0811, Monday,
27 1. 20
27.1.20
he
was out of time
not out of time
in the sense LA County fire chief Daryl Osby said . . . Unfortunately all the survivors (of
the helicopter crash that killed former Lakers star Kobe Bryant) were
determined to have perished.
if one perished
they didnt survive
he
wasnt out of time in that sense
the
clock hadnt run out on him
he
was out of time in the sense that time wasnt influencing himit hadnt a
stranglehold on him to do somethingbe somewhere
it had no demands least not
that he recognised
rather it ranit bled out without any importance to
him
What
time is it?
I havent
a clue
I
asked you what time it was.
Not
only dont I have any idea he held up both his fists before his face Yasee a watch on
these wristsYadont Dont ask again
had
a whispera breath come out of his mouth hedve brained him
he
didnt ask again
that
was real smart of him
because currently
he lacked any redeeming social skills or want to interact with another soul
he
didnt approach anyone
he gave everyone a wide berth
he
thought that was plentyhe was obvious he
was discretely magnanimous
one
would have to be blind not to see that he wasnt up to integrating being a
part of things
he was out of time
he
wouldnt recommend it to anyone
nor would he want anyone to have to endure what he was enduring
though
that was probably patently untrue there are
too many people and too many places odds
were that thousands were enduring a similar crisis
he
was terribly sorry
they
had his sincerest sympathy
he
almost thought hed bump into someone in the dark ether they inhabited but then maybe they were in distinct
bubblesshrouds that were charged alike and therefore quietly compassionately repelled each other
spared
them
he
needed some sparing
he
needed to be left alone
1620, Sunday, 26 1.
20
1957, Sunday,
26 1. 20
Black
Pumas Colors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0G383538qzQ
26.1.20
he wondered what he might
wroite if he was unprompted
he had nothing in particular to say
an unsounded bell the Tao that can be told is not the eternal
Tao the name that can be named is not the name of the eternal namethe nameless
is the beginning of heaven and earth
the named is the mother of ten thousand things
he had bupkis
it was latelate at night
he had a stiff neck
he was running on three hours of
sleepno dreams unreplenished sand in
his eyes a real sad sack
he couldnt say what he had left
however every dry sponge can be squeezed hard and found
to retain a single cell a hlao courtesy
of Watership Down a cell resistant enough so to extract a bit of moisture or memory a tenacious stale pocket wherein resides
the makingsthe genesis of a possible oasis
an Eden a continent named
Africa Humankinds cradle
despite
certain white humanunkinds who try their ignorant level best to deny an debase the black Eve the Mother of all human beings
secretly
he hoped there others mothers
by some black magic Liliths
to
alleviatesubvert his lazy concern regarding incest
because without Liliths human breeds
were incestuous
that said he never found his sisters sexually attractive
as the eldest child he changed
scores and scores of their cloth diapers fed them burped them indulged them bathed them
No there wasnt anything sexually attractive
about them
he never suffered that perverted
snail winding in his brain
cell squeezed
an innarestin daub of
thought-forgotten moisture
he was tired
he was turning in
into what?
2156, Day-between-Two-Ts, 22 1.
20
1147, Sunday,
26 1. 20
Lao Tsu Tao Te Ching
25.1.20
he was a hardboiled eggtoo long
in hot water
“. . . kind of a
tonic . . . no matter how long you live there aren’t too many really delicious
moments along the way, since most of life is spent eating and sleeping and
waiting for something to happen that never does.”
why ohwhy hadnt he eaten the egg raw
taken it straight from the henyanked
from her clutches
enjoy the consistency of its true
nature
he thought things raw – in their
true statetrue presentation to the world -- was the best
kinda like a freshscrubbed woman naked without being bundled in clothestrashed by
makeup doneup in lipstick eyeliner
brushedblushed and scented
asif scrubbed au naturel couldnt bring a guy around
she aint supposed to be neon plugged in flickering electric plasma
anif thats what it takes to bring
a man around like a moth he aint worth having GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL Notice to all hardheaded
women and he thought NOT WORTH HAVING was because a
guy doesnt choose – not really – the choice is always a womans
it was too bad so many women thought
so little of themselves or Decide (-cided: deicide suicide homicide) to Settle
even if there are more women than men
perhaps the next phase of womans
evolution will be like that of those species who change their sex when males
are lacking insufficient thereby allowing the species to thrive either as sequential hermaphroditism or
gender fluidity
Humankind depends on women not Neanderthals who beat their chests or seeking balance have to drop
to their knuckles in order to stablise themselves and make gorilla sounds https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWmZHrWSXkU
1010, Thursday,
19 9. 19
1534, Friday,
6 12. 19
Elliott Chaze Black Wings Has My Angel
6.12.19
Ah the books passage reminded him of her Katie
“She made a pretty show of looking through her purse for something,
pouting, the way a woman with a good mouth can pout.”
