14.6.20


a statuesque fiddlehead fern brilliant freshgreen unfurled from the threshold of two huge leadglass front doors up the entrys center to its bowed head which nearly reached the foot of a tenfoot wide staircase   

it was handpainted on the hardwood planked floor serpentine and formed somewhat of a family crest elaborated the pinnate leaves running up either side were actually florid lettering the names of family ancestors 

the gentlewoman who built the house commissioned it

she was the last of the family

it was her imagethe bowed curled head at its top  for which there would be no more of her family


the vibrant exquisite formthis impossible fern  reaching deep into the magnificent hallway  was an affirmation of what the family had achieved and made possible over hundreds of years 


from where he stood at its foot it seemed a living thing
                                                          he believed to the old woman it was


the family had perhaps unfortunately produced abundant female offspring   

the women were strong capable  cerebral
                                             they however attracted less fortunate suitors who were also less capable and terribly more conniving and opportunistic 

it wasnt that they were unattractive women
                                               but more attractive women without means pranced at their edges and provided overt temptations who their suitors blamed and accused when they were found wanting

over the years successive matriarchs who did not abort the children of their ill-fated trysts warned their daughters of the iniquitiesthe travesties they suffered their large hearttheir desperate desire to love and be loved preyed on then only to have their cool reasontheir cooled brows to rightfully deny them an overthrow their affections

the few sons they birthed proved as inferior as their fathers  and those few who made it to age where they could go forth and prosper did not

the family plot was filled with dead young men and old matrons


this lineage at long last was finally at an end

as a young woman the old woman passionately withstood withering assaults that she should marry and breed Am I a mare? she snarled pungently 

Regardless, madam, was their reply You require a male heir.

defiantly she asked A male error? 

No, no, she laughed a cruel laugha sardonic laugh I desire; I deserve love.


that love despite its broadcast and sounding known that love which all those who declared and avowed it
        were found wanting

then past childbirthing
                        the madam took her familys fortune and built a magnificent house with wry humour she called it simply the manse


people fomented
                  they talked about how the old womans wealth would exceed her and sherather than benefit the community – which her family always had -- she was going to spoil herself indulge her whims
                                                                                                   they said she would hide her money in its thick walls hang it in sacks like black bats in its the tall attic or susurratemurmuring buried in its deep dark cellars


the untold reality was at constructions end her vast remaining fortune was converted and placed in an obscure trust to be maintained into the future by vetted female executors whose sole occupation like nuns were to extended its wealth maintain the house and grounds and whenever possible add to the remarkable collections contained within
the manse becoming museum


the last woman standing should finances be failed by societal mismanagement ruin inevitable she was to quit to the houses deepest cellar and light a thin candle held within a simple wired and glass chimney lantern that sat fixed atop a stone cistern longago emptied of its artesian water the estates cold heart 

she was to light the lantern and leave

the executors without fault found the command and the item odd

it remained ever simple inauspicious  untouched in decades


Time is amnesia
                  it had been so longso far removed that no one in several generations had the imagination the last matron did they thought -- gossip accrued and hardened into fact -- the lantern wasnt a peculiar request a faint line-item of a woman perhaps senile and particular mind
                                                        rather  the candle in the crude lantern was romanticised across from it the old woman had a woodcarved bust of herself placed as she also had herself top off the entryways illustrious fern the unlit candle was meant symbolically as her final light a final beeswax sunset to anoint the last matron who oversaw the houses erection



never did a question or comprehension rise to the mindboggling featthe realisation that the slender candle was a wick to a hidden cache a massive fire bomb beneath and worked into its walls that would immolate and raze the entire estate     

0714,  Twosday,  9  6. 20
1121,  Sunday,  13  6. 20

13.6.20



he had two things to rememberhe remembered for when he woke in the morning from dreaming 

he told himself  Remember
                           then he went back to sleep it was not unusual for him to return to a same page or return after a station break or breaks or commercials like heading into the kitchen and returning with a snack sitting down just as the teleplay or sitcom resumes

his resumes might have been vaulted if dreams were more frequently discussed

among in his circlehis Venn diagram its intersections he was the only one who continually brought up or referred to dreams

the others copped out Yeah, no, if I dream, I suppose I do, I must, huh? I don’t remember anything, never do.

he disliked the term never

he sought not to use it


the two things he told himself to remember were waiting for him when he woke

like the sun rising like the sun coming through his uncovered windows

one disturbing   he brings a gun to a fistfight

the second was that for most of the dream it was confined to what he could seethey could see through a square portal which heof the two sometimes they were more didnt believe it was a portal but rather a porthole albeit odd because it was square That’s a window, screwball, not a porthole, a porthole is also called a bull’s-eye or a bull’s-eye window; it’s round, so a porthole can’t be square.

the one with the mouth full of words was the one who brought a gun to a fistfight   he didnt like to fight

who he belittled likely because he had a gun was the one who preferred the square porthole

they tolerated each other


which was apparent because one wasnt dead


the one who wasnt dead was the one who liked to fighthe loved fistfights

he loved them because they were fun

You think they were fun? Why? Weren’t you usually the one who got beatup?

