he looked the stainedglass windowslooked around the church

                                                                upandown the pew cross the naveacross the transept

watched intently as the priest mounted the altar

saw him over the ambo

altarboy to each side

she tapped him on the thigh

                                  What are you doing?

Im looking

 

she understood he didnt Believe

   but she knew he would listentake in the sermon

he was an exceptional listener

                                seemed always to hear moreunderstand at a deeper level than her  or perhapsas hed say  . . . in the moment it escaped her

                                            no  she knew it didnt

Tempest Shakespeare  What’s past is prologue.

he shared with her

                      Im steeped babe

which was accurate

occasionally during Mass she glanced at him

poker face

                hed tell her what he thought as they drove back to her place

Seatbelt?

You know I don wearem

   For me?

Not even for you baby

she wasnt pleased but theyd only be on neighbourhood streets

So . . you were very attentive.

                                    What did you think?

I very much liked the priests message  Hes a good speaker

And the face.  What was with the face?

he noddedsmiled  Youre observan . .

. . I was on tenterhooks, I knew you wouldn’t saydisrupt anything.   What bothered you?

Bothered  Yes

                 It was only a bother  I want you to understand tha

she said with mite trepidation

                                   What bothered you?

Its church

Yes.

I really did enjoy the priests sermon

You said.

             What was it you didn't like?

The parishioners  At least those I saw listened to

Didn’t like?

No

      During prayers

The prayers?

   Yes 

          I was disturbed because their tone  their tone struck me  as insincere    Rather  Rote   Passionless

If there was a God Im not keen Hed been keen listening to their faith disposed  I apologise   Rote

Sounded like memorisation

                             Flashcards  Addition subtraction   Multiplication 

I felt the priests words were uplifting but they   werent following

Not you

          I adored your recitation    Your faith

she smiled warmly

                     

I adore your faith in me  despite ours are dissimilar

   a tear fell to her cheek she didnt brush it away 

                                                       in a clear voice While I disagree with you you havent a soul. Your spirit is strong tangible.

                            Tangible.

Stop stop woudya

                       Ya just wanna get in my pants when we get to your place

1959,  Thursday,  28  12. 23

2010,  Saturday,  30  12. 23

   fantasy   fantasising    healthy

                                        he exercised his fair share  probably more than other common Joes Toms Dicks & Harrys hed leave it to the womenfolk to name theirs

however

          fantasy has to be recognised for what it is  tempered  life cannot be just deluding ones self

                                                                                                           referring to the spiritual philosophical psychological self 

not one abundant in readycash  billionaire  who may be able to afford fantasy  pay through the nose for it  because anyone party to a billionaires fantasy ought to understand their leverage  play it to the hilt

                                                                                                there are various depths to actually achieving particular hiltsCAUTION  donae kill the animal

                                                                      just bleed it

thinkleech  thinkvampiric though not create a vampire as understood through fiction

fantasy accompanies him to bed

the menu replete

                   pages he hasnt turned

Table of Content

Index

No

      the fun would be spoiled

theres a game he played anwoud encourage anyone to enjoy

                                                                 Burroughs of Junkie fame turned him onto it  Bill in turn explained he was informed by painter/writer/poet/mystic 1959 Brion Gysin cites ’59 as it is a hot branding iron  coud have been tha he didnt discover ithadnt placed the layers of newspaper as a mat to protect a tabletop from being scratched while he cut paper with a razor blade

                             dumb luck? 

   his game  randomly open a book  drop an eye in  extract wordsportions of a sentencegobble a whole sentence  close the book  repeat  until the song is complete

HERE

         Sartres Being and Nothingness

“the totality of persons

“would be projected outside me

“I am passive

“to be for and through himself

“Having, Doing, Being

“do not actually deserve

“full consciousness, all its

“humiliat(ion)

“he is nothing more

“the problem of the Absolute."

   take tha bitch to bed hed bet shed kill him with sex

fantasy                

0100,  day-between-2-Ts,  27  12. 23

1319,  Saturday,  30  12. 23

https://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88v/burroughs-cutup.html

https://www.thewhitereview.org/feature/the-idea-machine-brion-gysin/#:~:text=He%20was%20introduced%20into%20Surrealist,at%20the%20infamous%20Beat%20Hotel.

don underestimate the power of a hot bath

                                             theyve taught him more than he can say

just last night

hanging up a piece to let the wrinkles fall outdamn thing bunchedup like a balla wad of clothing for too long

                                                                                                                 crazy since it was written longhand on a sheet of flat coloured paper  maybe the coloured paperpretty

                                                                                                     he did have to write in black ink also not usually in his wheelhouse

it was crinkled prettybad

                           no telling what he couldnt see or missed in the fissures For Sure   Shaddup   I can say   I can break your jaw   Sheesh wha bug crawled up your ass   A bug tha hopefully I can soak out in a hot bath   Hot Bath   Oh  enthused by the prospect   I am I am Ill shaddup   Thank you   Thall help ya think muse   It will so . .

