22.4.23

 she   and he 

she strangled the clay 
tore it
apart
stabbed it
back together
barely melded the rent joinings before
crushing it
in her thin 
blueveined mitts
it oozed
turgidly filling the space
between her white
knuckled 
fingers 

he didnt see clay
he saw her trying
to restrain
reshape
something unnamed
some thing
she would not reveal
and if not to him
he hoped to someone

the dull
in her eyes
was the dull
of the elastic
clay  
vacantness
an elsewhere seizing
a spot beyond
where he could see


thats how she sat
bound
binded
unfixed 

and he
couldnt help 

1847,  Saturday,  29  12. 12

wrote this this morning   laid in bed eyes shut trying to gleam what he had dreamed . . and failed . . only remnants . .and from those he stitched this together 

where am I 

I am being
I am sensate
feel vibrations
smell scents  wafts 
                     on bluebreezes
hear pings 
            echoes
imagine I watch a thin spider pick its way across shale and see sifts of talcum slither from where its claws cling to stone 

I am conscious of its deliberateness its hunt for where it will weave its web  and wait to dine

I see breaths puff through its book lungs and tracheae and imagine a locomotive steam engine quivering on unseen rails twitch 
      and then there are no rails  it is free to wander
and scale
            breed violently  metal clutch and clash   a full moon howling night orgasm

I am being

revering
elastic
        and shaped in and out
pawed like pure sand or tendrils of smoke
synaptic clefts spread wide and wider  deftly yawning
                                                           groped and pleasantly fingered by innocent excited impulses
explored 
          and why not

being
       heeds no whys or answers or taboos 

1245,  Thursday,  7  3. 13  coming off last night’s dreaming

21.4.23


reading Robbe-Grillet grilled in The Paris Review


he respires  when one is a teacher one becomes a student again

 

   and I wait

 

                             I wait patiently as patiently as I could muster for him to say the obvious


when one becomes a student one is a teacher

to put asunder the hierarchy

shit flowing downhill

where there should be no hill

and if there is shit

it pools

taints

everyone steps in it

                                I burned all the sticks that they could scrape their soles with

rather everyone should have to walk it off

leave trails behind them and later are able to fingered by a good bloodhound

because they walked off separately not wanting to breathe the miasma of a coarse chorus line

   singularly dejected 

                       shufflingscuffing their soles on the street

Aaah  better

              though wishing they could scuff the scent

 

try as we may

irregardless

               we all step in it
  
1139,  Saturday,  14  5. 13
1011,  Reggaefriday,  21  4. 23


Beware: the Watchers

 

those also who watch Those who watch the Watchers

 

who cared – he thought – in this blasted Nation

                                                 vibrantly shaking with narcissists who are inclined to think they are worth the time expense an energy to be Watched an would take insult if they werent

 

he wanted to suggest a modest perhaps imperfect solution  allow those Remaining to opt out

 

take the tens of millions hunred million who slip an slide an intertwine like snakes in heat like myriad strands of DNA helices or maudlin RNA-voyeur single-strand nucleotides

an let them 

                          invigorate 

                        this self-replicating self-fulfilling two-way For-Profit Looking-Glass

 

but let those Remaining opt out

                                                                    those who devised their anonymity preferred their privacy who did things without regard of acknowledgment publicity
such things are still being done

                                  as inane as that may seem to many

 

the Remaining are nonlethal riptides an undertows  suddenunsuspected forces of Nature who prefer their lives unrecorded unremarkable go on about their day with good intentions  hopeful that goodness is either shared forward or eventually returns

                    individuals plying sensuous lives defying categories an rather than Watchers are thoughtful visceral observers

 

the two as different as day an night 

                                          at cross-purposes 

   Beware: the Watchers 

 

1603,  Twosday,  18  6. 13
0922,  Reggaefriday,  21  4. 23

20.4.23


some would have him worry about the hawk
 

her nest or roost in the tall pine a couple of places up from his

 

raw bits and pieces of her prey found by ants scattered in his yard

 

she has poor table manners

hed excuse her

                he excused dinner guests who should possess better manners than her but dont

talons arent as nimble as phalanges ought to be

 

after they departed he stripped stain-treated his linen tablecloth sweep crumbs from the floor and found odd glasses and coffee cups on shelves or behind planters

 

hes a sucker for natural inclinations and could abide sheer laziness

 

