16.8.22


for three years a sound on the telephone 
                                             for three years shed been a sound in his ear
defiantly there was nothing to be defensive of which is how he would have preferred he took it 
                                                                                                     Don try to diminish that
It’s been three years since you saw her.

I didnt see my familymy parents once for nearly five years But we talked every week  Woudya dare try to diminishminimise that

he picked at his cleft chin he was pretty sure he wasnt born with it as also not born with his foot in his mouth

Because its unseemly to you or however you woud characterise it thas you long ago we ascertained critically  You are not me 
         Im solitary 
You fall over yourself being social Yacoudnt be me if ya tried you crave others too muchtheir attention whereas I coudnt care less

But three years.

  Yes 
       An for three years Ive been a sound on the phone to her
I believe you dropped that ball might have hit below the belt  he prided himself on his fitnessathleticism  particularly when expounding on his long gone high school days  youthful prowess  whatever it may actually have been

Frankly, that didn’t occur to me. he was honest

No youll excuse me  it was apparent it hadnt 
                                                 You have a tendency to be myopicsee things through your experiences
we all do but if one chooses they can broadened their horizon or at least argue by looking from another a different perspective wear someone elses shoes or moccasins shoud we embrace the original Mary Torrans Lathraps Judge Softly 1895 or biblically Judge not, that ye be not judged. Matthew Seven King James version

Can't help but citing one thing or another, this or that.

Correct unless its me I prefer credit where credit is due 
                                                           I also read a lot An reading helps time pass so my three years are vastly slimmer than yours Toss tha in the mix while yare at it

I’m sorry man, no matter how you slice it it’s a hunk of time.

Perspective dude all a matter of perspective               

1946,  Sunday,  17  7. 22
1455,  Twosday,  16  8. 22


he hadeveryone has a method to their madness

   routine 
             he had divined his routeblazed his trail  only if he beckoned a change a reordering did he take it 
                                                                                                                    she said So as she crawled under the enormous diningroom table cloaked beneath a crispwhite embroidered tablecloth did you have a plan for bringing me up here? he hadnt she seemed to have followed him although he didnt discourage her

maybe he should formulate one 

like a salesman she had one foot in the door

he watched her pleasinglyround fanny disappear under the cloth
                                                                       she wasnt his kindnot really however he was intrigued  she packed a fantastic shape on her small framelucky if she broke five feet she was tawny blackhair Mexican maybeIndian 

Well? her voice muffled she shook the chair that stood directly before him What’s the plan? seemed there was a pout in her voiceperhaps a seduction on life support 
                                               a woman with demands under an heirloom table that belonged to the family but that none of the them wanted  he had room they said  It’s Mom’s.
                                                                                  family twists wrists 
Are you pouting

Maybe I am . . I thought you wanted to play with me.

   Play 
         I love to play
Good. 
       Then make up a game and I’ll play, we’ll play.

Youre entering an subterranean underwater grotto Leave your clothing behind it was his game he wasnt asking Push them out between the legs of the chair in front of me

sounded like she sighed 
                           Ohmy . . it’s getting warm.

Warm Is it my little heathen   Very warm

Yes.

he began to hear little grunts from beneath the table between the pedestals the chair legs it was a confined space she bangedup against Ouch them on occasion he saw her feet shins calves 
                                                                            then her bundle presented                             
You feelin better  cooler

Yes.  Cooler. 
               If I stretched out spread . my legsmy arms . I’d feel better. Unencumbered.  

You can do whatever you wish  youre a nymph a naiad  
                                                           Youre unconstrainednothing  nothing  can hold you back

I could emerge?

Nothings stopping you

Can I make myself invisible?

Youre a female spirit you can do anything

I am making myself invisible.

I understand

Remove the impediment from before you.  her game she wasnt asking

Yes he snatched it away by its arms

she emerged head first

she had taken the ties out of her hair

it was long unbrushed unfurled in curly strands  hung like seaweed

she crawled slowly

her shoulders

the furrow of her spine 

Venus dimples

roundbottom

completely emerged she held an arm up for him to take

taking her by the forearm she lifted her headtheir eyes met  she smiled

as he helped her stand 
                            I’m invisible.
he groaned in his throat

standing close to himher full breasts at his belly she began unbuttoning his shirt I’m making you invisible too. I love your game.

