--   What exactly do you think

                                                       

when you think of someone

she shifted her feet  shuffled in place

                                                             Wheres this coming from

--   Fair

I think I was accused                                                                                                               

                                   I read it in Doctorows City of God

Halfway through the book

BAMIt hit me

I was coldcocked

An you know me

I share everything with you

                                                                                

Its part of everything

 

Isnt it

--   It is

A weighty part    of everything

--   Yah

Cant stop thinkin boudit   so   

                                               Ive burdend you

Aint apologizin

A clarion call

an I aint never been called up for anything before                                                                          

Elusive   that way

Then it was there  stuck in there on page 137 hangin me out to dry

Im hangin

Yahman Im hangin

Its parsin me into lil bits while I think  an I dont even know what Im thinkin

Exactlys got nothing to do with it

It howls in my head

It feels loaded

like no answers sufficient

                                                                                               

As I said

Felt like an accusation

--   What   exactly

                                                                                                                                 

do you think when you think of someone

I cant say Ive ever thought that

--   Me neither 

 

Thank you for alleviatin some of the Idonwha . . .

Angst

Yah angst

A weight in my chest

Not on it In it

Odd

Really odd

--   I have to give it some thought before I say

--   I understand

I gave some thought before I said

I think Im intelligent but intelligence  no  it aint got nothin to do with it

But youll say when youve had time yah

--   Yes

Ill need time

--   I still need time

--   Okay

Well talk

--   Yah

and he turned away abruptly
giving her his back
not throwing a look of his shoulder as he left
as if he was ashamed
or as if embarrassed
 

or guilty

she hadnt stopped moving her feet  shuffling  uncomfortable  and they were never uncomfortable with one another since the second time they met the first time a shambles of disinterest uninterested scarcely noticing when one or the other left the house of a mutual friend  an impromptu get-together

never uncomfortable

with him sharing anything

until now

nothing implied or suggested

except

What exactly do you think when you think of someone

1327,  Friday,  18  9. 15

Ey don know wha shewuz doin

Never had mah han round her troat

She wuz her owen  her owen

                                                   an ifn she gave ya a piece  yawuz hapy

haply tok mine

                                        Nah  Mebbe tok more den mah share   Eyve heer say

but she wuz given it an she gave it ta me

Ey aint stupid

Aint a lot of tings

but aint stupid

That was his statement

It wasnt his

It was hers

She gave it to him

(off the record)Maybe because he was so fuckin good in the sack sucked her pussy turned her inside out

Made her squirt

                                                             

She left him bundles and bundles of brown paper sacks cinched in fiber tape with more cash in them than you could count comfortably in an afternoon take dinner and that evening

All denominations

Old paper notes silver certificates  the fuck  she left him cash separated individually into cellophane envelopes suggested selling prices penned with black MagicMarkers on them and collectors Ive interviewed say she was shrewd  sharp  she had exactly what they wanted and knew what theyd pay  then twisted that amount up a notch  just to yank em by the balls   they said no matter when the pain was gone  evaporated    they still had the specimen   It was worth every cent

Remarkable specimens Absolutely remarkable

To a man they were astonished at how varied her possessions were and truly wondered Truly How she either compiled or accrued them or they were compiled for her left to her

Why she didnt utilise or monetise them herself   was astonishing

All we can suppose from our investigation is that they were hers to dispose of in the manner she wanted

We cannot contest them

Her Will ‘of sound mind and body’ stated ‘all her worldly possessions’ were left to him

At this time that wealth is undetermined

Ey aint stupid

Aint a lot of tings

but aint stupid

(sez Svengali)

  

0010,  Friday,  11  9. 15

1343,  Friday,  September 11, 2015