9.8.18

dreamed finis




had he said he should have been a murderer


                                                  it is unsavory to wake with that in your headin your mouth repeating it repeating it because it was so odd

who really thinks they could be a murderer 




he thought anyone could be a murderer

why would he be different


he had killed animals for food

                                fish chicken ducks turkeys pheasants squirrels rabbits deer elk steer


if he could kill an animal

he could kill a man

                       he could hopecross fingers  he wouldnt have to eat them
but he probably wasnt beyond that either





his dreams were uncomfortable


1012,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  8  8. 18

8.8.18

dreamed parcel 3



*      *      *



it wasnt the liquor he imbibed 


he slipped time


he had only the audacity to smell   to watch time unwind itself and reveal the transgression

he was an unwitting witness

he could recognise both men

recognise the murderers



he also recognised as an uninvited stranger no one would listen to him




he sees  he murders the murderers


*      *      *


he sees

he sees he is no longer in the white stone building

he descended the stairshe descends past the storey where the bodies would have fallenhe descends hoping that he can find where the two men have exitedwhere they may have taken the dead woman and man

he emerges onto the flatstone veranda and runs to his righthe runs between odd guestshe knows the murderers wouldnt come this waywould be at some secret exit probably below the veranda   discrete


the earth is soft 

in the dark he can make out ruts cut by cart wheels the footprints of an unshod donkey or horse  one man rodemaybe both  he didnt stop to feel the compacted earththe ruts  he knew them  
hed recognise the murderers whether separate or together 

separate or together didnt play into his consideration



he chased into the night after the unwinding trail  already the earth was mixing with marl and sand  the pulling animal plodded  its feet bit harder at the toe clawed the sifting ground

he slowed to a walkand slowing  ahead   he could hear the wheels turn and groan  he heard the animal urged by a voice occasionally a lash  

he walked easily in the animals footprints reserving his strength


the path ran in a switchback working its way to the sea

atop one crest from behind seagrass he saw that both men rode on the cart  the bodies were secreted under a bulky tarp that didnt betray what lay under it

it was unlikely that anyone in the middle of the night would be curious to stop the men or ask what they transported

he ran to the end of a switchbackopposite the mens backs and worked his way noisilyutterly obscured to the beach below  

he arrived amply ahead of them and surveyed where the path emerged where the men might dispose of the bodies

the tide was high but it did not eclipse the crooked finger of a seawall that deflected the sea wavesthe beachs erosion

he assumed theyd take the bodies out onto the stout wall and hurl them into the deep water 

the receding tide would steal their remains and provide feast aplenty for the waters denizens

theyd have to manhandle the bodies to out near the point where the finger crooked  there wasnt room enough on top of it to turn the beast and the cart around    

he slipped his clothing and save his shoes he swam naked across the protected still water  he sprawled on the inclined rocks shy of the crook and waited

he should have been a murderer 


he read their minds




they carried the mans body first 

they were struggling  fatigued

they didnt see him rise behind them as they labouredas they swung the body into the seaone lost his footing and began to fallthe second rushed to grab and arrest him and akimbo off balance precarious he leapt and shoved them at once and they plunged into the water  then rising separately below him dazedgasping for air he cracked their skulls with large seawall rocks  the cracks either killing them or disabling their wits that they drowned  

they bobbed in the surf face down 

when they bumped into the seawall before the sea took them he struck them in the head with other rocks that he wield above his head like Atlas   

they did not protest 


like black turtles they finally floated out to sea with the tide




the beast untethered turned on the beach and began up the path to return whence it came  it ambled and began ascending almost gratefullythe cart lighter for the missing men 

it would be curious when the beast and cart were finally discovered





he thought to himself as he swam across the quiet inlet to his clothing  had he said he should have been a murderer


dreamed Day-between-Two-Ts and Thursday,  1 and 2,  8. 18
1326,  Twosday,  7  8. 18

