he heard a hawks cry   queer

                                very different from the cries that awakened him from his sleepthat Pronounced Commanded  Cried I am here! I am above you! 

secretly he believed they boasted not without reason he didnt have wings he couldnt fly or soar he walked on puny legs  

he believed the hawks that touted himthat circled above himthat cried Look! Up here! that they knew in their raptor birdbrains he wanted to be in the sky among them fuck in freefall decouple just in the nick of time to save themselves their passions from being dashed to death against the earthSpattered then feeding scurrilous insectsfeeding their despised blackandwhitefeathered brethren  scavengers   turkey vultures 

he loved the hawks predatory natureloved  that they didnt settle even though their lives were a hunt their lives were day-to-day and failing  they might die

it was their nature

their nature
             a nature that puny humans long ago lost  the desperate sense  the evolutionary will
some of them jabber that they will be happy when theyre turned into machines made immortal
                                                                                                     immortal at least until their metal melts their maintenance is ceased their power source is Denied 

all machines are not created equal 

they are not endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights

at that thought he laughed

                            MyGawd he loved his bodyloved its strengths despised its fragility

he is human

nothing more

the hawk cried    

he looked up through the arthritic branches of a live oak and caught a glimpse of a hawk trying to evade elude a swirl a convoy of blackandwhite erratic turkey vultures

it cried it whined it was confused how it found itself among these denizens  this misfit race and not until it took the mob higher and higher and higher and then dropped like a sex stoneplummeted earthbound that it freed itself from their number that had herded it cut off its escape for nine minutes Houdini would have drowned
                                                                                                for nine minutes by his pocketwatch he watchedhe witnessed the drama  from its first frustrated cries  to its decision to act  to its spectacular separation 

he was the only human being on the planet Earth who saw it happen

gleefully he shook his head and walking away rubbing the stiffness out of his neck he said outloud  How is ithow the fuck do I get tangled up in these draumas

1450,  Friday,  28  9. 18

1121,  Saturday,  13  10. 18

Sigur Rós  Ég anda  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOMvezbP90Y

Arriving at the Heart of Tragedy

by Benjamin Alire Saenz

he might suppose he couldnt take a hint not even if it was printed in black and white held under his eyes

There are certain things that cannot be Undone. Lot’s wife glanced back at Sodom . . .

he had a heavy index fingerhe didnt think that he did  he didnt mean it 

but not meaning it doesnt mean he can take it back

he was impatienthe was trying to hurry things along  in his time 

not its time
             and thinkingnot thinking he thought he could gently nudge it along – forgettingnot forgetting how minute and fragile it was  a winged speck 

hed gently nudge it

                    impatientwanting to close the book to so he could tend to his greengrocer shopping he nudgedsmeared the gnat up the page 

                                                                  

he wouldnt forget that any more when he opened to the page than he would forget the brilliant comet that arched across the black sky and scarred his retina  alwaysalways a shadow of it in his vision a palewhite trace of it when he closed his eyes

                         poetic

pathetic

he killed it it died because he was impatient

not an accidental tragedy

most tragedies arent

                    you can see them coming if youre Patient and really look

texted  :  1319 & 1614,  Friday,  12  10. 18

Eszter Balint  Pebbles & Stones  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8MekChfURI

That's very sad

FAKE PRESIDENT Donald Trump: "At this point it's looking like he (Jamal Khashoggi) perhaps won't be or isn't around and that's very sad . . "

a permanent resident of the United States is allegedly tortured murdered and dismembered  –  and "that’s very sad . .”

BUT the US is making a purported $110B on Arms sales

                                                          thats gotta make ya feel betterhuh

it makes Trump and son-in-law whashisname feel better not to mention the ca$h Saudis dump into Trump hotel coffers

1518, Saturday,  13  10. 18

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-defends-dollar110b-us-arms-sale-to-saudi-arabia/ar-BBOkXou?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=mailsignout

he caught it out of the corner of his eyeup behind himto his right inthecorner above the couch  it distracted him vied against the soft underwaterblue light cast by the monitor screen asuddensharpsparkle  perhaps a warning shot across his bow to garner his attention turn his head    perhaps

