an amendment how often had he amended anything in his life

                                          this past weekend he realised(unexpectedly he was rendered to tears) he overlooked what should have been notable and included with his inability to watch the films Swept Away and Journey to the Center of the Earth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fahr069-fzE

the first time he ever heard this rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow was as he sat in his daughters car in a parking lot in Bucktown California waiting for her Five minutes, Dad, I’ll be out in fivepromise.  she was running errands for her wedding day still two years off 

he palled along  

she was a prodigious planner detail-oriented  a gift from her mother  her motherhis wife was dead     

he didnt plan anythinghe had an aversion a distaste for order and succession  albeit it exhibiting itself in things he did

although he defended himself saying his actions were organic common sense I didnt plan it It planned itself 

planning came nervously close to being anal and while he counted himself among the more freer thinking men who hadnt profound issues with the sanctity of the male anus he preferred not to be described or adjectivised as anal  

it was curious to think those things then in Bucktown California his father grew up in Bucktown Chicago Illinois
he didnt think thered be another Bucktown anywhere in the US

funny

       and literally as he heard and burst into tears at this rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow he knew that this was the song he and his daughter would dance to for the FatherDaughter dance at her wedding

this past weekend there had been a lot of discussion regarding cellphone applications algorithms Silicon Valley
remote computers kindly offering suggestions and recommendations 

his daughter had set her fone down and through Bluetooth played music through wireless speakers from her playlist which she didnt compile 

the second song was Somewhere Over the Rainbowsince her wedding thirteen years prior hed heard it only twice it tore him up so very much it reminded him of Somewhere from West Side Story  the song that he and his wife chose for their wedding     

that evening over beers he wondered out loud at what point the computer suggestions recommendations would cease  Then what

his son-in-laws brother a young man who unfortunately now had spent half his life bond to a wheelchair though likely might experience remarkable benefits through computers neural networks asked What do you mean, then what?

Yes  Then what  I mean what happens when its gentle prodding eventually gives way to demand

Demand?

Yes Granted Im looking at the dark sidesomeone has too I see all these breathtaking rapid advances outrunning our ability to  to qualify themto determine their moralityif thats the right word  here here here here  more  selling us goods faster than we can decide if its goods are good goods or just shit Think of it ten generations of iPhones since mid-twothousandseven I appreciate Apples economic modelingwringing as much money as it possibly can out of people But the asking will stopthe suggestions will stop I see this to be very much like a street corner pusher offering tastes A taste aint gonna hurt ya baby Just a taste to see whayer missin Parlay that with street markets the free samples I rarely accept a free sample the free is worked into their scheme as part of the market  Eventually the pushers taste baby becomes an addictionCant do without it It becomes a demand

Silicon Valley isnt pausing Its ramrodding Eightyseven million Facebook users information was compromised by Cambridge Analytica All the Rushing The Russianing At what price At no price to Facebook Like the Visa American Express MasterCard debacle early in Bushwhackers Administration Millions of creditcards compromised And the companies knew it happenedknew it happened for months before Fake News excuse me rooted out the truth forced them before Congressional hearings They virtually paid no price Precedence  They teed up the ball  Silicon Valley has come along and is whacking the hell out of it 

You dont think theres going to be a demand a You-got-no-choice-brother moment

Maybe Somewhere Over the Rainbow there wouldnt be

1549,  Monday,  30 4. 18

1018,  Twosday,  1  5. 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BQMgCy-n6U

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/apr/08/facebook-to-contact-the-87-million-users-affected-by-data-breach

Three years ago, Visa and MasterCard claimed public-key encryption certificates based on a protocol called Secure Electronic Transactions would be the main way to make online card processing safer: http://www.cnn.com/2000/TECH/computing/08/21/credit.fraud.initiatives.idg/index.html

https://www.propublica.org/article/how-to-wrestle-your-data-from-data-brokers-silicon-valley-and-cambridge-analytica?utm_source=pardot&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=dailynewsletter

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan can can the House chaplain

yet somehow cant bear to can Devin Nunes Chairman of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence

Nunes originally a patronymic meaning Son of Nuno ask Nunes what patronymic meanshow bright is he Damn he was sure Nunes patronymic meaning was Son of a Bitch no offense to his mother the man lacks any spit of intelligence hes a fucking lackey a waterboy a shrill 

hard to believe hes still standing

                                  however like Pruitt and Mulvaney who looks like the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark whose face melted eyeballs rolled out of his head when he gazed inside the Ark and Pompeii  they loyally service the president  make no mistake  not serve   service

Ryan has done to the Office of the Speaker of the House as Dennis Hastert a Tom DeLay enabler did and as the president defaces and diminishes the Office of the President of the United States

he thought I gotta give myself an Amen brother  AMEN! 

