melon (in toto)

The store advertised it had the BEST DARN MELONS to be found ANYWHERE! 

he bit  he loved melons  he hadnt had a good one in some time

                                                                                                        although to be fair

he was thrown

                          since when did Marketing hobble itself with propriety   BEST DARN

Comon  wouldnt they let it rip 

   

                                                     BEST DAMN MELONS to be found ANYWHERE! 

as it was he would have to drive nearly thirty miles out of his way to appease his nieces

who apparently were suckers  more than himself  for the best darn melons anywhere

little slaves to advertising

they saw it on the back page of the newspaper he hadnt gotten around to yet as he read to their jaws chomping at their cold breakfast cereal and the clattering of their spoons at their bowls

sometimes that noise got the best of people

 

but growing in a household of eleven one put such noises out of their heads

banishing them to a pile culled at the distant horizon named

                                                                                                   Utterly Insignificant

You hear what you want to hear   thats how clever he was

their harmonized shriek however  gathered up his attention all at once 

he folded the newspaper in half backwards towards them

a trick he thought was necessary to growing up because his father relentlessly and impatiently did it to him
his  What now?   he refused to bring forward as all children make mental notes as they grow up
affirm in their deepest darkest recesses all those things they not only resented   
but detested

the tinkering that was their right as adults and when exhibited before their parents and not questioned by their parents but rather accused 

                               Thats not how you were raised

allowed you to fire back  without even bothering to look up at them  not bothering to fold a newspaper in half
to eye with ridicule 

                                Youre right  It wasnt

--   Grrls 

                                                                 

What

he called them grrls because the grr suited his purpose

                                                                                          he treated them as if they were sexless

time was plenty before the tyranny of pedagogy marketing and all the worthless friends they would have to endure   before setting them aside in favor of the few exceptional friends   later

 

--   MELONS!  was their chorus

their topknots still crazy from sleep and now slipping oddly over their ears and in their faces like loose lopsided caps

When the hell did they learn to read

Yeah  maybe the oldest  but why was the youngest also touting MELONS!

to be fair  hed admit it  they had evolved vocabularies   most children the grrls knew didnt know what they were talking about

he remembered taking the eldest for a walk when she was little

they headed up into a boxed canyon off Malibu and took in the queer-looking California houses which seemed to grow organically  --  or not  --  inside the steep walls at either side of the alley

you really couldnt call it a road   and carved or relieved into the hillsides were backyard switch-backs that lead up to stone Buddhas delicious art forms and artefact

walking hand-in-hand she asked what kind of tree it was that overhung the alley

enthralled  he was looking to the right

she to the left

he said loquat

she said no persimmon I think

What

he then looked down into her face and found she was pointing high  to the left  

Really  What kind of two-plus kid knows what a persimmon is

he didnt know persimmons or loquats even existed until his Twenties when he finally escaped his nee clutches of the Midwest

I think youre wrong oncle   and what was with that business   thats a loquat  she said pointing up to the right where he had been looking

  

Youre right little grrl

 

Thank you  I thought I was

MELONS!

he flipped the newspaper and laid eyes on a truly splendid advertisement

melons were everywhere that could be artfully and skillfully included among its brief text and alluring fonts

 

it seemed to him

                            he ought to be screaming like they were

they looked absolutely delectable

--   CAN WE GO?

--   Can we go

What kind of oncle do you take me for

--   YEEAAHH

--   Did you two have a fitful night

or dream of playing rolling down grassy hills 

or being chased by monsters   he asked
as their heading out the door was effectively curtailed by smart snarls and tangles woven in their hair
   

he knew they had sensitive scalps and was gently working them out with their hairbrushes

--   No   the eldest answered for them while she tried hard  fitfully  to remain patient
 

her hair was already unpleated while the little one tried to decide what she was going to wear for the day despite the few things that were packed for their overnight with him

the little one squirmed in his lap uttering scarcely discernable Ouch  ouch     ouches

--   No bad dreams  Good

Fun dreams

--   I dont know  We were asleep

--   Me

I dreamt of tying knots all night long

I really liked doing it because somebody else was going to have to untie them

Ouch  ouch     ouches

--   You did not

--   I did

--   Did not

--   Did

--   Youdidnot oncle

--   No

I didnt

But I wish I did

Ouch  ouch     ouches

--   Me

I dreamt of tying knots all night long

I really liked doing it because somebody else was going to have to untie them 

Ouch  ouch     ouches

 

--   You did not

--   I did

--   Did not

--   Did

--   Youdidnot  oncle

--   No

I didnt

But I wish I did

Ouch  ouch     ouches

finally they were going out the door

he didnt think their toes touched the ground as they came down the hall to the foyer

they bunched up against the back of his legs

--   Grrls

Got to move back for me to open the door huh

--   OH YEAH   their chorus

they did that a lot

sisters  he supposed

pulling the door into the threshold they shot past its edge

                                                                                             but as they did they crossed path

they were now on opposite sides of the stationwagon which he had backed up into the driveway last night so they could offload the groceries into the house

