AwChrist you kiddin me Com outcom out  I can see you plain as day 

                                                                          looking down the face of the heavy security screen door he could see the quiet tarantula obscured under it  three of its hairy legs were apparent on this side of the door four others on the opposite side through the hard black metal sieve

it wasnt budging

he wouldntve

he remembered the neighbourhood kids crying much the same Come out come out  You win  We give up we cant find you  Come out come out

if they couldnt find him why would he out the best hiding place in the neighbourhoodhe wouldnt

they called and called and called and wandered around beneath him YOU WIN! COME OUT COME OUT!

he didnt budge

night fell

he heard his old man whistleheard him call Time to come in, Joe! they were usually the first kids in the neighbourhood to retire he was going to cross his old man the kids were still hanging around watching for him

then one by one their parents called them in and he watched them reluctantly go inside

he saw them linger on their front porchesharassed by the parents then finally concede

his old man wasnt going to call for him again

he crossed him

he was going to be punished

and he had no trouble with that

he wouldnt defend himself I didnt hear you call me

Was that lying Sure

Would his old man question him if he did No

his old mans punishment didnt tarry or seek explanations

it worked for them

secure that all the kids were inside he climbed down out of tree on the Chesneys front lawn

I can see you tarantula  Hello

it remained crouched under the heavy screen door

he was going to have to call his bluff

slowly he opened the door outward Hello friend This aint a good place for you to hide You werent hidden  Not from me Im a waryobservant motherfucker

it crouched deeper And that aint helping your cause Comhere he said as he squatted he laid his hand flat to the entry tile palm up and with his other hand he cajoled it to come forwardnot retreat out of doors

slowly laboriously it slugged it way onto his open hand

he was allergic to tarantula venom

if the arachnid chose it could put him into a world of hurt

                                                            but he was kind to them he considered the time he spent gathering tarantulas off the road in the hills taking them out of harms hopeful those would play to his advantage tarantulas and black widows scorpions they were earthlings and worth saving from the inane violence of people speeding along their way disregarding other living things Stupid. Thats how they defended themselves Theyre the ones who ought to be crawling across road to get to the other sidethe higher ground as the rains were coming  Dumb beasts

they were the dumb beasts they had laws to protect them  if it were up to him theyd be cascading tumbling caterwauling in the Fantastic and VOID looking for the next gig to drop into their senselessness their due

he stood up holding the tarantula working his other hand into mix to keep the tarantula circulating hand to hand gently as he went outdoors  he took it into the yard into the grass away from the house his humanity loved it he couldnt speak for other humanities or if those humanities might extend a helping hand to a formidable hairy earthling

he liked to think they would

ultimately only he was responsible for his actions    

1436,  Twosday,  12  3. 19

1036,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  3. 19

Isley Brothers  Fight the Power  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBwqj8ADw34

Gottabefuckinkiddinme the words slurredheaved out of his mouth breathlessly as he gaspedtried to recover from his big tom jumping off the bureau above him onto his gut as he slept Wha da fucks da matter wid chu  

indie didnt pausedhe sauntered off the foot of the bed landing heavily on the carpeted floor anywhere he went he went heavily

Auw fuck he groanedeyes closedrunning an internal diagnosticsrunning his hand across his belly  he was alright  he was silently gratefulhe didnt dare let that into atmosphere indie hadnt jumped on his nuts no sense given him ideas Fuckin cat he groaned  hes gotta eat when he wants to eat

to be fair  he knew he was pushing it 

                                         the sun splashed the bedroom through the uncurtained windows even sleeping he was aware his dreams were highlightedwhitewashed subtly brightened daubed with an soft amber patina but he tried hard not to waketried hard because the governess or whoever she waswhatever she was seemed pregnantseemed to promise him wisdom wished to impart something he assumed was vital  he purposefullyskillfully pushed out his dreaming to accept this sense that she had something for him a clutch of wisdom and hed be utterly stupid not to stick around to receive it so he lingeredhe lingered in the clutches of sleep an sleeplessness to have it

then indie stomped him while he bided his time                    

                                                  and at once his usual chorus chimed in he couldnt muster the Sirens over them had he tried despite their reinsthe ropes he held in either hand to yank and cinch to make his escape an ugly affair a chaffed and ropeburned thing  him leaning and pushing against them yearning for their unrelenting serpentine coils  

      no his usual chorus unfortunately besting him a comedicnot that they meant to be no since he was a boy they had been inculcated in black an white a prepubescent Dorothy awash in her wisdom There’s no place like home There’s no place like home and over her imagemerged with it an overlay of the blubbering Cowardly Lion I do believe in spooks I do I do I do believe in spooks and overlayed and merged by the Scarecrows If I only had a brain and overlayed and merged by the Tin Mans If I only had a heart  the four softly folded in a mixing bowl by the artful hand of a master baker folding  folding   folded  

                                   and now that they were in his way and he was lost to the kernel of wisdom he felthe was assured was meant to be his

0950,  Twosday,  12  3. 19

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cWKkjTzukM ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8lXfAPf4Vc ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nauLgZISozs ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aE-nMS9Mnk

he wasnt upset or concerned when his dreaming roughly pulled a hood over his head from behind an told him to Shaddup Be quiet an later abruptly yanked it off his head to reveal where he was

                                                                                         which was useless

because he never knew where he was

he wouldnt be unappreciative

a hitchhiker doesnt get to bellyache about where the door opens an they are let out 

itd been a free ride 

                     ifn he cried about a free ride beating out the elements via the kindness of a stranger
hed be a piece of shit

who wants to be a piece of shit

he was pushed out birthed into an unconsciousness he was aware he was dreaming a queer turning a counter-clockwise turning a crimped threedimensional tape rising up out of a marbled red iron and blue wet earth segmented like a fat earthworm up an up an up between a hardedged structure than seemed a kind of derrick up an up  an  up   the crimps worried him they seemed at the edge of blowing out an whatever its contents they would be gushed out an irretrievably lost  that whatwhatever was inside it was insubstantial an though insubstantial critical  a feral knowledge  knowledge is never easily maintained often it is tampered withperverted  utilised  propagandised  an this uprisingthis fat wiggling was threatening 
                                             a tower of Babel

because he was unconscious he had the ability to grasp this wily thing as if it were a serpent he grabbed it by the neck just behind its head where it couldnt ratchet around an bite him he handled enough venomous snakes to keep himself safe keep them safe its muscular coiling around his arm satisfied him like a submissive woman held by the throat 

he vanquished the strange segmented threedimensional tape whirling up between the strictures of the derrick an replaced it on an on an on with trios of rough cratestacky crates filled with religious texts an paraphernalia tenaciously adhering to each other letters were worried into them either heavenly or luminary or branded their stenciled skins implied an adjutant ownership they did not worry him these inviolate crates had companions  golden females  conjoined lionessesserpents  Medusas

he covered his eyes fearing their power
                                          but before covering them he was aware of sparse shabby pilgrims who also congregated grey an ill covered in ash an filth  they seemed to be waiting on himwaiting for him to restore them

he had no sympathy for them

sick he had no humanity for them  

no compassion

their presence was a minimal secondary aspect he was more interested in bonding the teeming replacement crates with the glue of sweat an sex

that he could do 

they seemed to fall within his feral capacity

0643 & 0647 & 0704,  Friday,  8  3. 19

1339,  Monday,  11  3. 19

did anyonedoes anyone think aside from himself that Boeing might consider ordering a recall of its 737 Max 8 aircraft 

two of its aircraft have dropped out of the sky inside of six months inside of two years of deployment killing 346 innocent people 

        yacant put those numbers on par with people killed in the United States by police not to be stupid about it gotta figurin in suicide-by-police  yet Boeing has an unmitigated obligation 

YES  Boeing can artfully manipulate and distance itself  publicly announce theyre not responsible for maintaining their products once theyre sold   

I mean  theyre not Hyundais or Kias bursting into flames

                                                             but the celebrated “workhorse of the world” Boeing 737s – the older 737s – their Max 8s shouldnt be dropping out of the sky like birdshit

somebodysome country ought to make Boeing step up to the plate

they may think theyre too big

no companys too big

1618,  Sunday,  10  3. 19 

https://apnews.com/537d562d9fd94cbd86e708dbb2ed3a55

https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/10/africa/ethiopian-airlines-crash-boeing-max-8-intl/index.html

he went down the ramp onto the 101 off San Anselmo which would always reminded him of Hemingways From Whom the Bell Tolls  he was comforted whenever he drove on it

halfway down the ramp overlooking traffic north for at least a mile he saw a mile of red taillights braked in both lanes 

he said Somebody better be dead  a knee-jerk reaction

it had bothered his wife when she overheard him

it bothered his daughters when they overheard him

Christ Dad  somebody better be dead   What a horrible thing to say

he doubled down If somebodys making me sit in this traffic they better be dead

MyGod If Mom heard you say that they said

MyGod If your children heard you speak like that his wife said

there was no if about it theyd hear he wasnt apologising

they didnt know him when he lived in Chicago and drove a furniture delivery truck on the Kennedy Interstate 90 Interstates 94 and 190 the Dan Ryan the Eisenhower 

thats where the words came from

and more often than not they were true

there was plenty of blood on the road

he often drove across rivulets of blood

it sounded like he was going over sticky tar

bodies were big bags of blood that were punctured by steering wheels or heads were broken by windshields or blood seeped out of meaty things which he had no idea what they werewhat he was looking at        

he lived in the sticks

he and his wife sought to live there

living in the sticks meant he shouldnt have to contend with traffic let alone traffic at a standstill in a pounding rain

he lived in the sticks so he didnt have to say

                                                Somebody better be dead

1740,  Saturday,  9  3. 19

0133,  Sunday,  10  3. 19

if the rain wasnt bad enoughmaking him late for work people were behind the wheel at their cellfones  bluelights bathed the inside of their windshields and because they could do no more than idle forward they neglected to watch where theyre goinghorns BARKed they were shockedsurprised they had wandered across dividing lines  idling people were in no mood of giving way he could smell the angst through his cracked window above the belching gray exhaust streaming from tailpipes on sunny days you never see that shit its there nonetheless

he made a bet with himself

                             itd probably take him fortyfive minutes FUCK! fifty minutesfifty minutes to drive the eight miles he had to go to get to work fifty minutes of his life sitting on his ass inside a car in the rain

he had half a mind to play with his dick

he left several car lengths ahead of himself between him and the vehicle he trailed

it always was too much for some wisenheimer in the lefthand lane figuring theyd lurch hard right into his lane and make up a cars lengthmebbe two lengths ahead of where they were evidently trying to dissuade themselves that they werent a rat in a cage FUCK YOU Pick up your hard cheese an eat it 

in the ten-minute-not-a-half-mile idle four cars lurched in front of him  two pickups two sedans  all late models 

only the last peeved him

there was no difference between the four except the last had an In Loving Memory decal centered low on their rear windshield

he didnt bother to read in whos memoryhe was pretty fucking sure the departed wasnt clever enough to have submitted in their Last Will and Testament an ardent desire to be remembered via a decal on their loved ones vehicles their names emblazoned their birth and death dates configured the decal amended by happy angel wings Celtic crosses upturned praying hands cowboys boots Marine insigna BROTHER horseshoes if it were he hed have widespread soles of a womans shoes pointing up an separated by a mans soles pointing down between hers 

the decals were about as attractive as a tramp stamp What nonsense whawere they thinking sold a bill of goods  It has erotic appeal! its as erotic as toilet paper stuck to the bottom of ones shoe or the misfortune of a skirt tucked up inside ones pantyhose

in order to dampen his ire he left approximately four car lengths between him and it  the decal lost in the silver of the rain and the wash of exhaust  a mirage   a mindfuck

where theres a will theres a way

maybe he would play with his dick

1746,  Saturday,  9  3. 19

1228,  Sunday,  10  3. 19

Smashing Pumpkins  Rat in the Cage  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8BjKQkym8w

A boy and his dreaming self

So  if you got a moment . . 

. . A moment

I dont have moments you have moments  

You got a moment

You seem testy

Ya bet testy Idve thought ya exhausted all your moments last week

Come on Lets not be ridiculous

Ridiculous Aint pulling no punches are ya Forget ya attract more flies with honey

No I havent Ive  Me  Ive always held our relationship wasnt juvenile

Oh my listen to ya  Ridiculous Juvenile  Whaelse ya got yaseem hellbent on painting the town this morning

Wha a fuckin pain in my ass

Ohgood Youre feeling my pain

Widda smart mouth snide mouth Must really be feelin yer oats feelin pretty damn clever

Youre mistaken  I appreciate your efforts flipping the programming  I really do

Ya appreciate it  Some people would say thank . .

. . I hadnt finished . .

. . I was saying 
Ya ought to let me say sometimes

Some people would say thank you 

I know ya havent forgotten ya threatened to kneecap me if I didnt

I threatened because you had opportunity to back off  You were pushing my buttons you knew it  Dont insult our intelligence that you didnt know you were  Or that you dont know youre at it again

Youre badgering me  Quit

Cant seem to make ya happy can I

I would disagree This is the first time in my life Ive had to engage youtake you to task When youd go missing for weeks I didnt bitch I didnt come around lookin for you  When you were mundaneuninspired I didnt complain  You always seemed to find your legs  Your silent dreams were spectacular the text dreams phenomenal  Dreaming in black and white cartoons  breathtaking  awesome  You never lacked for creating inspired dreams  Not ever

Thank you

Youre welcome Thank you

So whas got yer panties in a bunch

Dont

Donwha

he sighed Were not stupid you an I me an you Why be passive aggressive asif you gotta get up on me for takin you down a peg 

You know I keep my house in order

Why harrass me

Harrass Theres only one r in harass

There is However I use two when its my intention to harrass I wouldnt waste it on an uninitiated  You know me better than that

So what Whacha cryin bout now  this week

Cryin bout your badgerin me You aint never done that before This morning three times in twentyone minutes You know I dont forget our dreams You dont have to wake me to record them

Yadid record them

I did

Maybe ya wouldnt have if I didnt keep on ya

Like I wouldnt remember erecting a tower of Babel out of crates of jabbering texts in forgotten tongues Really
You fuckin thick

You forget were we

Clown It occurs to you it occurs to me  Im fuckin Johnny Appleseed I collect the seeds scatter them on your fertile body

I dont do what I do we dont get to do what we do

I think you can trust me

So please quit bitchin

What we share is critical If we didnt have what we have I wouldnt be so keenso ridiculously happy being alive

Yave never said before

I thought our wiredness would relate that to you  Communicate it unsaid

I suppose Im like a girl in a way I like to hear it

Okay girlie  Im also keen to accept I have a ripe feminine side  If we didnt have what we have I wouldnt be so keenso ridiculously happy remaining alive

Thank you

Thank you

0543, 0547, 0604,  Friday,  8  3. 19

1410,  Saturday,  9  3. 19

Jeanie Greene  Sure as Sin  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-TkoX5ZFf4

the only thing that matters is how youre doing  and how you might get stopped

behind these words were images of houses razed  knocked down  burnt  before the fires were set mobs pillaged their contents 

          if he looked at the foreground of these images he would see bodies of men women and children  they had been brutalised  bound with rope cotton clothesline barbed wire or chains 

he couldnt fault them for trying to protect what was theirs

he didnt want to see

he needed a break

                    honestly

they were going to have to quit meeting like this

it wasnt good for his health not mentally or physically

he could be honest with him

                              he was he

his dreams were unrelenting

he supposed he was at fault  he announced long ago that he didnt have or suffer nightmares frightdreams bad dreams a dream was a dream was a dream why label them

he should have anticipated he was asking for troubletempting fate

he could hear his argument Whaya bitchin bout Ya said a dream is a dream  Content didnt mess with ya

Yahwell shit  I didnt think yad go rogue cutthroat bloodthirsty didnt think yad settle on a theme Whars yer sense of humour whimsicalness  yer fantastic nonsensical dreams  the erotic dreams

Its been weeks of shit

Weeks of dire  Nonstop direrrhea

Ifn yacant toss a switchthrow me a bone fuckin stop visitin 

I mean it

A dreams a dreams a dream

Cuntess Dont beat me up with my words I spoke them in a different environmentdifferent atmosphere An theyre beyond my control 

Its bad enough they have to victimise me without youME victimising myself

I aint a zealot a cutter a masochist I take pain when I must but I dont go lookin for it And you shouldnt be bringing it to my doorstep like a burlap sack of newborn puppies with their throats cut to see if I can save one of the litter 

Because I couldnt

                    Because they were all deadbledout when you knotted the sack and dropped it off

Shame on you

SHAME ON YOU

Yah fuck Shame on us

Do me a favour Stop STOP  If I got to Ill cut you off at the knees

Whos violent now

Who predisposed me to this violence . . 

. . You . .

. . Me? Fuck you! Us

An now Ive served you warning

Do not fuck with me

Weve woven years together unacrimoniously

I asking you to improve our programming Thats all

I know you can

I know you can be the better manweve been the better man in the past

Fuck this nonsense

Its essential to be aware

But its shitstain shouldnt colour our playtime Take a breath Dont answer me nowIm not asking for that Think about it

Think about it  

You mean change it up

Yes If anyone understands my predilection to violence you do  Get off my back

Ill get off yours

Ill think about it

Good Dont be stupid  the only thing that matters is how youre doing  and how you might get stopped

        

0514,  Sunday,  3  3. 19

1406,  Friday,  8  3. 19