he trembled inside hoped he didnt betray himself
the first time he saw her pout
he usually didnt pay particular attention
to a womans mouth
everyone has a mouth
but maybe because
he was standing up close to hertaller than she and the pout came across her mouth subtly softly he wanted to kiss her right then and therefeel the ridge of her pout against
his lipsfeel it melt under his mouth like sucking a hard butterscotch candy
a reckless submission
he didnt kiss her then
he told her not to dismay he had put up
her purchase knowing what she wanted so whenever
she came in shed have it
she hugged him his cock moved
she buried her face in his chest I like
you so much
it was delectably innocent
she looked up into his face My boyfriend doesn’t like that I like you.
Your boyfriend doesnt tell you
what you like or dont likedo or dont do does he
He tries. But no, he’s my boyfriend.
I’m all me.
still in his armsstill in their embrace she was all herhe
felt himself growing
she
felt him growing Oh. You like me too.
she smiled largely fondly We should do something about you and I, shouldn’t
we?
I wouldnt have thought youd think
so
Maybe you haven’t thought so
because I’ve always come in with him. I’m
not with him tonight; obviously.
he smiled down into her face
her lips came out of their
pout
he raised his hand to her mouth
and slowly ran his thumb across her upper lip her lower lip You have a beautiful mouth Katie
he
felt something move inside her
her breath rose
It’s getting hot in
here.
Yes
What shall we do?
What would you like to do
she stepped back out of his arms he wasnt holding her tight despite wanting
to
she looked up into his face
a beautiful smile ran across her lips
I don’t think I’d put you off.
Likely not
her smile brightenedher eyes
sparkled mischieviously
she stepped into his arms again I’d like to do you. he grew hard against her belly
Yes rose huskily from his throat
Come over tonight? I’ll give you
my address.
Yes
what he understood about redheads
but never experienced because he usually didnt find redheads attractive Katie was the exception it turned out to be true
they didnt leave one rock
unturned
1318, Friday,
6 12. 19
I wouldn’t bet on it.
he didnt like the haughtinessthe
subtle sneer on his face that pushed waterhumped it like a big fish swimming
just beneath the surface the swell
distortingrefracting the sunlight playing off it
the moak
seemed as unaware of his sneer as the fish would be unaware
childishly he couldnt help himself he mimicked I wouldnt bet on it
the sneer came on full aware the fishs back broke the surface No. I
wouldn’t.
disdain has to be met with
disdain
which follows a
natural course as natural as ebb and flow as respect is met with respect or
violence is met with violence or sooner if he saw it
coming
Ah But youre not me and then with a slight Elvis snarl showing canine Are you
* * *
the canine slipped back under his
lip leaving his counter to decide if or not he wanted to acknowledge the tooth
nuanced
a quiet facial expression
to read someone is pure nuance
meaning the moak had to decide whether he intended violence
or rather he was feigning it
he put the ball in moaks court
now he watched to see how he
played it
since the intent the I wouldn’t bet on it was his
the sneer melted away
maybe he called his bluff
or he was feigning
Christ he loved this gamehe may
have been better at it than he thought he
didnt like to think he
reacted to his nature he reacted
understanding that he was responsible for his actions he was utterly comfortable with whatever
the consequences might be
once you accept thatknow
that everything flows and follows as should
be
is as should be Fate?
nah not really
more like an equation
like math
variables to an equation = an
outcome a particular answer that particular “fate”
if handfuls of broken rock were strewn
on the ground and he tossed a small red
rubber ball onto the rocks
where it ends up
how it got there
is “fate”
smaller rocks
same ball
toss
the difference is in the variables
another “fate”
nothing is a sure bet
thats why you play the game
an as he thought – he was getting
good at it
he certainly had scars to
prove it
he was generously provisioned
right scars
wrong scars
so far they had healed
more importantly
they healed before the next game
he was a quick healer
he remembered what he had to – tapped
it as second nature – his pain informed his memory
pain the simplest reminder of Now Being in the moment
“Stay with me. Stay with me.” pain says the seducer
then with the recognition a wry smile and smilingpeeling its fingers
off his armknocking its hand away from his chest Gotta go
“No. Stay with me.”
hes beyond its moment Gotta go
the
last talon slipped away
* * *
he watched moak watching his
canine sliphide behind his lip And so
So?
