I hadnt seen him in  . .   wha .. fourteen years

he was fourteen ugly years older   pot-bellied    grayed   

all his neat and primness had fallen away or given into slovenness

but he seemed content                                                                                                     

                                     scratching at his belly where it descended under his unbelted pant waist to his groin

his wife tossed a little under our quiet voices  then woke from the bed in the livingroom  

she rose naked  unashamed

she had nothing to be ashamed of

unless it was she was a full-bodied Hispanic sharing life with an portly old white man

she stood facing me  

her black eyes daring

I cant say I dropped my eyes from her nakedness or I didnt raise an eyebrow of approval and touch at the corner of my mouth with my tongue  slavering a bit like a hungry man at the scent and view of a black and blue steak

I cant say I didnt recognise a sly glimmer of invitation

And I cant say I didnt smile wolfishly

--   Shes a beauty  isnt she   he said looking down into his cup of coffee

--   She is beautiful

--   Yes

And expensive

You can see I spend my money on her  rather than on myself 

she turned around  throwing a casual look over her shoulder to be sure I admired her back and ass

I did

--   I imagine she a pretty pennys worth
--   And worth every bit of it

--   Yes

she sauntered off into the bathroom and as she snugged the door shut the last I saw was an unflinching black eye
over a taut nipple

I can see that

--   She prefers to sleep in the livingroom  It reminds her of the room in the village where she lived with her family

when I bought her

Its amazing what you can buy in Mexico 
if you know they right people

he ran with big dogs in the US up until wed last seen each other

I wasnt surprised at any of the things he bought

though she was probably the only thing he had  that even arrested my attention

And she knows shes well provided for after Im dead

You know me 
No family
 

Aint taking it with me

--   If you could youd be the first

--   Makes you think of hanging around a bit  doesnt she

--   Maybe in a week 

But I still havent introduced  yaknow

--   Youre still the honest muthafucker I remember

--   Im still me

Though I cant say youre still you

--   The fuck  Im in here somewhere

Im just retired

And tired

I took the best money I could for the time I sold 

and now its up to her to make up for the time I lost in pleasures unsought

--   Unsought 
Because you were to fuckin busy working

--   Look what it bought me

--   Look what it cost you

Dont get me wrong  She beautiful and young    

But along the way while you were younger you might have enjoyed someone like her too

--   Nice of you to say so

But because you could skip from panty to panty having your way  letting them have their way  as you also made known

It doesnt break down that way for other guys

Thisll hurt  Youre kind of   entitled

--   Im entitled
--   I said it would hurt
You go blank at other forms of entitlement

Your   wha  devil may care  yes 
Your devil may care is an entitlement

--   Wow  Never considered that

--   You wouldnt

--   I might be sorry

--   I love it  You might be sorry

Youve nothing to be sorry for

You dont know otherwise

But I do

--   And at the end of the day this is right for you

--   At this time of the day
its right for me

--   Youre tempting me to stick around 
You know that dont you

--   Im not

She is

Aint nothing in me tempting you since I turned you off twelve years ago

--   Youre as lousy at math as you are at spelling 
Fourteen years

You hung up on me fourteen years ago because my talk was threatening your job 
your work

--   My work was sensitive

Youre abrupt

Your devil may care could have cost me then too 
I told you Id have to hang up if you didnt stop

--   You said relent

If I didnt relent

Telling somebody whos relentless to relent isnt going to happen

--   Then we made our choices 
didnt we

--   A fourteen year choice 

And in it youve retired

--   Ah well

What can I say

You were an itch I still needed to scratch 
Safely though

--   Money or relations

--   Money 
 Hands down
--   Relations 
--   Yeah  No brainer

--   I may have at your wife

they both started to laugh laughs that grew to manic proportions bringing hands to their ribs and tears to their eyes 

but without either taking their eyes from the others eyes

                                                                                              threats implied

1752,  Twosday,  23  6. 15   

my life is shot in black and white

has a bitchin soundtrack

 

and sometimes when I loop back in on it  the stills  the music  overpower my senses

I am a rerun

                      a nostalgic rerun

 

I light a cigarette

play with the paper match as it burns down to my fingertips then snuff it between the thumb and finger of my other hand

they have been scorched senseless over years of smoking dope and refusing to use an alligator clip or hemostat

                                                                                                

the roach passed round til it ends between me and like souls
or just me                                      

a cheap badge of honor  among heads

I watch the blue smoke curl and rise off the cigarettes reddened edge

out of focus  behind its threads

are the colour and contours of two naked women who are playing with each other

biding me a little time

                                                                                                                     

one rises from between the others legs who sighs and pants

she breaks the line of smoke off my cigarette  it curls around her breasts and throat as she leans forward and kisses me deeply  sharing the tang of the others cunt
her face shiny and moist 

she steps back for a moment  the smoke spindles again  splitting her bush in halves her hips and belly in a sensational Rorschach 

then she goes down to her knees and takes my cock in her mouth

the other rises drunkenly and stoned and straddles the back of the couch  leaning forward she grasps the others hair at the back of her head and doles out a new rhythm  shoving her head down on me until she chokes

I crush the cigarette butt in an oversized coloured glass ashtray and paw her tits snuffle and suckle until I cum  spasm

I yank her off the back of the couch onto her back  pull her legs apart   

she lays still

I stand to help the girl off her knees  kiss her deeply  smile wolfishly

then toss her as she laughs  shes well ahead of me  Im that obvious and inflamed  onto the couch too  position her on her back  low to the other end  straddle her head and feed my cock into her eager mouth again 

on a knee and a straight leg I thrust  she has her hands at my belly taking what she wants  bending over I take the other one by her ass in both hands  my thumbs curled up the insides of her thighs  I split her apart  run my tongue up
stern to stem

she takes my head in her hands    orchestrating her cumming

we met in the sea  the surf growing larger  high tide foaming

going up the beach we realised wed laid our towels and bags near one another

the heat and humidity was parching 

I offered pina coladas

I lived just up from the ocean
the daylight inside the apartment always coloured the ceiling a reflected and refracted quivering blue

Electric Ladyland played on the turntable behind us

I had opium I had hashish

we had a ball

Ive rerun that with a woman  and other women 

                                                                              orgies I instigated with a telling suddenness

singeing exhibitionist cravings and ecstasies  empowering roomfuls of voyeurs to put up or shaddup  the whole while knowing there was nothing like freed voyeurs  who could stash their furtive  sly(or so they thought) peeking  and get in touch with the objet d’art that before had only titillated their seemingly forlorn or veiled obsessions

reruns

            reruns of crazed sex  of games competed in and watched  friends  not friends  intimate jazz spots  blues dives  building designed smashed and redesigned  structures erected   at daydreams  at bars along the road

before whispering campfires overlooking canyons and deserts  lakes and rivers and seas

                                                                                                                                                   reruns thoughtless invoked

among stuttering delirium tremens  tremors off too much caffiend  off inane binges that sought to satisfy unspoken wants

demands

reruns  in place of and offending the day-to-day inebriation of mindnumbing rote and routine that paid the bills

my life is shot in black and white

couldnt have it any other way 

evening,  Fadders Day, Sunday,  21  6. 15

2227,  Monday,  22  6. 15