Ill shaddup

he upped the ante

1 2 3 4 5 6drips of lavender oil no more no less perfect ambiance or perfect to him  like a recipe provided  their ingredients but not their measure

imagined the call

                   Really Maw

Really Maw, what?

Got your recipes

Yes.

Thank you

Yes. You’re welcome.

Ingredients but not how much

It looks like the right amount or tastes like it. Our tastes vary, who am I to say what you’d like best. You’re a smart, boy.

Yacoud have provided yardsticks an I coudve taken it from there

Son.

       What fun would that be?

conversant doppelgänger or Mariachi or Maw

                                                  by baths end

the wrinkles had fallen away

AH

      I see now

    

1010,  Saturday,  30  12. 23

Bruce Cockburn  Trickle Down  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1TA0i-AHTY

WORD imagine didnt recognise stealthiness

                                                  underlining usually suggested he misspelled

hed pausestop

                 spent a year proofreading a local paperpaid gig make a mistake they took it out of his pay

wasnt docked once

S  T  E  A  L  T  H  I  N  E  S  S steal thinness minus an N

                                                                     thats how its spelled

went to the New Oxford American Dictionary  Second Edition  page 1657  thirdlast column two definitions down  stealthy adj.  concluding its definition  stealthiness n. 

did his due diligence

double-click stealthiness

                           added it to WORD so it woudnt badger him again

doing his part to combat AI ignorance

                                         rife ignorance

AGI Artificial General Intelligence

AI Alternate Intelligence

                           Tha ought to be the hook if he had to get behind something  Tha

but he wouldnt

machines pissed him off

was a fuckin diehard dyedinred Luddite

                                            people desire Easy  he liked hard

has any woman ever been fucked with an easy cock

   Dude ya can take something for tha to artificially fly your flag

                                                                      WORD of warning  priapism

  

1120,  Reggaefriday,  29  12. 23

1606,  Reggaefriday

Marv Johnson  You Got What It Takes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LBMe04Anow

called him Teach

called her Kiddo

they met when she was fifteen and a half

he resigned from education when No Child Left Behind was implemented

                                                                               Bush  4-letter word

Harvard MBA if he had one hed say My Black Ass  but unfortunately he didnt

                                                                                  Harvard ought to reassess it Masters programme

it ought to be embarrassedashamed that an alumni was so assbackwardsso easily manipulated inane   inept

she broke from a gaggle of girls crossing a timed traffic intersection  pedestrians had 30-seconds

they were going one way he the other

Hey! she called to him as she was catchingup

despite reading as he walked his ears were attuned to what was around himparticularly that behind him electric cars his bane

          he took the book down from his facewas almost at the curb  looked over his left shoulder

Hey.

Hey

slowed on the sidewalk she came up on him

                                                 Hey.

Anyone ever tellya hays for horses

My Mom.

he didnt see that coming chuckled

                                       Very good   She didnt did she

No. Who says that?

I just did My mother was a stickler for language disabused us with extreme prejudice if we used slang swore She shoud have gone onto college She was one bright cookie

                                                              Wha can I do for you

You’re him.

Im who

He Who Walks Books.

that halted him midstep

                          her impetus took her two steps beyond  she turned faced him

No kiddin Ive only heard tha . .

. . From my Mom’s mouth.

The woman who earlier this Fall said her daughter and friends called himme tha

My Mom.

No kiddin

No kidding.

they wandered a bit then reversed field he walked her home

                                                                 Id carry your books for you but you have a knapsack

Who says knapsack?

I just did

         she surprised himlaughed with himrecalled him saying in kind to Hey  kid was on the ball

she didnt cover her mouth hed have to admit he obsessed over women who just laughed he liked her

We call it a backpack, if bigger, a rucksack.

he noddedwas familiar with the terms

                                         Look at you edumacating me

You’re funny.

