he heard voices inside his head

which was awright by him

they jabbered incessantly at his elbows knees limners climbing over each other making spectacles of themselves to be heard and never hearing his Shaddup! over their din too consumed too much at their grinding gears at stabbing sharp sticks into others eyes to ever suffer any voice other than their own

 

it was a riotous pellmell inside his skull

but in there a long ways off across the vault there seemed to be an exit door a distant glow dullred and marred which he was unable to read to be sure

   

he tried to reach it once

                                       put his head down suffered the throbbing mob had taken a dead bead on it but soon exhausted having to push and shove his way to where he was his voice gone quit from crazylong strings of guttural Excuse me excuse mes ignored  then  mebbe   mebbe    a third of the way through the clusterfuck he looked up again and found it moved to his left

 

perhaps he was jostled off his tack

he didnt think so  his direction was usually unerring a compass fixed by the iron in his heart and blood

retreating to the dais it continued to beckon him there

sometimes blinking to remind him of its presence though most of the time it burned like a dull lit cigar against a purplish dusk of hope

occasionally their cries and voices irritated him

incensed him

             occasionally

 

but most of the time  irrationally  they soothed him

again  which was awright by him

because their seething their raucous blackbird calling disallowed  and drowned out those voices from without  who also tried to influence him catch his ear manipulate his thinking  direct his pen

Whasdatdeysay   Ah Too many cooks spoil the   stew slumgullion NAH WRONG  thebroth Ah  spoil the broth

when he finally steps up to the convened court(scullions dropped scurried the fuck out of the way) hed snap up a yapper by the scruff of its neck its yoke or collar snatch it by a leg holding it upside down it howling without it realising the part it was to play was a part greater than the whole which remained unscathed

hed transcribe its gibberish

sometimes he grabbed a self-conscious windbag who went on and on self-important self-aggrandizing(but it takes all types  he was a patient man)

sometimes he grabbed one who had been screaming for so long their voice scarcely remained  a dry croaker  it understood its vocal cords were tenuous  so in its head it distilled its arguments thoughts and tossing out word by painful word it pointed to its accrued mosaic  every bit small and precise  exactly as it meant them

by this painstaking jurist selection he abraded and obscured those voices without  who then had to be satisfied by those who willingly willfully listened

the voices without moved off his mark off his porch and continued down the broad well-maintained avenue that crossed before his house

maybe one listened and might find their way through the mass to the dull exit beacon  presumably a fire door  and go through it into some other atmosphere or entry

                                      mebbe

mebbe not

          

1049, Thursday,  10  3. 16

0131,  Saturday,  12  3. 16

he wasnt sure if he felt badly or not

not anymore than he knew if he was a voyeur or a Peeping Tom when either seemed appalling   no one would want to confess

anymore  say  than confess they masturbated

which if someone said they didnt when asked and prior had confessed to being a sexual person he would take serious reservations of that persons veracity

sexuality and masturbation seemed to him to go hand-in-hand cock-in-hand or finger-on-the-trigger

 

in any event being a voyeur sounded better than a Peeping Tom and it had begun innocently enough a sneaked cigarette outside at night a bright basement window illuminating the well it was tucked inside and a shadow marbling the light emitted

  

walking towards the window well he finished the butt flicked it into the greening lilac bushes between the houses then got down on his belly in the yet-sunwarmed grass to see just to see without intent or purpose other than curiosity assuage its ticking and piquing and through the window panes on throw rugs scattered loose on top a green concrete floor he saw feet a neighbor a teenaged girl who he heard had made her bedroom in a finished portion of the familys basement 

he heard her AM radio subdued behind the glass  she was dancing  she danced and  danced away out of his sight then returning he glimpsed her ankles and calves she danced she danced away again then returned he watched her dancing calves and thighs just above her knees and she danced away again and it seemed she was gone a long time her radio mewed it seemed perhaps she left the bedroom

the night fell blacker and deeper and it seemed he wouldnt see her again and as that seemed it also seemed he was praying and for his prayer it seemed there couldnt be a God because wouldnt God smite him for what he was praying for

