hes an old man
now I get that its an inference according to my reasons an all I got to go off is the evidence of what Ive seen Im old enough to believe what I see
but Im an old man too
he and I are old in different ways
I dont know what made him as old as he is because hes certainly not older than me
hes decrepit he sits every morning till noonish lunch I suppose then I dont see him again until the next morning just inside the open maw of their side-by-side-by-side yes three car garage sitting in a classic greenstriped lawn chair
he smokes cigarettes
he taps the ash from them into a large flatglass ashtray that sits on a small white aluminum lawn table
beside the ashtray are papers newspapers Or magazines
theyre utterly relaxed flat compressed by the weight of the sky dirty looks from the sun the longing curious look of the moon
they might as well be sculpted
theyve been unmoved from the tabletop since the family moved in months ago
just beyond him on the apron in front of the bay he sits inside is his faded blue 80s Chevy pickup which also hasnt moved since it was parked
two recent sedans occupy the other two bays
as he smokes he looks over the rest of the neighbourhood to the north that descends the hill it is erected on
despite my neighbours elevation where he sits hes easily twentyfive thirty feet below me
I see him over a six foot fence edging his property
I recognise his look his watching
I saw it in an elderly friend of mine when I was a boy
his wife took the newspapers from me on the front steps of their house my morning delivery and she walked them around the side of the house through the empty side lot they also owned to the rear to a flagstone patio he built when they first moved in as a young couple
he sat in a similar lawn chair looking out onto Prairie watching
Id wave as I walked past
sometimes he acknowledged me and sometimes he waved me along hurried me to get out of the way I was obstructing his line of sight
he sat in front of a tall stone wall that he also made
its stones werent consistent with where we lived
behind the stone wall were woods old woods
you couldnt get around behind him without giving yourself away
earlier hed been more inviting
I had cold lemonade with him a few times at his invite after cutting the lawn on his empty lot with a push mower
he talked about working hard as a boy in fields in the South his daddy a sharecropper
I didnt know what a sharecropper was and he didnt say
he said physical labor was honest
those who wouldnt work outdoors werent
Youll see They think your hands are for them to directTheyll think they can tell you what to do And a lot of people listen to them
I remember that
I remember too that the lemonade was the best lemonade I ever had
My wife wont tell me her secret I think she thinks if she does Ill get rid of her Shes hedgin her betwhich is ridiculous Shes the best damn cook and baker Ive ever met
the old man looked at him wide-eyed An ifn you were older Id share what else she was the best damn thing at
he laughed and slapped his knee at his joke
I forgot to ask what a sharecropper was
going into the second year of sitting taking his morning paper in the backyard his wife carrying them back to him going to get him fresh coffee or fruit or whatever he might like I asked her what the Mister was doing because it looked to me like he was watching for something
I asked if I could help
she smiled weakly
Yes What you can do is never do what hes doing Not ever Not when youre an old man Not ever
Whas he doin
Oh youre so young
Please whas he doin
she clasped her hands together over her breasts
He watching for DeathHes waiting for Death
I cant shake him off it
a tear escaped the corner of her eye
He said he saw somethingdreamed somethingI dont remember now I was halflistening as sometimes folks do when theyve shared a life shared the same conversation a hundred times before and your horizon to some seems to grow small or further away as you grow older
And when I ask him now he says he wont say He said
He said isnt comforting
He isnt comforting as he once was
Im probably not either
But Im not watchingIll never watch
I wont
so now all these years later Im looking over at a man whose looking like a man I knew as a boy
he didnt make it out of that second year of watching
he did not
I wonder what his wife put special into her lemonade
1225, Saturday,
20 8. 16
