Yaknow Im not going to defend it other than saying Im
circumspect about my health and Ive gathered hints insights through it So its fine for me For
me
You
Obviously
youre on your own
Im on my
own
Of
course Im on my own
I think
youre nuts frankly a bit disturbed
Disturbed Disturbed
Youre not even going to offer me eccentric
No Most eccentric things Are disturbing
And theres nothing about you thats
eccentric
Ohno not now theres not a fucking thing Id
share with you I dont need to get beat over the head because you feel insulted
Lemme correct you
You havent insulted me
Only you think
youve
insulted me
JeezusChrist
youre a testy muthafucker
Testy I cant tell you how much that amuses me
Because on the heels of testy (he
interrupted his leaning in held up his hand a finger pointing upward) just a moment
please (he leaned back shifted onto his heels)
thank you As I was saying
On testys heels usually comes the
other objection tendered me Im a
belligerent muthafucker
Im testy belligerent for no other reason than asking deliberate questions
Your
deliberate asking seems an assaultIts
not your voice not your voice the way you say it no No Its
your manner posture Its almost as if
youre drawing a secreted blade to use on me
Which is your perception Not my action
Ive no straight razor do I
he laughed uncomfortably
Not that I
see But I havent frisked you either
You havent frisked me Youre hilarious
I really think this conversation
is overboard when you consider the point of departure an innocuous admission that troubles you makes you ill by its perhaps rude conjecture
You vehemently disagree
I have no disagreement with you
You dont
think it distasteful or untoward
I dont think of it whatsoever
It is process to me Ive been
doing beyond memory of first doing it
It
made sense to me when I was boy
he cleared his throat obviously distressed
he had nothing to offer or
suggest but he certainly wasnt going to
withdraw
Many in your immediate family
growing up
No Im an only child
That could suggest our difference
Difference
Difference yes
They were fourteen in the house I
grew up in five adults three generations little separate alone time slept three
boys in a bed the uncles slept together the only person who had a bedroom slept
alone was my grandmother if one of the kids didnt sneak in to sleep with her
Apparently knowledge conscious or unconsciously osmosis sifted through the house
I knew things I
had no idea I learned
Conversations weaved
around and through each other Old World tongue broken English my grandmother
and an uncle were born overseas old traditions adopted modern American
traditions mishmash
Out of the mishmash the privacy
exclusive to the watercloset to toiletry when you were old enough to wipe your
own ass without being doublechecked in that somewhere I examined what passed
out of me into the toilet bowl and whether urine feces I could divine shy
of haruspex my health by staring in the face what stared up at me
It didnt flinching
Why would I
A difference Yes
Good
You know Stevens
The Snow Man
One must have a mind of winter the listener nothing himself beholds nothing that is not there and the
nothing that is
1503, Day-between-Two-Ts, 2 12. 15
0004, Thursday,
3 12. 15
The Snow Man
by Wallace Stevens
One must have a mind of winter
To regard the frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with snow;
And have been cold a long time
To behold the junipers shagged with
ice,
The spruces rough in the distant
glitter
Of the January sun; and not to think
Of any misery in the sound of the wind,
In the sound of a few leaves,
Which is the sound of the land
Full of the same wind
That is blowing in the same bare place
For the listener, who listens in the
snow,
And, nothing himself, beholds
Nothing that is not there and the nothing
that is.
