there was nothing I disliked more than going to bed

                                                                              to go to bed 

it disparaged the effort I made   making it

making it as someone else who might deliberate to provide an intricate and attractive table and place settings

for dinner

then discover they were eating alone

a Drag

I taught my college roommate the nuances of a properly made bed

the very distinct advantages it offered him

what a neat clean bedroom might say about him  as a young man(I nearly choked on that) 

we didnt see eye to eye for the longest time

his mother made his when he lived at home and he insisted mine had housebroken me

despite the utter freedom of finally having my own place to do with as I wished

I couldnt put an old habit away 

I was anal about not leaving the apartment until my bed was made

after several jabs over a couple of months we had a considered conversation

the grass we smoked didnt help matters

I finally got around his disregard by playing to his Business logic  which he studied

Id rather have strong armed him  Chicago-style  but we were friends

instead  I artfully defined the made bed  the bedroom  using his hyperkeen awareness of my good luck

my fortunate prowess

I told him they were a virtual tag team  a one-two punch 

he boxed as a kid in Brooklyn

he knew the drill

I told him to imagine the pair were fraught to devise his bedroom as a veritable den of iniquities

of lively wet sexual soirées

the cincher 

                  the last nail in the coffin might have been his awareness that I woke early every morning to assure my bed was made no matter the time we crashed the night before

                                                                                    when many of those night verged on and into bloodred sunrises

gifts  one might concede  of Florida and its 25.7753° N latitude 80.2089° W longitude

to be precise(or anal)

serene purple surfs sifting onto the still warm Key Biscayne sand

many of its beaches and shallows   I have no fucking idea who the odd an again speedboats belonged to  were silent witnesses to our booze-fueled drug-addled crazed Xploits                              

                                                                                             which would have been far more comfortable or ideal if we could have moved them back to our place

however

              when Nature howls in your ears  bloodying them  and the valves in your nuts beg their spigots be thrown wideopen

we were only men

we didnt have plausible arguments to defer our bodies desires 

                                                                                                     or the girls desires either

so when in the jungle do as jungle animals do

and we did

we were different animals

far different than when we met in the dorms 

he remarked we had taken one more step deeper into the pool

which I had to disagree with

I told him we were steps deeper  

                                                     into the sea

a pool doesnt have reefs and shoals tides and storms  the Syclla or Charbdis

--   What

sometimes I wondered how we fell in together  seemed English and Business mixed together as well as oil and blood   poorly

--   The Syclla or Charbdis  monster and whirlpool from Homers Odyssey

--   Homer  the Greek  youre talkin Greek to me roommate  

I suppose I was

--   I was trying to remember how we became friends

--   Stop

Youre fuckin kiddin me right

--   I said I was trying

itll come in good time

Im patient

--   Let me destroy your patience

In one word

--   One

--   Awright

he cleared his throat to make a point   and again

Jesus  Quit the dramatics

again he cleared his throat

--   Petey

--   Oh shit  the dwarf

--   We probably wouldnt be roommates if you didnt stop me from throwing him out the window

--   Ha

--   Ha nothing  You had him by his legs and I had him by the throat banging his face on the windowpane

You should have let me

--   Screw that  With all those people looking up at us Peteys screamin your screamin they would have thought I was your accomplice

Im glad we were able to bring his little ass back inside without losing our grip

--   Yeah  He was seven floors up for about five minutes

--   Yes he was

--   It was

Funny

--   It was fuckin hilarious after the fact

He pissed himself

--   He did

Wasnt going to turn away that pocket money though  Remember Petey stuffin it in a Holsum bag and us taking it to the bank going down the staircase at the far end of the dorm as the Police came up the elevators at the front

--   And Petey right behind us a taking the steps three at a time

Cops can make strange bedfellows

--   Yeah   I think I get your take on making a bed

--   At last

Girl sees a nice fresh bed  Like nobodys slept in it  Like a pretty table for dinner

It just kinds beckons

And who the hell wants to go to bed alone

1553,  Monday,  4  5. 15

1946,  Day-between-two-Ts,  6  5. 15

 

Mark Twain  wouldve

had he been alive 

Kurt Vonnegut did

he sighed                                                                                                                                

                 while admittedly he thought as much   he didnt say it first

then cited humorist Paul Krasner as who said so Out Loud

(he loved it when humorists used humor like a killer used a gun  point blank stuck in someones face)

                                                                                        about the difference between George W. Bush and Adolf Hitler

 

                                                                                                       Hitler was elected(rimshot)(laughter)(groan)

it was never too soon

not a joke like that

not for an action which didnt deserve a nanosecond of pause because it should never have been happened

anymore than the nanosecond of deliberation 

                                                                          it didnt receive

he was infuriated(as Twain would have been and Vonnegut and Krasner were)
when humor  honest-to-Gawd homespun(Homegrown) or like satire and irony were joylessly maliciously(hoping to eviscerated it) and bitterly attacked by closet-malfeasants whose brilliant apoplexy and applause helped coerce    
and eventually perpetrate it

they missed the HARs  the enthusiastic kneeslaps  which barely touched out the maniacal desire to slap the author
on the back

                   Atta boy!

and them thinking

                              Damn those venal freethinkers  those collective Enemies of the State(seeing them in their minds eye hung in effigy the blacksmudged redness and the smell of straw clotted with dung burning)

disagree with them 

 

you were the enemies of their Kind of mind
 

1423,  Sunday,  3  5. 15

1644,  Sunday,  3  5. 15