bugs

it was gonna grate gonna badger him til he fessed up

itd been two days

he was holding out hope even if he knew better

the remnant leaftatters in the apricot tree taunted him

walking through the Community Churchs parking lot the oldest church in town he saw a push-button black ballpoint pen laying there

he didnt have to bend over to see it was empty carelessly thrown away   churchgoersJesus

it was as empty as bugs web

since appleseeds second suicide attempt hed grown lax

she stayed put in her web

bugs wasnt fool enough to venture over above the vanity mirror to her corner

not with heads on pikes

he crossed above the window to the tub

as he showered eyes closed to the spray he turned

opening his eyes latently the hot shower on his back his bad shoulder he saw at his feet a thin dark cluster

a tangle of hair he thought

as it rushed on the water between them he thought differently

appleseed collapsed in on herself too

he bent quickly and damned its way with his index finger

it caught

as he stood water cascaded down his arm and washed it off

it rushed headlong towards the drain

he spun in time to see it deadhead into the drain

hair  he thoughthe hoped     hair

shower finished he killed the water opened the curtain grabbed a towel off the wall hook and began drying off

standing cranestyle he dried one foot

he set it down on the bathmat

cranestyle he dried his other foot

then   and only then did he take a gander into bugs corner

it was empty

he twitched

he spied appleseed in hers

no newlyspun body

bugs suicided  Gawddamn!

Let down your guard and something awful happens  when was he gonna learn

Be vigilant

Always vigilant

cost him his bookendGawddamn!

confessions are good for the soul

if you believe that horseshit

1422,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  12. 16

Where does anything come from she asked

What are you talking about

You said he offered you a beer then you had beer and whisky  Where did the whisky come from

He obviously had it it wasnt in the first offering

You think he would have said beer and whisky

Maybe he didnt think hed like me well enough to offer whisky too  You offer a snack  not a meal     Right

Theres that

Yes  Theres that

Still it strikes me odd

Not me  I wouldnt feed anybody good whisky if I didnt know them  We didnt know each other we were thrown in together

Then  he tried to set you up with a woman

Yah I wasnt interested

Why wouldnt you be interested

Im picky  I dont sleep with just anybody

Youre a bit of a freak

By association youre a freak too

Im a freak

You know it

I might suppose I am

Oh dont suppose  Own itAdmit it

Come on  Dont tease me

I suppose . .

. . You are

I am

And he was a coarse man  You can imagine the women hed know

I couldnt

If you met him you could

And he set you up

He did  But Im not into big women

Big

Fat  Fat women    Somebodys got to fuck em he said  And theres that   But Im not somebody

I have a fleshhold

A fles . .   A threshold Yes

That too

What

Threshold yes Fleshhold yes too

You said fleshhold

I said fleshhold

Whats a fleshhold

What do you think a fleshhold is

I ..I I dont know . . . Wha . .

. . No  You tell me

Flesh  Hold  To hold flesh another person

Very good not so hard

Who says that

I say that    I hold your flesh  I desire your flesh    But what ups the ante devours Beauty is only skin deepand it is Is the ticking inside your skull   If I could Id fuck your brain    But your flesh your body is as close as I can get    Fleshhold

Thats sweet  Disturbingbut sweet

You disturb me six ways from Sunday  And on Sundays

      Youre my church 

    

1229,  Thursday,  1  12. 16

1332,  Thursday,  1  12. 16

the black ceramic cat head didnt gag or choke when he stuck a burnt match deep in its mouth

it was always coy  and civil

handpainted  the back of it was adorned with florid symbols he had never seen anywhere elsewho knew what they meant or even if the curlicues and their parts werent duplicitous suggesting a sorted array of interpretations  

Interpretationshe could easily recall Drumpfs tweet a particularly nauseous attack bearing the Star of David that he defended by saying it wasnt rather it was a sheriffs badge and later his son following in his fathers footsteps through dogshit retweeted a friends item The Deplorables which coddled in its lineup the alt-rights* anti-Semitic neo-Nazi character Pepe the Frog   he too pleaded ignorance 

in a pigs eye  incredulous!  

no need to interpret

                                                                                  

but he was into symbols  semiotics  and coming to it late he studied it for pleasure and distraction

he was interested in extracting meanings  their purpose

he wasnt prone to wearing jewelry(effete)

though he did wear a babypin as a sign

a pin he used to diaper his daughters

he had no idea where its mate or mates disappeared

that was of another time another era in a century gone

he did remember buying them fingering the plain cardboard placard the clear plastic housing containing them shaking them like a rattle which distracted the cashier unduly

he was good at necessity

his wife was deft at outfits melding coloursHa presentation

she said she didnt want him dressing them like Polaks

which tongue-in-cheek their inside joke was hilarious

he was a Polak

raising their girls swept away the remainder of their Twenties all of their Thirties and when they broke into their Forties he thought the things they wanted to do when they were alone when the girls off on their own they would begin a new era

but his wife died

their plans to relish that timeGone

that desired deserved time swirled slowly eddied slowly and went down the drain

he saw every part as it disappeared

then there was nothing but the swirl of clean clear water

then that water was foetid by Bushwhacker it cleared a little under a too-reserved Obama 

now Drumpf came to shit in it

he mourned briefly  truly

then he redoubled his argumentshe wouldnt wait to see   he saw

and he recalled Karl Popper who popped into his mindnot reluctantly   but forcefully  The Open Society and Its Enemies:

“If . . . harsh words are spoken about some of the greatest among the intellectual leaders of mankind, my motive is not,

I hope, the wish to belittle them. It springs rather from my conviction that if we wish our civilization to survive we must break with the habit of deference to great men. Great men may make great mistakes . . . some of the greatest leaders of the past supported the perennial attack on freedom and reason. Their influence, too rarely challenged, continues to mislead those on whose defence civilization depends, and to divide them. The responsibility for this tragic and possibly fatal division becomes ours if we hesitate to be outspoken in our criticism of what admittedly is part of our intellectual heritage.

“By our reluctance to criticize a part of it, we may help to destroy it all.”**

he knew a little bit about destruction  and the ease of it    nearly effortless

he knew a lot more about creation

hed be a devout critic

on the watch for its every sign

   

1445,  Friday,  9  12. 16

1123,  Saturday,  10  12. 16

Star of David  https://mic.com/articles/147711/donald-trump-s-star-of-david-hillary-clinton-meme-was-created-by-white-supremacists#.DZI11ladU

The Deplorables http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/09/donald-trump-jr-pepe-nazi-instagram

* alt-right  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/seth-meyers-alt-right_us_5849461ee4b0d0aa037f584a

** The Preface of The Open Society and Its Enemies  https://archive.org/stream/opensocietyandit033120mbp/opensocietyandit033120mbp_djvu.txt

Five Man Electrical Band  Signs  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYsBDmqJfjQ