. . . No   no I woudnt call it an obsession

Then what?

Genetic

Just like thatfrom the hip?

                            You’re gonna finger your parents for your rude . .

. . Holdon  holdon Don get ahead of yourself an start slinging aspersions atop obsessions

                                                                                                Got a real hungry bug up your ass this afternoon

You know.  You say things to rile . .

. . Don take much to roil water in a shallow puddle dude

Now who’s insulting? he bristled

he thought bristled was a good look on him Oh Was calling motels an obsession meant to be an insult  Aint

Wha obsesses you

Nothing.

           Nothing obsesses me.

Ill give you a second to actually think about wha yare sayin

                                                                Cuz I got a sharpened wooden stake to drive through your heart

   You do?

Indubitably IN DO BIT TALLY split your sternum  Fuckin uncomfortable tillya croak

You always have to be so graphic.

Middle name

               I like to paint a picture in your skullwas once an original cavepainter  reincarnated  so there is no room for youanyone to misconstrue my intent or words

So

   So . . what?

Asshole

         Your believed nonexistent obsession

You’re mistaken.

Genetic

At that again?

I am

       Whadaya got  Cuz I got

Spew.  I’m calling it shit before it’s out of your mouth.

Simpleton  Dunce

                   I got a pointy hat to replace Giants cap

Nothing

Nothing to admit.

Then Ill extracttoss it on the ground like offal you wouldnt eat for your life  Delicious

You got nothing.

Big tits 

        An aint no matter what theyre protruding jutting from natural artificial as long as theyre big  You shallow puddle  Which is redundant

                                But ohso necessaryGraphic  one might say

Deny

I don’t obsess.

You take womens pictures off your big plasma screen an text them to me

                                                                             Last time I sent you a picture of a seedy motel

Yah  Nothing

              Yamiss as in cathedrals the mass of humanitytheir emotions tha theyve left invested in the enclosing walls steeping them

Obviously a cathedral is different than a motel room But not much really

All sorts of sordid libidos smeared on walls peppering their atmospheres

Strikes me at a nanolevel cellular

                                      Genetic

Frankly only person who gives me a run for my money is my daughter an her penchant for dive bars Grrls got a nose for themcant hideem from her

                             Genetic

1028,  Sunday,  14  1. 24

ELP  Karn Evil 9  1st Impression Part 2  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc6ymS4NGxg

he just cant help himselfcant  abide himself

not himhe didnt but he is not very unlike those people who HAD to watch ISIL beheadings on-line

therefore

           in his own manner hes also a sick puppy

Iowa caucuses

                 MAGAGAG Excuse me Trump loyalists braving frigid conditions perhaps like the numb frigidness in their brains remind him of dogs who havent the sense to come in out of the rain or cold

1040,  Sunday,  14  1. 24

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-s-campaign-banks-on-its-loyal-supporters-to-turn-out-and-caucus-in-iowa-despite-frigid-weather/ar-AA1mXrGY?ocid=mailsignout&pc=U591&cvid=21df5fcdc32a4e64883dc7cfebd4bfae&ei=21

Yad think having a conscience would be a nice thing

What makes you say that?

Listenin to you bellyache

What? What did I say that prompted that?

Your stove

             You dropped fivegrand on it an since youve had it youve been bitchin

It aint working.

Got your back brother

So . . what does it have to do with a conscience?

The thruline

Means nothing to me.

Of course it does

                    When you bought the beasthad it installed  Whahappened the first time they fired it up for you

It didn’t come up.

No

     It didnt then they fuckedround with it tried again   Whahappened

It didn’t come up.

Third times a charm it did

Yes.

Relieved they bugged

                       They left you with a lousy faulty stove Two years now  Has it functioned in the manner they said

You expected

No.

   No

No.