then at long last she returned her dancing ceased she walked absently and was oblivious of her nearness to the high window  had she looked up she might have seen his face looking in but he knew the light on the glass inside against the dark well would only reflect her face her coy expression besides  no one ever looked up ever imagined someone above them in a tree looking down at them or someone on a rooftop or someone up at the top of a flight of stairs and still able to look down and see into a livingroom

she began to sway her hips and innocently stripped out of her panties revealing her furred sex taut belly she stripped innocently out of her bra her hair lapping at her subdued nipples whishing her shoulders and throat and the ground at his hips seemed warm too warm as he grew hard and harder while his imagination began to sweep away obstruct her body her face his imagination stroking her spine with its finger cupping her ass gently

he fought its mirage struggled to clear it out of his eyes and barely barely did when she then swayed more and more enjoyed her bodys freedom

then she stopped  and she stepped back away from him out of his sight

moments later the basement lights went out

but in his eyes her shadow and realised body kept swaying swaying on the panes of black glass

in the distance a church bell pealed its tone descended through the elm tree crowns lining the street

  

he counted its beats its beats miming the metre of his heart it struck nine times and he wondered

he wondered if he could count on her bedtime throughout the school week

    

then coming into his house through the back door through the mud room into the kitchen he told his parents a story he made up expecting that they would be in the kitchen having coffee and cake talking about their day spent apart a story he said he told his parents he had read that if he recited his school lessons went over them in his head as he walked briskly out of doors invigorated and tired by it he would sleep easier and likewise retain his school studies

he admitted he wasnt the best student

they conceded as much

so he said he imagined it couldnt hurt and might be worth his while

they conceded as much

the first time he ever came he straitjacketed the dandelions cropped up near her bedroom window imagining her dancing for him twisting and turning impossibly like a candle flame her skin warm and aglow her hair falling upwards following iridescent heat trails her moist breath panting catching to her supple exertion

it was with mild though intent curiosity a couple three years later while a neighborhood block party continued into the night that he stealthily filched drink and they sipped them together a dizzying conspiracy of two and then holding hands he followed her into her house and downstairs to her bedroom

he told her it was really cool he would never have thought to make a bedroom in a basement

he kissed her and fondled her and while she let him undress her she resisted him wouldnt let him between her legs

she took him in her hand stroking him and was surprised when he pulled away from her yanked her panties her last raiment down pushed her onto her single bed and took her with his mouth  and in that frenzy between her gasps at his tongue he suddenly slide up from between her legs took her by her head a handful of hair she gasped he thrust his cock into her mouth she gasped again choked and then her wet gasping became a closed mouth hmming and hmming she gobbled and sucked his cock and followed his thrusting and then even so after he came after she choked and still after she swallowed

hmming  timidly smiling up into his face

then many years later visiting his parents he happened upon her at a coffee shop in the neighborhood

she had her daughter with her who she was rocking in a baby carriage

Its very strange to see you again she said

conversation ensued and there he confessed watching her in her bedroom through the well window

Then from what I hear tell she said it seems youve laid down your voyeurism and become how shall I say proficient if not very proficient with women otherwise  then laughed out loud her laughter breaking above the coffee house noise

Oh goodness she said seeing him blush Youre embarrassed NOW

A bit

Youre hilarious

she leaned in closely to him and said I wished Id known  I would have performed for you

You did

Oh   I suppose I did

You know you dont know I went to bed those school evenings at nine oclock because my parents demanded I did If they hadnt demanded I might not have moved my room into the basement And if they hadnt I might not have thought to masturbate

I would dare suggest over those years it was likely we came together at cross purposes

Oh my goodness if I would have known  I would have danced naked for you

he took a deep breath sighed then quietly said You took me from voyeur to fucker and fucker to voyeur back and again

she smiled Youre a bit like a dog chasing its tail

Yes  And I hope I never catch it

       

0149,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  9  3. 16

0011,  Thursday,  10  3. 16

Dale Cooper Quartet  Une Petit Cellier  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_kGRC-JOro