0904,  Monday,  15  8. 22
1000,  Twosday,  16  8. 22
Gioacchino Pagliei  The Naiads, 1881  Naiadshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naiad#/media/File:Gioacchino_Pagliei_-_The_Naiads,_1881.JPG

15.8.22


the mirror at the end of the hall

he hung it for her

the bathroom mirror was plenty for himhe used it so he wouldnt cut his throat shaving with a straight razor

she had wanted it

he wanted her to have what she wanted 

he obliged

but she wasnt there anymore
it taunted him

that was okay

it taught him selfcontrol to keep his temper

he was volatile

any challenges he could confront and not lose his shit were teaching aides

school was difficult for him

teachers didnt help matters

had they been good teachersnot just making a buck he might have been less difficult

he rebelled against their manipulation

Well young man said every principal every dean in every school he attended it seems you have a mind of your own. What are we going to do about that? 
                                           Is that rhetorical 
Im doin Wha arya going to do  sir

the punishments would have been bettermight have convinced him if they were creative

Spare the rod, spoil the child. on rare occasions He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24.

he supposed while he was a kid they were all religious kind of like political office if you didnt believe in God you werent going to be elected

whats an atheist to do
                        Tell you wha sir  lets flip a coin 
                                                          Not rhetorical
he even pulled a quarter from his pocket

his money was no good at school


the mirror at the end of the hall


the fog in the glass was clearing

1824,  Sunday,  31  7. 22
1108,  Sunday,  14  8. 22


On your mark 

   Get set 

     Go

 

     NO  Questions about going on Three

What questions?

Yes Yamean one – two – three - and we go 
                                                Or
Do yamean one - two an we go on three

It’s not that hardwhy do you have to make things harder than they are?make them so confusing.

Goin on three presents two optionsways to go they differ  hence why Im tryin to be accurate precise

Just follow my lead.

I cant

You can’t? 
NO
     I don follow anyone particularly when theyre unobservant You didnt see whahappened with the clock just now

The clockwhat clock?

Right across the street on the corner In the park Look  Were facing it

Why you looking at the clock?

Im observant

No I didn’t see . . I wasn’t looking.

Wha time does your everpresent cellphone say  Ya have a fixationman Theres no reason to my mind it ought to be around when were taking lunch    

it laid on the café table between them

I like to be available.

Text or call youll be rude

It’s not being rud . .
. . It is Yare not being present
                                   Wha time
he looked
            Twelve to three, two fortyeight.

Look at the clock in the park

he looked 
            Six thirty. 

Six thirty doesnt look like that 
                                The minute hand yes the hour hand is nearer Seven

he looked again
                  I’m not sure about that.
Horseshit ya know damn well 
                                Don be contrary You grew up reading clock facesreading time 

Does it?
Damn right it does 
                     I saw the minute hand it was shaking as it neared the Nine The hour hand shaking  as it neared the Four its hands trembling  Then they collapsedfell
The clocks dead
Times died

You’re ridiculous. he looked at his cellphone the screen was black he poked it with his finger to wake it DAMN he depressed the power buttonheld it 
                                      it didnt work 

Grab your bootshold onto your hat something BIGs comi . . . . . . 

2237,  Sunday,  14  8. 22
1133,  Monday,  15  8. 22
REM  It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OyBtMPqpNY


he took a leak in the sink 
                            because

there wasnt a urinal anhe wasnt going to waste water
                                                           evenings

he took leaks outdoors


its really nice to have a yard

1647,  Sunday,  14  8. 22


he looked out the bedroom window
                                    was just wakingjust saying good morning as he did every morning to his lost loves to run them through their paces of his or memories they shared with him visualising them before he said good morning to the next 
   ritual 
             as close to religion as hed ever get

hummingbirds perched on a feeder were suddenly tentative  
                                                              he got a little anxious

theninasudden they exploded into the air the bowling ball hurtling through them like a bullet                                                                                                                               lil tike was aggressive he was smallperhaps the smallest a dab of scarlet visible at his throat

the feeder danced on plastic fishline off a plant hook screwed into the fencepost 
                                                                                  the five feeding using it as a springboard 
they had been a whirla blur then rockets

he went onto his elbows then sittinupswung his legs off the bed stood at the window

bowling ball circled back 

he fed victoriously

might even have belched when he finished

then agilelycausally lifted in reverse

but before leaving he sashayed sideways to the window and peered in at him 
                                                                                            Yawanna piece of me?
tilting his head backmaybe chortlinglaughinsnorting he ascended fluidly straight up


its not often one can watch a bowling ball rise

1722,  Monday,  1  8. 22
1217,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

14.8.22


Yeahbaby he eruptedentering the livingroom  hed been in a bedroom privacy I’m feelingup mightyup to the challenge.

startled him CHRIST I didnt even know you were here 
                                                         he came in to freshenstrengthen his drink  Connie was notorious for pullin up short on liquor  they hadnt said outside he was inside  

I wanted to talk privatelynot before a bunch of ears acting like they aint hanging on my every word.