1328,  Twosday,  1  5. 18

https://www.salon.com/2018/04/27/paul-ryan-fires-the-house-chaplain-angering-catholic-republicans/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/a-top-aide-to-epa-chief-scott-pruitt-resigns-amid-scrutiny/2018/05/01/9db56f44-4d44-11e8-84a0-458a1aa9ac0a_story.html?utm_term=.a3a408458811

he was trying to lift the hazyreturn to a kind of normalcy – who likes that – return from the reelingthe unexpected  difficult    death is difficult reversals are difficultchallenging  and holding his own counsel he preached to the choir  

but its the stuff of Life

the mornings black coffee an dates werent going to avert or rectify itnot the not-so-daily Irish whiskey either

in the wake of his stream-of-consciousnessthe brisk chat between his consciousness and unconsciousness it roiled and tossed from its bed indignant  spoiled  having to be reminded Youre in this too the bland dumb look on its face it was in it it couldnt be an ostrichits head suck in the warm loam even if it wanted Yah  yah yah yah UnderstoodGot it I got it

It getting it was always the huge first step 

his Unconsciousness played an enormous part of his Consciousness  largerhe thought  than most people

he made his Unconsciousness dress in a priests collarnot that he believed in priests or what they believed  rather that the white stiff collar chaffing its throat suggested a kind of sobriety and discretion  avowed silence  something to confide in that would have his best interesttheir best interest at heart

his Unconsciousness would always finally get around to be his best counsel he had to contend with its preliminary bullshit an harhar reminding him that humour is the best medicinethe best disinfectant the best rosecoloured glassesthe brick hurtled through the glass wall of the glass house his reality lived inside like a freshcleaned mirror  reflecting

his uncle died 

he refused a surgery to remove a brain tumor that was already removed

his uncle understood his death was imminent  

he did too

but death is always unexpected

his mother was hospitalised because she neglected herselfa neglect that was only exceeded by her unmitigated concern for his fathers physical circumstances which were always diceyhed never met a better craps player

his cousin revealed she had breast cancer her sister died late last year too late to her breast cancer to remediate it
rendered in twothree months  rendered awful  but appropriate

                                                                    those were heaped atop his daughters boithday celebration which he adamantly refused to step back or away from for the news that found them

hed deal with it tomorrow

today was tomorrow

he was dealing with it

Consciously

Unconsciously

reckoning

You can run but you cant hide.

Yadont run from a bear

even his eight year old granddaughter knew that You make yourself BIG. Right, Grampa?

he smiled secretly he made the obscene wish she would never have to make herself BIG stand pat

inevitably

       everyone does

1154,  Monday,  30  4. 18

hate
      a strong word

Yaknow what I hate?

I hate gettin all spick an span squeakyclean fresh out of a shower toweledfresh  smelling like my favorite black pepper and ginger soap

                then have to take a shit
Mutherfucker 

Why didnt that mutherlode present itself fifteen minutes earlier so my sterling clean body could really dig itselframble out the doorHELLO WORLD  GOT SOME MIGHTY FINE MEAT HERE
instead spoiled  ought to jump back into the shower  

however  deflated likely to slip down the drain an out of the world like a freed pubic hair semen from sex in the showerblood from a heavy flow  Round an round it goes where it stops nobody knows

I hate taking a shit after I shower

1254,  Sunday,  22  4. 18

he whipped up a liver sausage sandwich onion slabs ground mustard greens kale an spinach multigrain sourdough laid it in a graniteware pie tin  beside it placed garlic pickle spears and root chips opened a cold beer poured three fingers of Klontarf and went into the livingroom sat on the sofa to watch Swept Away a film by Lina Wertmuller 

he watched it in Italianread the subtitles

not five in he stopped

he set his sandwich down took a pull from his beerthen a sip of his Irish  then he killed the film  

he thought he could watch it

he was mistaken

he left the sandwich half eatenleft the pickles and chips

he stared at the blackened screenlistened to the electronic static

the film wasfilm is transistional   it locked him in a time warp that didnt budge TimeStandingStill

he took his girlfriendlater to be his wife to Swept Away  one of their first dates

he immediately became engrossed enmeshed absorbed by the film he didnt notice if she was enjoying it or not she didnt know of his capacity to singularly focus on film he went off in its world traipsing across the screen as a minor characteran aside a ghost a spook  dates before had left him in theatres films then were twin bills he wasnt aware they were gone until at the first films endcredits running he turned to talk with them during the intermission

he took that time then to go into the lobby and telephone their homestalk wth their parentsusually their fathers to confirm they were home safe Yah, she called, I came and picked her up. So what the hell? he thanked them curtly without answering their What the hell he had told his dates what the films were that they were going to see if they didnt want to see the filmsexperience them they should have said No. said Maybe another film, some other time? 