Where we at
I asked you Are you
Are you
0847, Twosday,
12 11. 19
1149, Reggae Friday, 6 12.
19
Savoy Brown Ain’t No Need to Worry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQ5zX5gdhK4
5.12.19
his daughter looked over his
right shoulder between the machinery
that was enabling herenabling her to defeatreverse her illness
no one ever had
but if someone could
it would be her
to use her words
she was a Badass
she was
she threw dives in college
that only men threw but her coach held
her back she didnt want her to be the
first woman to challenge mens diving
her coach said she wasnt prominent
enoughwell known enough
Fuck prominence he told her If she has the athleticism to put the dive in the water let her
her coachs credibility would be
on the line
it was politicssome ridiculous etiquette
but somebody had to hold politics downmuzzle it
he told his daughter to throw her dives
up on the board tell the judges the change in dives one at a time
up on the board tell the judges the change in dives one at a time
she told him thats not how it
works
Fuck the Works he said
I love you, Dad; I love your
unbridled enthusiasm, but there are rules . .
. . Rules are made to be broken baby
she smiled lovingly as she always smiled at him Oh, Dad, if I could only inhabit your world.
Step in baby Just know what you can do and do itdont wait on the Establishment theyre always a day late a dollar shortthey lack imagination Establishment is bound to reticence to the mundane Blow it up!
she didnt reverse her coach
she was a good soldier
hed never be a soldier
she looked over his shoulder at
the outside
a Meyer lemon tree a warrior a species almost entirely eradicated
prior to World War II replaced by a fauxmore
sour lemon todays lemon a tall bottlebrush
plant behind it
hummingbirds worked the
bottlebrush plant
it was delicious to watch their sudden
flits their immediatenecessary satiation
his hummers back home took plastic
roosts satiated themselves without having
to expend vital energyenergy that taxed them at 1400 heartbeats per minute on
wing verse 400 restingverse 40 heartbeats per minute when they went into stupor
overnight
she watched out the window intently
her disconnected watching reminded
him of his youngest granddaughterhis daughters daughter
she often stared off into the
distance
like a sleepwalker you didnt interrupt them you could curb themgently but you didnt waken them
eventually her gaze returned
Where did you go
What, Grampa?
Whered you go baby
Huh?
You didnt acknowledge meyou were
staring off
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.
she never did
she never acknowledged she wasnt present
as
now his daughter wouldnt acknowledge her
departure
she didnt have to
where she went to step aside of her existential malady was
good with him
he sidestepped his often
it was a survival technique
he wanted more than his own life
for her to survive
if he couldbut he couldnt hed take her genetics and throw himself into
the blazing fire that would free her and incinerate him
Life doesnt give you that option
that option is fantasy
fantasies are unreal
no matter how hard you wish them
into being
his daughters external lifeoutside
her home was limited to a Meyer lemon tree bottlebrush plants and hummingbirds
she took their comfort
she seemed content
for that
moment
the rest of her time was consumed
defeating her illnessto become the first person to have rendered it mute rendered its remission
she looked to him for that
strength
hed overcome Graves
hed overcome a pronounced rheumatoid
arthritis Doc you dont know what youre talking about
she took comfort in him
overthrowing doctors who he fashioned in his mind as employees to
hire to fire
doctors didnt see themselves in that light
Pity
entitlement
assumed Authority
HA
his body was his Authority
he welcomed doctors opinions
they were only opinions
he was his own Authority
he didnt betray himself
his daughter didnt either
the applethe acorn didnt fall far
from the tree
but
maybe she was wrong to assume
his past medical deliberations
she wasnt him
as much
as he wanted her to be or she wanted to be
she was his bloodline
she was also her mothers bloodline and she was affected by it
there wasnt a thing he could do
except to never have had children
with her mother water
under the bridge
the window was an entrance
hed be naïve not to imagine it an
exit
1324, Thursday,
5 12. 19
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meyer_lemon:
“By the mid-1940s, the Meyer lemon had
become widely grown in California. However, at that time it was discovered that a majority of
the Meyer lemon trees being cloned were symptomless carriers of the Citrus tristeza
virus, a virus which had killed millions of citrus trees all over
the world and rendered other millions useless for production. After
this finding, most of the Meyer lemon trees in the United States were destroyed
to save other citrus trees.”
Peter, Paul and Mary Too Much of Nothing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFMloclgai0
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