin onehelluvatime keepin his eyesup keepinem from wanderin down acrossback an forth over her tremendous breasts the freckles the furrow between them  sometimes ya gotta swallow a little pride to have a shot at the promised landAmen brother talking to himself they were splendid could take an eye out  he crossed his fingers

You staying to watch the movie tonight?

Were watching a movie  All I heardbout was a get-together

she grimaced It’s a scary movie I’m not keen . .

. . But you cant say no

I couldn’t I’d spoil their fun, evidently I bring something by watching it.

Cover your eyes Squeal

Yes. How did you know?

Because thaswha I do  I don care watchinem either

she giggled 

              So you’re not staying?

Are you

I will.

Then I have a reason to stay

To laugh at me?

No to be as uncomfortable as you

                                      Ifya like follow my lead  I don sit down

You don’t?

No

    I stand behind the sofa

To get a running start?

Yes  are you readin my mind

Can I stand with you?

Happy ifya did

Then Ill stand with you.

 

with the first fright she grabbed his hand 

                                                Do you mind?

No

second fright she tuckedup beside himthen squeezed in front between him and the couch

he put his arms to either side of her

Thank you.

she was antsykept shifting her feetmoving her ass against him

it became obvious

she turned slowly around between his arms faced him

My.

If youd like

  Ohmy.

he gestured with his chin

                              Yare missing the film his heart was beating hard 

she smileddimples she was killing him 

                                        I found something else I'd rather do. thoughtfully she leaned her forehead to his chin

dreamtime tetherin Saturday-Sunday,  13 – 14,  8. 22

1116,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  8. 22

a sleek glossyblack Jaguar coupe came up the drive into mall parking lot slowing down out the passenger windowtrying to lower it the driver cried  Hey handsome!

he was the only one walking handsome as he was but kept on his steady stride evenkeel 

he didnt know a damnsoul who drove a Jaguar 

                                                   let alone a guy

he crossedright behind the Jag off the pavement onto a wide islandgrass and trees a couple of benches to take a load off

crossing into another lot now his nose in a book The Last Days of Roger Federer he heard an engine approaching him from his right 

               he pulledup to let it pass continuing to read  it did not pass but stopped

he hated these interactions with vehicles vehicles smarter than their drivers he didnt read with his ears  he lookedup

Black Jaguar 

               Did you hear me?

he didnt recognise the man not young not old   they irritated him 

                                                                       Are you talking to me his irritation answered

I hailed you. hailing might have worked for him

I dondo hail an I dontalk to strangers like my Mamma taught me Have a fine day he brought the book backup to his face and crossed in front of the idling Jag

I KNOW YOU

Sssh Im a secret he mumbled over his shoulder

I KNOW YOU 

                  the Jag entered gear and rolledup on his right as he walked I SAID I KNOW YOU

So you said though I woudnt be able to convince my Mamma

Jag coasting You walk around town reading.

Evidently

How do you do that?

Practise 

You’re certainly not sociable.

Walkin Readin

                    No

You know, you’re a prick . .

. . Handsome  a handsome prick

                                    whoever he was he had to hit the brakes in order not to hit the island he steppedup onto then a brief drive 

                         then a right onto a sidewalk that ran beside thirtyfive miles per hour traffic

then back into his book                                                                                               

1320,  Twosday,  16  8. 22

1246,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  8. 22

he liked to mine mindspush buttons

                                        it was his nature

if someone knew him they KNEW that 

few did

          some thought their dictatestheir authority would subsume that

but they didnt know him   

he got into peoples headsperplexed them 

                                          cracked them like black walnuts he made battle  nuts confronted  crushed together in his hand  those whose shell broke he ate  he set aside the winners for rematches

to managements dismay the winnersthe shelled gladiators from bulk twentypound bags were celebrated  he set them atop three edges of his cubicle 

they had stipulated that nothingno personal effects could be visible  if they understood himthey hired him they should have known it was of no consequence to him 

                                                it wasnt their cubicletheir personal spacetheir working environment atmosphere

It seems to me  I don walk into your offices tell you wha personal things you may or may not display on your walls  Walls  Imagine  or your desks DO  I    So who are you to tell me

they backed off

how Wise were they

but despite his efforts he was the only one who refusedcrossed them

his coworkers toed the linedidnt follow his leadrefused  to side with him

their unequivocal submissionthey felt  allowed him to flout the norm

Its a gawddamn work place we spend eight or more hours a day here  It shoud be comforting

management was aware  they were content he was a one offan oddball 

                                                                            how flexible of them     

had he not been a linchpin between corporation and consumers things might have been different    

he knew that

they recognised it

so they turned a blind eye

mining minds isnt a sure thing

                                 anymore than staking a claim in Coloma California or working the confluence of the Klondike and Yukon

he turned soil

dug furiously

panned

sluiced

sometimes hard work doesnt pay off

which isnt to say it wasnt worth the effort

2125,  Monday,  18  7. 22

0104,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  8. 22

Neil Young  Old Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAtDrFdomN4 

for three years a sound on the telephone 

                                             for three years shed been a sound in his ear

defiantly there was nothing to be defensive of which is how he would have preferred he took it 

                                                                                                     Don try to diminish that

It’s been three years since you saw her.