 

he thrilled at her cry the bustle of her feathers passing overhead her violent black shadow like broken glass erasing ghosts of tall seeded grass

 

his worry 
              if he imagined her gone if her bright lively spark in the sunlight suddenly were a disappeared mote  an echo in his eyes  his worry standing searching the blue sky the apricot trees the shadowed crowns of live oak 
to feel her zest flatten out inside of him her serrated edges dulled her acrobatics stilled  

white clouds drifting alone

 

her plummet and scorn fires his blood pumps his heart makes his soul race outside him like a child at play pointing Did you see that?! Did you see that!? and falling down laughing in delight in this yard of hysteria as only a child can

 

Thursday,  20  6. 13
0939,  Thursday,  4/20  ‘23


. . . so . . a Freudian Slip . . on a bananapeel while sending a text 
                                                                    he caught it b4 he fired it off 
fuck SpCk Spell Check that Apple kindlycandyly offers the caramel and crushed walnuts
who have a choice though tend to allow it

  :  :  . . . listen to the music off youtube
                                            a curious walk through SENT hotmails

justbefore he touched to SEND he glimpsed  hotmails looked queer 
                                                                     YES
wrote hittails
                   his hittails were his
he knew they knew

no kiss n tell

 

   Freud    

1615hrs  Thursday,  4/20 ‘23

4/20


he usually raged when corporations changed their rulesEFFECTed their consumers  because the motherfuckers can an couldnt give two shits an because lowlings they see that they have ceilings havent the balls to speakup challenge the Heavens corporate boards stockholders cunt CEOs  who are set for life etcetera etcetera etcetera but greedily want more

currently Hotmail.com writing Hotmail ought to tip people off

currently Hotmail
                    he went from doggedly badgered subliminally maybe they thought so notified  left of the page  
Microsoft Storage  Currently 90% of Storage full

to 215% of Storage is used
NOW
  
       he got 5GB Free

he was using according to Microsoft 10.75GB but he could pay for more Storage    

   he usually raged 
                      but learning his SENT file was absorbing this suddenplus 125% he could diminish his SENT below the NOW watermark 5GB Free
that was his solution 
                      an tripping back into his PAST entry by entry deleting bypassing prioritising  he has not unearthed   but mined there is a distinction if the butchers thumb is on the scale  this is when one wouldnt mind  gorgeous relics
       stunning memories not-memories
he culls as he goes feels like he kills as he goes

but appreciates Hotmails hand in reminding him  mostly happilee 
                                                                            mostly

1430,  Thursday,  4/20 ‘23

Tonic for Spring

   recipe 

sulfur and blackstrap molasses

teaspoons  one part to two parts

professed to cleanse the blood 
                                 nothing a good iron fleam blade couldnt fix if one had the stomach and gumption

or perhaps an enticed leech reared in a springfed freshwater lake  

 

these were beginning to sound like specialty rolls at a sushi house

 

raw eggs work


some prefer it with a touch of milk and coarse ground black pepper

while others find them repellent because they have something to do with raw chickens

cant beat garlic or kale

legumes or soybean pods he was partial to calling them edamame



none of the letters creep off beneath the lower line of a Primary Ruled Printing Tablet  which return him thoughts of one-inch ruling Bond paper its trusty companions the Ticonderoga #2 Beginner Pencils  their tactile smooth round yellow barrels


Prousts madeleines did justice but memory isnt confined alone to scents or tastes

theres a weight in the hand  a turn of a phrase  sensations  a place

                                                                            all Tonics 

and other tonics  toxic   things better left alone or struggling to forget 

banished for reasons  none of which should have to be explained 
                                                                      that are  and that existence suffices

that which exists is

and even when it becomes was / Is

 

perhaps toxic is vitriolic malignant  perhaps inappropriate 
                                                              or maybe it just feels that way to some people


to others who have forged ahead  mustered their way beyond the was / Is of their experience who are grappled and clutched who are sought to be arrested by sincere others who feel they ought to be grateful for their time 

and as that time expired

                           are somehow obliged to rarify or vivify their Past


made Subjects to their memory
                                  living as a Memorial

rather than a human being

 

one takes a tonic to refresh

to invigorate

 

 

tonics taken Spring Summer Fall Winter as needed 
                                                       or necessary 

and best ingested alone

  

1510,  Thursday,  11  7. 13
0911,  Thursday,  4/20  ‘23