she went down on her list of things

he wanted her to do for him

if it wasnt purely him

it was things he was taught he should expect from her

since youth she was fingered by their pop and beauty cultures

women sold over-the-counter  minimized  objectified  idealized

                                                                     what Beauty Should Be

she didnt pause to wonder if he would put up with the shit she put herself through to try and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Barbie

his sex wasnt held to conform to any Market ploy or desecration
                                                                                                 yet

if she could take a peek-see

at what he was willing to do for her

shed see

hed sooner jagoff to a skinrag or internet porn  buy himself a piece of ass  roofies  and imply she roofied herself if he drew any heat  never forgetting

                                    a Woman as Scapegoat 

has a long illustrious legal history
 

her list included

figuring out an outfit (trying on one thousand things)

jewelry  and special adornments

filing and painting her nails

plucking her eyebrows

showering

washing her hair

drying her hair

doing her hairdo  curlers or iron  gel or hairspray

getting dressed

applying make-up

(she takes a deep breath)  

primer  

an array of concealers (yellow or orange for under eye bags green for blemishes  that matches her skin color to cover anything else aka  scars) 

contouring concealers (a shade lighter than her skin coloring to accent where light naturally strikes her face a shade darker on places more apt to tanning or where she might want to thin out as to either side of her nose highlighting from the bridge to the tip of her nose to make it appear more equine  more ideal at her forehead and temples to look naturally sun kissed)  

foundation over her concealers 

powder to set everything she just applied 

blush on the apples of her cheeks 

eyeliner 

eyeshadow darkest shade in the crease mid tone across the lid  highlighting shade on the brow bone corners of the eyes the middle of the lid 

apply fake eyelashes   

reapply eyeliner to cover the glue  

retouch her eyeshadow 

curl her eyelashes  

mascara  

outline her lips with a lip pencil  then apply matching lipstick

double check everything in a full length mirror

outfit 

shoes 

bag 

hair

the way her ass looks from behind

and no

she didnt forget to have her esthetician provide her the much-vaulted much-desired full Brazilian

                                                                                                       or have her anus bleached

0058,  Sunday,  16  2. 14

I got holes in my soles

and I aint so proud that I cant admit it

Ive stuffed paper in my shoes to save my socks

but paper slips

wears through

and now I got dirty socks

with holes in em too

as a boy

Id take my shoes to a dago shoemaker in the neighborhood who resurrected them

he was a short thing

crazy little moustache  lazy eye

but damn if he couldnt make dem dogs well again

his shop smelled of leather tobacco and greasy hair tonic

like the apothecary on the street corner near the funeral home

nice enough guy

though Id never trust him

that eye

he said itd been since birth

yeah  whose birth I wondered

I credit him for me learning the word equivocate

its meaning

he was always vague  ya couldnt hold onto him long enough to nail him down

so I made sure the only time we visited

it was brief small talk in n out pay the man for his work

I really liked his work

then one day he was gone

shop CLOSED

like the cardboard sign dangling in the front window

never OPENed again

we kids hung out near it

the park and swimming pool just up the street

and through the dirty windows between the blinds

I could make out shelves formed into cubbies holding unclaimed shoes

leather working tools on a counter and on a table

through a beaded curtain at the back where he lived

behind the shop

I had an aunt who lived that way

you passed through her profession before you entered her life

an uncle too who was a tailor

my doctor lived in a two-flat on the second floor his office on the first

a beaded curtain  a door  a staircase

slim veneers then between doing and living

identities

the cop the grocer the baker the shoemaker

my aunt uncle and doctor were buried in cemeteries under gravestones

I still think of that dago shoemaker

it usually coincides when I get holes in my soles

and Im forced to throw my shoes away

rather than having them resurrected

its as close to a resurrection that dago will ever have

a hole in my sole

1649,  Saturday,  8  2. 14