I didnt see my familymy parents once for nearly five years But we talked every week  Woudya dare try to diminishminimise that

he picked at his cleft chin he was pretty sure he wasnt born with it as also not born with his foot in his mouth

Because its unseemly to you or however you woud characterise it thas you long ago we ascertained critically  You are not me 

         Im solitary 

You fall over yourself being social Yacoudnt be me if ya tried you crave others too muchtheir attention whereas I coudnt care less

But three years.

  Yes 

       An for three years Ive been a sound on the phone to her

I believe you dropped that ball might have hit below the belt  he prided himself on his fitnessathleticism  particularly when expounding on his long gone high school days  youthful prowess  whatever it may actually have been

Frankly, that didn’t occur to me. he was honest

No youll excuse me  it was apparent it hadnt 

                                                 You have a tendency to be myopicsee things through your experiences

we all do but if one chooses they can broadened their horizon or at least argue by looking from another a different perspective wear someone elses shoes or moccasins shoud we embrace the original Mary Torrans Lathraps Judge Softly 1895 or biblically Judge not, that ye be not judged. Matthew Seven King James version

Can't help but citing one thing or another, this or that.

Correct unless its me I prefer credit where credit is due 

                                                           I also read a lot An reading helps time pass so my three years are vastly slimmer than yours Toss tha in the mix while yare at it

I’m sorry man, no matter how you slice it it’s a hunk of time.

Perspective dude all a matter of perspective               

1946,  Sunday,  17  7. 22

1455,  Twosday,  16  8. 22

Judge Softly  https://jamesmilson.com/about-the-blog/judge-softly-or-walk-a-mile-in-his-moccasins-by-mary-t-lathrap/#:~:text=by%20Mary%20T.-,Lathrap,a%20Mile%20in%20His%20Moccasins.%E2%80%9D

he hadeveryone has a method to their madness

   routine 

             he had divined his routeblazed his trail  only if he beckoned a change a reordering did he take it 

                                                                                                                    she said So as she crawled under the enormous diningroom table cloaked beneath a crispwhite embroidered tablecloth did you have a plan for bringing me up here? he hadnt she seemed to have followed him although he didnt discourage her

maybe he should formulate one 

like a salesman she had one foot in the door

he watched her pleasinglyround fanny disappear under the cloth

                                                                       she wasnt his kindnot really however he was intrigued  she packed a fantastic shape on her small framelucky if she broke five feet she was tawny blackhair Mexican maybeIndian 

Well? her voice muffled she shook the chair that stood directly before him What’s the plan? seemed there was a pout in her voiceperhaps a seduction on life support 

                                               a woman with demands under an heirloom table that belonged to the family but that none of the them wanted  he had room they said  It’s Mom’s.

                                                                                  family twists wrists 

Are you pouting

Maybe I am . . I thought you wanted to play with me.

   Play 

         I love to play

Good. 

       Then make up a game and I’ll play, we’ll play.

Youre entering an subterranean underwater grotto Leave your clothing behind it was his game he wasnt asking Push them out between the legs of the chair in front of me

sounded like she sighed 

                           Ohmy . . it’s getting warm.

Warm Is it my little heathen   Very warm

Yes.

he began to hear little grunts from beneath the table between the pedestals the chair legs it was a confined space she bangedup against Ouch them on occasion he saw her feet shins calves 

                                                                            then her bundle presented                             

You feelin better  cooler

Yes.  Cooler. 

               If I stretched out spread . my legsmy arms . I’d feel better. Unencumbered.  

You can do whatever you wish  youre a nymph a naiad  

                                                           Youre unconstrainednothing  nothing  can hold you back

I could emerge?

Nothings stopping you

Can I make myself invisible?

Youre a female spirit you can do anything

I am making myself invisible.

