he was panting trying to cool down from the dry sauna  a mixture of euphoria and nausea   he took himself a bit furthur than he intended but  his bestial intentions always exceeded  and superseded hiswha reason commonsense  thinking   he became hellbent allowed his base being his primordial ooze to win in matters of endurance   it was always an interesting fascinating battle

                             usually his grit won out  and that wasnt to say the animal he was he endured didnt ante-up certain physical stipends for its overreach  but ultimately what he taught himself  he had skin in the game

he was really panting  brightred   overheated

he stood still arms dangling eyes closed riding it out

itd pass eventually

Ya awright man

a voice from his left  he was facing his locker and in the lockerroom he was oblivious to men around him

he was on his thing 

they were on theirs

Man  Ya awright

Yes   Thank you     Pushed it bit too far 
Ya wanna sit down

Nah   Want the blood pumping   No kinks in the hoseif ya catch my drift

I do   I certainly do 
Thanks again for asking

Youre welcome

             My names Jerome  he tapped his left arm with his fingertips  saw that he had his eyes closed

he twisted his trunk left and extended his hand  Jerome  Im Joe

Jerome took his hand

they shook

it was always a good thing when taking a mans hand and shaking it you could feel his timber strength  resilience  recognise theres a real man behind it

he didnt mistake too many handshakes over the years

kinda like ones eyes  a window into their soul

he hadnt mistaken many of those either  

Cant open my eyes just yetcolours   Theyre trying to decide if they want to gang up on me and take me into the black  Pass me out 
Sure ya dont wanna sit
Nah
     Played this game before Always seem to be able to ride it out If I feel really faint Ill set my ass down

Hah man  I know the games we play with ourselves

Yeah  Makes us better at some    obscure  level       I supposehuh

At some level  Youre pinking up  the flush is slipping

Yeah  I can feel that from here inside

Thats good  Good

he panted opened mouth for a few moments    Yeah  That is good

one eye peeled open

the opened locker stared back it him 

it didnt try to dodge him or dip or slip  stood right across from him face to face

Better

Yes Jerome  Better

he opened his other and sighed  Much better  Stable

he turned to Jerome  I want to thank you again for your concern  extending his hand a second time

Jerome grinned shaking his hand again  Sumptin tells me you would have done like

I believe I would  A pleasure meeting you

Well man  Gotta run   Ill catch ya around

Great  Ill be around

Jerome shouldered his gym bag and made up the narrow aisle between the lockers and loose wood benches

Whew he breathed under his breath

he really rocked himself

but when you get to where he was now that discomfort puts up a milepost of its own and he knows he can even furthur  if he wants   when he prepares slips into the mindset to challenge it   not that the milepost wouldnt slap him upside the head next time and beat him   its a game

Whew

across the bench from him up into the lockerroom stood two men

they didnt say anything to him

he couldnt say that hed ever seen either one of them

they were talking real quiet

their eyes followed Jerome as he went out through a door at the end of the row of lockers  there was a small counter and sink and mirror there   

the door was opposite it

the man facing him raised his voice a bit just a bit so he could overhear him  but he only glanced at him   he said  I suppose theyre letting in all kinds now

he spoke in a loud voice  Yeah  All kinds now  Lettin in all kinds now

the man with his back turned so they both faced him

I dont know Id be concerned  They let you in

they glared 

he expected theyd glare

they could glare their outrage all to hell for what he cared

they mumbled again real quiet

as if they thought he was trying to listen in

No  he wouldnt listen in on ignorance

wasnt worthwhile

he toweled off he had to walk home yet  hed shower at home

the couple of crows kept to their mumbling  they wore their outrage on their twitchy shoulders craned their necks made emphatic hand gestures

he had a gesture for them but he withheld it

he exited the lockerroom in the other direction going around a wall into a large foyer  another lockerroom was there and the assembled partition heads the side by side urinals and beyond into the bright tiled antiseptic-smelling showers

as he went around the wall he heard first of the two he faced bark Nigger

Ignorant  Maybe now theyd jerk each other off

he didnt care Jerome was black he didnt care what colour a man was he didnt care he was white he had nothing to do with who his parents were where he was born  no one did people forget that simple fact forget the fortune of their birth  

the misfortune isnt forgotten

maybe it can be improved

depends on the person

mileposts

its also not to say a milepost would slap you down when you tried to pass it

thinking this out since the Day-between-Two-Ts, February Eighth
1132,  Sunday,  12  2. 17                                                                                                          

1438 days or less

he didnt think he was so affected  affected beyond seeing the staple the paleblue chalk-coloured cubes of three four apartment was  ruined  boarded up with plywood sheets where windows and doors were  he didnt think that he would be contending with feelings for the structure  not their tenants  for the building itself   

                                                                      and these    feelings  he had to admit they were feelings   feelings  for an inanimate clutch of square domiciles which coincided with passages he read by two writers that very same afternoonreading as he did one book after another and another  an anotheran another as some people might channel-surf cable without getting up off their ass  except he had to get up to get a book from a shelf or laying on a table top a bedstand the back of the commode books scattered throughout the housethat he knew where each particular book was was something of a feat  then wanting something other he fetched like a dog books from bookshelves in the hall or lining other rooms  and while he was well-stocked with books that wasnt to say he had nearly enough to satisfy him   junkies never are  thats why they overdose
                                                                 he read in Moores Sacre Bleu “How do we even know that we exist, that we are alive?” “A question that often plagues me; if you’d like to accompany me to rue des Moulins, I know some girls there who, if they cannot convince you that you are alive, will at least help soothe your anxiety about being deceased.”  Le Professeur talking with Toulouse-Lautrec  and from Andrew’s Brain Doctorow “So life is taxonomically without limits but with one intention common to its endless variety . . . one intention to define it in all its minded or mindless manifestations -- its pathetic intention to survive.”

these parcels  one tragicomedic  the other almost scientific  made him laugh out loud

both followed late and in the shadows and footsteps of Hendrix(Dylan) "There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke . . ."

Life is pretty damn funny

Xistence
             exist   alive   dead   a pathetic intention to survive

they summed up the gamut he thought  like razors furrowing ones flesh  it split it bled it provided the visual the technicolor confirmation of ones presence their xistence  even if cutting only to prove it to themselves
                                                                               yet his affectation
for the pale blue cubed being aligned with its pathetic attempt and intention to survive 

when he looked closely he saw it wasnt static at all
                                          its sides heaved subtly with breath  the wrap of aluminum tubing holding inside it electrical wires for the outdoor lighting fixture above the doors expanded and contracted like blood vessels connexed to a distant beating heart  sometimes the windows blinked the doors yawned  it was scaled with aluminum awnings missing slats and were green with lichen applied like eyeshadow  and to complete its dressing  atop it lay a woven blue poly tarpaulin that undulated like a sea surf  billowed  that seemed a great blue oxygenated lung not yet aware it had been hewed detached and put aside  it also pathetically intending to survive 

and like the yammering of those who are inclined to accept that our post-human existence reclines in the embodyment of ourselves inside AI  or Artificial Intelligence  when once it glimmers its existence it will also serve the imperative all beasts must  “(the) pathetic intention to survive”  if a machine can beat a man a Chess Master in a game of chess
why not just wantonly ultimately beat Man to death

this has been ongoing for a few days prior to 0829,  Saturday,  11  2. 17                                   1439 days or fewer remain

All Along the Watchtower  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLV4_xaYynY