a simple exchange

happened in a busy Walgreen’s a father trailed by his two young daughters

Daddy, did you see that sign?

I don’t have time to read signs right now.

he was harrieddistracted it was Christmas Eve 

one could excuse hima harried shopper rushing to find some thing

                                                                     he didnt

he was offendedhe had daughters too

if they ever followed in his wake it was a matter of him clearing a path for them

if they spoke to himhe acknowledged them  he always had time for them 

he was responsible for them and to them

the guy didnt even look back at his daughter 

he could imagine what the dismissalignorance felt like

he knew it

however most of the times when he was about the girls ages he was well-down-the-road keenlyaware of his parents pie game 

he never shared his realisation with them

their pie game was simpleis simple

when something only concerns us we have an entire pie to ourselves

when we get involved in a relationshipour choice we have a choice  listening to our dicks or cunts is a cop out  we chose to get involved

                      the whole pie is cut in two  halved when was the last time you thought halves

if the relationship enduresif the negotiations prove palatable you negotiatedright

then theres a possibility of breeding  One Two Three 

                                                         the pies cut into three four five pieces

love is cut into pieces or discomfort and lies are distributed unequallyparticularly unequal in regards to the children who didnt ask to be game pieces

he and his wife were all-in regarding their children

he didnt recognise he had a life until his children were on their own his lovehis wife had died

                                                                                                   he realised he was okay with it it was what they intendedwhat they meant when they had children when they bred

                                                                                  he had little recollection of his midtwenties to his lateforties 

where did his life go?

                       he anted up as Cici did 

they raised their childrenraised worthwhile individuals

part of raising children was reading signs  whether they asked  critically if they didnt

he almost grabbed fatherDaddy by his shoulder  almost   he didnt

the girls were cuties

                      he hoped they ran deeper than their looksthat what he witnessed was a one-off not consistent 

maybe the girls understood pie

1439,  Monday,  Christmas Eve,  24  12. 18  

Joy Division  Twenty Four Hours  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnM9X0IgUmg

he turned his cellfone off for the night

                                        if someone really needed to reach him theyd have his landline he had it for thirty years a cellfone was nothing more than a portable phone booth to him  the rest miserable  unnecessary bells and whistles he reviled the markets clamourits insistence their devises were necessary  Necessary he thought

for who 

when he turned it on later the following morning four texts greeted him all marked 10:12

he opened the firstthe one hed waited for since early Friday afternoon it was Sunday  I love you Joe

I love you Joe

               someone fresharrived looking over his shoulder wouldnt understand its ambivalence

how could love be ambivalent 

it was love 

he was in the habit of turning things on their heads and reexamining themmaking chaos of their components 

love evol  I evol you

                        Ive evolved thank you

he heard himself as he often said to many he adored Just say thank you Say youre welcome Be polite

Youre welcome

                everyone should evolve

he was happy to be a part of her evolution 

                                            hed be happier to be a part of her love

I love you Joe
               hed rather hear it in person hear it said over the fone

                                                                         not static

                                                                               ambivalent 

                                                                                           sterile

1537,  Sunday,  23  12. 16

“When Mr. Trump first announced that Mr. Mattis was leaving, effective Feb. 28, he praised the defence secretary on Twitter. One aide said that though Mr. Trump already had the resignation letter when he praised Mr. Mattis, he did not understand just how forceful a rejection of his strategy Mr. Mattis had issued.”

FAKER didnt understand how forceful Mattiss rejection was of his (please) strategy becauseBECAUSE he didnt read the letter

helps when you read things an even better if you have the ability to comprehend them

either are a bridge too far for this FAKE PRESIDENT

1238,  Sunday,  23  12. 18

756 days or fewer remaining

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-angry-over-mattis%E2%80%99s-rebuke-removes-him-2-months-early/ar-BBRldYX?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=mailsignout

he thinks hes going to be a civil war hero

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G19ak4Nh294

new dawn fades over a darkened ice arena marbled pale light through moonlit skylights smear the dull ice drab

he thought drab but it escaped his lips in a whisperdribbled onto his shirt front his shirt already wet with cold spittle and regurgitationhe wouldnt stop runningwouldnt had he they would have caught him on the slick black topon the enormous parking lot cut with harsh white angledlines row upon countless row instructing people how they were to parkpimpled with concrete abutments mounted by tall ringed lamps haloes  theyre haloes  he ranstumbled ran blowing humidbreath warmsmoke through his mouth the smoke hangingthen dissipating traces left in his wake that they used to follow him  he couldnt stop runningcouldnt  theyd catch him theyd catchhim  anif they did theyd kill him as they killed the others in the brightlit comicbook minimart they robbed