he anted-up gas money their tickets their popcorn or candy their soft drinks  and they slip away on him 

hell  maybe that was a test    mebbe

afterwards he didnt approached the girls who left him in the theatre to call Mommy or Daddy

if they yapped about him at school it stayed in their cliques  which meant nothing to him

Cece didnt leave he she drove she could havecould have left him high and drynot that he would see it as high and dry he always twisted thingstortured them into a better light had she left him she would only have inconvenienced him a little

actually she would have given him an unexpected experiencehe relished unexpected 

he usually bullied unexpected

unexpected didnt expect him either

Swept Away was shown in a camp Art house in Coconut Grove 

she did watch itshe talked to him of its sociopolitical awareness its frank humourous sexuality  

American films werent there yet they were Shoot em ups! Bang BANG YOURE DEAD because thats what Americans did Vietnam all these many years later was finally petering outon the ropes its fat cats were either losing money or not making enough  JesusChrist pull the miserable plug  Lets fuck with Latin America  Gold in dem der hills

when he asked her out for another foreign film she said  No thank you. Maybe some other film, some other time. she knew he was going whether she went with him or not which he did 

later that night she picked him up at the Art house and took him across the Rickenbacker to Key Biscayne

they had chilled Pouilly-Fuisse snacked on chicken slices of papaya off the trees in her backyard 

they smoked a joint  played on the blanket  held the beach until the sun rose

as he killed Swept Away he recognised that another film he wouldnt watch by himself was the farcical remake of Journey to the Center of the Earth (aww yeah  in 3D  No) Brendan Frasers -- later of Mummy fame – coming out vehicle he resented when film became a vehicle  remakes left him cold  only sex had sequels however his invitation was titillating  Spike had accepted she was coming Spike was the tongue-in-cheek nickname a mutual friend had given her thats another story he was very attracted her thats why he acceded despite their mutual friend touting heof all people had amended his way and conceded to see the remake

if Spike wasnt in the mix he wouldnt have gone anywhere near the theatre

then as it was they watched an altogether different film from everyone else as they sat side by side in the small town Art Deco theatre enjoyed something on another planein an alternate reality thrilled in a psychic commentariat that they took turns whispering from beginning to end  they irritated everyone sitting around themtook Hushes Would you be quiet?  but they couldnt help themselves if they tried    

he went to many films he wouldnt have if it hadnt been for Spikes presence and film by film by film he became more enamoured with her

finally Spike boned up and wondered how they might get in touch if they wanted to spend time together separate of the group secretly he almost swallowed his tongue Spike asked him for his number he obliged and as he wandered awayhe had a bus to catch she asked him if hed like her number duh he was that smooth

they were inseparable since

only recent circumstances illnessesfamily illnesses  put them at a physical distance

they made what time they could to spend time together

you learn to be happy with what you have

not with what you want

odd couples

Swept Away

a remade Journey to the Center of the Earth

hed never see either again 

his memory burned holes through them

1101,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  25  4. 18

1520,  Thursday,  26  4. 18

Siegel – Schwall Band  Do You Remember  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dp2JXchVv8

“In an interview with Fox & Friends (Fox & Friendshe didnt watch television – wasnt that a cartoon showsounds like a cartoon show  was the president doing voiceovers too) during the interview on Thursday after (Ronny) Jackson's withdrawal (to head the VA), Trump said Jackson ‘would have done a great job’ and ‘had a perfect record’ and called the allegations against him false.”

false

       the pot calling the kettle black   the pot went on to say “he wouldn't be surprised if Jackson wanted to withdraw given the rising storm, but that it was ‘his decision.’

