so

      he found the word contemptiblechalk it up to his predilicktionwhat felt good in his mouth

he didnt put anything his mouth he couldnt swallow

so

   it was swallowing a loogie because he was either in mixed companyfuck guys or he was some place he couldnt genteelly spit it outin any event he didnt want it furthur inhabiting his cheek  never could fathomed snuff or chaw 

he did not want to appear rude

though meanwhile  his language seemed rude to the uninitiated 

                                                   he wasnt usually  at least not without provocation

rather he was quite gentlemanly

he did however caution women that the singular reason he was was that he didnt wish his mother to materialise and vigorouslyungentlemanly chastise him for acting like a bum

he preferred his mother existentially when he went to visit hersee her and his fatherwhich wasnt to say he didnt visit themto see his father  and his mother  neither appreciated his confrontational nature  they shruggedthey didnt invest it in him  where had he learned it

he told them I learned it here at home  Watching the two of you making nice when it was apparent in your faces that neither of you wanted to be niceyou curbed your tongues  Seemed dishonest to me then  You can either endure me full dose or not   You cant hurt my feelings

he didnt want his mother to use transmigrate in the sublime ether of her feminine noosphereTeilhard de Chandinno offence intended he didnt have a fucking idea what he was talking about  the Noosphere can function only by releasing more and more spiritual energy with an ever higher potential  did he really think the Noosphere accepted the spiritual energy of men  itd been coopted since time immemorial by females Goddesses Queens the Childbearers  de Chandin listen up  it wasnt in cardsnot in The Future of Man  Go out an kill something to eatyoull feel better

he couldnt be fooled  capable women everywhere had the pristine ability to haunt their children while still tethered to the planet

men hadnt the energy talentthe hutzpa the Jews had a word for everythinglike the Germansmaybe Germans were Jews a little finger of the Lost Tribe wouldnt that be ironic   and cookingwise!

                                                         but that was in his youthhe couldnt turn his back on his formative years  however he couldnt imagine a sensational Jewess cook who wouldnt have her daughters at her hips and elbows in the kitchen

he peered into the hanging blue smoke he exhaled from his cigar  so   this so was okaya placeholder  he pondered   he couldnt imagine any passionate parent not try to extent their passions onto their children  or should he call itrather  their prejudice  his daughters sought and earned bachelor degrees in biology  animal and fish  he and his wife were moved by scienceprejudiced  they were liberal freethinking  they weighed things with fact reason  that their daughters achieved degrees they had not(but had vicariously) hed be an ass(never his wife – he assumed their assdom – he was the confrontational onehed make people eat their words and didnt mind thrashing someone or being thrashed – you didnt win all your fights – but he gave as good as he got – what was another black eye – it healed – eventually all things healed)  his wife was the forgiver like her mother see! she was forgiving to a fault  that was her NatureNurture NurtureNature heads or tails Egg or Hen 

some things he couldnt forgive 

that was his Nature

                and if the things unforgiven made him less wellaffected him sighcologically  he had no apologises

he wasnt perfect 

not that there was a damn thing manmade that was

all he had to do was look around in the bright light of any day and see it was true despite sometimesbeyond his better judgment  squinting  lessening its abysmal glare buying himself a moment  he boned up again

so

   he might be more perfect than some others

he embraced their liberalness  embraced their rationale reasonableness  devoid of faith

dogma was for dogs

Fetch!

Good boy!

Good girl!

he didnt fetchhe rather they tried to beat him with a stick  if he got it out of their hands hed beat them as unmercifully as they intended to beat him

his wife loved him

she didnt love that about him

he told her You dont have to  I dont love your incredulous unending compassion(that was the stick others beat her with)

however maddening they were to each other she was she and he was he

marriage codified their differences

much to her chagrin

                 Baby  Im not a work-in-progress I yam wha I yam   Me an Popeye

SO.