Ranks with conversate

   Could I ask you something?

Certainly Youve been asking all along

Something. Personal.

Im an open book

Were you a teacher?

I was

I thought so. she dimmed browned out  asif their shared laughter not a moment earlier hadnt happened

Whas up

I . . I don’t like my teachers.

                              I’m sure I could excel if I liked . respected . . . them.

Perhapsif I may

                  You don like the curriculum they have to teach

Curriculum?

Subjects Methods

                   They may be good teachers wellintended teachers but their hands are tied

Do you think you could teach me?

I could help you if your Mom and Dad agreed

My Mom.

           And she loves youI mean . . not . love love . . . loves youyaknow?

he smiled yes

                  hoped his smile might return the brightness shed exhibited a little

                                                                                 Ask your Mom We coud if she accedes

her mother did

he taught her ethics civics politics History English Shakespeare learned sciences together demanded a current event to discuss every day of the week Youre on your own come math Kiddo

                                                                        he did not inform her regarding culture religion

those were personal choices

there was a knock at his security screendoor

                                               never did hear the religious proselytisers come up on the porch though he thoroughly appreciated their stealthiness said more than once They ought to be assassins

                                                                                                Ill be right there he was everpolite informed them he was an atheist antha he appreciated their belief as they ought to appreciate his Yacoudnt convince me any more than yacoud convince me to have sex with a man or align myself with the former president

entering the livingroom looking out through the screen

                                                            a young woman

Teach. she said

Kiddo he hadnt seen her since he walked her home an agreement her mother struck Kiddo was physically conspicuous and she believed itd be inappropriate for her daughter to be seen with an older man It’s a small town. they respected her terms he replied Nothing to it  I appreciate your candor

                                       Whaya doin here

Don’t say it like you’re incredulous, we live in the same town.

Yes yes he nodded

                      I wasnt expecting you until our lesson later this afternoon

Yes. About the lesson. she smiled 

he opened the doorwalked out onto the porchshut the door behind him

                                                                            About it

Yes.

Wha

I'm eighteenth today it's my eighteenth birthday.

Today

       An Aries

I am. Are you?  That’s why you know?

I am  Marchtwentyfirst April nineteenth  The extant the end of my astrology although I am fascinated by it

I’m into it. I throw tarot.

No

I do.

Another fascinating aspect I found illuminating

Found. You’ve sat for tarot?

Two Only twice

                  As I said  remarkably illuminating

You’ve surprised me.

                          Yet again.

Again

That you agreed to teach me with my mother’s consent.

I love teaching

she smiled Huge

                    it was Brilliant fivehunredforty degrees opposite her brownout twoanahalf years earlier

Wha

I’m eighteen. I’ve decidedmy decision.

                                         You’ve lectured me on reason, decision.  Philosophy.

Yes

       Wha

I want to sleep with you I want you to make love to me.

approximately1430,  day-between-2-Ts,  13  12. 23

1212,  Reggaefriday,  29  12. 23

Aerosmith  Back in the Saddle Again  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX8GG3dnsp8

Stop stop.  You shouldn’t use Never.

   Thas fair

               However I was talkinbout me anwha I know Ive never have done  Ive never been poked in the ass an I expect I wont be

                  Therefore  likewise  stop using Always has slipped from youre mout more times than I can count

Never always Always never

                               Dig

Pot callin the kettle black  Dig 

eyes bugged didnt like being called outhe knew how frequently he tossed Always around Always wrapped his ankles for basketball dude Always jumped whenever a woman he was wooing wanted something his dealbreaker list was miserable fouled his problem  tied himself up in knots because he didnt Always see How High he jumped

   How High

                repugnant to him

but that was him

sought only his demeanor

trying fuckin hard not to judge

   it nudged

               but he was human

was the problem that were all human

                                           all related

   Bartender! A round of DNA for the House.

1744,  Thursday,  28  12. 23

2209,  Thursday

Judy Collins  Both Sides Now  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-aFw4l2uXE 

   dreaming

labyrinth

                 familiar territory

Greece Santorini  narrowstreets switchbacks  partied in a club in a cave somewhere  coming out cohorts freaked  they didnt remember how they came

                                 Follow me  Rightup my alley  

labyrinths beckoned him

he dove in

   he had to take a leak

what he thought was a house suddenunfolded spilled in everywhich direction  flooroozing reflectingquivering like mercury from a broken thermometer  halls serpentine was propelledoddly   like peristalsis

                                                                                                  like Dali had a hand in it

if he could find an xterior door out hed take a leak in the grass or whaever outside had become

the Urge to leak relented became patient curious  Let’s see where this takes us shall we? I’m with you.

