15.4.14

School of Hard Knocks



All the things that could have gone wrong 
went wrong

All the things he thought hed surely do                                                                                               
he didnt

All the angst he couldnt imagine existed                                                                                           
did

All the lefts he took                                                                                                                         should have gone right

And when he went right                                                                                                   
he should have gone left

He should have braked                                                                                                                 
rather than gone on

And when he sped away                                                                                      
he should have stopped                                                                                       
as if coldcocked

all too familiar

a broken record                                                                                                                 
spinning around and around and around and                                            
tossing everything from its face that wasnt nailed down
                                                                                             and yet he remained unbroken unbridled                                                                                                             
confident it was only a matter of time before things came to their senses and finally 
caught up with him to play in sync


he didnt do things the hard way 
he did them their hardest way 
if it wasnt strenuous  it wasnt worth doing

he was from the School of Hard Knocks                               
the foundry where he was smelted  poured  and tempered                                             
a dense cruddy ingot comfortably going through things rather than around them . . .
                                             . . . rather than around them   -   THERE!   -   in a nutshell!  -    
in the folded nutmeat cloistered in the hard nut of his skull                                                                                           
                                                                    he was comfortable going through things   
rather than around them                                                                                                  
willfully preferring confrontation to the strategy  perhaps artfully  of turning his cheek


he preferred Didions hardscrabble:
“A place belongs forever to whomever claims it hardest, remembers it most obsessively”

odd                                                                                                                               
some obsessions


1211,  Thursday,  10  4. 14   

14.4.14

truth



--  I already got the mail

--  I figured you had    he had already doublechecked it unknown to her  

Why did he do that
Why did he deceive her what was the point of lying
What  ever  is the point of lying
What was that edge one thought they gained by lying

Because                                                                                                                                          
when a lie is discovered
and its when not if       eventually peering out of some innocuous remark
a gilded hair in the ointment lipstick on a cigarette butt or dark coffee cup crystal glass
then every word ever uttered                                                                                                          
is suspicious

Truth was                                                                                                                         
his vigor and power wasnt in words or argument                                                            
not psychology

it lived in his physicality                                                                                                    
his brawn deceptively hidden under conservative clothing and manners

on the very rare occasion he plucked a fib   he wondered how it was she didnt hear its bottlerockets wick hiss smell burning sulfur or it zip whisk away up into the tree 
canopy and burp
                                    catch that firefly on its erratic   surly   rudderless flight
Truth was                                                                                                                           
he didnt have the capacity or patience to braid lie upon lie twisting it into something that could withstand a shift in weight or desultory scrutiny  

Truth was                                                                                                                          
the truth

1524,  Saturday,  12  4. 14