                                                            but then the sharpsparkle the flickering subsided and submitted to an impossibly incandescent white lapping candlelight  

now he was really afraid to look

he didnt imagine it was a portalwhy would he think that now  even his roommatesspooks it was an old house you have to expect memories to reside even his roommates didnt compel him to look for cracks in the world or startling gateways or to mull that perched beside him thered be a seam or schism between dimensions he was sure they were out therehed bet on it he was as sure as he was that an exit was an entrance and an entrance as likely an exit it was just a little too unbelievable it might present in his livingroom

a sigh escaped him a longforgotten apparition entered his head Of course you would he said out loud And of course youd showup right now  Liberace his grandmother adored Liberace Liberace barely touched out bubbly Lawrence Welk in her heart and mind  it wasnt Welk  the light wasnt opaque marbled translucent like light through soap bubbles  rather sharp  white  crystal  candelabra  light

or maybe he groped maybe it was appleseeds kid sick and tired of him comparing him to appleseed You sir when they would go eye to one of many eyes are no appleseed maybe the kid got it in his arachnidmind and plucked from his arachnidarsenal flints and steels and with supernatural reflexes and coordination perfectly timed strikes to impersonate the virtuoso pianist  Liberaces jokes were an aside they were sidekicks to his talent

                                                                                              maybe

but not up to the tasknot tonightnot during his grieving he closed his eyes laid down to his left and made a hard detour into sleep and awaiting dreams  he languished under the soft white noise of the foreign movie he watched and the contentious shadowthrowing waves that emanated from the high cornerthe joint between crown moulding                

1936,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  10. 18

1603,  Thursday,  11  10. 18

Eszter Balint  Un Poison Violent, C’est Ca L’Amour  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0hvpQvjNec&index=4&list=PL2I2a0vfS2Y8wXdk29nWJmgY2twOat8sJ&t=0s

she wasat a distance  dressed in black maybe black athletic tights a black shortsleeved top coloured accentschevrons  her clothing was formfitting

she stood on the stone plaza before a white hunkered monolith a public building  a public building that had been constructed and tried hard to look differentstand apart from other public structures

however in this particular moment as he walked closerto form a better impression admiring her as he walked  she  her curves definitively were more monumentalmore distinct than the monolith

maybe it wasnt fair to compare the two but he just happened by and found himself witness to their black and white contrast  and in contrasting it was visually impossible not to compare them

half the hair on her head was cut short the remaining half nape length and twined with coloured ribbon or yarn

her eyes were madeup reminiscent of ancient Egyptian queens or pharaohs black kohl 

they were very pleasing  the makeup seemed more fitting to her personalityher defiance her stance and posture than what grepond would offer softermore subtle  her appearance was provocative 

she was brown

she was taller than she appeared at a distance

upclose  she was familiar

he smilednodded to her lost in some thought that later he wouldnt be able to say  and misplaced how apparent he was as he walked to her on a dead line  

later he said it seemed he was drawn magnetically to herhe couldntwasnt able to resist seeing her upclose

she smiled she said Hello.

Hello

You don’t remember me?

I  would remember you

You don’t.

Would you remind me

I’ll embarrass you if I do.

I can take embarrassment

Can you?

Try me

I’m tempted. You were the impromptu bartender, the mad scientist throwing drinks together, sampling them, handing them off or dumping them out and trying again. You said to me, Kiddo, you’re something to behold, but I can’t wait to see you walk away.

he blushed

I like that you blushed. It’s honest. It’s as honest as you were with me when you made up my drink.

Did you like the drink

You liked the drink, otherwise you wouldn’t have handed it to me after you tasted it.

Ohstop  I rememberI remember you When you took the glass from me you turned it so you sipped from it where I sippedwhaja whadid you  say

I said, I told you, every sip after isn’t going to be as good as this.

Yes  Yes you didthat was quite a line   And then you went off as you would to the guy who brought you

I did. I’m not seeing him anymore.

No

No.

I’m glad we’ve met again.

Again by accident

The first time was by accident. We can’t call this accidental, can we?

No We cannot call this accidental            

texted  :  1455 & 1521,  Sunday,  30  9. 18

1216,  Thursday,  11  10. 18

John Zorn  Duras: Duchamp  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0Kc339kAQw  

when questioned regarding Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggis disappearance “Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), who . . chairs the Appropriations subcommittee on foreign operations, promised there will be ‘hell to pay’ if the Saudis killed Khashoggi. ‘I’ve never been more disturbed than I am right now,’ he told reporters. ‘It would be a bipartisan tsunami if this is proven to be true.’”

