things didnt creep him out often 

                                but that rabbit loping down the hill did  zigzagging through the tall browned grass and weeds seemingly towards him as he walked below it on a graveled road  a road somehow given a name

not a quartermile long a hiccup  a dash on local maps  

hearing a queer sound first he stoppedturning left to see if he could see what he heard

                                                                                         and startled by its appearance he backpedaledscattering stones with his heels and crossed to the far side of the road large quarried stones laid there forming an irregular broken curb beyond them the hillside fell away steeper to a motley chainlinked fence that was probably erected by the community only after several people tumbled and flipped off the chalk cliff below

the rabbit continued its deliberate descent

sticks stuck out of its fur asif a rude bush grew from inside it out on the ends of the crooked tines grew small darkred husked fruit  they reminded him of anglerfishs lures

this rabbit perhaps wasnt a herbivore 

                                      perhaps it wasnt loping downhill just to get to the graded road for the least strenuous descent

it still had a good third of the hillside to negotiate before making the gravel where he stoodnot that he stood there any longer 

he walked down the road warily listening glancing back as the rabbit ceased its switchbacks to descend now on a long angle to an emergent point where the hill was cut away and the foundation of a retaining wall began in steps constructed taller and taller

                            it was there that the gravel road ceased and a groomed concrete easement began which provided access to business buildings loading docks and parking on either side of the road which ended abruptly emptying onto an artery that provided access west to the highway that bisected the town and east to the railroad

he could hear the blarethe commotion of traffic cars and trucks resonate off its slick surface  he could almost hear the rapid tick tick tick of the rabbits toenails on the pavement behind him the shake of its sticks the occasional drop and dizzyroll of husked fruit 

                        but he was nearly across the throughroad at the sidewalk on its other side when to his left he heard a car gun its engine and accelerate from inside it young men were hollering  he looked  they had seen the rabbit on the street behind him 

he turned in time to watch as the rabbit tried to retreatas the car veered  it struck the rabbitwent over top of it but in following the rabbits tack and retreat the driver didnt brake in time and rammed into the rear of a parked commercial van

the old sedan collapsed its body-on-frame and it accepted the bulk of the damage  like a large plastic carbonfibre aluminum airbag

as the kid backed the sedan off the ruin of the van he could see over its broken nose that the rabbit had dragged itself onto the apron of the ascending road it followed him down bleeding out 

                                                                        a suddengeyser steamed out from under the sedans hood its radiator rupturing and over its howl he heard cries from inside the car GO GO  GET OUT OF HERE  

the sedan lurchedlurched  and lurched in a hobbled reverse it bleeding out  GO! GO!

then he saw why they screamed off the hill came a swarm of sticktined rabbits the sedans last lurch was simultaneous to the mangled rabbits last gasp and spasmand as the kids emptied outthree doors flung widethey were taken down by rabbits rendered by rabbits their pieces dragged up the hill

what he thought was droplets from the mist of the ruptured radiator  were not

the maelstrom ensued 

                     a car trying to avoid ramming into the sedans rear kids rabbits crossed into oncoming traffic a head on collision then a daisychain of rearends in either direction speeding distracted drivers T-bones in the near intersection because the traffic light went green  

                                 and all of it provided grim cover for the rabbits escaping with their morsels  the smooth easement scribbled with blood like chalk on a blackboard which lead to many many paths in the gravel whose turned stones threw up the smoke of dust that cloaked and covered evidence hiding the rabbits retreat

he could have stayedhe could have been an eyewitness he didnt

the authorities could figure it out they made up shit all the time

hed let the drivers tell them what they saw he figured their stories to exonerate themselves would pale what he had seen

besides  

         as he walked awaylighting up another joint he figured his story would have been considered impaired

early hours,  Saturday,  26  1. 19

1356,  Twosday,  29  1. 19

he watched with some trepidation a slender manObviously his face whitewashedblanched  his hair pulled tightly back  singing

singing

           singing in a womans voice

unnervedhe admittedasked What am I listening to

standing beside him she put her hand to his shoulder stablising him What do you mean?

His voice His voice is unnaturally high Like a womans voice

Yes. He has a lovely voice.

Lovely Yes However its inflections are not womanly Nor are the songs sentiments

I shouldn’t think they would; he is a man after all.

I I have never heard rathersaw a man sing with a womans voice If I were to close my eyes I would say I was listening to a woman despite the nuances Ive related

Oh. I understand, or I believe I understand.  Hes a castrato.

OUCH he put his hand to his genitals

Quite bewitching, isn’t he?

Thats a word Numb terriblynumbing  a second

He’s quite androgynous.

I disagree I see a man singing in a womans voice

that was last night the performance was still working its way through him he knew his friend had unique tastes thats why he hung out with her 

but she really took the cake last night

1815,  Sunday,  27  1. 19

1132,  Monday,  28  1. 19

you cannot unsee what you saw

take back what you said

not hear what you shouldnt have

not feel

      what you feel

those are yours your rites

if anyone tries to deny you

KNOW

     that

         they

             are

                not

                   your

                       friend

1649,  Sunday,  27  1. 19

Stay

Stay with me

             they have

he feels guilty

he wasnt there when his wife died

the emergency team was too involved to mutter Call her husband while she seized for fifty minutes
he was five minutes away

Stay with me

his best friend suffering esophageal cancer had his wife called himas they agreed to come Now he said Come now
he was half the country away but he made it

his brotherinlaw called Come now he said his sister suffered her second bout with ovarian cancerher third cancer
he was half the country away but he made it

he felt guilty because he wasnt with his wife

he felt guilty because he was with his best friend his sister

he wasnt going to ask

                        his mother  his doctor  all those who attended his birth were dead

he preferred to leave as he was born

the guilt might stop with him

2154,  Sunday,  27  1. 19

Rubio takes a shit in the Senate

S. 1. Marco Rubios bill

                      how does this SHIT hit the Senate floor?

forbidding Americans to boycott apartheid Israel lead by Netanyahu (pronounced net-a-yahoo) a devious man who is under the charge of briberyliving like a Jewish king   

                                                       a boycott shrilled by the American Israel Public Affairs Committee  AIPAC which ought to be muzzled in the United States like Netanyahu not because it is Jewish rather because it aligns itself with despicable right-wing tendencies limiting freedoms shackling Palestinians diminishing Gaza

agrees that it is right to shoot people who throw stones

1326,  Monday,  28  1. 19  

https://theintercept.com/2019/01/05/u-s-senates-first-bill-in-midst-of-shutdown-is-a-bipartisan-defense-of-the-israeli-government-from-boycotts/  https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium-netanyahu-can-t-avoid-criminal-charges-former-state-prosecutor-says-1.6767808

I am unashamed

                    she talked to herself as she lay on her bed

He made memakes me  feel beautiful

He made me feel beautiful with the fierceness in his voice when he asked breathingheavily deeply aroused to lay on my back  spread my legs

He said he wanted to gaze at me

Wider  Spread your legs wider

I spread my legs wider

He knelt on the bed between them  at my anklesmy knees bent The chenille bedspread made soft sounds under his hands and knees as he crawled closer got very  close

I could feel his breath on my skin I achedI wanted to grab his hair ram his face into me

Wider

I didnt think I could spread my legs any widermy hips felt like they would dislocatethey burned

Then the discomfort melted It melted under the curl the flicker of his tongue melted under the stroke the tender stroke of his fingers a finger in my ass

                       hoarsely he whispered You aint going anywhere Youre mineall mine  Every bit of you belongs
to me

I quit hearing I got lost in the sound and feel of his sucking and breath his slippery fingers  his lovely  teasing  tongue

0622,  Friday,  18  1. 19

1244,  Friday,  25 1. 19

he had just lathered his face

placed the straight razor to his throat

suddenly his world turned violently in the mirror he cut his jaw deeplyand seeing he might need stitches he snatched 
a washcloth off the towel bar behind him and crushed it to the woundcompressed the bleeding

immediately he went up the hall from the master bedroom into the livingroom WHAT DID YOU DO

she sat demurely on the couch on the seat furthest from himher elbow on its arm he startled her she blinked rapidly the incessant television yipped channels flipped under her fingerWHAT DID YOU DO

I didn’t do anything. holding a Diet Pepsi in her other hand she took a sip

FUCK it galled him it was fivethirty in the morning and she was already at her Pepsis

What did you do 

she ignored the washcloth he held to his jawthe blood on his wrist at his throat his shoulder and chest bright dribbles on the towel wrapped around his waist I didn’t do anything.

Youre lyingyoure lying to me What did you do

I didn’t do anything.

Youre sounding like a refrain from one of your gawddamn commercials 

You did something

I felt it

I don’t know what you felt. I didn’t do anything.

Why are you lying Youre not good at it

Fuck you! she tossed the Pepsi can on the coffee table stood wrapped her robe tightly around her as if he was a Peeping Tom and rushed past him slamming the bedroom door behind her

Fuck he walked around the arm of the couch and dropped the bloodied washcloth on the spilt Pepsi to staunch it from dribbling off the table onto the carpet

he stripped the towel from his waistcontinued applying pressure to the wound  walking into the powder room he flipped on the light looked in the mirror the lather had gone flat a drab white smear where it clung

he took the towel away Fuck hed have to makeup a butterfly bandage sterilized gauzemedical tape people went for stitches because it was too severe for them to handle or they didnt want scars he could care less

it still needed to be compressed

he flipped the light off leaving the bathroom and walked across behind the couch to the kitchen glared once at the accusing television to the refrigerator freezer pulled out a metal tray of icecubes yanked its lever dumped the ice into split porcelain sink 

he wrapped a few cubes in the towel wetted it and held it to his jaw

he opened the refrigerator pulled out a quart carafe of orange juice he squeezed last night and sitting at the wood kitchen table he drank from it

she made no noise in the bedroom

she was going to make a lot of noise once he tended his wound and entered it to dress for work

Fuck hed have to shower again Better do that before I dress this fucking wound Grab the clothes Ill wear Couldnt go into one of the other bedroomscould she

he placed what was left in the carafe back in the refrigerator hearing Zappas Whaddaya mean cooties! No cooties on me! laughed miserably to himself

he didnt knockhe turned the doorknob it yielded Thank God she didnt lock it Shit would have hit the fan But she needs my paycheck too Taking my clothes Showering again 

she laid on the made bed like a corpseeyes open  and ignored him

just before he left the house he stuck his head back into the bedroom You did something I know you did

she didnt say a thing

he left work early

to the nosey ones Cut myself shaving it was a goodsized bandage on his jawtape to his cheek and throat usually he applied butterflies to others

She did something he knew it

it was part of their makeup it was enormously attractive when they first met they spoke one anothers words Hey that was my line  Stick to the script would you they knew each others thoughts

sometimes they conversed without saying a word

unfortunately her troubles quieted that voice killed it she resented that he knew her so well what passed through her mindwhat she refused to say out loud

she did something

something violent

otherwise she wouldnt have spun him as she did

nobody would get that

Im home

she didnt answer

she didnt clean up the Pepsi

she was still laying on the bed

the comforter was pulled a bitprobably when she turned onto her side

Im home

she didnt answer

the first sound she made later was involuntary an awful sound that accompanies a seizure

he kept his hand on her hip so she didnt flop off the bed while he called the ambulance Doors unlocked Come in Bedroom at the end of the hall

Please 

Hurry

Please

0555,  Friday,  18  1. 19

1136,  Friday,  25  1. 19

Good morning, Donald, it’s Nancy. I had hoped you’d pick up the telephone and talk with me. 

Oh well, what I would have preferred to say to you personally, I’m not adverse to leaving in a message.

Regarding your decision to reopen the government I think you might imagine that the State of the Union is low hanging fruit; that I'll be otherwise consumed, negotiating. And I will be.

However. You’ll remember that while I did say once government was reopened we could discuss your address to Congress and the Nation. I do. And in bringing it up I’d like to advise you that I do not see that it is possible to accommodate you until the fourth week of February, February Nineteenth, Twentieth.

Of course, this is incumbent upon whether the government remains open; the State of the Union is not possible if government is closed. We have affected that precedent.

