her hand moved sensually down the corner of the rough brick wall  like a pale octopus fingering the minute crags  elasticreaching curling

                     he craved to be that wall

at its feet cast about were stones   they were brown tarnished  grey

                                                     then they werent
not when he looked closer
they were crownsdomes of skulls

fragmented spoons and bowls  splitjaws   glaring eye sockets  gulping sutures
 

                                                       when he looked closer         

what had he been looking atdistracted
 

                                                                                                                                                     her hand

                                                                         her nimble fingers 

                                                                                                                                                          her tendons sinuously

sliding under her skin

ahhto be held in her arms hidden behind the wall pressed up against her belly and breasts their thighs sighing together

strange  

     that a hand should pit him against fever

then it retreated behind the wall

the sun was setting

he couldnt follow

he was lashed to a stake

0834,  Monday, 17  4. 17

1251,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  24  5. 17

1052,  Saturday,  27  5. 17

David Bowie  Lazarus  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHoN3PpNGng

sipping cold coffee smoking a cigarette  he stood at the porch rail in the shade and could feel the coming heat of day

he came out of the house to check on bigfoot see if he had come around for his breakfast

he wasnt out there 

didnt rise to him calling out for him

his new sidekick a dusky calico stumbled out from under the porch  a sidekick only in that she showed up four days earlier and ravenously tried to knock bigfoot off his evening feed

he got between their snarls her dartingthe quick angling to steal a mouthful of food

he snatched up bigfoots and went back into the house to dole out kibble into a fresh bowl for her

returning to the porch he set hers downshe fell on it he was able to divert bigfoot from her bowl with the comfort of his own

he remained out there while they ate keeping them sequestered  cats always got to know what you got that theyre sure they didnt

since  it was becoming easier to feed them

the wee one quickly comprehended his systemunderstood that she was getting hers

if only fucking people were that easy  if fucking people werent always trying to game the other

but inequality does that

                  and if there was anything America was really really good at  it was inequality   it protected by the selfrighteous squawk of independenceentitlement bootstrapsentitlement capitalismentitlement  funny how so many can squawk around silver spoons stuck in their craws

                                              everyone else can chew on a toothpick

the calico was rail thin

though most feral cats are

he had a way with feral cats

they seemed to find him

his daughters and girlfriend teased him that he was a cat whisperer

he gamely refuted corrected them No  A pussy whisperer

they rolled their eyes

no matter

         there was no denying that he had a way with wild things

from spiders and black widows to hummingbirds to snarling dogs off leash  to buffalos

kindred spirits

made perfect sense

he was wild too 

just sheathed in human skin

he rubbed between many rocks seeing if he could shed it

                                                               No

                                           this white skin came with this incarnation

10something,  Twosday,  23  5. 17

1335 days remaining of less Russianbuhbye

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOlowNcrBO8

The New Yorker  by-line Nat Hentoff:

                              “Too many of us . . . are afraid of emotion. We keep forgetting that children are new and we are not.”

he ran his finger through his hoary head Us  I disagree  Too many adolts forget children are new  The same who fashion them as tabula rasa a clean or empty slate  They perhaps have forgotten their childhoodstheir questions answered with because(I say so)

because

when he was told that he knew it was so much shit

because

       the eldest of eight he realised that two parents hadnt enough time in a day to explain(defend) their positions answer all the inevitable questions

he refused to answer because to his children  subject them to the words tyranny and neglect

that said however he and his wife had two daughters  if it hadnt been for his wifes endometriosis her doctors(men) maintaining her excruciating pain was in her head  had she let him have his way he would have beat those doctors and when they complained of pain he would have told them  Its all in your fuckin heads
if it hadnt been  they would have had more children

his regret -- there were regrets – were that he didnt intercede  he let her have her space her decisions   her doctors killed her

they demoralised her 

                and after she died he truly struggled to stay himself  not kill them  not cut off their heads and hands  render them hard to identify

he almost went crazy

                the crazy her physicians ascribed to her

he became so unstuck that a friend exSpecial Forces offered to kill them if he offed his exwife

though rationally it wasnt tit of tat(rationally)  his two doctors  exs exwife    ex couldnt think of another soul he wanted dead

           I think  therefore  I am a no-go

besides  if these doctor were murdered he wanted it to be by his hand  truly

in order to quiet his daemon he went roundabout to avoid their offices  he avoided any physical reminders of them

he almost considered justifying religion  get close with God   if for nothing more that eventually asking Him permission to kill them

Ye  it was a bleak time in his life

he was very emotional

2136,  Sunday,  21  5. 17

1444,  Monday,  22  5. 17

1337 days remaining or less

David Bowie  Space Oddity