                                                         he thought maybe he could hide in the arenahide from them but his gaspinghis coughs wouldnt stopwouldnt  the cold air penetrated his lungssat turning cardslaying bets in the depths his body his body a failed vehicle  he thought he could escape in it his suffocating body betrayed him woofs woofs escaping his lungs too exhausted to hold his arms up to defend himself the couple pursuing him were mounted they expended no energy except to laughthey played amused cats to his forlorn condemned mouseDont look! dont look
despair futility  theyre uglyhorribly ugly 

he laid on the filthy concrete under the green collapsible seats coughing he could hear their approachhe was afraid to look 

he got onto his hands and knees and crawled to the aisle it descended to the grey ice at the boards surrounding the ring he was barely able to throw his leg up onto it he crawled over it and fellslipping on the ice he heard them laugh at him  their laugh like tickling broken glasssick laughterblack laughter

he tried crawling  his knees and hands slipped out from under himso cold  cold   cold he knewknew at that momentthen the only warmththe only relief hed have was when his wounds bled  stained the ice under him  maybe spreading out like angelwings 

he gropedmoved like a snail not surprised if he oozed a trail

                                                            pitiful  he was pitiful

he heard a whisper a gliding whisper

he rolled onto his back

he listened

 

     then untoward in his eyes strangely angled  his head held funnyhis hair sticking to the ice sticking  to  the   ice  it held him  oddly  strangelyangled   he glimpsed the pair descend on him whispering their skates whispering turning  ice dancersice dancers on blades  dippingturning about him  smiling   he thought death would smile if he had the strengththe breath he would have thanked them for their confirmation  the gunbarked interrupting him his chest explodedbark it exploded again bone bits hot blood  AHwarmth warmth he had longed for the warmththat warmth  he sighed sighedairbubbling through his blood

 

                                               he spread his wings

1108 dream inspired,  Saturday,  22  12. 18

Joy Division  I Remember Nothing  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qhvgE9UKu4

Patrick

on the shortest day of the year he was considering enabling perhaps what could possibly be an equivalent short event despite a round trip of a thousand miles  each trip begins with sparkplugs ignition  terrible  unromantic  a bum saying compared to Lao Tzus artsy The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step Nobody walks Particularly in California   

Patrick wouldnt care  Who?

he was considering taking Patrick to Carson City Nevada for some reason he thought the brothel the Kit Kat Guest Ranch was in Reno

Patrick was emphatic No, idiot! his frustration apparent Carson City!

Be cool I wasnt challenging you

It’s Carson City!

Yesyes I understand actually it was in Mound House a small unincorporated community east of Carson CityLyon County loin county

It’s Carson City. Patrick was coming down I know where it is. It’s in Carson City.

there was no winning that argument like debating a Drumpf fan

what the boy the boythat was a joke Patrick Patrick was fortysomething what Patrick desperately neededdesperately needed was to get laid by someone his age 

Patrick admitted to him that had sex with older women Patrick wouldnt think to lie the expression on his face told the tale the way he said it was heartbreaking Patricks disgusthe believed was directed at Patrick himself rather than towards the womanwomen who took Patrick in   

Patrick was blonde wore his long hair in a ponytail  sixsix  twosixty  not fitthough not overweight 

Patrick though was unfortunately mentally challenged

A simpleton might rise on ones tongue

                                        although for as long as he knew Patricksince he was a boy Patricks skull was an impregnable ironclad fortress that learned and remembered every kids name he went to high school with without peer he was also a savant when it came to film whether he liked it or not he knew the year it premiered awards it won its directors names of the major actors if pressed the muthafucker could provide you a synopsis although dont dare call it a synopsis  thatd stone him better to ask him what the film was about

his repertoire however was limited to American films

when he told Patrick of his affection for foreign films hed screw up his faceknocked their subtitles  Read words? That’s stupid.

But you dont read

No. I hate reading.

his own mentallydeficient kid brother was likewise ask him about rocknroll songs hed give you the titlethe band and every band who made a shitty cover of a great song a savant in his own way 

his brother believed he and other children where kidnappedflown to Englandmade to write hits for rocknroll bands

there was no rationalizing with him either like debating a Drumpf fan   

he tried to share his love of jazz with him This is shit he pronounced then he said Thanks for nothing and walked briskly his brother never did anything briskly out of the livingroom where his parents had their stereo as he fled he bellowed Anyone wanna to listen to shit? come down here where Joe’s playing his music. What shit! CHRIST!

it was now evident to him that being a savant is limited to narrow aislesavenues 

although it remained unnerving  How does a retard know that

over the last two years whenever he and Patrick crossed paths Patricks played their running joke emphatically YOU SEEN JERKY BOYS?

Nahyet Ill catch it after I watch a season of reruns of Jackass  Jesus

theyd laugh

             but these past two years what immediately segued was Patrick ardent desire to fuck someone his own age She has to be born from 1979 to 1986. I wanna have sex with someone who’s in that range, around my age.

it was sobering if you thought about ithe thought about it not to be wanted sexually by someone your own age

most guys didnt have trouble having sex with someone their own age

thats tough

            yet he was the kind of person who understood and often tried to predicate his explanations in regards to advantages or entitlements people enjoyed but took for granted  Youre not appreciating what you began withwhat other people didnt enjoy 

they rarely could be convinced of their particular fortune

he was grateful for older women who took him to their bed Christ Thirty That aint old!  he was grateful women who patiently taught him the ropes that he used to entwine girls younger than himself contemporaries ropes he later used to ensnare women

he had compassion for Patrick

yup 

gonna happen 

                they were going to make a road trip to Nevada and he wasnt going to feel like a pimp or a procurer

in the meantime hed roll up to Virginia Cityhed heard about it while a boy sightsee provide more than enough time for some pro to make Patrick eternally happy in seconds

1459,  Thursday,  20  12. 18

1952,  Friday,  21  12. 18

PS he struggled whether or not to refrain from actual using Patricks name yaknow change the name to protect the Innocent 

       he wasnt convincedwas hardpressed that anyone was beyond corruption a childno matter learns quickly their minds like sponges anif theyve grown up near fire they learn even quicker

Americas Manchurian Candidate

Americas one-an-only Manchurian Candidate ought to hide behind his wall

https://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/trump-makes-his-worst-geopolitical-move-yet-fmr-admiral-1402918979806

reprising:

TheManCan TMC  the Manchurian Candidate cleverhuh

You cant use it

he was talking to himself

Why cant I use it

You know why you cant  It isnt original  You hold yourself up to originality

Genius rather 

You callin yourself a genius

No  Im copping Oscar Wildeyoure in my head you ought to be able to read my thoughtsrunnin the tickertape too quick for you Oscar Wilde  Talent borrows Genius steals  A great tiedyed tshirt doncha think

I think sometimes you ought to quit thinking  Sometimes youre absurd


Sometimes  Awman youre hurtin my feelings  I try hard to think outside the box

Youre like your brotherinlaw says a contrarian

Mebbe  But for all the right reasons

Yes There is that

Look at yougivin yourself US  a pat on the back

Dont try an humour or . . 
. . Polish yer knobshine yer buttons

Dont flatter me  Im you  You deign flattery

I doWe do  Dont try an butter my bread   We like it dry

Yes we do

Look at us In agreement once again  I figure eventually youll come down to stand with me Yaknow (he begins singing) For united we stand  divided we fall . . 
. . YahBrotherhood of Man  Stop 

You dont like my singing


You dont like your singing

I dontyoure right

So back to my point Yacant use TheManCan  TMC   Awright 

Stick with The Manchurian Candidate  Try not to be groovynot aggregate every fucking little thing into shorthand or acronyms like everyone else Theyre not as clever as they think

Doncha think

I think Im in agreement

Youre in agreement with me

I am

Shall we make a note on the calendar you took my advise

Your advise 

Sure

Yathink youre always on the inside looking out

What

You heard me

Arent I

Youre a dick NO Think  Were typically on the inside looking outraggin each other until we decide Which usually comes down contrary to the majority the commonplacethe commonly accepted notion