"‘I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. What does he need it for? To be abused by a bunch of politicians that aren't thinking nicely about our country? I really don't think personally he should do it, but it's totally his — I would stand behind him — totally his decision.’"

                       totally his decision

hmm

         the pot said he wouldnt do it  and that he really didnt think personally he should

whats a cartoon character to do

the president has stood behind an AlaBAMBAMian paedophilehas stood behind White Nationalists his father Fred would have been very very proud  wait nuts  spelled it wrong  Nationalshits

if he was a cartoon character he wouldnt want the pot standing anywhere near himlet alone behind him  itd give him the heebiejeebies and he could only imagine how a skilled cartoonist might draw him to elicit heebiejeebies without him having to say so  itd be hilarious  cartoons lean toward the comedic   which is why he believed no one shouldnt come into this Life if they cant take a fuckin joke                                                                                  Stay Out

what was with the pot and lying

lying isnt an embellishment

lying is lying

0923,  Thursday,  26  4. 18

https://www.npr.org/2018/04/26/605471807/dr-ronny-jackson-withdraws-as-va-nominee?utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20180426&utm_campaign=breakingnews&utm_term=nprnews

http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2014/12/22/the_pot_calling_the_kettle_black_is_the_idiom_offensive_racist_or_fair_game.html

Cohen will plead the Fifth

pot cant help himself

https://twitter.com/PhilipRucker/status/989478640009269248

or

https://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/trump-says-michael-cohen-represented-him-in-stormy-daniels-case-1219647555542?playlist=associated

1047,  Thursday,  26  4. 18

he saw her while he was writinghe was always writing  he lifted his eyes off the pageover the mug of black coffee he sipped and they fell onto her legslegs that went up and up and on and on forever that they caught his attention unnerved him typically he wasnt one to admire a womens legs  boys somewhere along the line find their attraction his was breasts the physical attraction is a lure however if he didnt find her brain attractiveshe was not involved  if she wasnt an excitinginciting tin woman from Oz his interest dissolved Oh look  he recognised her from around hed been called a prick more than once

sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me  he didnt remember when first he learned that little ditty but he took it to heart

someone might disappoint himhe might disappoint someone  he didnt see any point in crude accusations 

he didnt need to be liked or sought to have people like him

his sister called him a prick  You naturally have a way with peoplean inordinate way, what's Maw say, whatyes, youre charming. You are very charming. People are naturally drawn to you, charisma. Charismatic. You are. Yet you don’t care that you are, you can take people or leave them. Sometimes, sometimes, you’re cruel, very cruel.

I like you hed say

I love you. But you’re a prick.

Everyone has shortcomings baby  Everyone

What’s mine?

Id have to think on that  Youre pretty wonderful  I idealise you so I scarcely look for faults in youIm not trying to have sex with you

See?  Prick.

Awright
         If I were to find fault in you Id say youre too compassionatethat you will step aside and enable someone to exceed you  I feel that while one can help another they do not do it to their deficit  There should be no one more important to you than yourself  Selfish  Maybe   But one cant possibly love another if they do not love themselves first

I feel that compassion like respect is earnedis hard won

Is that prickish since you asked

No. I know that about you, your compassion. 

You feel I’m a soft touch.

You are a soft touch  If we were walking down the street together an a homeless person was asking for moneytheyd ask you  their asking you to me is meant like secondary smoke  Im rarely asked directly for money

Eat your dog. 

Yes

his no nonsense preceded him  a supposed homeless person once asked him for money for food  the beggar had a dog  This your dog he asked You feed him  He’s my dog  Then if youre hungry as you say  eat your dog

prick

her legs went on and on  up under a short skirt  pleated  it movedit flattered her legs

he sipped his coffee it cooled substantial since last he sipped it  he was writing

he stood

he walked over to her Seems we keep running into each other My names Joe My coffees gone cold I wondered if I could buy you a cup  I wouldnt be so forwardyes I would  could I buy you a cup of Joe

Joe? Are you usually so clever?

Are you

I am.

Then Legs you should let me buy you a cup of coffee  If you have a little time to talk that would be wonderfulif not Id still like to buy you a cup of coffee

Legs?

Yes  You have great stems

Stems?

Vernacular  I wont spoil it for you  Look it up

Look it up. You won’t get a girl a break?

You dont appear to need  or want a break

Legs. I like it. I used to dance.

Athletic  Your legs reveal that

You think a dancer is an athlete?

Coordination Agility Stamina  Athletic

A man of few words.

And while Im eating  none

Joe, nice to finally meet you. Unfortunately I can't stay, can I have a raincheck?

For the small price of your number

she laughed

she took the pen from behind his ear where absently he always tucked it

she took his hand by the wrist and wrote her number on his palm There. You’ll never wash this hand again, will you? she laughed  her mouth open

Eventually but not before I memorise your number What will you have  Something exotic frothy  a touch of Torani syrup

Black, please.

Espresso

I think not. Espresso works me up too much, at least for the middle of the day.

Ill remember to treat you to an espresso at the end of an evening

Joe. Are you trouble?

I wouldnt say trouble More like a handful

she smiled

she left without sharing her name

evidently Legs appealed to her

 

dream-augmented piece,  0929,  Twosday,  24  4. 18