7.8.18

dreamed parcel 2

*    *    *


that night  near enough land that he could see individual lights hear individual voices curious eye rose beside him  

he could feel their pectoral fin rub the bottom of the raft

then he or she rolled and bankeddove to their right  they emerged directly behind him and nosing the raft they churned the sea with several mighty beats of their fluke pushing him towards the land ahead 

surging forward he saw the pod peel offheard their breaths and whistles  and then gliding on the arch of a swellof he or she diving beneath him he heard rollers crashing on the beachhead   rhythmic    methodical  


he was never more alone



*    *    *



squat irregular bottlestheir glass melted by cold fires leaned oddly some rockedwere troubled to keep their feet while sitting on a long curved table covered by an aquacoloured linen           

he grabbed one by its stout neck lifted it to his mouth yanked its cork with his teeth and took a long pull at its sweet viscous liquor 

it burned his parched throat  teared his eyes 

beyond the table nearer the edge of the deep flatstone veranda was an elaborate tiered fountain of marble sea beasts and monsters endowed mermaids happy maidens and boys    

fresh coldsmelling water pulsed and splashed and slipped across breasts and ample buttocks chests accordion ribcages twisted backs and gentlyslyly over quims and cocks and thighs muscled in exertion in erotic desire

a queer bottle in hand he roved to the fountain

he dropped to his kneesplunged his arms into its cool depth and slaked his thirst quaffing from the palmsthe bowls of his hands

he had never been so thirst

the sea air  the sea waterthough he denied himself  worked his tongue the insides of his mouth harshly causing raw belligerent sores and they  separate of him  sought to revive themselves bathed in the healing water he let stand in his mouth between swallows


satiated  gut distended  he pushed up with his arms and legs at once and stood upright  he took in a tall white stone building which he must have exited to have found the table the veranda and the fountain 

it leered at him 

it was solitary

backed by an impenetrable black night



the whales brought him to shore

he couldnt imagine they meant to spirit him here  or had they 

obviously they were not without reasonthey were not without humanity  they saved him and he was alien to them
as alien as this place was to him 

he crossed the flatstone mounted three steps to a shallow terrace he entered the building unchallenged 

he went up wide staircases crossed intimate balconies that overlooked the banquet the freshwater fountain on the stone veranda

ascending to the top reclining storey revealing the steps of the storeys beneath it he entered a broad room that was separated from the night air by quivering sections of curtains 

the room was sparse  several couches  several clutches of gathered chairs and small tables  a reception chamber 

he crossed the chamber to a door recessed at the back of the room

he wanted to penetrate this overt mystery 

disregarding the broad passages at either end of the chamber he entered a voluptuous antechamber  his smelling scrubbed by sea air  he distinctly smelled raw blood 

he crossed to a stone balustrade that overlooked the space suspended over a marbletiled floor beneath  on the floor from the height he looked down from he could see a poor attempt was made to wash away what must have been pools of blood  he could see pinkedges  their hue still glistening  interrupted swatches peered faintly  bodieshe assumed dragged off                                 


haste

haste to conceal

from high dark oily smears  obsequious taint
                                              then stepping backward and asidesuddenly dazed  his vision blurring  he hears a tremendous scufflerough voices  thuds   and then horrible screams a womans scream shes choked  shes muffled
       and through the door entering from the receptionchamber it kicked open a mans back appears a woman struggles he holds her legs at her knees another man is rough at her shoulders onearmed his free arm pummels her head her head is swathed in wraps of fabric he beats her somehow she retains consciousness her body twists her scream is muffled at the balustrade the trailing man catches up and across from each other the men throw her over into space  they dont bother to watch her fall  they cross the balcony heading back to go through the doorTHUMP from below


they emerge with an unconscious man between them  a grievous wound to his head  they throw him over the balustrade and also dont watch
THUMP



his legs dont move

he floats to the stoneworks

their bodies have broken like water balloons 

spatters  rivulets of blood flow


the two men emerge

they throw buckets of water on the flooron the bodies  depart  return with more bucketsmore water  the blood thins  at once each roughly drags a broken bodytwisted unnaturally to an egress he couldnt see from where he stood  to an egress that would take them to the sea


it wasnt the liquor he imbibed 


he slipped time


he had only the audacity to smell  to watch time unwind itself and the transgression revealed

he was an unwitting witness

he could recognise both men

recognise the murderers




he also recognised as an uninvited stranger no one would listen to him





he sees  he murders the murderers


dreamed Day-between-Two-Ts and Thursday,  1 and 2,  8.  18
1022,  Tuesday,  7  8. 18
The Kills  What New York Used To Be  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMcu_g8eWgY

6.8.18


“The Fake News hates me saying that they are the Enemy of the People (he always forgets to acknowledge that the People hes referring to are his slim white Republican base) only because they know it’s TRUE,” he (tweets). “I am providing a great service (I am continually surprised when he doesnt say “The President is providing . . .”  –  how does he discern when its him or The President?) by explaining this to the American People (WRONG he aint explaining shit to the bulk of US). They purposely cause great division & distrust. They can also cause War! They are very dangerous & sick! (sounds like a self-diagnosis)”

somebody  preferably a doctor ought to slip him a rectal thermometertake his temperature

hes troubled he might be hallucinatingdeluding himself

1709,  Monday,  6  8. 18



So whats with zero Detour nada Labyrinth Sucks sucks weve had Sucks around consistently for more than a year  Because its available year round 

I know.