. . . never  more   disturbed

                                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTBxPPx62s4

and as his rant his performance piece unfurled Live he remembered how soon it seems forgotten that until Graham questioned Kavanaugh during the afternoon session no Republican senator that morning questioned Dr Christine Blasey Ford  Graham was the shed water  after his rant the following Republicans did their bits their song and dance their horse and pony show  monkeys dancing to the organ grinder 

                                                                                                             it was deplorable

I’ve never  been    more     disturbed

he took exception to Grahams remarks

1033,  Thursday,  11  10. 18

https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1050209621493846016

Jamal Khashoggi

Washington Posts Jamal Khashoggi is missing  -- and if you have any kind of civic or political conscience youd know Trumps animosity towards Jeff Bezos and Bezoss ownership of the Washington Postyoud know Trumps feeling regarding the FAKE News

                         the FAKE PRESIDENT damns the Fourth Estate   

1. https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/missing-saudi-reporter-jamal-khashoggi-1.4856660

2. https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2018/09/13/amazon-jeff-bezos-washington-post-donald-trump/1281387002/

3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYKK_RSRVJ8

4. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/commentisfree/2018/aug/04/donald-trump-war-with-media-deadly-implications

2210,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  10. 18

glancing ahead over the top of his bookeyes only he didnt raise his chin he saw a small black object hovering  it hovered threefour metres above the recentpoured white strip of concrete sidewalk he walked on 

Black bird dont hover he thoughtNo  Hummingbirds arent that large

                                                                       then  asif feeling his eyes on it the thing seemingly doveducked between two parked white pickups topped by ladder racks that faced him on the street

he was fascinatedmesmerised  he walked asif he were an automaton eyes staring forward trying to discern what it was that he sawwhat it was he had the fortune of seeing

he ofttimes happened on situations hed rather not have witnessed a uniformed security man berating a backpacker a young man Move along, muthafucker! You try an mess with me I’ll fuck you upI’ll teach you a lesson you’ll never forget. Muthafucker. then following him into the parking lot away from the shopsthe Starbucks like a dog on a bone   Bitch. Yaint findin someone better than me. the man hurried the woman walking in front of him she wiped at tears in her eyes Yare mine, yare lucky I find ya worthwhile, yare lucky I let you suck my cockthat I feed ya.  Cunt.  he pressed up behind herpoked her in the back with his finger asif it were a gun and followed her into a 99¢ Only Store

people thinkif theyre thinking at all in any given moment that other people are unaware or arent listening to them are oblivious of their words and provocation 

itd be hard to explain away coldcocking a couple of unsuspecting cocksuckers hed have to take time and creatively provoke themdraw their ire in order to batter them senseless because they deserved senselessness  

a security guard thinking hes an authority

a bully in the moment forgetting hes not shoving a woman around

whatever it was hid momentarily which made him think it was alive  a being

                                                                                  then it emergedrolling on the street pavement tumbling like a black funnellike a man on fire trying to suffocate flamesquiet the hot clinging ash

it rolled and rolled and rolledthen collapsed when it struck the tall stone curb on the opposite side of the street

his curiosity got the better of him it usually did he angled brusquely into the streetangling behind a woman at the wheel of a Mercedes who glared at him abruptly as easily might have screamed unchaste Stay the hell out of my way! motorists were impatient they had places to see people to do no thats not right places to go people to see things to do it seemed the more he walked from place to place rather than driving people behind the wheel resented himresented that he was on footimpeding them Get a car, ya bum! asif they hadnt a single moment to waste or hesitate librate be restrained perhaps they never heard All work and no play makes Jack or Jill a dull boy or girl dull and antagonised countenances glared at him  and in his imagination he thought theyd make serious studies for death masks 

death masks

shrouds

it was black plastic

                  a small torn crushed black plastic curio bag tossed aside and with its sudden freedom escaped it stretched its nonexistent batwingsits nonexistent legs for a last inanimate hurrah 

it seemed to be having a bit of fun at the expense of those who werent enjoying their animationsuffered tedium and boredom

           Ya po big brained beasts      

1344,  Twosday,  2  10. 18

1655,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  10. 18

John Zorn  Cycles Du Nord (24:59 minute-mark) of Music for Children  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hL7NZVOCfU

28 Days

          the name of an authentic zombie film   Later  28 Days Later  however also the name of a Republican hustle tactic that were going to hear droned over the next four weeks hoping that it can circumvent scads of their illadvised policy decisions

theyre whipping it like a dead horsestoking it MOB RULE!