Youve bitched about it since it was installed

                                               They havent backed their product Theyll come out for a hunredfifty dollars FUCK THA

The conscience

                 Theyre knowingly fuckin youknow theyre fuckin ya motherfuckers   Ought to be running for president

But  But

            Youve not made notations of time date days you called What transpiredwas said during those conversations because Ill tell ya They havent either

                                        Had you  Youd be buttfuckin em blackanblue now

Youd have a new stove thad fireup first time

Idiot

Me?

You

      Fuckin candyass nice guy You should have crawled down their throatsgagged em madeem shit in their pants

   Yeahwell.  I’m not you.

Fuckno yare not

1428,  Reggaefriday,  12  1. 24

1823,  Saturday,  13  1. 24

Peter Tosh  Pick Myself Up  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_hZyzst6i0

You’re ridiculous. shook his head

Don shake your head Who do you think you are  My Maw

Alright, lemme ask you since you brought your mother up, you share that little pearl with her?

Duh

Whadaya mean . . duh?

I always run my materialhe laughedloud clutched his ribs it erupted

                                                                     Sorry  Material  Tickled me

Arya kiddin  I always run my material through my Maw If I tick her off I keep it in my act Now if she were smartnot tha she aint but if she were smart by now I thought shed know better not to react   Let sleeping dogs lie

Butbrother can she bark

                           You’re your father’s son, not mine.

Awstop Maw youre so full of shit I got all these cowlicks in my hair from youyour side of the family and and and you named me after your favourite movie star . .

. . That’s enough, young man.

She said that’s enough young man?

Yah Then I knew I really got under her skin

                                               Great fuckin material

But it’s not really . . material

    Is tha a question or a statement

I don’t know.

Want to makeup your mind

   I don’t know.

Need five

   No.  I don’t.

                 It’s not material. 

Im not being performative

But sometimes you say you are.

I have.

That I don’t get.

Because youre a bleeding extraextrovert need attention interaction companionship I do not I am an introvert  I can turn on socialise but its exhausting   Perfomative

I don’t get that.

You don have to Its not material

                                      However I feel bad for you

Bad for me?

Yah

       Thaya don find tha a real good sneeze is as good as an orgasm I can hear my Maw groan

 

1428,  Reggaefriday,  12  1. 24

1500,  Saturday,  13  1. 24

You’re anxious?

I am

Anxious one two or yours?

   threw him a curve must have appeared on his face

Most people rely on one, experiencing worry, unease, nervousness, then there’s two, wanting something badly, usually with a feeling of unease, then there’s yours, which is unmitigated excitement that you call anxious and throw everyone off because they do not understand anxious as excited.

                                                           Words.   They matter.

I agree however I don suffer either anxious one or two Not in my vocabulary

                                                                                 Individual vocabularies matter  Lexicons  Agree

Usually I would, however your lexicon is, odd, distinctly yours.  Unless someone knows you . .

. . Dominates my time

   threw him a curve appeared on his face

Dominate You know the definition commanding influence on be the most conspicuous person have a commanding position over  overlook

I do . however I don’t seerecognise . . anyone dominating you.

Not me my time Two separate things

                                             counting on his fingers Theres you my daughter buddy from Chicago my Dad  Virtually four

For dominate to be accurate you’d, obviously, have to submit.

For conversation yes

                       In regards to socialising youre it Timemy time is a valuable commodity words valuable commodity valuable currencies I donwanna get caughtup in a riptide of repartee  inanity

Dig

   Who says dig anymore?   

1428,  Reggaefriday,  12  1. 24

1240,  Saturday,  13  1. 24

The Trammps  Disco Inferno  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5lSeYd_riw

Kazukii  Without You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG7F2BW8ZAY

it began as a quick chitchatcatchup over the phone and just before hangingup he asked Say quickly whawas amicable about Erica and Joshs breakup

Josh and Erica? 

                       You know something I don’t?

Whadayamean

They just began dating.

I jotted it down in October an been meaning to ask you since but in our catchingup tha sheets been buried beneath others was just flipping through them now saw the notation thought Id ask so I can lose it Everything else on the page the other ideas Ive exploredexploited written them

                                                      Josh seems the thread

There was Josh and . . Tierra? Not Erica.