 

they had been playing longshoremen

decided so

                   in the grocery parking lot before they went inside he rolled up their sleeves and drew tattoos on their slender upper arms

he called them Butch and Ace the whole night

they went to the backdoor and practiced spitting into the yard   sexless    and fun

                                                    

they had long argued  growled about  which side they wanted to sit on  and finally between them reached an ironclad agreement

now they settled into habit

which he wished Government might have witnessed

                                                                                     to see how things could actually be accomplished

of course  the sharp Congressional Committees would recognise they were females

and wouldnt have any of that

to their  and his detriment

racing up on the car they recognised they were on the opposite sides they had intended to be

he could have saved them   others may have but they werent there  with a bark  GRRLS!

they were always attentive to him

but he believed that was a deliberate ploy to aggravate their parents

he could have saved them

he saw it coming

they were excited

they were almost beyond themselves

 

but to his mind experience  cold harsh experience  is the best schoolmaster

second to none

and allowing it to play out   ---   in his eyes  in slow motion   ---   would teach them what many might conclude was terrible   ---   a good lesson from the School of Hard Knocks

they disappeared simultaneously around the front of the wagon and the sound of their bodies colliding would have made pro ball players envious

at their age agility hadnt yet ascended into their meat  which  until the time it did

they  as all children  were invested and invigorated with  by any adults standard   

devastating resilience

                                    and rubberiness

the elder would have taken her little sisters head to the chest

their bodies would have met

and they would have dropped in a heap ass first  and then onto their backs

the tears didnt go off immediately

not as at home

they barely rose in their eyes as he came around the corner  

                                                                                                  unhurried

casually querying  Grrls

their eyes werent on him  but on one another  informing each other if they were going to cry or not or cry or not or

what else did they have in their forte

--   You two alright

they had tears trembling in the eyes

but they hadnt broken the dams of their eyelids

From the sound of things I thought you found some meat we forgot to take inside last night for our barbecue and were fighting each other with it like longshoremen

Was that noise you

he knelt beside them  beside their sprawled legs at their knees

No blood

the little one said No blood

--   No  I dont see any blood either  said the oldest

--   Yeah  No blood  If you aint bleeding I dont think theres anything to fix 

 

Help yas up  Dust your butts off

butts

          always arose sparks of laughter in kids

Whos got the bigger butt to dust

the little one popped up to her feet  tears still shiny in her eyes

--   Siss got the bigger butt because shes bigger than me

--   Sis  You need your butt dusted

she stood up  and rubbery she turned her upper body craned her head around and took a look see

--   I dont think I have dust on my butt

You wanna see

she was a notorious mooner

you didnt want to see her butt if you could help it

youd just encourage her

--   Ill take your word for it

the little one smiled gleefully

--   I want to see your butt

Sis began turning to show her sister

he interrupted the rising moon

the mindboggling glee to follow

--   Id like to see your butts in your seats so we can go buy some

                                                                                                          MELONS!

that brought them back into the here and now

Nearly thirty miles later they arrived at the advertised grocery store

it stood off by itself on the corner of a busy intersection at the edge of town

its front was filled by a parking lot filleted with white lines and pylons of overhead streetlamps

a couple of train tracks ran beside it paralleling the larger avenue at its other side

the beauty of its set up was a siding where freight cars could be rolled up onto where an extensive concrete ramp was built  which also received truck traffic

three bays

somebody did their homework years and years ago 

an steel awning was erected on ironwork struts and posts and angled to throw rain or snow or sun so no matter the weather crates and pallets could be worked

a real slick operation

 

--   Comon grrls  Lets get ourselves some melons 

 

You gonna be stronger enough to carry your own

--   MELONS!   as if they were right back at the kitchen table percolating  and frenzied

--   MELONS!   he echoed

 

they could almost smell them as they entered the store  Produce to the right  and at the back near swinging double-doors were eight huge bins fashioned by the original shipping crates

efficient  rolled them right from the trucks or train into the store

smatterings of others throughout produce on rolling carts

almost as artfully arranged as the ad

they descended

the little one was drawn to the casaba melons

Sis to the muskmelons

he imagined iced watermelons

and spitting seeds at his nieces

the gentle thumping began

he picked up a piece of straw from inside the melon bin to dowse for their ripeness

a long held  simple  appealing touch

Hmmm

despite their scent their color

they were lifeless

the grrls enthusiasm  on their own  waned

they reconnoitered

--   Grrls  Whatcha thinking

--   I think theyre sick  the little one offered

--   They dont seem happy 

--   No

They dont seem all that do they

Ill tell ya what

And you never do this on your own

Or take it upon yourself until youre really big big grrls

You hear me
they nodded like congenial bobbleheads

Not on your own until your big enough and are buying for your own food

they continued bobbing

Excellent

Im gonna have a deliberate oops

he picked up a watermelon  refusing to risk one of the grrls favorites

and dropped it

OOPS!

the grrls were stoic knowing accessories

he loved them  through and through 

maybe even more so now

a young man who was working in Produce heard PLOP and the OOPS and came over to them

