How many of your memories are
implanted? How many of your memories of the world beyond the border are
verifiable?
Annihilation Jeff Vandermeer
it is enlightening to read a fictionscifi
that suddenlyunexpectedly calls into question your experiences memories your childhood remembrances
youve held onto fast an furiously then wondering
confused if you truly remembered them
or they were fed to you unknowingly because you were a child and your parents could couldnt they
or they were fed to you unknowingly because you were a child and your parents could couldnt they
he had children unfortunately when his wife died she took the
other half of the brain trust with her when they asked him about things they
remembered their childhoods perceptions
he answered only what he remembered and said honestly that he didnt when he didnt imagine the corruption he held he told
them what they thought they knew theyd have to knowaccept(whatever knowing
meant) what they remembered We would look at things differentlywouldnt
we he said You as a child what you were capable
of understanding(both his girls excelled
they were old souls they had to
bethey were to be stuck with him) and me as an adult father husband he was a bit bothered now that he saw
himself as a father before a husband twisting in the chicken – egg egg – chicken conundrum though if he was to be very honest with
himself his wife saw herself as a mother before being a wife their children were their priority superseding all else superseding even their relationship
he
couldnt say if that was a good or a bad thing
but what he could say was that they
never fed their children garbagethey never manipulated them they tried their best to make them aware that others might and that they should be sceptical should always question authority
he was convinced they understood
when they began questioning their authority
Good
Not
so good
years after his wife died he met a truly beautiful woman
beautiful inside and out
she was younger than hehis
daughters said they expected as much But not that young
But thats not your purview is it
Youre our father
Im a man first I have my autonomy an I have no intention of
answering to either of you regarding my personal life
It seems
to me if I had enough on the ball to marry your mother have you raised you my track record speaks for itself
I do
not interject myself into your relationshipsyour lives because plainly speaking your mother and I helped inform the
relationships you would make with others
We taught you how to love
You did but you cant expect us(they
spoke through his raised hand) not to speak our mindshave our opinions
By all means have them But keep them between yourselves
he didnt meet her mother for more than two years because her mother didnt want to meet him(perhaps something she might share with his daughters)
she related her mother said
she was confident he was using her
maybe because she was using her daughter
he didnt graspnever did the
concept of using another human being
he believed in mutuality( myo͞oCHəˈwalədē )(when you look at
its pronunciation its disconcerting mooch seemed unkindunjust to the
honesty and trust he had instilled imbued and required in his
relationships)
he held up and maintained a high
bar
and the longer they dated the more he realeyesed the mindfuck her
mother had and was perpetrating against her
when he could no longer hold his tongue he told her that as a parenthaving raised two daughters it
never occurred to him to abuse themdeny them as her mother was doing against
her She has no claim to be called mother She birthed you That doesnt make a mother
But shes my mother . .
.
. Until you put it down
he hadnt said it yet
Why dont you forge a suicide pact with her and
let her go first
not yet
1501, Friday,
3 11. 17
1224, Sunday,
5 11. 17
Here great magicians, caught
in their own spell, long for a natural climate as they sigh, “Beware of Magic”
to the passer-by The Tower W. H. Auden