A second he took a pull on his drink better  Lemme correct ya before ya go out of bounds makin declarations Aint nobody hangin on your word  Ifya thinkin thathas delusional

No not regarding this call, I told them I was expecting her callshe’s smokin’.

Nobodys hangin on your words
                                  Ive been outside fifteen  feels like fifteen minutes  conversations beinhad are fascinating  Stellar nursery Webb telescope fuckin Webb eliminating queer staff from NASA during the Sixties You yappin with a chick versus tha woudnt hold water

I think you’re mistaking.

I believebetter than think I know  I believe yare highyare high  arent you

Has nothing to do with anything.

Stoned iffy paranoia Whawoud people think can work in funny ways
                                                                        Thasaid I interrupted you were cockadoodledoodlin Whas thabout 

Finalized the trip up to the lake with her.

Her

he gave him an Are you dumb look  You know.

   Oh  Her gotcha
                     Good for you
Gonna have me a tryst.

Cross your fingers

Takin ED up.

   Ed   Who the hells Ed

Only a year old, should still be potent.

    he was confused thinking Ed   Ed Year old   OH ED 
                                                             Or not  Thad be a kick in the balls
Why wood? Get it?
                     Why would I not take ‘em . . . like being twentyseven again. 
Im not thick
                Twentyseven

Fortyone?

Or whaya are
                She said, What’s it doing?   He said, Give it some time.   She said, Well, wake me if it shows up.

 

Nothin

Nothin
      crickets
1257,  Sunday,  14  8. 22
1412,  Sunday


Help Anne Heche 
                    Too soon.   Is until it isnt

Fasten your seatbelts irritated him 
                                      what he gleamed from conversationsYES he conversed specifically about it   That’s an odd question.   How you feel about it   What’s to feel?   Im irritatedfeel set upon  Its a command   A command? I think it’s a request of you regarding your safety.   Because I need to be told how to conduct myself Im unaware of me   Because it’s law.   Law  Because its money  Its enough to keep me off aircraft except for times when I really have to flywhen I have to submit    Other times you drive, correct? they begin to smilethinking they had something on him   I don wear a seatbelt Yes

Fasten your seatbelt meant different things to different people of course age played into ithe appreciated that

thats the purpose of education indoctrination 
                                                laying that on someone is a whole other can of worms worth discussing
 
people didnt like to think they were indoctrinated lead around by their nose 
                                                                                it was one of his better arguments for extremely liberal education  against stringent curriculum  which also irritated the shit out of him

 

he may have been easily irritated

he found such things didnt bother or upset many 
                                                   but it was his habit to entertain answers to questions in the long runnot tomorrow  in ten years twenty years  what were those ramifications how might they affect people unborn which wasnt a plea against abortion  an assemblage who is not a person until they can draw breath on their own outside of incubators female or otherwise

a vast cottage industry was spawned by American capitalism which differs drastically from others Americas has metastasisedbeen cancerous for decades its insatiable greed its bottomline antisocialHell sociopathic corporations their political bedmates enablers  seatbelts  childrens car seats those contraptions grown from them the auto industry thrall airbags all around determined requisite lifesaving products in case of an accident Which is wha an accident an unexpected event sudden in nature associated with carelessness unawareness ignorance a hostcombination of causes Cause and effect

he usually didnt get that far into his argument

when someone yawned in his face he disconnected 
                                                      when theyve yawned perhaps going to excuse themselves opening their eyes again  hes adios


he was everyone is a product of their environment  of growingup
                                                                    he was not swaddled he was not confined by a seatbelt he learned by making mistakes  indoctrination takes making mistakes out of ones hands 
                                                                                                       Do as you are told.

