what can be more mundanethe same-old-same-old
than grocery shoppingthe millingthe puzzlingthe intricate label-reading and Do
I need this or is this just something I
want
everyone who shopped was distracted and finally when all items
are chosen and unpacked and gone through the register and repackedGet me the
hell out of Dodge we go away usually the receipt uninspected the receipt subtly revealing the
corporate-bonus theyve taken for themselves by our ignoranceour unwillingness
to confirm our purchases
is it a reality that most
households do a big shopping perhaps
biweekly or the terrific once-a-week for their families he had no idea what size the
typical family was anymore but his circumstances allowed
him to shop every day or every-other-day
small slices and small slices can
easily be pared inspected prices of items held in his brains mawbetween its teethslobbering and because he purchased limited groceries he
found errors benefiting the corporation typically once-a-week be the price scanned
incorrectly or an item not up to par
and he didnt allowed them to set par
people are distracted
theyre distracted by their lists
and recipes and going off the top of their heads Just a quick stopIn ‘n Out
since he was shopping only for
himself and had been for years everything came off the top of his head
if he forgot something
that was his punishmenthis
accountability
he might have argued with
himself(he was a curmudgeona bit of a bitch on this point) that since no one
was held accountable in the public sphere any longerthat a person who commits
an immoral act can behave ethically in a public role or so said White evangelicals though he had
to assume those were men having other mens backs White malesthick as thievesdoubling down miserablemiserlycocksuckers gooblegooble
since no one was accountable why didnt he just get into the car and
drive back over to the storeFuck me! hed holler Fuck me if I cant remember what
I neededmy fault my punishment
he was harder on himself than
anyone ever could be dont try to encourage or flatter him he was beyond those feeble attemptsbeyond strokes
tri-tips were onsale 2.88 a pound
that was a significant savings
tri-tips were a cut he wasnt
familiar with until he visited Californias Central Coast had dined on what his
host called a Santa Maria barbecue with sausages pinquito beans garlic bread
and a green salad
its a long triangular cut of beef
he bought it untrimmed
butchers usually tucked its
narrowed end up under the roast when packaging it secreting its slab of
fat but that was part of the game
bringing it home he trimmed it
himself he had butchering in his
background lived in Montana on a
ranch did its killings its butchery
prior he had taken a part-time gig with an
inventory service whose owner had a part-time gig as a butcher and taught him
the ropes rendering halves of beef and hog
his boss called him a natural
he took that as a compliment
for his trouble learning the
ropes his boss usually gave him fiveten pounds of meat when he finished
he didnt buy meat the two years
he lived there
he even had the luxury of elk and
deermeat and supplementing the whole of it with rabbit he raised on the ranch
he bought a 3.92 pound cut of
tri-tip
he usually preferred four and a
half to five pounds but there were slimpickings
the butcher behind the meat counter said they were waiting on another
shipment(another corporate ploy a scarce
lead-item so youd hump your ass in)
it was just going to be him for
dinner his brother-in-law backed out due
to an entanglement with his new wife and since he had to sleep with her he did
the smart thing(for now) and reneged on their barbecue
when he unpacked the tri-tip
rolled it over an eyebrow went upa
silent exclamation point at the thickness of the fat it was unusually generous
setting to it with his paring
knife slicing away a little at a time so not to cut the meat wanting to leave a
slim quarterinch which then burned nicely over the red oak coals roasting
it he cut away more and more to his consternation
finishing he exclaimed as he balled up the fat placed
it back within its cellophane wrapped it for overnight in the refrigerator Ohhellno what
did the Dude always say Yes This aggression will not stand man this
aggression will not stand
it was a tasty solo barbecue
whetted with Detour doubleIPA Clontarf Irish whiskey cold sliced tomatoes
roasted green and Anaheim peppers an onion
the next morning he took the bagged the
ball of fat and walked reading Tristram Shandy back to the grocerystore
inside he made a beeline to the
butchers counter and spoke to a young man servicing it his white meat apron was white unbloodied
a cog not the gear
he asked of the meat manager was available
no surprise he wasnt
Then whos next on the foodchain
Foodchain
Who carries the weight in the
managers absence
Oh
Is Oh Chinese Or is Oh an exclamation Nevermind
Id like you to weight this ball of fat for me that I bought yesterday
for 2.88 a pound
the kid dutifully did as he asked
And please if you would affixed a price label to it at
2.88 a pound
Youll excuse me its fat
It is 2.88 a pound please he glanced at the scale 1.57 pounds figured four and a half dollars Thank you
the kid should there with the label at the end of his thumb If youd please affix it to the plastic bag
beside yesterdays label that I paid against
the kid followed orders well Thank you he
glanced at his nametag Dan
Youre welcome
Were moving along Now if youd please summons whomever is
managing the department Id like to be
reimbursed the one-point-five-seven pounds of fat at two dollars and
eighty-eight cents a pound
I cant do that
No you cant Thats why I asked you to get the acting
manager
Oh Ill have to get the acting manager he knew acting manager rather than who
carried the weight was
that vernacular no longer recognised
Joey my names Joey how can I
help he got right to the point Joey held the ball of fat in his hand
Thats my ball of fat youre
holding I bought it yesterday Im not going to eat it Its off an untrimmed tri-tip I bought
yesterday Dan weighed it at one-point-five-seven
pounds Thats one-point-five-seven pounds
of a three-point-nine-two roast which off the top of my head is approximately
forty percent of the tri-tip Now Ive
heard of a butchers thumb on the scale
but thats one really fat thumb
Alright How can I help If youre unhappy were unhappy
Then lets get happy Please reimburse me
Joey affixed the tag Dan ran to
his receipt beneath the tri-tip transaction
Take this up to the courtesy desk in front and have them reimburse
you If they have any questions they can
ring me back here
Thank you I appreciate your help
Joey
Anything to help Youre welcome
at the courtesy desk the receipt
and Joeys attached labeling flummoxed the gal manning it and the baldheaded
supervisor behind her
the supervisor looked at the
receipt then said Subtract that and give him
the difference itll be simpler
that way for the books why would she subtract the difference
the difference was six dollars
eightyeight cents
one-point-five-seven pounds at
two eighty-eight a pound
he was done correcting
people Thank you
she said Youre welcome and behind
her the manager made distracted bobblehead nods
everyone
at a grocerystore is apparently distracted
1352, Thursday,
9 11. 17
1200, Friday,
10 11. 17
