she was aware of how she thought she looked 

too keenly he thought(too severe  he also thought)

 

he didnt think to hold his tongue

potent 

            and volatile                                                                                                                      

and not infrequently they were a violent combination

which he recognised

                                  but which he also felt if he didnt he couldnt be authentic

if he didnt speak his piece(always cited peace)

                                                                            so he laid it out on the table

right or wrong

then there was no confusion exactly where he stood

You cant say I didnt say so

she applauded him when he said  and shed repeat it(I really like it Its true)

I say what I mean and mean what I say

and he nodded with her

Why be otherwise

and they werent otherwise with themselves

they were brutally honest

it wasnt a relationship to be in if feelings got hurt easily  --  they didnt pull their punches

--   You look fantastic

--   You think

--   I do  wouldnt say it otherwise

--   Well  you gave me a look before you said so

--   I looked at you yes

but what credence you gave that look is what you made of it  not what I meant or said

If I thought you looked otherwise  I say so
wouldnt I

--   You would

--   Yes

I love your Kimbra space pants

--   Im only wearing them because we got carried away last night and we didnt do the laundry as we thought we were

--   We did get carried away  pleased we did because I love your Kimbra space pants on you

Though love them even more getting them off

--   Dont  Ive got to make my workout

--   Youre a slave to gym

--   You did that

--   I only introduced you

You  did that

Im proud of you

--   Thank you

--   Youre welcome

she turned to look at herself in the full length mirror  discriminating

--   I do look okay

--   You look fantastic

--   You dont see any chub  in my belly

You dont see my nethers either

she said accentuating her hips and loin with a quick brush and gesture of her hands

--   Nethers

--   You know

he looked

he stared

made her uncomfortable

Youre gonna say if they can then they have no business staring

arent you

--   Since you did I dont have to

But no  I wasnt going to say that

I was going to say that  No  I cant see your clawed foot     clawedfoot?

--   Mywhatthehell

--   Clawedfoot  Thats not right is it

she burst out laughing

--   No                   

laughed deeply

Are you teasing

--   No

But I dont think its right I know its not right

--   Clawedfoot Hilarious

You mean camel toe

--   Jaysus  Yes  Camel toe

she squealed with laughter

But itll be clawed foot from here on out

I guarantee

she recovered

--   No need to guarantee

So   you cant see my clawed foot can you

--   No

--   Youre sure you cant see my clawed foot

--   Keep it up

--   Thank you

I just wanted to be sure

as she shut the front door to her way to the gym  after they embraced and kissed goodbye  no sooner had the door snugged shut he could hear her laughing going down the steps of the porch

he whispered to himself If only to humour you to please you  pleases me

1932,  Thursday,  14  5. 15

1116,  Saturday,  16  5. 15

it was awkward

the morning odd

their postures

switched up 

she sipped her usual morning French Press to a selection of music shed thrown on the morning before

and while they usually sat side by side on the sofa conversing  pleasantly  in their early waking fog

this morning he was sprawled  broken at the shoulders

a heating pad in the small of his back  the reek of liniment haze over the top of his black coffee

oily  reflecting his pained expression

the weekend prior he played yoga with his daughter  he conceded to try it  kundalini yoga

Spine of Fire

                                                                                                                             

its preceded by a coldshower

but he nixed it

--   Up at fourthirty  Im committed  or ought to be

she cut him some slack

though she showered

her skin was still cool to his embrace when she came out to initiate him to its rites and poses

--   Three minutes a pose

she cautioned him 

--   Christ

I cant even be a soft-boiled egg

Im raw

No wonder theres no daguerreotypes of me as my earlier self

--   Or else 

youre one of those people whose face is blurred 

--   Thanks honey  Still obscure after all these years

All these years of seeing is believing  

                                                           til photoshop

--   HA

Perhaps your destiny                                                                                                                                         

--   Yup

Staid

Doggedly fulfilling my task

--   A better dog couldnt have been chosen

--   You are  definitely  my daughter

he heard of kundalini years earlier in Miami

had made a couple of grrls there who were enthusiasts

who shared in raucous stoned laughter when he remarked he felt he had fallen into den of consorts   agile practitioners                                                      

it was by this heady experience he assayed kundalini the handsome altar of what should be feminine dominance 

for their fitness and meditation

he described it as feline  though pronounced it felioness

she followed him(not knowing the story  but hers if she asked)  as anyone would who was intimate with him

they knew he constantly gimmicked the language and renamed things

then stuck by those christenings

his daughter was competent practised  an excellent kundalini performer  and with her invitation he devised at the get-go

despite his athletic competitiveness he wasnt going to try and keep up with her 

                                                                                 

she offered while on the descending tack of a forty-day sādhanā 

forty-days wasnt the makings of a sādhanā to him

it was an ordeal(anything running in excess of a week was an ordeal  Hell  his New Orleans drunk and drug binge lasted only the Mardi Gras) 

 

she was patient and encouraging

she lit three beeswax candles  smudged the mats the air  them  with sweetgrass and white sage  

her explanations made the sādhanā very accessible  but his body resisted every exercise

his breathing its cadence was horrible

he reminded her  unlike her  his body was wound terrible tight

he preferred iron

                            her Spine of Fire  at its end

inflamed him      

                      his lower back felt as if it bulged like a sausage against the driverseat back during the four hour ride home

he almost didnt make it out of the car

--   Youre French Press alright

--   Yes  Thank you  You shouldntve  Your back

--   Get while the goings good . . .

--   You always say

--   Yes I do

Cuz this is what it looks like when I concede

--   Not a picture of health

--   Dont rub it in

their conversation then ran its usual delightful gamut  of the interesting to the inane  informing  revealing  thoughtful  rants  arguments(debates he said) and raw untested disgorgements

--   Fickled

Its a trait I relish in people
Particularly women

I find it      attractive

and maddening

--   Are you saying Im fickled

--   Are  you  kiddin  me

Are you tryin to say youre not fickled

--   And youre not

--   I love how this conversation has progressed via a circuit of unanswered questions

There must be some kind of psychic or psychological testament were providing
answering a question with another question

Lemme be the first to step into this foray  stand Freud or whomever on his or her skinny hibrow neck and answer
a direct question

Fickled 
Yes

Ive no qualms admittin Im fickled

--   And you know Im fickled too

--   I do  Though thats not an admission

--   I am

--   Thank you

I tickle your fickle and your fickle tickles me

--   I
she smiled
couldnt have said it better

--   Concedin  an accedin
Two-headed coin

Thats why we work so well together

--   We do dont we

--   Always with the questions
always with the questions

Ive got a question

--   Youre teasing

--   I am

--   Feeling any better

--   I am knot

--   Youre humoring me
K N O T

--   Yes you know me so well

I know youd know       

                              (thinking  :  even if she didnt consciously  shed know it at some spooky psychic or subatomic nano-level of knowing  obliquely ingratiating  like metal filings shaken onto white linen paper  aligning themselves  pointing  with the subtle magnetic field applied unseen under paper)
  

                                                                                                           

1923,  Thursday,  14  5. 15
2244,  Friday,  15  5. 15