This store suffers a wholesale management turnoverthe third in two and a half years and suddenly as not before favorite products which virtually walk out the door arent on the shelves asif some unwholesome spigots been turned  We have regulars walking out of here emptyhanded  

I know, I’ve heard.

Their disgust is thinly veiled

Disgust. You don’t know that.

Ive been here two and a half years I know that You dontyouve been herewha  three weeks

We lose distribution We been screwing our distributers

No, no. We’ve retained our distributers.

I didnt ask if weve retained them I asked if were paying them

That’s not in my purview.

Purview  Pleased you know the word  So whats amiss  Were hemorrhaging customers  Among them many that if Id seen coming across the parking lot I could pull their liquor or beverages before they hit the door and have the order punched into the register where all they need do is pay No shit Thats customers I know  Rarely do they throw me a head fake Theyre faithful customers  They cherish their status quotheir same old same old No surprises Walk in walk out  Regular Customers  Dont need prunes if you follow my drift 

Is that fact lost on corporate  

Despite themselvesfor all intents and purposes  this is a small local business not some distant corporate appendage

I can’t speak for corporate . .
. . Man you are corporateyoure management

I’ve submitted every item you’ve mentionedbecause youre relentless. I’ve ordered every one of them.

I’m overruled.

Youre managing ordering what our customers want  And corporate overrules you  Who

Allocation refuses.

Whats allocation

They submit the POs. They’ve cut my budget three grand a week . .
. . Ya gotta spend money to make money  Theres no risk  The product has legshas always had legs Itll move itself without us pushing    

All I can do is submit orders. Allocation approves what comes to us.


Who is allocation

I don’t know. They’re at corporate.

Theyre not here 

No.

We are

Yes.

Who knows better


You’ll forgive me, that’s a stupid question.

And thats your argument Take it up with allocation Youre not askingyoure not submitting youre ordering 


You’re jokingyou kidding me?


Im standing in front of you What do you see


I see you’re serious . .
. . As serious as dry ice burns

I have no influence.

You have orders from the past you have the stores history Customer is always right until I disagree


My hands are tied.

You got a number A name  Names

You would.

Damn right

You’d jeopardise your job?

You dont think allocations jeopardising our jobs We dont carry what people want they aint coming 

I don’t disagree.

Double negative  You say I agree 

I give a fuck what distant allocation thinks I have no problems throwing down with idiocy  Allocation hasnt a leg to stand on 

Shove em


It won’t help.

You dont know because I guarantee you havent tried

You’re so sure?

Yah Damn sure You gonna tell me otherwise 



Didnt think so 

Yes people are ascendant in corporate

Probably always

I dont know 


I refuse to ascend Id probably kill somebody




2233,  Sunday,  5  8. 18
0846,  Monday,  6  8. 18

5.8.18

dreamed parcel 1


It happened again
                    he said it to no oneno one was around to hear him except his cats but they were fast asleep had breakfast groomed were acting like big cats on the savannah                                         

happened again
               bludgeoned throughout the nightparcel atop of odd parcel with scarcely time to draw a breath in between though these revealeddespite wildly separate locations  geographies  these revealed a continuity  a symmetry which captured his dreaming attention because his dreams hardly ever aligned


he held something that kept him afloat something he caught a frantic glimpse ofsomething angular the black water everywhere around him was anything but angular 

he caught glimpses of it as he swam in its direction   

he tried to remain calmtried wishing and not wishing it to be everything he hoped and everything he hoped was something that would save him from drowning something that would give him a chance to survive another day another day  and another  

he wasat last greedy
                     the years he lived before didnt matter he wanted to live more years
he didnt want his life to end here unknown  fishfood  scavenged bits
Him  Yeah him I remember him  Whatever happened to him

he sought solace with the thought  Him  Hes dead 

death  a solace



hed see what something under him was in the dawn

he unbuckled his belt and cinched his arm to the raft so it wouldnt lose him now that he found it

the white noise the lapping waveshow long had he been in the waterthe sea rocking himhe had no idea he just kept swimmingkept his head above waterquickly took him into a dreamless sleep


when he woke it darkstill darkhis back was dryhad he slept through the daywas this the same nighthis throat was parched  he kept trying to clear it