Regarding your remarks, you’ll recall, you said if an agreement is not met by February Fifteenth, I’ll quote you, I will use the power afforded to me under the laws and the Constitution of the United States to address this emergency.

Donald. Please. Let me also quote the dictionary regarding the definition of an emergency: it is a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action.

The definition of a crisis is similar.

Immediate action was not included in your poor decision to shutdown the government, the Trump shutdown, which endured thirtyfive days, now is reopened, then to proceed another twentyone days, then facing your threat of emergency action provided you by law and the Constitution.

Emergencies do not languish.

Nancy hung upunder her breath she muttering Sometimes I’m possessed to think he’s as dumb as a rock

    

0125 and 1200,  Saturday,  26  1. 19

722 days remaining or fewer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWdXAlB4V28 

Zappa  Help I’m a Rock  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ukbu9dmmzJg 

Trouble Every Day  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=girnJH7tvpM

Shutdown wha shutdown

Today – the day Roger Stone was indicted – President Drumpf agreed to sign a three-week stopgap funding measure to reopen the government – with his eyes to the prize the pomp and circumstance the televised address to the nation

The State of the Union

https://www.npr.org/2019/01/25/688414503/watch-live-trump-addresses-shutdown-from-white-house-rose-garden?utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20190125&utm_campaign=breakingnews&utm_term=nprnews

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/01/pelosi-beats-trump/581344/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=politics-daily-newsletter&utm_content=20190125&silverid-ref=MzI3NDE2MDg4ODMyS0

1611,  Friday,  25  1. 19

he was naturally aggressivenaturally sexual

                                               he acted like he owned you

he didnt paw

he grasped and held you yielded

                                  yielding almost fearful that he would hurt you

his strength was so easy to him 

you feared he might beat you if you resisted

he didnt

you let him take you

                     because he wanted you  and you wanted him

she would do anything he wanted

                                   I did anything he wanted

I am not ashamed he possessed me

                                                                    

he isnt ashamed I possess him

  

0616,  Friday,  18  1. 19

1546,  Thursday,  24  1. 19

he couldnt have done that if he tried 

he was wearing flipflops

stepping up to the commode to urinate

he fed indie one of his two cats in the bathroom because october his other cat ate like a Marinehustling through meals getting it done with an eye for the possibility of moving indie off point aside and getting at his food indie took his time  masticated  because hed been a lone cat for six yearsnever challenged october feral a runt   ya do whatcha gotta do ta eat

and stepping up to the toilet the edge of his flipflop caught a kibbleweight just right evidently and chipped it up and backwards it struck the wall and deflected from the wall into the shallow plastic feeding bowl that held indies kibble

some kibble are shaped like stars triangles discs pebbles this kibble is shaped like a projectilefat in the middle then somewhat tampered to rounded ends  perhaps four millimetre long

the kibble came to rest in the bowl separate from the other kibble 

he watched it tremble to a stop over his shoulder 

he couldnt have done that if he tried

and standing there with his dick in hand looking back into the toilet bowlhis face reflecting in the water  he laughed

it occurred to himhe recognised  in that obscure precious moment most of his life was made up of him doing things that he couldnt have done if he tried

a man with an unguided physics that deflected off surfacesfound paths of least resistance  freefell spun out of tangled brancheslanded on his feet too many times to count 

he was utterly curious for that final deflection that he wouldnt survivecome back from akin to a man fallen off a building not screaming for fear rather screaming for the same reason people scream on rollercoasters and on other amusement park rides for the heartpounding exhilaration of it 

and between screams between gathering his breath again saying to himself So far so good

1037,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  23  1. 19

1133,  Thursday,  24  1. 19

 Joe Cocker  The Letter  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMtQQ1EfcPQ

he worked his way over to the bar through milling people square concretetopped immoveable tables and tall backed stools

 

the tables and seats never made any sense to him  unless they were there to peel off or cull crowdsforce the overspill outside onto the bricked patios at its front and side which overlooked a keen treelined creek or were to force people into the beer garden behind the bar  the razorwire serpentined atop its tall walls were meant as a joke  and since the bar allowed dogs it wasnt odd to see an occasional Doberman or Shepherd which clarified its panache electrified its ambiance nothing like a sudden sharpsnarl to help you gulp your beer  No worries, man, he doesnt bite  me.