I hate notions

Yahhell We don even wear deodorant or cologne Fuck notions

I didnt mean those notions

NO  You didntI know what you meant  I can read the tickertape too

1217,  Monday,  30  7. 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZB96cvBjy8

1646,  Thursday,  20  12. 18

he had the inestimable fortune of being able to manipulate his dreams

                                                                         Lucid dreaming! people usually pronounced before he finished his sentence  

Perhaps hed say usually to humour them But its only dreaming to me  

For as long as I can remember Ive dreamt like thisIm aware Im dreaming so whether the dream is good or bad nightmarish its only a dream I can manipulate it but Ive found I rather enjoyanticipate its unexpectedness 

I like surprises

                 he was surprisedever so surprised when he made love to Marilyn Monroe his hands beside her shoulders thrusting holding himself up so he could look at her beauty under him his sweat spattering her face and throat and breasts her hands clutching at his arms shoulders hips he suddenlypaused Can we do this Marilyn youre dead Yes. It doesn’t matter. Does it bother you?  No  Then it doesn’t matter. they returned to making lovegot themselves twisted up in some pretty fantastic postures their bodies pliable flexible  like rubber 

I dont like affixing an adjective to describe dreaming he said  Why label it

his dreams came to him whether he ritualised themset them into motion before going to sleep or let them fall onto himstumble on them

                      he was never disappointed

it was an old Midwest neighbourhood treelined green lawns shrubs street names like Garden Prairie Greenwood Cumberland Elm at the southwest corner of Garden and Chester if it rained very hard the sewer could never keep up with the water and the corner floodedthe water hid the curb ran up into the grass of the easement overran the sidewalk it flooded the streets

                      a standing summer rain was quickly warmed by the sun the water turned green like tea from the chlorophyll in the downed leaves either floating or submerged cars threw up sheets of water like water thrown from the bow of speedboats and it was wonderful to lie in the curb rocked by the tumult then cradled sensuously in the soft wake thereafter

he could never resist it 

he paused only long enough to untie his shoes slip them off tie his shoelaces together and hang them in a tree or slung in a tall bush  then he was all in clothed an escaped convict a scout a lifesaver  a happy boy

sometimes the flooding stayed into the next day 

the water receded a bit yet was still deep enough to submerge his bodyhold his head up shoulders up on his elbows he ignored the punishment the day earlier because his clothes were sopped What  Its only water he had to strip in the backyard and a brother or a sister were made to fetch him a towel to dry then wrap himself in  some kind of hang up on nudity We all have bodies

through the ensuing years he was a happy teenager a happy young man he refused to break himself of the deliciousness of his boyhoodrefused to kowtow to the contemptible cranks who didnt dare say it out loudhed drag them into the flooded street but whose pinched expressions said You ought to know better

one day he may have been twentycertainly no more that twentyone laying clothed on his back in the flooded curb an easterly wind picked up and from out behind a neighbours house a big bright ball of cranberry jazz yarn bound unwinding its freed tether tumbled and snaked across the green grass pushed ever closer to the streetcloser to the tepid green water then oddly still unravelling its momentum broke as if the wool stopped itself then its loosened strand built on itself and whirled and tangled and rose and swayed to the breeze and formed into the naked figure of a woman a woman moving like a flame at the quivering edge of the floodwater

he stood up

             as he walked towards her she seemed to want to flee  she turned her head her shoulders tiltedfollowed  her hips trembled to follow but her feet  her feet werent fearful so her form relaxed and turned back towards him

the yarn movedturned in itself but still her figure remained her features remained 

gently he held out his hand a gesture he made to animalswild animals offering his scent offering his hand and fingers that bore scars of scratches and bites he wasnt afraid to offer it as a living olive branch

the naked turning red jazz yarn womans figure took his hand in hers her face waxing and waning unsure 

he stepped closer and extended his other hand 

she took it also

then her right hand released his left and she gently took his shoulder 

he took hers

she released his other hand took his shoulder

he took hers

then unafraid  she embraced him

he embraced herthe tumult in her tall strandthe electricity  easing

she gently kissed him

the sunlight falling on them glittered in the shared dew of their embrace

  

2230,  Thursday,  6  12. 18

1415,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  19  12. 18