--   Im sorry  It spun out of my arms

--   Thats alright sir  Accidents happen                                                                                             

                                                              he looked at his nieces and restrained himself from winking at them
Ill get this cleaned up in a heartbeat
--   Thank you  I apologize for the inconvenience
 

the young man went through the double-doors in earnest

he stooped over to finger some watermelon out of its rind

--   Okay grrls whats it taste like

they stooped beside him and grabbed some out of the rind too   as they did he thought

Just another reason to always have handkerchief in my back pockets

--   Ooh  not so good  said Sis

the little one screwed up her face  evidently she hadnt words for her digust

--   Mazzy real quick  grab one of your casabas

Thats a grrl

Be careful you dont drop it

Mazzy

Drop it hard

it broke at her feet

Taste

--   Oncle

he turned to look at Sis and she stood holding a muskmelon over her head in both hands

Can you catch it

--   Youre way ahead of the curve grrl

Toss it

she grunted as she lobbed it

no way it was going to reach him

they both knew that

Mazzy didnt care for the casabas taste

he could see that in her face as she walked towards him

walking towards her he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe her hands and face

--   Not so good huh little grrl 

                                                           

--   Nope

as he wiped off Mazzys hands and mouth he looked over at Sis

 

Sis always had a real zest for things  not only had she tried the flesh but she yanked some of its guts out and then was frantic to get their clinginess and seeds off her hands

 --   Ill be there momentarily love

Mazzy kept up

he stuffed the moist handkerchief from her hands in his backpocket and pull a fresh one from the other

 

no sooner had he given it to her so she could wipe her hands and face clean

she had always insisted she could do it herself

even when she failed dismally

and you knew it

but you have to let her try

doing it for her always seemed a matter of expediency                                                                         

he tried to have time for her to fail



the young man emerged   and appropriately  staggered  the slightest bit

when he realised he hadnt one mess

but three

he could see that he was trying to visualise  reenact the crime scene 

--   Truth of the matter young man

We came thirty miles for your best darn melons anywhere

 

And they werent

Theyre not

So if you cant see your way to clean up this mess well be happy to do it for you

the grrls grumble  very slightly

--   No sir  part of my job to clean up messes

 

Im just a little surprised

--   By the three messes

--   No

Like I said I clean up messes all the time

But youre not from around here  are you

--   No not if we came thirty miles

--   You did say that

--  I did

--   Lemme set this squeegee trashpan and mop and bucket aside for a moment

Got to set up these cones

to himself  Ill need more

he leaned the cleaning tools against the wall and placed the cones  obviously  near the smashed melons 

Now

you should come with me

 

--   Shall we see the manager

the grrls took either of his hands when he descended them down to them

--   No  no reason to see him

Though you have my apologies for the drive over  I hope  at least  you enjoyed the ride  took in the sights

--   Yes  It was a pretty ride 

Its a beautiful day

--   Well enjoy it for me  Im on the front end of my shift

One for the books  if I may though

--   Youre certainly welcome to it

--   And I expect itll be one for the books for you too

--   You do

--   Not only do I 

                                          

I think Ill guarantee it

--   A guaranteed day for the books

Grrls  Seems were in for a treat

quietly

--   Not so much them Im afraid

--   No

--   I hope its over the little girls heads

--   Now you got me real curious

they walked almost to the far corner of the store that overlooked the checkout lines and where the Customer Convenience stall was

--   Around here

he said with a huge smile

Around here  that advertisement you saw

that brought you here

its kind of a shorthand for locals

Aint nothing to do with our produce

The produce is passable  but nothing to write home about

Around here  well   take a gander 

 

Ill leave it to your imagination

You be well

and he extended his hand to him  they shook  he shook the grrls sticky hands too

he laughed deeply humoured as he walked away

--   Ah  I get it

--   Oncle  Whatcha get  said Sis

Mazzy was looking into her sticky hands and getting uncomfortable

--   Comon  Lets get you grrls into the restroom and have you wash your hands up

You can do that right Sis

--   I can

Comon Mazzy

Lets get the melon blood washed off our hands 

                                          

--   Blood

--   Sis is teasing  Mazzy

Go wash up

he followed them to the restrooms beside the Customer Convenience stall

on its countertop was some hand cleanser

--   Excuse me young lady

she was bent over behind the counter looking for something or other

absently she replied

--   Yes

not even looking up

which he was terribly alright with him

he liked the V-neck of her blouse

how it accentuated her breasts

--   May I use a squirt of this hand sanitizer

--   Help yourself

and to herself

Where did that get to

--   Thank you

Ill help myself

he tarried a bit longer

overlooking her

then he turned to take in the checkout girls while his little grrls were obviously taking their sweet time 

  

as typical  he required no expediency

none needed right now

        

Let them linger  he thought

and one by one he took in the checkout girls surreptitiously

                                                                                                          BEST DARN MELONS to be found ANYWHERE

accurate advertising

                                                    

boggled the mind 

late evening before bed,  Saturday,  21  2. 15

1833,  Monday,  23  2. 15