I understand

Remove the impediment from before you.  her game she wasnt asking

Yes he snatched it away by its arms

she emerged head first

she had taken the ties out of her hair

it was long unbrushed unfurled in curly strands  hung like seaweed

she crawled slowly

her shoulders

the furrow of her spine 

Venus dimples

roundbottom

completely emerged she held an arm up for him to take

taking her by the forearm she lifted her headtheir eyes met  she smiled

as he helped her stand 

                            I’m invisible.

he groaned in his throat

standing close to himher full breasts at his belly she began unbuttoning his shirt I’m making you invisible too. I love your game.

0904,  Monday,  15  8. 22

1000,  Twosday,  16  8. 22

Nelly  Hot in Herre  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeZZr_p6vB8 

Gioacchino Pagliei  The Naiads, 1881  Naiadshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naiad#/media/File:Gioacchino_Pagliei_-_The_Naiads,_1881.JPG

the mirror at the end of the hall

he hung it for her

the bathroom mirror was plenty for himhe used it so he wouldnt cut his throat shaving with a straight razor

she had wanted it

he wanted her to have what she wanted 

he obliged

but she wasnt there anymore

it taunted him

that was okay

it taught him selfcontrol to keep his temper

he was volatile

any challenges he could confront and not lose his shit were teaching aides

school was difficult for him

teachers didnt help matters

had they been good teachersnot just making a buck he might have been less difficult

he rebelled against their manipulation

Well young man said every principal every dean in every school he attended it seems you have a mind of your own. What are we going to do about that? 

                                           Is that rhetorical 

Im doin Wha arya going to do  sir

the punishments would have been bettermight have convinced him if they were creative

Spare the rod, spoil the child. on rare occasions He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24.

he supposed while he was a kid they were all religious kind of like political office if you didnt believe in God you werent going to be elected

whats an atheist to do

                        Tell you wha sir  lets flip a coin 

                                                          Not rhetorical

he even pulled a quarter from his pocket

his money was no good at school

the mirror at the end of the hall

the fog in the glass was clearing

1824,  Sunday,  31  7. 22

1108,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

On your mark 

   Get set 

     Go

 

     NO  Questions about going on Three

What questions?

Yes Yamean one – two – three - and we go 

                                                Or

Do yamean one - two an we go on three

It’s not that hardwhy do you have to make things harder than they are?make them so confusing.

Goin on three presents two optionsways to go they differ  hence why Im tryin to be accurate precise

Just follow my lead.

I cant

You can’t? 

NO

     I don follow anyone particularly when theyre unobservant You didnt see whahappened with the clock just now

The clockwhat clock?

Right across the street on the corner In the park Look  Were facing it

Why you looking at the clock?

Im observant

No I didn’t see . . I wasn’t looking.

Wha time does your everpresent cellphone say  Ya have a fixationman Theres no reason to my mind it ought to be around when were taking lunch    

it laid on the café table between them

I like to be available.

Text or call youll be rude

It’s not being rud . .

. . It is Yare not being present

                                   Wha time

he looked

            Twelve to three, two fortyeight.

Look at the clock in the park

he looked 

            Six thirty. 

Six thirty doesnt look like that 

                                The minute hand yes the hour hand is nearer Seven

he looked again

                  I’m not sure about that.

Horseshit ya know damn well 

                                Don be contrary You grew up reading clock facesreading time 

Does it?

Damn right it does 

                     I saw the minute hand it was shaking as it neared the Nine The hour hand shaking  as it neared the Four its hands trembling  Then they collapsedfell

The clocks dead

Times died

You’re ridiculous. he looked at his cellphone the screen was black he poked it with his finger to wake it DAMN he depressed the power buttonheld it 

                                      it didnt work 

Grab your bootshold onto your hat something BIGs comi . . . . . . 

2237,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

1133,  Monday,  15  8. 22

REM  It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OyBtMPqpNY

Pink Floyd  Have A Cigar  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbdpv7G_PPg

he took a leak in the sink 

                            because

there wasnt a urinal anhe wasnt going to waste water

                                                           evenings

he took leaks outdoors

its really nice to have a yard

1647,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

he looked out the bedroom window

                                    was just wakingjust saying good morning as he did every morning to his lost loves to run them through their paces of his or memories they shared with him visualising them before he said good morning to the next 

   ritual 

             as close to religion as hed ever get

hummingbirds perched on a feeder were suddenly tentative  

                                                              he got a little anxious

theninasudden they exploded into the air the bowling ball hurtling through them like a bullet                                                                                                                               lil tike was aggressive he was smallperhaps the smallest a dab of scarlet visible at his throat

the feeder danced on plastic fishline off a plant hook screwed into the fencepost 

                                                                                  the five feeding using it as a springboard 

they had been a whirla blur then rockets

he went onto his elbows then sittinupswung his legs off the bed stood at the window

bowling ball circled back 

he fed victoriously

might even have belched when he finished

then agilelycausally lifted in reverse

but before leaving he sashayed sideways to the window and peered in at him 

                                                                                            Yawanna piece of me?

tilting his head backmaybe chortlinglaughinsnorting he ascended fluidly straight up

its not often one can watch a bowling ball rise

1722,  Monday,  1  8. 22

1217,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

Yeahbaby he eruptedentering the livingroom  hed been in a bedroom privacy I’m feelingup mightyup to the challenge.

startled him CHRIST I didnt even know you were here 

                                                         he came in to freshenstrengthen his drink  Connie was notorious for pullin up short on liquor  they hadnt said outside he was inside  

I wanted to talk privatelynot before a bunch of ears acting like they aint hanging on my every word.

A second he took a pull on his drink better  Lemme correct ya before ya go out of bounds makin declarations Aint nobody hangin on your word  Ifya thinkin thathas delusional

No not regarding this call, I told them I was expecting her callshe’s smokin’.

Nobodys hangin on your words

                                  Ive been outside fifteen  feels like fifteen minutes  conversations beinhad are fascinating  Stellar nursery Webb telescope fuckin Webb eliminating queer staff from NASA during the Sixties You yappin with a chick versus tha woudnt hold water

I think you’re mistaking.

I believebetter than think I know  I believe yare highyare high  arent you

Has nothing to do with anything.

Stoned iffy paranoia Whawoud people think can work in funny ways

                                                                        Thasaid I interrupted you were cockadoodledoodlin Whas thabout 

Finalized the trip up to the lake with her.

Her

he gave him an Are you dumb look  You know.

   Oh  Her gotcha

                     Good for you

Gonna have me a tryst.

Cross your fingers

Takin ED up.

   Ed   Who the hells Ed

Only a year old, should still be potent.

    he was confused thinking Ed   Ed Year old   OH ED 

                                                             Or not  Thad be a kick in the balls

Why wood? Get it?

                     Why would I not take ‘em . . . like being twentyseven again. 

Im not thick

                Twentyseven

Fortyone?

Or whaya are

                She said, What’s it doing?   He said, Give it some time.   She said, Well, wake me if it shows up.

 

Nothin

Nothin

      crickets

1257,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

1412,  Sunday

Help Anne Heche 

                    Too soon.   Is until it isnt

Fasten your seatbelts irritated him 

                                      what he gleamed from conversationsYES he conversed specifically about it   That’s an odd question.   How you feel about it   What’s to feel?   Im irritatedfeel set upon  Its a command   A command? I think it’s a request of you regarding your safety.   Because I need to be told how to conduct myself Im unaware of me   Because it’s law.   Law  Because its money  Its enough to keep me off aircraft except for times when I really have to flywhen I have to submit    Other times you drive, correct? they begin to smilethinking they had something on him   I don wear a seatbelt Yes

Fasten your seatbelt meant different things to different people of course age played into ithe appreciated that

thats the purpose of education indoctrination 

                                                laying that on someone is a whole other can of worms worth discussing

 

people didnt like to think they were indoctrinated lead around by their nose 

                                                                                it was one of his better arguments for extremely liberal education  against stringent curriculum  which also irritated the shit out of him

 

he may have been easily irritated

he found such things didnt bother or upset many 

                                                   but it was his habit to entertain answers to questions in the long runnot tomorrow  in ten years twenty years  what were those ramifications how might they affect people unborn which wasnt a plea against abortion  an assemblage who is not a person until they can draw breath on their own outside of incubators female or otherwise

a vast cottage industry was spawned by American capitalism which differs drastically from others Americas has metastasisedbeen cancerous for decades its insatiable greed its bottomline antisocialHell sociopathic corporations their political bedmates enablers  seatbelts  childrens car seats those contraptions grown from them the auto industry thrall airbags all around determined requisite lifesaving products in case of an accident Which is wha an accident an unexpected event sudden in nature associated with carelessness unawareness ignorance a hostcombination of causes Cause and effect

he usually didnt get that far into his argument

when someone yawned in his face he disconnected 

                                                      when theyve yawned perhaps going to excuse themselves opening their eyes again  hes adios

he was everyone is a product of their environment  of growingup

                                                                    he was not swaddled he was not confined by a seatbelt he learned by making mistakes  indoctrination takes making mistakes out of ones hands 

                                                                                                       Do as you are told.

Oh Big Brother  forgive me for I have sinned

1811,  Saturday,  13  8. 22

1020,  Sunday,  14  8. 22