he didnt expected the crowd

he stopped for a beer and to catch the end of the game 

he liked that the bar kept the large flatscreen mutedplayed music over it rather than favoured the inane yak of announcers he didnt need to be told what he was seeing

he was surprised when he entered that several of the stools at the bar were vacant  a string of four seated on the stool beside the wall which began the empty string was a disheveled patron who loosely held his etched glass stein it was a gimmick from when the bar opened years ago  people paid a tidy sum each month to retain one the steins hung from hooksthree deep above the bar evidently one enjoyed a certain notoriety by having a monogrammed stein but either he didnt like his initials enough or hed be shamed that he couldnt keep up with the spendythrift alchiesthe regulars who had one

he took the third stool from the wall leaving an empty one between him and the inebriated man who he thought was mumbling to himself later he realised he was talking to someone via Bluetooth mike and earbuds

it had been more fun to think he was talking to himself

the barmaid approached him  Whats your name kiddo

Bailey.

Bailey Im Joe  May I have the black double IPA please

You betcha, coming up, Joe.

Thank you

The world’s evil, man, it’s going to hell in a handbasket.

overhearing disheveled he couldnt help but wonder why they werent more original

Evil, man, the world’s evil. It’s going to hell in a handbasket.

Hey, man! The world’s evil, it’s going to hell!  I’m talking to you!

disheveled wasnt even looking at him You talkin to me 

Yeah, man, I’m talking to you.

since when were conversations concluded with no goodbyes no Talk with ya later

Bailey set the pint down on a coaster 

Thank you Bailey he said as he handed her a card to keep his tab open 

she smiled quicklykept her upper body tilted from the hips towards himaffecting a casualthough terribly effective subtle display of cleavage like smooth peeled hardboiled eggs  tough to top young supported breasts

I’m talking to you, man.

Actually youre interrupting me he said as he admired Baileys ass as she walked away hence was the audacious weight of unvarnisheduncut heterosexual eyes Yah Interrupting me Whawereya saying

he finally looked at him or as best he could as his eyes rolled drunkenly in his head I’m talking to you.

You were saying

The world’s evil, man. Evil.

Based on what

Whaddaya mean?

Evil What are you basing its evilness on I ask because I dont believe in evil  Nothing or no one is evil

Whaddaya fuckin talkin about? The world’s evil!

Whats your basis

Awman. They cut that guy’s head off. I watched it online.

Lots of heads were cut off and posted onlineyou watched them all

Naw. That first guy.

The contractor  Berg

Yeah. Him.

Why did you watch that

My friends, all my friends, they watched it.

So they watched it and you had to watch it

They watched it, man.

So because they did you did  Idiot

It was horrible.

You didnt have to watch it to know it was horrible

I can’t forget it.

Twothousand four almost fifteen years ago Whadja expect If you have the slightest imagination you could imagine how horrible that video would be 

The horror the horror the horror Apocalypse Now Brandons Kurtz  Horror has a face  You must make a friend of horror  Horror and moral terror are your friends  If they are not then they are enemies to be feared  The tangled pile of amputated armsthe arms of village children who were inoculated  The men who cut them off had familieshad children  They did it to define the extreme they were willing to go  Japanese Kamikaze pilots  Horror creates psychological fear 

Those soldiersif you would  who beheaded Nick Berg were forced into war due to our hubris our belligerence our mockable exceptionalism When you fight American force as the Vietnamese did it is an asymmetrical war  The mujahideen took what the CIA taught them when they fought the Soviets and turned it on us  They deployed their IEDs suicide bombers They didnt have to attend the School of the Americas  which should have been an embarrassment to this country

Their horror is our due is our blowback 

No fuckin brainer 

And that you let your friends force you into watching something horrid some friends  But youre the fucking idiot

You  don’t  know  me he snarled

No  I dont  So you keep to your beersyour misery  Leave me alone



he didnt expect the crowd

he didnt expect that 

1818,  Sunday,  20  1. 19

1440,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  23  1. 19

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKpU-KRYSLk

Hubris  Rachel Maddow  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5FaMbnINwc