Not all the time

Most of the time.

Only most of the time because when I learned my lessons and began winning the others didnt want to lose Which is to say they didnt want to learn the strategies they inadvertently taught me 
They didnt want to be students of the game

The game of fighting?

The game of fighting or what once was fighting  Now its all about winning Annihilation  Overwhelming force

Which is wh . .
. . Why  you bring a gun to a fistfight

Yes. You say that in a way that I ought to be ashamed of myself.

I happy thats occurred to you

I’m not ashamed.

I said Im happy it occurred to you not that you were

I’m not.

You wouldnt be


About your square porthole.

Yes

You thought of it as a porthole, rather than a por . .
. . Which you thought it might b . .
. . I did. To finish, you’re always interrupting, so abrupt; to finish . .  

I am abrupt

You are, probably helps in fistfights, but as I was saying, to finish my thought, by thinking of it as a porthole, rather than a portal, you gave yourself a chance to manipulate it.

Yes An I think youd agree that that was a good thing

Yes. Yes, I’m afraid so; I’m afraid that I was willing to submit, to let things simply pass by and be lost, be satisfied with what I, we . .
. . No You using I was correct You  You not we

Okay. I was  satisfied  to accept what the portal revealed.

But after it passed you werent really  satisfied

No.  No, I was not satisfied.

Neither was I Which is why I took a chance imagining that it was a porthole that could be manipulated Tilted  Turned So I we could continue to see what passed



However, you are the dreaming-self; I am the dreamed-self.

You could put the gun down and bunch your fist


I could, I could. Maybe if I threw it awa . .
. . So one of the others wouldnt pick it up

To be honest; yes.


You assume the others would be like you But as we know theyre unlike either of us which is why they exist Theyre facets of us  Still though unlike us

And why we call on them?

Im not too sure call is appropriate They certainly muddy the waterseh

They do. It’s nice to have them . . on occasion.

Theyre a gas


If I could ask.

Always

Were the breasts what provoked you to conceive that it was porthole that could be turned to follow them rather than accept it as a static, fixed portal?

You fuckin kiddin me
                      Those breasts were amazing

Yes. And then we got to see every bit of her.

Every bit Sometimes leaving something to the imagination just doesnt cut it

Amen oops.

Ill allow it Ooh dreamed-one dont make a habit of it You can be replaced  Gun or not

0804,  Saturday,  13  6. 20
1123,  Saturday,  13  6. 20
Jefferson Starship  Sunrise  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udr8ET-joZ0


people can think on their feet if they truly want
                                                      though that would take a commitment
and theyre afraid 

rather than embrace realise the morality in the moment evince what is right what is honest what things ought to be and should be
              that they could make happen 

they cant bring themselves to do it they deny it

they play it safe

they believe their nonparticipation will not let the worst befall them 


cowards
           cowards who abjectly prefer to cover their ass

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.”  Lucio   Shakespeares Measure for Measure
                       the fear of failing atychiphobia


who knew that cowardice had such a fancy name

2248,  Thursday,  11  6. 20
1855,  Friday,  12  6. 20
Kacey Musgraves  Blowin'Smoke  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4i8WNoI3M8s

12.6.20


@realDonaldTrump
                    “Congressman @Denver4VA Riggleman is a true CONSERVATIVE leader who has done a great job for Virginia and will support our #MAGA Agenda. He defends our right to bear arms, protect our Borders & help small businesses. Denver has my Total Endorsement!


hmm apparently somethings gone off the rails  if a former employee of Liberty University its former athletics director  Bob Good – not even Robert -- a born-again evangelical Christian – how many times can you be born-again – he didnt knowhe was askingreligion could take it in the ass for all he cared  challenges a man whose considered fault is that he respects and honors his fellow man
                                   its gone off the rails if humanity people  arent served and provided for unless they kowtow to Christ 
1511,  Friday,  12  6. 20
David Bowie  Space Oddity  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PgdZDXg0z0


the crunch of grey dead snowrotting snow underfoot

he disliked walking on its corpse

too cold to melt

once intact now its dragged pushed piled an unrecognisable mix of grey and clots of dirt sod sand and lumped gravel although he did enjoy its resurrection heated by the sun the snow melts runs off then freezes again at night people slip on its ice drop hurt themselves cars spin out crash  it seemed he was the only person who knew that melted dead snow refroze into ice

he knew irrefutablyhad evidence his fellow man was an idiot

that was when he was a boy  

education has worsened

more idiots

it was cold comfort knowing that he couldnt trust anyone other than himself
he didnt even bother to test the water

fool me once that old adage stopped dead right there


at least the rotting snow eventually melted and was absorbed or evaporated it would be refreshed next winter
it goes he hated this bit without saying  men would not




as a boy when snowstorms came in he went out
                                                   he imagined himself walking among log cabins smoking stone chimneys split rail fences large dullshining-from-within white canvas tents  and under the winds brisk breath he heard creeks seizing up with ice caked with snow and the lake they fed its edges moving center freezing snow dusting them snow dying without protest in the black quiet undulating water  

0550,  Twosday,  25  12. 18
0911,  Thursday,  11  6. 20



Ohbrutha it was second time in a couple of days hed authored an Ohbrutha piece

Arkansas senator Tom Cotton who turned his stomach when he first appeared in Washington politickles a lapdogthe epitome of a lapdog  a cocklapping dog ranted on the Senate floor about the Obelisk of Wokeness his renaming of the Washington Monument
                      he whined about the presidents daughter Ivanka her speech cancelled at Wichita State he echoed her shrill accusation Cancel Culture which Cotton fit his mouth around who knew Ivanka had a dick when in fact her speech was made a MENU item not required
Cancel Culture
              evidently the president and Ivankas dicks fit in Cottons mouth which is really nothing any more than a modest sitting-Republican trick
                               had to take his hat off to them he preferred punany and tits

OHBRUTHA! theyre craven political animals which he didnt think were possible in America amoral animals who didnt care about truth or honesty or political lens beyond their own myopic selfinterest selfserving

Cotton was shit had been shit is shit
                                      he wouldnt have expected anything less

1417,  Friday,  12  6. 20 


Major Travis Yates  Tulsa Oklahoma  PIG
                                           remember when cops were called PIGS! hes earned it

apparently he argues according to statistics MORE African-Americans ought to be shot

its hardreally hard to elaborate on that quote
                                              and harder yet to imagine an American president going to Tulsa to deliver a political address on Juneteenth the anniversary of the end of slavery  the anniversary of 19 June 1921 when 300 people died in Tulsa during a race riot most who were Black
     1245,  Friday,  12  6. 20

11.6.20

$115K -- Killed



anallyappeased by the president he smiles perhaps grateful for the fit  Kentuckys cancer just cant do whats right

1647, Thursday,  11  6. 20


a honeyblonde streaked tangerine cool sherbet waft through his vision at least three times he definitely took his eye off the ball to glimpse her and was maddened that he couldnt get an angle on hersee her better
                                                                                                 asif she knew he wasknew exactly when to turn her headher back squat raise her hands to her face like blinders 
                                                                                           her laughter was like music he could listen to allday everyday

fuckin tease 
              or maybe itd happened before  he was in the wrong place at the wrong timeback to back to back to back
it wasnt impossible  
                     itd happened a handful of times before

it bugged him he was gonna have to use two hands


he caught her briefly in profileshe turned her head away what were the odds   Yahoo 50/50

he saw her from behindhe dropped a heavy book on the floor everyone else jumped and turned she didnt what were the odds she was deaf he dated two deaf girls

she was coming up stairshe recognised her hairhe was walking down the flight above her  at least nah she veered when she reached the floor she disappeared into one office or another solid hardwood doors
he even tried to pickup her scent in the air
hed have made a lousy bloodhound

he was stymied

shut down

shut out



sometimes hed be better off just staying in bed


early morning,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  17  10. 18
1304,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  6. 20





he was dreaming a lot
                           making up for lost  uh    dreams
lost Time

he equated dreams and Time
                               when he woke in the morning and beat ass to his daughters bedside if she was awake immediately after their Good morningstheir I love yous shed ask Did you dream, Dad? No baby no dreams Oh, I’m sorry. No  Please dont be sorry Its not on you  In time baby in time



when his moviereel finally spins dry of dreams and he wakes
                                                                  he wakes to discomfort 