1201,  Thursday,  28  9. 17

0859, Friday,  29  9. 17

War  Four-Cornered Room  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFmCCxMp7BE

They who would be young when they are old,

must be old when they are young.  John Ray, 1670

Whilst part of what we perceive comes through our senses from the object before us, another part (and it maybe the larger part) always comes out of our own minds.  William James, The Principles of Psychology(sighcology)

he had to admit it threw him a curve

he hadnt slept on the floor forwha  five years   August  after sleeping on the floor for almost twelve years prior

Really a fullgrown man sleeping on the floor  Why   Floors are hard

there were few basements in Californiahe hazarded because of the shakers(Rays Flatuses) they werent the housesthe floors he was accustom to in the Midwest subfloors finished floors laid on top of floor joists

sarcasticallyReally  A fullgrown man can sleep anywhere he wants

You think a womans gonna join you on the floor

Havent had any complaints

he talked his Japanese mother-in-law out of one of her authentic fullsize futons

it served his purpose the West always thinks it has the world by the balls

his bedroom had low shelves on three walls for his books  the wallspace above them harboured his art  it was dense with canvases and framed photographs

his girlfriend said his place reminded her of a museuma sanctuary 

she accepted the floor

they relished the floor

he promised her the advantage of the futon was that he couldnt knock her out of bed in his passion

sometimes their passion ended up in the narrow hallway at the bedrooms threshold

they collapsed at night

                  when they awoke in the morning they laughed at where they found themselves passion takes you and leaves you where it will they were very passionate

'the curve was the dreams he had sleeping on this floorthis house they rented after a fire stole their museum their sanctuary

he conceded

they bought a nice bed

Isnt this better she asked

Its different  I wonder if Ill suffer altitude sickness

Youre such a screwball  Admit its better

For you  Its better

Youre quoting me arent you

I am

Gotta be a tough nut

Theres something to thatIve spent a lot of time becoming one  But Im your nut

You are  Youre my nutI love you

I love you

she struggled with autoimmune challengesbaked in the cake

he snored  a less difficult challenge 

he couldnt hear himself 

she could

her flares made her exquisitely sensitive  and that sensitivity was heaped atop her already exquisitely sensitive nature  she vibrated like insect antennae      

he said hed sleep in the livingroom

No  Please  I dont want you to

Thank you baby  However what you want and what you need are two different things  You need as much restsleep as you can get and my snoring is keeping you awake  The answers plain an itll be for only a short time  Sooner you come out of your flare the sooner Ill be in bed with youBesides  you know I like sleeping on the flooreh

Yes  I hate your logic

he took the livingroom floor and slept and dreamt and every night he dreamt he was a boy a boy playing with the children who lived in this house three boys and a girlbing bing bing bing inside a year of each other the ginger girl was the youngest they played in wagons on tricycles climbed trees ran riot in yards and as often as the little girl got tromped run over she refused to cryshe picked herself up pushed the tears out of her eyes with the heel of her hands a swing fashioned from a broken branch of a eucalyptus knotted with a rope to a tree jumped ropes played marbles tops catchingtrying to catch lizards fireflies their rural California childhood blending with his Chicago boyhood playing in fallen Dutch Elm leaves street football jumping over leaves burning in street gutters  he woke with the smell Spring lilac bushes Lilies of the Valley in his nosethe boys sweat the girls soft scent

they met the ginger girl an old woman now

she lived in a house three houses up street

when they moved in she gamely walked over to give them a housewarming basket fresh baked bread olallieberry jam fruit off her vines she showed them pictures of her family on the porch of the house told them all three of her brothers died in the war broke her parents hearts they died in the house My father built it Im sure you know from its awkward construction Few true corners and leaving refusing their escort she said So my dears youre living among lots and lots of fond memories    

they never told her they also found they were living with ghosts

its different though living with ghosts youre familiar with than not

he told his girlfriendhis partner of his dreams

I dont know if Im happy youre having them or not 

I get to share them with you

You do though I cant help but wish they would come to me too

I think your challenges have you at a disadvantage baby  If you dont mind hearing them Im happy to tell you

Yes Please  Tell me of all the beautiful colours and warmth  Im a bit jealous  But pleaseplease continue to tell me  It seems you go to sleep and play all night long

I do  They play nicely  Children just having fun

I dont know if children play like this anymore

              

1211,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  27  9. 17

1100, Thursday,  28  9. 17

Cat Stevens  Where Do the Children Play?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsbecB-2M2E

Caleb Carr  The Alienist