Some things youd think were utterly  and I mean utterly   natural    spontaneous

down to fuckin innate

Ive thought that most my life

I have assumed it most my life

                     

and apparently its the only thing I blindly take for granted  an entitlement  whereas I despise entitlement everywhere
I find it 

I have to assume everyone enjoys a blatant entitlement which they dont see in themselves   it is too subjective

they are too near it   it is the shadow they have theyll not ever lose

and yet if I hadnt witnessed it

if it hadnt caught me so very off guard  flatfooted

frankly shocking in its exposure

I wouldnt have thought it existed

I am athletically entitled

                                        I take it for granted

my hand-eye coordination is significant and has made waves among my siblings extended family and eventual competitors

I often talked about seeing and how the game I watch unfolds in s l o w-motion

 

I could anticipate deflections knew precise angles to chase down fly balls make bounce passes off the hardwood played backboard shots inside what later became known as the three-point arc lay sacrificial bunts saw where my receivers would be and threw to that spot

I could see those things as easily as I could see women who tried very hard to secret their ample bosom

I cant say that one has surprised me

I followed a friend into a car showroom and watched the salesman approach him and as he walked towards my friend he step by step furtively eyed his hand and introducing himself he eyeballed it one last time before he banged home his handshake

afterwards my friend said that I was nuts  the salesman didnt do that

I said he did  ungainly   awkwardly

I watched him use a clandestine more-basic less-finessed timing that I use when I find myself approaching a woman head-on and want to appreciate the heft and motion of her breasts  though not lecherously  subtly

surprisingly other times an over-the-top candid appeal or appreciation works out far better

then however I could see her coming from far off far sooner and from a distance she couldnt distinguish me

I easily hawk-eye her and enjoy a preternatural anticipation and titillation

  

some inherent inborn abilities are worth their weight in gold  

                                                                                                   goddamn near sacred

but this poor schlemiel

I wondered how many handshakes and grips he missed   catching air  awkwardly banging knuckles  which has to be as bad as bumping cocks during a ménage à trois  not that he was spirited away for those candlelighted dalliances fueled by coke and sex hashish and sex psilocybin and sex or other hallucinogenic appetites plying for wanton sex

Yes Virginia(of the infamous There is a Santa Claus fame) there is a difference between wanton sex and wanting sex

I would have to take for granted that the schlemiel and I would concur  and because we dont often have a chance to concur and concurring is more fun than a barrel full a bevy of altered wetted naked buxom women when hand-eye coordination is least desired

which he was sure was the keen synthesis of Little Jack Horner when he touted he stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum and said what a good boy am I

Little Jack Horner was his carnal Fairy Tale hero and he swore if he could ever talk up some maidens lay them to waste(cause if my minds tore up then my body dont care(Zappa)) hed love to bring Jack into the game into the room
and not turn out again

                                      because he hadnt either the strength or the consciousness to fuckin move

innate only goes so far

1558,  Sunday,  13  9. 15 

 1735,  Sunday,  13  9. 15 

He sat  numb

leaned forward  heavily

on a card table with his head in his right

his hand was at his crown into his scalp 

 

his fingers wound in his long hair

his hair wet from a cool shower

shampooed  herbal smelling

                                               not his shower  or shampoo

a cigarette smouldered  threw a thin shadow off the sunlight coming inside through an opened window to his left

outofdoors unseen seabirds hustled   and cried 

always complaining

always harsh   guttural  

                                       made him feel bad for their lot

their seeming displeasure with every little thing

they argued over scraps  over their violated space in the blue air

but maybe just maybe they laughed raucously  hoarsely  when freshfed they shat on someone trying to sunbathe

a can of beer sweated beside his elbow inside the cigarette laying in a cheap shallow glass ashtray

so cheap it didnt throw an arc or the slip of a prism onto the green vinyled tabletop where the sun struck it

the beer wasnt his brand either

in the whole of the room what was his

were his filthy bluejeans a tired t-shirt the paper and cellophaned Navy Cut pack  nearly full

a matchbook advertising a realtor

                                                        and himself

he often tried to give himself away

but takers didnt hold onto him too long

either showing him the door or him making a jailbreak
shatting on their momentarily relaxed mien

absently  he was pushing jigsaw puzzle pieces around the table with his pinkie

uncommitted to grasping any or placing them

he pushed intersecting pieces together side by side and left them uncoupled  like train cars at a siding

it wasnt his puzzle to build

he could choose not to

the cover of the puzzle box on the hardwood floor boasted 750 pieces

he wondered if the artist who created the original reproduced before him recognised their effort was going to be cut up

albeit cleverly  artfully hewed as puzzles were

if they were informed

or if they had no say
namas

the uncut piece on the boxcover was elegant

making for an sensational jigsaw puzzle

its shadowing and blush tuned into a clever incoherence produced by the machined thin razor cuts

the like

the puzzle

reminded him of himself  his life 

how many hundreds  maybe thousands of pieces  he had made it into

without alignment

                              narrative

there were reasons that could fit together seamlessly   perfectly

reasons why he was unencumbered  untenable  didnt own a pair of shoes

how he liked to see his breath in smoke and it waft away on currents of blue air

watched how the sun changed inside every rolling wave

tumbling like the individual grains of sand beneath them

he promised

                     when someone reconstructed the landmasses with the sand that was made from them

then hed let the puzzle he was be built too 

in the meantime from eviction to eviction and jailbreak to jailbreak

 

his pieces would remain unchained

1346,  Hoxie Saturday, 19  9. 15