he unlashed himself

he rolled over onto his back and treaded his belt through his pants

he croaked again

again


he listened for birds he listened for anything other than waves

he croaked


whathe heard something

a whistle


he listenedlistened as he might stare 

he clutched his eyes shut

Was it again
             a whistle

No
Not a whistlea breath

an inhale

an exhale


Mygod  Inhales and exhales   Nasal

he rolled onto his bellygripped the rafts woodslats

whistles

he kept his eyes closed he moved his head like an antenna roving towards where the breaths were emitted 


opening his eyes he found himself looking into an curious eye  quiet in a long head  and beyond it other curious eyes and long heads
whales

a pod of whales

their breaths silver in the night


he crawled forward he reached over the rafts edge and touched the whale behind its eye  touched an alien humanity 

who exhaled

whistled

who breathed with lungs as he breathed with lungs


other whales crowded
                       he touched them  it seemed if they had hands they would also have wanted to touch him 

the pod turned in mass  it churned the sea and whale by  whale   by    whale  took turns taking himhis raft on their backs and swimming in a direction they determined 


he croaked happily 


he gazed in all the different eyes  gazed into their humanity     he passed out 



a red rising sun woke him  he was laying on his belly

he woke believing he dreamed the breathsthe whistlesthe eyes  the whales 

he hadnt

they were taking him into the sun into the east  in the once of wakingrealising he hadnt dreamedhe was washed in the scent of land


stiffly he made it his knees

                              before he raised his eyes he looked into the eyes at either side of him he luxuriated in their whispersin their splashin the mist of their breaths

then he looked


before him in the distance were brown and green curls of land  land that smelled like a woman did waking from her sleep


then he didnt lookhe couldnt he wept



the pod rotated around him 

he recognised particular eyes 

all the whales did not participate 

those who didnt remained at the periphery  perhaps unconvinced he was worthwhile  yet they did acknowledge him they raised their pectorals waved their flukes several leapt bodily into the air and crashed back into the sea throwing up exuberant sparkling gouts



that night near enough land that he could see individual lights hear individual voices curious eye rose beside him  

he could feel their pectoral fin rub the bottom of the raft

then he or she rolled and bankeddove to their right  they emerged directly behind him and nosing the raft they churned the sea with several mighty beats of their fluke pushing him towards the land ahead 

surging forward he saw the pod peel offheard their breaths and whistles and then gliding on the arch of a swellof he or she diving beneath him he heard rollers crashing on the beachhead  rhythmic   methodical  



he was never more alone



dreamed Day-between-Two-Ts and Thursday,  1 and 2,  8. 18
1159,  Sunday,  5  8. 18

4.8.18



this has occurred to him twice in recent weeks

he sets his alarm in the morningbacking up his girlfriend  he doesnt work till evening

their deal if she hasnt text him before his alarm sounds he calls her they crossed their fingers his call would awaken her  she slept like the dead though shed been on a roll  he hadnt called her in months 

hed reply to her text  :  Good morning, love

he wouldnt get a response nor expect one  she was in the midst of her toiletry preparing for work

unfortunately their brief exercise exercised his cats indie and october into thinking the ball was rolling  time to be UP  time to EAT
Yah NO
        perhaps this is where his notion of catnapping came into existence  catnapped dreaming  similar to smartphone snapchats  which he virtually had no interest in


repositioning himself finding a good spot he fell back into a twilight of sleep  hypnagogic 



this mornings early episodes included text 6932420 repeating over and over  he witnessed a womans hand write it on a scrap of wrinkled paper  her disembodied voice intoned 6-9-3-2-4-2-Oh which irked him a zero is a zero not an Oh pettyperhaps she could have said twentyfourtwenty why people choose to languishrecite two-four-two-Oh was beyond him

that reoccurring text happened at fourtwentyfive in the morning 

well preceding his girlfriends text

he found he couldnt fall back to sleepthe number churned in his closed eyes as indie and october vied  ran across him  he was naked covered by a sheet  Time to get upTime to get upTime to get up 
he feigned sleepignored them
                             was it a telephone number no area code maybe she assumed they shared the same area codehow could she assume that  landlines were becoming passé 

was the number something else


eventually they subsidedfaded to black behind his dreaming eyes   


at fivefourteen a text roused him from his menial struggle

his girlfriend

she woke up and in some place in her brief shivering consciousness she realised she had fallen asleep the night before as they were texting about challenges she was having with personnel  challenges she hadnt expected from middleaged coworkersthe stress they inveighed
she valued his input 