That’s what it is, MOB rule.

Com on manJesus  wipe the spittle off your chinuse your handkerchief  mobdrool  a viscous phlegmy mobdrool 

he didnt think it was a rational or reasonable strategy to hang their hats on

they seem to disregard that this mob they finger are potent enthusiastic aspirants of the American electorate which in light of and by numerous national polls suggest the mob is a majority of Americans

Republicans seamyngly want to ride roughshod over tenets of the Constitution  but until they can defame and deform and defile and overthrown it  the Constitution an imperfect document hence its 27 too bad it wasnt 28 Amendments ratified by the States is the Law of the Land and Republicans will have to recognise the peoples right to Freedom of Speech their right to Assemble

it is an Inconvenient Truth they would prefer not to contend with

so they whip their base  charge mobdrool  incite fear of raging Left lunaticks  hyperbolic enemies of the Republic 

the Left is not going quietly into the night

2213,  Twosday,  9  10. 18

0021,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  10. 18

https://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/gop-warns-of-mob-rule-to-scare-midterm-voters-1340500035815?v=raila&

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0289043/videoplayer/vi4055040281?ref_=nv_sr_1_v_2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoL6a37d1Rg  apparently  as burns the windmill so burns down the White House

Mister

You ought to shaddup.

Pardon me

I don’t care for what you’re saying. You’re crossing lines that you know are triggerpoints with me.

Your triggerpoints ought to have some skin on them by nowsome kind of calluses  Youre pretty sensitive for someone who passiveaggressively attacks other peoples thinking  You think youre sacrosanct or something

I’m telling you watch your mouth

Or

. . .

Nothing

. . .

Crazy For having such a big mouth you have nothing to say when confronted You havent explanations reasons  You stand tightmouthed like your mouth was sewn shut and you look so so terribly hurt when someone confronts you But then thats probably a tact youve been taught  you offend and then are terribly offended when someone comes back at you  Well youve learned your lessons wellyou adhere to them and think it plays well before seeing eyes before smartphones that youve probably staged put in motion Youve learned how to point fingers cry Poor me! Look! Im a victim! See how awful they treat me

Nothing

You have a big mouth.

Oh Ouch   Did I do it right

. . .

Ill have you recall if your peanut is big enough to retain short term memory this moment began when I said  I digress

Your digressions turn into transgressions; you offend me.

Po baby You misunderstand me My words arent transgressionsno theyre aggressions and you can be grateful my aggression is only communicated in words

And if my words bruise you  thats too fucking bad

I dont carry apologises

Any more than your ilk believes in compromise

. . .

Smart man Keep your mouth shut  None of your kind are around Its you and me
Terrible to have to stand up one on one

shaking his head  Just not the cut of your cloth

    

1441,  Thursday,  4  10. 18

1334,  Twosday,  9  10. 18

Ben Harper  Mister  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVNQyJyDAaA

he thought Trump requesteddemanded a mobile escalator for Air Force One  for Continuity he might insist  but likely so that he didnt pull a Gerald Fordflop down its steps 

one must appreciate there are more steps descending Air Force One than Miss Universe has to negotiate while showing off her tiara on a Russian catwalk

1057,  Monday,  8  10. 18

Presidential tripidation (yes  spelled correctly)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-6ZYKN8dBg

screed

human beings are so fucking imaginativehe had to hand it to someone  he wished he could hand it in toto to its Maker  but then thats the beauty of anonymity they cant be held responsible for their actions and likely prefer not being held responsible for their actions or made to hold it firmly in their hands  whosoevers beauty this was probably wasnt going to return to the scene of the crime ahno they werent  unfortunately he was led by chance to bear witness to their asswork he wasnt tempted to say handiwork their hands had nothing to do with it except wipe their ass  for by the trajectory of the spatter its physics was quite remarkable it appeared to his unpractised eyes that they had been unsteady shiftingmotioning while shitting and by its exceptional arc of splash and spatter it flowing over three concrete steps he had confidence the Maker walked off with beads and bits clinging to their slacks  

it wasnt the repose of a scantilyfed human

                                             seamyngly some individual happened upon a weal to feed from  there were numerous fastfood joints and small local restaurants in the immediate vicinity and for expediency he thought it unlikely they secured their trash  foodstuff is foodstuff  Beggers cant be choosers. that was a line his father used on him and his siblings if they complained about dinner about not wantingsay  potato pancakessay squashsay eggplant parmesan You dont have to eat. hed say You can be excused. he often thanked his fatherthanked his mother for making the food and excused himself rather to go hungry than eat something that didnt appeal to him he was shocked years later when he relented had the same food found someone prepared it better than his mother she was a very good cook it was a revelation meatloaf without a can of Campbells Tomato Soup poured over it thickcut liver to thin leathersole liver topped with sliced cheddarcheese  or maybe his palate changed when he was older  or sex or love had enthused him no matter however he still relished the dinners they had of organ meat and was happily surprised to discover that he and Mexicansdespite their geographieshe was Slavic was thrilled by the same organs

someone was novel

                     he used that stairway as egress from the citys library every other day its angular flow of concrete  the sharp step by sharp step between three different landings before reaching the sidewalk at street side  having been in construction he considered every time he used it what a pain in the ass it had to have been to excavate fashion the forms pour and finish not a desirable gig but the break in its relief was obvious it howled something was afoot afoulsomething was very different from its usual complexion

whoever shat on the steps scattered dried pine needles clutched through the railing at their left to disguise the toilet paper and diarrhea

 

too bad they didnt think to move two feet to their right and shit in the dirt

possibly some sort of statement

possibly Im homeless.

possibly Look what you made me do.

                                          a shit screed

    

1347,  Saturday,  6  10. 18

1316,  Monday,  8  10. 18

Ah there you are I was wondering if wed run into each other again today

there would be no reply
                         he talked to the digital clock display above the electric range in his apartment  the display that never slept  soft  yellowgreen  legible day and night  bright enough he let it be the kitchen nightlight  as a boy their houses kitchen upstairs hall and bathrooms were nightlit by unusual fixtures  if he thought about ithe didnt  itd seem rote to himnatural  but if he did think about it he might suppose they soothed him provided him a kind of security a familial touch that he left behind when he was twenty halfway across the continent

he knew when he was a boy he didnt want to live in Chicago he bided his time 

his father used to teaseused to introduce him This is my son, Joe, he’s not going to live here when he grows up.

no  he wasnt  

if he was a superstitious manprone to paranoia he might think something was up something was coming his way today

not something good 

not something bad

but rather seeing 1-2-3-4 a fourth time in four days he saw it as a reversed countdown there was no such time as 1-2-3-4-5 on a digital clock

perhaps the 1-2-3-4 led to a terminus or critically a ter-minus term-minus and if something was to be taken away from him he might be less

he tried to craft his life eliminating want coming down on the side of need necessity 

his excesses were art books music all of which revealed his eclectic nature  revealed his sensuality

when he was younger he tried to share his excesses with friends they were not interested 

he demoted his friends to acquaintances if push came to shove they would watch from the sidelines 

he was the kind of friend who had his friends back he didnt know any betterone could past that off to his honesty his heightened sense of what friendship meant to him Youre so fucking altruistic. Im not  You are. You always consider where someone is coming from, looking past the immediate moment, its tenuousness, its trouble, and you ask questions, concise kind questions, trying to draw them out, trying to determine what was really at issue. Thats friendship Man, you have a warped sense of friendship.

that was the first time he was an adult he ever considered that a friendship might be convenient and anything convenient isnt substantial  is replaceable   is cheap

he be damned if hed have cheap relationships

so he didnt

his eclectic nature was deviously satisfying it rarified his sense for need rather than want

Ohshit 1-2-3-4 5 again 

the countdown continues

1234,  Thursday,  4  10. 18

1234,  Saturday,  6  10. 18

Nneka  God of Mercy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMOUTZMRmAY