Security

locks

and keys

and tumbler combinations

passwords entered

or as whispered through Judas ports in bolted speakeasy doors to get past thuggish gatekeepers

real beauts sporting scarred eyebrows busted noses cauliflower ears and missing teeth
pusses
         only their mothers could love
mebbe

such are the securities against breaches
                                           when in reality a breach is a very natural thing

everything erodes and the tighter the thing is wound or bound Stressed
                                                                              eventually plays its evenhand  surly

or a shortcut price is asked
or suggested to the thug watching at the door
                                                 and Paid    

adios amigo and mebbe someday Ill see ya in a dark alley
                                                              if you can find me
and if you do well have a day of reckoning
                                              but in the meantime

your fuckin lifes a shambles and your scratchin to hold your straw stuffing together to keep from slipping deeper or coming apart at your mickey mouse seams
                                              while the Whole Thing begs to come apart and drop useless in the dirt

Nothing likes to be kept alive artificially
                                          nudged and nudged
                                                                 sputtering Aware
exquisitely Conscious of being eaten alive

It looks desperately for the kindness of someone a fuckin Saint  an Intimate to stop their pain
End

their horribly deliberate

pathetic

painful death

every spastic dribble of It began with the artifice of Security

                                                                  ever a bloated dead thing itself

1756,  Tuesday,  13  8. 13

there were old men on this train

who he watched carefully

he watched them

to betray themselves

war is fabricated

and helped sold by veterans

old men

who may have served

the old men on this train wandered its bouncing aisle

lustily grabbing handholds on chairbacks

lusty

          grabbing life by its hair 

taking ever more and more

taking

          and taking giving nothing in return

thats what they feel they are owed

                                                           this selfish lot feels owed                                      

fifty years later

theyre entitled  

because they survived

perhaps

though they may not have fought   it is assumed they did

they let horrors be assumed

they cant talk about it

they cant

because theres nothing to be told

they let their rheumy eyes speak

practised

bloodshot

they watched a war

long ago

death voyeurs   

not operatives   or death dealers

maybe theyre frauds

fakes drawing selfish breaths

that rarely catch in their throats

then  a sudden revealing pant

which passes too quick

their selfish breaths

consuming more and more

sucking

and quaffing

and stealing

Twosday, approaching Santa Barbara,  11  11. 08

extrOverts

graffic introverts

were the least of his trouble

he knew where theyre coming from

and might even be able to guess where theyre going

it was the fucking extroverts that tied him in a knot

extroverts   understatement   didnt say it plainly enough 

more precisely   extrOverts 

they were the bright bulls in the china shop

righteous

entitled

and SHOCKed when he didnt put up with their antics

Whatever youve heard about yourselves

is wrong

That braying   still echoing in my ears    is the braying of asses

And I cant allow you to comport yourselves as such and defame me along the way

All around eyes are coming down on me

Youre all too selfabsorbed  oblivious  to recognize that without you

So  its my job to shut it down

Shut you down

And  you wanna push me  Ill drop a manhole cover on your heads

Ill bury you

Aint nobody gonna dig deep enough to find you

Not deep enough by a long shot

Aw  they looked hurt

though hed seen their mock ups before

to a person they had perfected it

but it was the attached thin skeins of insincerity  -  like the invisible wires Japanese 

model jets streaked the Silver Screen skies on  -  that betrayed them

he plucked them

they sounded like badly tuned harp chords

out of practise

No  not deep enough by a long shot  he reiterated

they were maddening

but they were the type that was the rage that had been the rage for as long as he 

could remember

they were encouraged

to a fault

and to be unlike them

was a knell

suspect   not joyous

there was no convincing otherwise

the pecking order was established

pedagogy ordained it

curriculum made it circumspect

and from kindergarten to boardroom

it was so

so deplete of roundness  counterpoint

the perfect storm

lemmings raining off a cliff 

they fed off one another like incestuous wetnurses

they exhausted him

when he was finally apart

like his brother sister introverts

he sought the fulfillment of silence and aloneness

--   Youre lonely

--   No  Being alone isnt lonely  I cherish being by myself

it didnt and wouldnt compute

they couldnt wrap their hard skulls around that

remaining anxious was the least of his troubles

0115,  Wednesday,  8  1. 14