her wakening however was exacerbated by a bad dreamshe had a lot of bad dreams in this one he left her because of her health  

he texted her  :  Good morning, my love Always beautiful to talk to you when I can


when she didnt reply he assumed she fell back to sleep


he had to ignore his cats againfind a new position  he laid on his backhis hands at his hips  he drifted off



a man walking towards him burst like a seed podspattering him harmlessly  like paint

from his collapsing shroud it falling flaccid to the ground his electricwhite contents caught a passing breeze and rose into the sky  turning into crimson plume in the dawning light disseminating

he woke stunned 
fivefortythee
that was surreal

dreams are


he repositioned himself again this time on his left sidetucking a pillow between his legs  his left arm extended  like Adams arm to God Michelangelos The Creation of Adam painted on the Sistine Chapels ceiling

he copped that position a couplethree times every night 

he rarely slept an entire night through



he walked along a curb in the amber of a streetlamp

wherever this was there were no sidewalks

a car approaching from behind threw his shadow on its face in its white headlights and abruptly cut him off

it was drab green 60s sedan

looking down he saw it nearly pinched his left foot between its tire and the curb

he stepped up completely up onto the curbonto the scrubbeddirt shoulder     

the sedans occupants unseenveiled by the lacquered sheen of light covering the windshield accosted him through the slightcracked windowsthrough curling skeins and jets of blue cigarette smoke

he swung his canvas knapsack off his shoulder

it was weighted by books and a Ka-Bar knife

in his eyes he saw an ugly deadly tangle with two occupants who sprung from the backseat exiting opposite doors 

then he recognised what he saw was really just a preamblea dance he would do if they attacked

voices snarled and spat  thensuddenly and as abruptly the sedan lurched backwards squealing  its tires peeled as it weaved back into the street 

perhaps they were daunted  they hadnt incited him to flee or make a chase of it  or perhaps the dangling knapsack its dangling unknown in his hand was like a defiant exclamation point  not to be trifled with

numbers seem to embolden people


his girlfriend texted and woke him  :  up up up. i love you. Thank you for allaying my fears and affording me more sleep. 

:  Ha  Good morning again
You’re welcome, my love

the cats began at him again but he quickly pivoted onto his right side pillow between his knees pinning his right hand between the pillow and his right knee


as the cats subsided he drifted off again



the buildings looked like stacked white cardboard boxes  the nearer he approached he saw they were big

they didnt have windows

he was inexorably drawn to them

they were his destination


he entered the square that contained them

looking up he saw queer black sticksquivering black sticks poking out of their tops and sides  the sticks werent organic to the buildings 

there was a smell

it was astringent  

formic acid


looking up he watched the black sticks tick they were articulated

OhChrist legs antennae   huge antssimultaneously they lunged out of their tall hiding places and toppledlosing their footholds freefalling into the square

they clattered around him like cannonshotsassiduous exoskeletons  then agilely gatheringregaining their feet they turned on him snapping wicked jaws   

the whitesheet walls hinted at accesses  slight small honeycombed impressions  

he threw himself at one  upclose it seemed a fibrous shoji screen he drove the sharp toe of his boot into it he punctured it he spun and jammed his heel into it several more times the hole enlarged begrudgingly he spun againbacked up several strides then hurled himself headlong at it ahead of an ant he breached it and from within he could make out stark silhouette of his antagonist the dull shadows of other ants as they massed on the translucent walls 

inside staircases went up  none descended into the earthen floor  ironwork stairs to ironwork landing and floors  everything he could see was lit opaquely  lit by sunlight

mounting the steps he found upper floors were cutup into unfinished spaces  ascending to the top was a singular suite  it was enveloped inkind by the exterior skin  

there was a single framed sliding door etched with Ron Rot & RCT     

inside he could hear motion  muffled voices

rapping at the fibrous door  it sounded dull  everything went quiet

which irked him

he put the toe and heel of his boot to work again


he crouched to enter the room through the hole he made  


of course three men stood opposite him he halfexpected theyd wear coveralls with Ron &  Rot &  RCT on their breasts

their faces were pinched

closecropped skulls

You guys look like exterminators then he motioned with his thumb to the walls at their backs and sides marred by the movement of huge herkyjerky shadows
So whats with the ants

the house phone rang and roused him fuckin telemarketers  going to his voicemail the call ended  and whined

he was sorely tempted to whine with it


catnaps
       snapchats

now indie and october won out


page said Wed evening,  20  6. 18 (but I think before)
1134,  Thursday,  2  8. 18