Provided For Your Protection

Christ   Still vacant

he muttered to himself

Youd think as a business youd optimize your space

he muttered about the empty wall behind the commode he stood facing

Youd think theyd incorporate something with entertainment value or to cerebrally glom onto(his hands were too full)

as one urinated

why the Mens Room was as large as it was and there wasnt a stall or urinal  piqued him

or why the vast flat-white painted room  which when entering threw echoes off his heels  held

the lone commode(its broken tank cover glued together with yellow epoxy) 

a small sink

a paper towel dispenser

a pale tan metal wastebasket

there wasnt even a mirror in the room

why it was utterly devoid of adornment flummoxed him

save(Save  in its heroic nomenclature) mounted just above the cracked tank cover                                              

another dispenser

this for paper toilet seat covers                                                                                            

and stenciled on the exposed box contained within it  Provided For Your Protection

My protection

he couldnt help but think of all the things he might want  provided for his protection

paper toilet seat covers  wouldnt break ink for his list

frankly 

              the only time they occurred to him was when the hand towel dispenser was empty  then hed yank free a couple and use them to dry his hands

though long ago he came to the belief that he was one of few men who actually washed their hands after using the facilities

an anomality

men  it seemed  were either too busy or distracted

when they concluded eliminating their waste they walked straight out of the bathroom

for that observation  he steadfastly refused to shake mens hands

whether in business or social settings

if their feelings were hurt

if they pushed for a why

he shared his unremarkable observation  candidly concluding  Id rather not shake your dick

Coarse   Yes   Blatant   Yes   but neither could paint his remark untrue

Provided For Your Protection

it was a favored wateringhole

they made small batches of craft beer and their Imperial IPA was something to bark about

he felt inclined to offer  solicit  suggestions for improvements he believed worthwhile

to instill a favorable ambience  experience

he thoroughly enjoyed the small business owners  a young married couple

the husband  the brewer   the wife  the numbers and business brain

he came out of the bathroom  convinced to be piqued for the last time  and in the bar

--   Gustave

he liked his throwback name too much to shorten it as many of the customers did

--   Yeh manh

--   An idea

--   For me

--   For you your wife your business

--   Yeh

--   Yeh(he mimicked)

--   Andt

--   I love your language

Andt

provided for your protection in the bathroom got me thinking of how you could actually provide for someones protection

Truly protect someones ass

--   Da paper toilet seat covers

--   Yeh

Inspiring

--   Andt

--   Andt  rather than seat covers

a condom dispenser that runs off business tokens  or coins of course  under the exact same name  Provided For Your Protection

A Molly token earned by the first drink

Andt as your libations tease aching customers  the tokens will only animate conversation

andt Ive got an idea for the Ladies Room too

just occurred to me

Honky Tonk Heartbreak

Panties

Obviously they would require a bigger dispenser andt you might wanna wait andt see how your utterly unique males Provided For Your Protection plays

but

       Picture this

Orange   Oversized   Rubberised   Panties

Imagine the bounce and grind the bounce and grind  No penetration  Hence the Tease andt the Heartbreak

Im telling yah

Provided For His and Her Protection

Youll slain hem

Cottage Industry  baby

In addition to your fine beers open bar andt fertile entertainment

andt imagination   with a lil help from yer friends

Its why people go out

--

--   Speechless huh

I get that  

                a lot

afternoon,  Friday at Mollys,  3  7. 15

 0943,  Monday,  6  7. 15

 1900,  Wednesday,  8  7. 15

Racists, Werewolves and Vampyres . . . Oh My!

Our small neighborhood has seen it in recent years: an alleged vampyre murdered by a professed werewolf . . . and now a racist driving a pickup flaunting a Confederate flag.

I called the Police Department but the Dispatcher insisted it was the driver’s First Amendment Rights: “ . . . there are a lot of Mexicans who live here and they fly the Mexican flag . . .” 

 

Oh My!

Sometimes one wishes things like these were only fictitious or deranged fantasies.

I corrected the Dispatcher and reminded her that Mexico is an established sovereign Nation, Confederacists . . . were not (no foreign country ever established diplomatic relations with the South).

Being a small neighborhood my partner and I walked to the grocerystore. We passed the offensive truck parked on the public thoroughfare, it drove past us at West Mall and El Camino Real, and again as we were almost home.

It parked as we passed.

My partner asked, “What’s with the flag?”

The driver replied with a soundbite fitting the talking heads at FOX, “It’s heritage, not hate.”

We chorused, “It’s hate!”

The young man who exited the passenger side clutching two 40s of malt liquor replied, “What they taught us was false . . ."

I asked, “Who are they?”

He replied he looked it up.

I can imagine he used the Internet where you can find almost everything you want to find, and deranged fantasies.

Our exchange was interrupted by a woman who, standing before their attached garage, agape, stuffed helter skelter with boxes and sundry items yelled, “Do not engage. Do not engage. It’s ignorance.”

“Yes,” I yelled back, “is it ignorance.”

I find it curious, however, and blameful, she cried do not engage while flaunting a Confederate flag.

1245,  Wednesday,  8  7. 15