   Maybe

           Wastha an amicable breakup

she laughedhuskily he could image her dimples firing Anything regarding Josh tends to be amicable. He’s that kind of guy.

Frankly, a pushover.

Wastha why your flirting with him hit a wall

Yeah.       The flirting was nice.

                                   However the pushover element exhibited early, an often, an I need spice in my relationships if they’re to exceed a friendshipbeing buddies. He is a great friend.

Youve know each other a long time Since college

No, we met a couple years after through mutual friends.

Mutual friends Theyre dangerous

Your mutual friends were.

They were  They had agendas

                                  Who knew

Isn’t this where you ask, is that a thing?

Agendas

laughed more husky dimples deeper  What a maroon.

Yah

        I should have known better

To be fair they were looking after youthey wanted you to be happy.

I was happy You don have to be in a relationship to be happy

                                                                   Far less complicated

Yes.  And you’re an uncomplicated guy.

I yam wha I yam

Attempting to top my maroon?

Nothing tops a maroon

                         If a coconut macaroon a cherrywho doesnt like a cherry Wha a peach

Sounds like fruit cocktail Papa.

On large curd cottage cheese

                               Large curd Hard to find

It’s on-line.

Aint buying on-line Ought to be in stores

It is, though apparent not in that Podunk town you rummage around in.

Rummage  Colourful

Thank you.

Youre welcome

                   Josh

Yes. 

       We almost misplaced him. Amicable.

Yes

     And

He brokeup with Tierra, and let her live rentfree with him for six months.

So   If I lookup amicable in the dictionary Ill find Joshs picture 

Yeah.

       Very likely.

Thank you I can close the book on tha

Yabetcha. I gotta go Papa I love ya.

I love you  I miss you

I miss you too.

Sunday,  15  10. 23

1838,  Thursday,  11  1. 24

1050,  Saturday,  13  1. 24

You recognisedon’t you? you print pretty large.

I do

Why so big?

Reason one my scribble evenif large is at times illegible I get emotional Many people have insisted I should have been a tagger . .

. . Or a doctor.

Yes Although my bedside manners woud have gotten me in trouble

Second youll remember grade school doing arithmetic at the chalkboard in front of everyoneright up there with having to make a speech to the class on a particular subject  Well I spent a lot of time at the chalkboard Beatles said it best “writing fifty time I will not be so”  Anyway  I believe theyve made me prone to printing large

   Writing fifty times on the chalkboard?

Wha

       You remember tha as punishmentyah

I’ve heard of it.

Heard of it he was incredulous Were you a fuckin saint No no you werent   Its who your parents wereyour Dad

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

An idea

         Certain people are easy to make examples of Others are hands off but theyre easily bridled by punishing someone else Basis of law I believe  Yah Fifty times on the chalkboard Then the teacher woud ask when I finished if Id written it fifty times Yah I say Then shed have me count them one at a time Anwhen inevitably I miscounted I always had long sentences I will not be so woud have been a breeze  shed have me erase the board and write it fifty times as I shoud have the first time

Once I had to write onehunred times

Well, if you think about it, it’s not really much of a punishment.

No increduloussquared

                       Out of the mouth of someone who never had to write on the board  You havent a clue whayare talking about

Which you do frequently   

Wittgenstein

without a flinch I’m just saying it wasn’t a physical punishment.

Ohno  Really   Ya have no idea ya didnt growup in Chicago The Chicago school system was easily on par as tough as Catholic catechism classesyou ever kneel on a broomstick for laughing at a Biblical tale Daniel in the lions den lions woud have eaten him any selfrespecting lion woud have munched  Nuns were brutal

                                                                                            They shoud have been allowed to get laid Priests for that matter too

The cherry on top the sundae

                               Writing on the chalkboard was afterschool

After school? he looked horrified

Yah

Come home

Mawd ask  Why are you late?

Like she didnt know

Id say

Cracked on the ass for screwing off

Anthen the proverbial Wait till your father gets home. Now go do your homework.

Which woud have me go up to my room that I shared with my two brotherslept in the same queen with my brother until he went in the service after graduation Something yanever didhad your own bed your own bedroom

I coud hear my Dad come up the steps undoing his belt

You have no fuckin idea

   Two reasons  likely of many if I wanted to think harder why I print large

1948,  2sday,  9  1. 24

1133,  Reggaefriday,  12  1. 24

Beatles  Maxwell’s Silver Hammer  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJag19WoAe0

Wittgenstein: Whereof onecannot speak, thereof one must be silent.

the priest intoned

                         . . . Maw

Quiet.

Maw

Would you be quiet please.

that wasnt a question he knew better than push it

After the ceremony.

he nodded

   following his mothers lead he threw a handful of earth on top the coffin crossed himself followed her over to his aunt hugged and kissed her  he surprised himself he was weeping his aunt embraced himkissed him on the top the head called him a sweet boy for coming to say goodbye

he was the only child at the cemetery

his Maw wouldnt have it any other way

the night before he overheard her tell his Paw Up your nose with a rubber hose.

                                                                                     she was serious

they were speaking sternly

                              He needs to know we die, he’ll die; that is life.

He’s only a boy.

The concept of death is not hard to learn. Better he learn now than later.

He’ll be the only one at church, at the cemetery.

Then he’ll be the only one.

                            It will be the last time he’ll see Ben.

   Okay sweetheart, what was it you wanted to ask?

Ohmygosh I almost forgot

You remember?

I do Thank you

                  I dont understand

What’s that.

The priest said earth to earth ashes to ashes dust to dust

Yes. In sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life; to live forever in God’s embrace.

Then why did we bury Uncle Ben if hes living forever

   That wasn’t your question, was it?

No No

        Ashes to ashes dust to dust

How does Uncle Ben I kissed him goodbye  how does he turn to ashes turn to dust if hes buried    I dont get it

 

2330,  Monday,  8  1. 24

1151,  Thursday,  11  1. 24

Share the chair

she looked at him like he was nuts

Ill sit forward on the edge you scoot back  well share

as he pulled the rollerchair away from the desk to sit she moseyedretreated to the rear a vintage last century Steelcase chair that he acquired in Minneapolis survived Miami riddenhard then through a hafdozen moves

                                                                                                       when people looked at it its worebeaten countenance they asked when he was going to replace it It looks like hell. . . . For something handsome Shes functional serves me well  Talk like tha sounds like youll ditch me when Im older  well used

   Cat got your tongue

october stayed put

                     he reached back blindlygingerly with his right grateful he found her fannyhips didnt stick a finger in her eye  she leaned in against the small of his back  the sun streaming through the window embraced them

over his left shoulder he said See  Howbout them apples

she pushed against his spine asif asking Apples?  What are apples?

he explainedwasnt like he was talking to himself

                                                 Its a colloquialism Thas funhuh how it rollsoff the tongue If you coud speak English october youd dig it Its from before our time my Maw used it frequently During the First World War Howbout them apples was a taunt against the Germans The Allies antitank grenade was called a toffee apple a caramel apple because of its bulblike appearance on a stick if you werent a cat youd also dig it

                                                                                                      More than you wanted to know I know but if someone says youll be ahead of them

october was leaning heavy against his spine purring

October

she didnt budge

                   she was asleep

Awweel he had that way with pussies

1335,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  1. 24

1046,  Thursday,  11  1. 24

he wrote

             IS

inch beneath it he wrote Is no  a line struck beneath it an arrow jabbedup to the lines midstroke

IS

Is no

         Wha the fucks tha all about

and in black ink

   he rarely wrote in black ink

he had to traipsereverse back

                                was writing about cemeteries Jew Bill Lee Jubilee

writing about life deathsentience

                                    fear separationseparated

                                                                  Were not    IS  Is no

ARE

   We ARE

it angered him that people believed did they believe  someday theyll be on the other side  the flipside of the coin heads tails lifedeathdeathlife

                         Call it.   I’d rather not.   You’d rather I call it? That’s the choice.

they hadnt spit in their mouth to croak

                                         I can’t.   So momentous call, and you can’t?   Not when it means everything.

How doesnt one make that call

IS

Is no

Call it

Everything to win

Everything to lose 

afternoon,  day-between-2-Ts, 10  1. 24

2309,  day-between-2-Ts

Warren Zevon  Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euBuVh_BUe4

Lets walk through the cemetery  I think the dead would appreciate us the living among their presence

They’re dead.

So

Their presencethey have no presenc . .

. . Are you fucking kiddin me  No presence

backpedaling a bit You’re taking me wrong.

Speak

        Right your ship

I meant presence as in you and mewere present.

Diggin your hole deeper

   I don’t want to go.

To the cemetery

Yeah.

   Why  Have you really given it any thought

                                                    Or are you simply repulsedyaseem repulsed  not of your upbringing how manyChrist how many funeral wakes burials  have you attended People didnt die while you were growingup

That wasn’tfor lack of a better word . . part . of our family’s culture.

                                                                       So no.  I do not want to walk through the cemetery.

You know people in it?

I do I went with them to their graves

                                        I could point them out tell ya stories about them

I don’t know them.

You’d get to know them

I could show you one hell of an epithet on an epitaph  I love saying that

On a headstone?

A small headstone Created some rancor in the communitybut he had one helluva a sense of humour He was on my paper route all ten years I delivered it He was always kind to me One day on the route on my birthday he met me at his front door had a box of chocolatecovered cherries dark chocolate He said Happy Birthday  I thanked him He said This wasn’t my idea, the wife’s. Well please thank her for me I will.

What’s on his headstone?

Jew Bill Lee

Jubilee.

Yes

Why would that upset the community?

Bill was proud of his faith This neck of the woods wasnt receptive Frankly I think Bill moved here to stir the pot made it America held the neighbourhood up to Americas promise as a promise not lipservice

Jubilee.   Jubilee? I don’t get it.

Jew Bill Lee not jubilee

                         J E W  B I L L  L E E

On his headstone?

Sensational huh I can show you He rests near a great old black walnut He bought the plots for he and his wife his sons when he saw it he had three formidable black walnuts on his property Made me lotsa money rakingup their leaves in the fall

Jew Bill Lee.

He was something else   Now thaya know him wanna visit with me  Ill introduce you

No.

0900,  day-between-2-Ts,  3  1. 24

1332,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  1. 24

Kazukii  Ansia  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGp1YI7IGHo

Quit being contrary. There’s only me, no one else to impress.

Youre impressed

Not impressed for impressed’s sake.

                                       You’re confounding.

Perhaps because we grewup vastly different Very few common chords except for how white boys were raised.

See. There. Right there.

                           Why do you have to say something like that?

White boys

Yes.

   Because you don You ought to be able to say it nowIve given you permission Ive used it Or is it a racial epithet and therefore you object to it

I object to it.

You object to the fortunate way you were raised as an entitled white boyCareful

there was a bit of a glare I wasnt responsible for how I was raised.

he began to shake his head but his head refused to be shaken WOW

                                                                   Yaknow   I got  nothing     

I will howeverbecause I got go remark on being contrary Im not Im a disruptor I am animated to emphatically pursue dissociation from reigning orthodoxies and authority as any good little white entitled boy can be Whaever those orthodoxies and authorities might be

You boneup on your racial animus regarding cultural majority groups  Well talk soon

1030,  2sday,  9  1. 24

1235,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  1. 24

Who  I’m a Boy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgOyqdN2SaE

Pete Townsend/The Who  Rough Boys  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkT8W6u81Ks