the nailhole in the wall behind the toilet creeped him out   a bit

                                                                                                         its attitude changed

day to day

sometimes . . .  

                   it had either been made by a rusty nail too large a diameter for whatever it was that hung from it   --   he based that on the fact that it penetrated only the sheetrock  there was no stud behind it to hang something heavy  though why anyone would hang anything heavy directly above a commode  your back to it  was beyond him   --   or the hole itself had rusted

                                                                                                                                 sometimes . . .

it seemed to watch him

appearing dark  then bright and shiny    like a fluttering eye or a portal

whoever punched the hole in the wall was sloppy

                                                                                they didnt center it between the corner

an adjoining exterior wall and lavatory mirror  or make center up directly from the toilet

they missed it by better than an inch to the right

obviously

he could make that out by eye

                                                               yet  if he imagined the absent piece framed

they did approximate the height to hang it by

he wondered if they didnt get lucky

since he moved in and found the nailhole hed been thinking about hanging a piece of art over

its leering

but the thought of filling it in the meantime  struck him repugnant

                                                                                                         perhaps  it was an airhole

and the last thing he wanted to be responsible for was asphyxiating    something

too many times hed heard his girlfriend in the shower suddenly talk out loud   --   the house  if you werent in the same room together seemed to deaden their voice  take them  as if each room was an entity onto itself   it was a mild irritant -- hed walk into the bathroom and say Sorry baby I was in another room  Were you talking to me

and unremarkably  Now  shed say I could have swore you were in the bathroom  just on the other side of the curtain  I saw your shadow against it heard you breathing

No

I was in the other room

but then she was experiencing exactly what hed experienced since moving in

Their roommate 

                          or roommates

hed laid out enough wall constructions and built enough houses to distinguish partitions or bearing walls

hed know if space was lost in rooms to secret runs between walls  hed built them

this was only a partition wall between the livingroom and bathroom   standard code

when he caught the brief fluctuation between dark and light       then dark again

peering from the hole

it seemed the look came from a long long way away   a glass pressed at it    a microscope

a telescope 

 

an obvious presence
 

it stayed his hand 

                               queerly

from hiding the nailhole behind anything  filling it   denying it

creepy Yes

threatening No

he was also aware that the more he knew the less he knew  and many things defied explanation

so why explain them

why the abject requirement to understand them

they let them be

(though secretly  he hoped they creeped them out a bit too)

                                                                                    Tuesday afternoon,  20  1. 15  

1248,  Wednesday,  21  1. 15

He was at it

again 

                                         at the well-oiled hinge between pathetic   and self-loathing

as was every born again

No  Not that   he was born-again to ample breasts

even  if discretely cloaked

                                                                        

he could see through clothing

and if they were nearly  radiantly  exposed     begging teasing

they were throwing a dog a bone

                                                     this afternoon  under no apparent art   he hadnt any art

he wasnt a leerer

though  maybe  it would befall him when he grew into a full blown man

he had  simply  an uncanny knack

                                                        a tender way of being in the right place at the right time

exactly  the right time

if you asked him  hed tell you he was hounded by it            

                                                                                   hed tell you  if one had to be hounded by

any of the varieties of hounds  he couldnt have chosen a better hound for howling

typically he was graceful  there was a warmed  suspended  moment

then hed lift his eyes  innocuously  damn near shy

and hardly anyone was ever worse for wear

he was so mild  even the phantom usually associated with that chill which piqued her suddenly  stood her up erect   was nearly benign

as she modestly placed her hand like a fan to her chest or fumbled with the neck of her blouse  drawing it together in her small fist  while her eyes swept around in search of where the draft

had come

  

but hed mastered the currents

devising cerebral queues to deflect the rush or gasp that might otherwise stand him accused

their eyes rarely ever turned in his direction

they often fell on those whose expressions arrested them or inspired their suspicion

the ensuing fallouts 

                                were either given over to mawkish drama or comedic relief

and more than one Innocent-this-Time took a balling out or a brisk slap on the cheek or

the shrill retort  Masher!

he wasnt a maker of distemper or crime or destined to return to the scene of it

but oddly  when the ball rolled in that direction he was a slave to witness its results

Survey Says!

                      Really  did anyone take such surveys

they ought to 

                      if for nothing more than its entertainment value

Gawd knows this bungling Statecraft suspended overhead lurched whichever way the wind blew

but something

there was something  different this time

something had gone awry

it wasnt the same

First Off

             Comon

who went grocery shopping dressed like that

she reminded him of Red Devil fishing lures he cast as a kid into Midwestern freshwater lakes

in the aisle a narrow reef under the cool blue lighting the Frozen Food section hed lay money

she looked to him now as those lures did then to the trout perch and bass

 

whos fooling who said the spider to the fly

Whos the spider

Whos the fly

admittedly 

                  she was both-eyes full

not just an eyeful

bent over at the hips  comparing  held in either hand  tubs of competing brands of ricotta

red and white tubs

she wore a red tight knit sweater  sporting a plunging neckline

an adherent he surmised of wearing clothes to accentuate ones physique

why it was that Lazaruss  huddled masses yearning to be free  chimed in his ears 

was of small interest

he figured  he was amusing himself

again

she held her pose

her eyes fixed

                       on the small print to discern the difference he assumed of the contents in the tubs

they divined her suspended pose

and he almost fell in between them

he torqued his head around

hed committed a lingering glance

not his style

she was blowing his cover

looking back

again

she held her pose

her eyes fixed

he wondered if she wasnt daring him

he was keenly aware that they were the only two in the aisle

she was the only one shopping

he was using the aisle as a shortcut to the bakery at the rear

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world   she walked into his

tenderly   being in the right place at the right time

now he was the one who was absent

head averred  unable to see  see through the sheen of the freezer glass or look behind it

the checkered tile floor dully reflecting off it into his eyes

                                                                                          some kind of reverie

returning

he  ahh  remembered her and glanced

she was looking at him

Yes  he said

Excuse me 

                  you looked distracted

Distracted is my best look  You ought to catch a glimpse of my prickish resting face

I prefer prickish  to a bitchy resting face   Quit maligning women  ya know

I do  Youre amusing

And I do it without trying

looking at her  he puzzled his forehead    Was there something I could help you with

Are you familiar with ricotta cheese brands

she stood there with them still in either hand

I am   Theres a third variety  but you havent a third hand huh

 

Actually  not a third hand but the tubs are cold    and it might look a little strange

I like strange

she burst into laughter

Then youd enjoy it

I would

he looked directly at her breasts

then lifted his eyes to her face

Though  youll excuse me if I say so  its unlikely you have room for a tub

she laughed out loud

You have a point there

she had an attractive face  particularly as she smiled   tho everyone does  under a bobbypinned mop of auburn hair hedging closer towards red

a few defiant strands drifted down into her eyes

Galbanis whole milk ricotta is my bet

it was in her left hand  bringing it up to her face the sweaters neck relaxed

he didnt

Galbanis

Yup  Take it from a stranger who likes strange

she laughed

again

whatever he considered Second Off   

                                                          was no longer in his head

he still catches himself in the right place at exactly the right time

and takes his innocuous looks

The Hell  I aint dead

                                                                           1229,  Sunday,  18  1. 15

1800,  Monday,  19  1. 15  Martin Luther Kings observed birthday 

Emma Lazarus  The New Colossus  etched at the feet of The Statue of Liberty

Humphrey Bogarts sensational line from Casablanca