bugs suicide still haunts him

appleseed remains as quiet as The Sphinx up in her corner  

she didnt accuse him

she remains perfectly still  and fragile   and lethal                                                                          

how long can a spider survive without sustenance

he couldnt remember the last time she silked an insect and sucked out its melted innards

hed been with her every morning afternoon evening at the end of every bath every day as he pursued his health

she quivered to acknowledge his puffed breaths up into her corner raised a foreleg or two  then went still again

he wished her good mornings good afternoons good nights

                                             he found himself missing her now 

every living thing dies

and he alone would bear witness to her death

bugs suicide still haunts him

1629,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  28  12. 16

Its a new day!

it was  although he didnt feel particularly good about it not enthused or infused with any sort of optimism   

darkly he anticipated this new day this revision would attempt what it had repeatedly threatened  and not slyly  it strapped a black mask across its eyes to obscure its identity and went out and committed its felonies du jour

so many were surprised

they clasped their hands to their breasts to their throats  they couldnt imagine the new day did what it did

Assholes  It told you what itd do in plain Englishin your fucking Mothers tongue  Werent you listening  Did you think it was braying colorfully discordantly to simply be politically incorrectWere past that!Arent we?!We say it plainly and without apology! rudely  ruthlessly   because Whites can(whiteskin)     

the new day was quickly apprehended

its brilliant light shackled and arraigned and held in prism

its rainboned coloring some kind of relief  or latent apology    unspoken of course

he watched it happen from the attic

she had to call it a loft

Attic loft pigeon squab deermeat venison liver pate Things dont have to be pretty or poetic he told her  Why do things have to be pretty for youWhats to be gained  Pretty is so much camouflage

You said prism she saidWhy didnt you just say prison

Isnt light held inside a prism or cast through it imprisoned

Prism  prison  prismprison  prisonprism  sunsm  smsun

Nothings what you thinkIts never what you thinkThen why think so

Think why

Why

Or whynot

Whyknot

Its a Hydra dragonheaded  fierce  ecstatic

If youre so concerned with pretty you can never become ecstatic

Ecstasy! my love  isnt pretty

2222,  Sunday,  25  12. 16

1025,  Twosday,  3 1. 17

a vissit

she held the sheet of paper to her ample breastin a heartbeat hed trade places with the page if he could  yes  fold me spindle me mutilate me   crush me(though if spindled hed favor it least)  Vissit V-I-S-S-I-T  Really  There arent two Ss in visit

There are if you sit and visit  with a hawk  V-I-S-S-I-T

I read that

And   you missed my suggestion . .

. . Unfortunately I miss a lot of your suggestionsI see em  just miss em

Screwball you know Im not ignorant if I misspell a word Ive misspelled it for a reason I dont spell words wrong I have too much respect for the language and who Im addressing

I see it now   Vissit  Visit and sit   You could write it V-I-S the second S inside a parenthesis I-T

The obviousness of a parenthesis inside a word would bother me . .

. . But you parenthesize when you write an aside

Yes I do  Though then in its obviousness one can read around the parenthesis its sentiment excluding it as it isnt truly necessary to the narration or speech or exposition  Within it Im intruding  talking directly to the reader

Thats true

It is  he smiled   thats why he liked it when she read his pieces  no one could understood a piece more than she  their intimacy help found much of what he wrote

Christ  I love your mind

I love you love my mind  I love yours

black cawebirds squawked at the hawk(he referred to in the piece) as it sat atop a redwood

he or she(were enormous) made it their midday perch

the redwood had grown appreciably in the four years they had been in the house on the hill

the hawk hunkered down ignoring the blackbirds their caws their divebombing

it lasted all of a minute

then the blackbirds moved on

they were only two hed seen many more on other occasions and too many dives and passes had probably tuckered them out

they came out of their coincided-dives and at altitude spread their wings glided then flapped off to the north

the telephone rang indoors

it was probably a machine calling his machine and when the machine recognised a machine was answering it it would disconnect

entering his studio he heard the machine hang up cutting off his daughters voice and message  Fuckin rude machines he muttered

returning to the porch he arrived as the hawk lifted off and quickly ascended in a widening spiral

at a blue rarified altitude it outstretched its wings and raced off also to the north above the gulf between him and the next ridge over a half-mile away and disappeared behind it  never once flapping its wings

he called after it  So long big guy big grrl  I hope to see you tomorrow

then almost seemingly in answer  a salve to his abandonment  to his left a brilliant hummingbird bolted up to the hanging feeder he placed and sipped reared back forward to sip back  a curious littlebird  then it rose on the whirl of its beating wings and hovered directly across from his face not two feet away eyeballing him

Yes little one I know youre here  I was saying goodbye to the hawk

it was winter in California

the little one from among the many decided to stay on

Thank you again for remaining little one  acknowledged he seemed to nod then briskly sped off to the north also to the north into a neighbors tree  the tree its harbor and roost and home

he read somewhere or at least he thought he did he read copiously that souls often become birds

he felt attended by souls  vissited

it must be true

1259,  Friday,  30  12. 16

1226,  Saturday,  31  12. 16