seems all his birds were coming home to roosteverything he had broken or cut or split or smashedeverything every lil bit was coming home to roost

if he were a telephone line strung between two posts his wire would stretch down and belly in the dirt which would make his birds very unhappy
                                who would obviously increased his discomfort
a day at a time

he was a jokester

it made perfect sense that his body would fuck with him

1244,  Sunday,  7  6. 20
1224,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  6. 20
Allman Brothers  Whipping Post  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZSNs6H-HDI


whenya take yer eye off the ball it gets away from ya
                                                          as the Stock Market prudently sincerely insists

this is the Federal government Republicans under Drumpfs husbandry  hes too busy demonising BLM liberal POC female reporters rioters cant quit squawking his phony intifa  not demonising police violence – aint allowing euphemisms – not demonizing white racists not declaring systematic racism  disrespecting the novel coronavirus  NO SECOND WAVE  its coming its comingitscoming as sure as he cant take hardball questions

opened too soon
                  then looked away
either eye on the prize or not                                                                                                               
dont get it without work

1336,  Thursday,  11  6. 20
The Chamber Brothers  Time Has Come Today  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIqwzQ7g-Cc
https://www.thenation.com/article/society/tom-cotton-new-york-times/


Jenna Ellis selfdescribed evangelical conservative Trump attorney quaffed the Kool-Aid assailed coloured and female White House reporters for asking “stupid questions” of the president which evidently hurt his feelings and made him run away from the podium later he hid behind her skirt  

she also mocked Dr.Fauci saying shed trust local weather forecasts more than the nations leading (one of the worlds leading) infectious disease expert
                                   she does have God to heal her there is that

Ellis refuses to comment on what counsel she provides the crybaby rather she says her conversations with him are confidential
              the Republican varietal I can’t breathe  which when they say it sounds like I can’t speak negatively about the president.

10.6.20


he wasnt often awakened from his sleep by dreaming  

usually the culprit is having to take a leakshouldnt have drank all that tea before bed

he wasnt usually awakened by dreams because he could manipulate hisif he wanted  rather than act in themwitness them and also react between being the witness and the actor conferees

hed been doing it for so long he took it for granted

sex dreams were a kickhe could be on the bottom he could be the aggressor and take it anywhere he wanted or he could be taken anywhere she wanted  or they wanted hed had orgy dreams where more than half the partners were him male and female
                       he woke from those exhausted and usually napped the following afternoon
but he didnt wake up during sex dreams 
                                           no coitus interruptus and no onehimself included ever got knocked up
often the bummer of sex Youre wha Awman  not Amen


his daughter had been waking him up as she did when she was a little girl Daddy. I have to go potty. You can go pottyhoney Youre a big girl  Yes. But would you take me, please?

he got up out of bed and took her every time she ever asked him

standing in the bathroomunder the coloured nightlife he watched her pee her little heart out or they talked and talked  antalked

Baby I thought you had to go potty

I do. I do.  I will.

Some time  tonight

You’re funny, Daddy. Yes. Tonight.

no matter how quickly or how long it took he was going to be there
                                                                       because
a time would come when she wouldnt wake himwhen she go to potty by herself when she was a big girl and hed miss her waking him

You’re the best Dad.



she died

he wakes from his dreams when either his dreamed-self or his dreaming-self remembers she did remembers the gift of being with her the last three months she was alive caring for her

she believed she could beat her illness

he stuffed his reality and convinced himself that she could too

he would be reeling that she died

they didnt believe she would


curiously he woke last nightthis morningthe sun wasnt up yet his bedroom windows face east he didnt hang blinds or curtains to hide it

what woke him was his dreamed-self berating someone who had given him a tablet to read  he was very direct he was evidently upset with the writer  the writer handed him the tablet 

Are you hiding from somethingfrom someone he demanded My Gawd the script Its so smallits timid The ink is faintits blue  Why as he read  WHY are you uncommittedwhy are you vacillating  Commit   JUST COMMIT 

the writer his dreaming-self recognised was backing away from his dreamed-self as his dreamed-self read and spoke  

he threw the tablet at the retreating writer

he was wakinghe was hypnagogic he heard the pages flutter as he threw the paper tablet My Gawdman he was incensed his dreaming-self stood as a mute witness That was exactly a pomegranate filled with shriveled arid fruit  seeds like stale raisins Colourless


he was awake

his dreamed-self wasnt harsh

harsh is hard for him to determine because he is severe

0702 & 1044,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  6. 20
Doris Day  Dream a Little Dream of Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7j8wa9sWOE