You are with me

Then let’s not tarry. When we find a bathroom you’ll be relieved of me.

negotiation  finalised   they tarried not

                                          Bathroom door?didnt knockbarged in acted like cops with a warrant

was a bedroom

Wherethere’s a bedroom, a bathroom’s not far.

                                                Thad make common sense

   they was dreamin

                      jamming the warrant not worth the paper it was written on in his pocket they went door to door to door  enteredunannounced  found people or someone in every room anif a bathroom it was in use JesusChrist man don’t ya knock?I’m busy beat it.  caught people midact doing different bathroom things defecating DO YOU MIND! dressin pissin fuckin bathing showering  This is hopeless.

                                                             SHADDUP

burst in on trysts buttfucking cockgobblin pussysuckin   What’s that? 

                                                                         No idea  Although it looks like fun

in the real world his bladder pushed on his prostate rectum stomach liver  

                                                                               Get his ass up.

he woke

cat slept on his belly

Gotta move shy Stickaround but I gotta take a leak

Who knew that the door to the outside required waking?

                                                         Youre relieved soldier

Urge made a snappy salute

AMish,  day-between-2-Ts,  8  11. 23

1259,  Thursday,  28  12. 23

Gary Wright  Dreamweaver  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McZYYe0kAtg

Good morning good morning.

Sleep well

Like the proverbial rock.    Yaever wonder what type of rock it is?

he had just tucked his head in the icebox hand on it other on the door he came out of his bend

                                                                                                       Type of rock

Are you . .

. . Still high?  I believe I am.

                                 No.  I am.   You?

I only took a half you gobbled a whole

                                         I told you they were awesome

Yet you only ate half.

Only half  Whas tha about

When we were kids you were the tip of the spear, the explorer, you did things that we just sat back and watched to see if you'd die.

Didnt

No. But if there was the question in the yearbook, most likely to lose his mind to drugs or overdose, you would have been the odds-on favourite, second place not even in sight.

We were kids Kids are bouncy resilient  We aint kids nomo

                                                                     Were you competing with me

No. No no no.  Half the edible I ate, you were no competition.

   Awright

               No I havent consider wha rock the proverbial sleep rock is   You

Nah. I was just askingmaking conversation.

Well have to give it some thought Coffees on Got eggs got several baked potatoes bacon sausage mushroom Anaheims onions coud do a muleskinner breakfast Coud do pancakes waffles Neighbour Beth brought over some homemade bagels and smear

Beth.

       You two have something going on?

Gentleman doesnt say

You’re no gentleman.

Im not But I also donsay

                            I mentioned you were coming to townchildhood buddy an she mentioned thawhenever childhood buddiesgirlfriends come to town she makes bagels fruit scones  Shes thoughtful Thought wed enjoy something homemade

Methinks the gentleman just said.

Whadaya like

Muleskinner sounds up my alley.

                                    I'll start with a bagel and smear.

 

Heres the smear  bagels in the Tupperware on the cabinet next to the table one to the right contains everything bagels Beth keeps them separate silverware in drawer under the coffeemaker cups above  paperplates beside the bagels

he placed the eggs vegetables on the cutting board beside the sink cast iron skillet on stove sausage first bacon later preferred it chewy

                    Toasters behind the coffeemaker

No thanks.

Raw

What?

I call it raw Makes eyebrows go up 

Think I’ll abscond with that.

Yare welcome to it Spread the wealth

halving an everything he smeared the smear lightly  bit itOH SHIT this is delicious.

Aint it

         Help yourself to the smear you went light 

Thanks.

        he gobbed it onSHIT. This is freaking tasty.

in his chair turnedhaphazardly to him I . . . half he held slipped his grasphit the floor upsidedownSonofabitch.

                                                                                                                   he came out of his chairwent to his kneesall fours the bagel between his hands turning it over picking it up  floor smeared

Ill get tha

Oh hell no you wont five second rule. he began licking it off the linoleumsnuffing like a pig OHman this is so good so good it’s so good snuff snuff so damn good snuff . . . 

he returned to prepping the muleskinnerturned sausage

                                                           hed cut him slack dude was high

AMish,  2sday,  7  11. 23

1125,  Thursday,  28  12. 23