it was difficult to sit in the midst of the library books he borrowed

scattered stacked at his elbows across from him as he sat at his round dining table  

nonfiction outweighing fiction and they having a way of yammering at himcajoling him

disturbing a dog with a dogs whistle

their yammering accusation  he wasnt up to speed

though hed never been up to speed

even the Past passed him

but he tried hard

if he finished last

at least he finished

in the course of talking with others he always mentioned what he was reading which he casually assimilated testing the waters but there was never any appetite for it they averted their eyes fearful he might bore them  it wasnt because they were ignorant  they were  they just werent interested

long ago he learned you could lead a horse to water but you couldnt make it drink

being there was no point he receded withdrew and let them parcel out what it was they wanted to discuss while he tried to find a quick uninsulting way out of the conversation

if a gentile way didnt present itself he was abrupt

though he tried tried not to be rude

but if rudeness like averting ones eyes was the price he willfully paid it

Life was too short(probably what they were thinking about his reading material too)

like-minds were hard to find

his girlfriend – the last like-mind he foundthey found each other years earlier -- cautioned him 

she reminded him that his mind was unlike anyones shed ever met

when she briefly shared his insights with friends her friends didnt grasp them either

Dont you always say you can lead a . . .

. . Yes

     I do

Then all you can do is try and trying is something

Its not like youre doing nothing

Another thing  you have always said try try try and try again  And if that doesnt work try again

Youre hanging me with my words

I am

    Lets call it erotic asphyxiation

You dig the terminologyyah

Oh hell yah

Thought you might she said with a mischievous smile

Im first yah

Youare  Given your frustrationPeople always frustrate youYoud think youd learn by now

I thought theyd learn by now

Easier to destroy or be pushed on the common tide than create

Another echo

HA  Im trying to really warm you up before I choke you out

Youre my bosom buddy he said as he watched her begin to undo the bone buttons on her blouse exposing her cleavage enhanced by a red bra

                    I love that bra 

You do

Though I love more whats inside it

You do

she took her blouse off and began to turn to let him help her out of her bra

he took her by the shoulders  Whaddaya doin  I can slip your hooks face to face

You can

he reached around behind her and with a practised flick of his thumb and finger her bra was undone her breasts not falling relaxing and slipping the bra from her shoulders and off her arms his hands went up and with the backs of his fingers he ran them across her nipples they always responded and hardened and always made her laugh selfconsciously

Shaddup he said as he rubbed her left nipple with his thumb  she watched  pinching her nipple she said Ouch but didnt pull back

color flushed her face

he put his cheek to hers

her face was warm

she pushed him back  I wanna see your face she said

he smiled

Youre so damn handsome

and Im wet she whispered

the library books may have been yammering and dogwhistling

if they were he didnt hear them

Twosday,  13  9. 16

1320,  Thursday,  15  9. 16

Eagle Eye  John Mayall  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIwJgGQn6FA 
Kinks  Im Not Like Everybody Else  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7inGyVKNCNY

 

telling a young boy hes a fat little boy to his face isnt something he usually did

not usually

         but if the young boy had a bad spleen a mouthful of shit and spat it in his face

he was surprised how easily it ticked his brain and seemed an appropriate reply to What the fuck you lookin at old man

there was truth in the boys venom

he was older

but then

tit for tat

the boy was little and fat

if you cant take the bald facts about yourself

then  keep your trap shut

but the fat little boy was encouraged by his rancorous buddies who probably understood that they were accessories sides and not the target of the old mans ire

the fat little boy followed their lead

thinking he was in the lead

at their head

just as a little boy would think     

secure in his new little world that he had nothing to fear(Nike) that his parents stoked giving him everything his little heart desired stroking him awarding him trophies for participation

if – only if – he actually competed in anything

his complexion was clear

not a scar to behold

by the time he was the little boys age he had a split eyebrow a split chin a twice broken nose and too many black eyes from older boys fists than he cared to count

each secured by beatings when he refused to back down

there were occasional wins among them

though fewer than loses

his parents figured hed quit standing up to the bigger boys

he could only suppose they didnt understand he was standing up for himself

clear-complexedHell  the boys clear-complexions told him all he needed to know

they didnt know what adrenaline was

or what it could do
(he was probably a junkie) 

and when the knot of them grew to a dozen his guess

among them were little boys who wouldnt dare stand up for themselves and quietly selfishly submitted to the gang

no one likes getting beat

but beatings were worthwhile

you learned the tricks of the trade

learned to trade punches countered punches caught them on your arms  moved

then  they didnt dare come onto him one-on-one

that eventually preceded him

his lumps earned him his reputation

by high school he was in the clear

not having a clear-complexion salted away challenges

and because he never looked for a fight(once) the fights stopped

what few fights happened thereafter

his complexion didnt change much

bruises

no cuts

now his hands bore the scars

split knuckles broken fingers

theres always hard bone behind someones face

the fat little boy was just going to have to suffer the truth

his delicate untried ego SMASHED by a fuckin old mans tongue 

1601,  Twosday,  13  9. 16