Oh Big Brother  forgive me for I have sinned

1811,  Saturday,  13  8. 22
1020,  Sunday,  14  8. 22


it was a bullet point on his resume

his interviewer gulped audiblyher eyes bugged

he knew right where she was

Applicable skills

did she want him to explaindid she want to crossexamine his reasoning rationale he thought it above her pay grade gambled shed let him ascendlet someone on the floors above her to vet him tell him No, I’m afraid you haven’t the skill set, not to say that you do not have an impressive resume, but, unfortunately, you haven’t what we’re looking for right now.

she quelled her anxiousnessrecovered quickly 

he was impressed 


she finished his resume

placed the cover letter atop it

   finally lifted her eyes to his

Well

You possess an impressive array of skills, abilities . . have had a . unique . background.

Thank you oozed from his mouth like melted butter  her eyes widened

she cleared her throat

he said Have you anything you might like to ask me for clarification or did it read clearly  I wanted to be very specific

Specific . .  she said absentlyher eyes clouding 
                                                    she shook off the fog  You were specific. No.  I don’t have any questions really.

Neither did the young man Bob who interviewed me this morninghe asked me to waitwanted me to meet with someone evidently you  who was positioned above him

Yes.  I understand. 
                      And I’m going to refer you to someone above me. 
Today

No no.   Can youcould you . . return tomorrow?

Yes  I need a job

standing immediatelyextending her hand he stood too Tomorrow, bright and early, Eight AM?

Ready and rarin he took her handshe had a good grip though it was moist Thank you for your time 

 

he exited the shiny corporate building there were shiny corporate metal sculptures on stone piers on the greengrassy islands between lots 
                       he heard a honk
 
he walked over to the car and got in 
                                       Thanks for picking me upI hope you didnt have to wait long

Nah, no trouble, on my way, not ten minutes.

I appreciate it

You’re welcome. 
                   before starting the car he slipped a bit sideways to look directly at him  Your gambit, it’s working?

Its workin Got me past two entry level associates

They didn’t want to be gatekeepers.

They did not 
               I return tomorrow at Eight

I imagine your expression will be . subtly . . threatening?

I was thinking quirkyabrupt though itll dependent on who  I suspect hebelieve theyll be a he  he may find hes not keen on corporate hierarchy keen to say no to me

You’re crazy.

I need work Im incentivising them

Incentise? That’s a stretch.

Surviving hand to hand combat cleavingcaving in skulls with axes rocks like rotten wood  I have unique skills

1704,  Thursday,  4  8. 22
1218,  Saturday,  13  8. 22
Beatles  Maxwell’s Silver Hammer  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJag19WoAe0

13.8.22


   You he missed her 
                         Youve replaced youyour videos artwork emails text messages letters
Youve replaced yourself

I can live with that

hes had to contend with other losses

he keeps what they left him

there was a bitter difference

they were dead
2013,  Thursday,  4  8. 22
1126,  Saturday,  13  8. 22


Cucumber Slumber reminds me of West Side Story 
                                                         Cool. 
Ah ya dig daddy-o

I dig.

he thought he might not dig was his affectation it fit he was still tailoring his didnt own it quite yet but fingers crossedin time  everything in time 
                  If time runs long enough

Time. You say something?

Ah yacaught me thinkin outloud not a good practise

I should say.

now that was his affectation fit him to a T 
                                               humoured  Yes 
That’s quite a grin.

Had quite a thought

Thought?

I shoudsay

his features bunched should have taken a photo and had it published in The New Oxford American Dictionary for perplexed man could say without saying anif something goes without saying dont 
                                                                 Yamaking fun of me?
Dammit ya blew it It went without sayin

How?

Yare trippin over an interior dialogue The Chicago Manual of Style prefers dialogue to dialog of mine Offerinya an explanation woud only ruin it Ill keep it to myself  Ya cant have itNah cant do that

THAT reminds me of something.

Is time

  It’s something. 
                      No. he shrugged  Can’t . . quite . . . put my finger on it.

Need a little help

absent still working on it

A little help from your friends 
                               oblivious No. Ain’t coming with it. 
HELP

No thanks no thank you. polite little bastard It’ll come to me I prefer it come to me you not say.

Im happy to oblige 
                    But let me know happy to help
     
0933,  Saturday,  13  8. 22
1025,  Saturday 
Beatles  You Can’t Do That  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PK21u7YzmI  With a Little Help From My Friends  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C58ttB2-Qg