it was at a picnic 

                   an idyllic greengrass blueskies gingham lawn blankets picnic tables food iced drinks

  

I’m always screwing the two upcan’t remember which one is right, an when I think I am I make an ass out of myself because I’m stuck, I opened my mouth an said an I was wrong.  A behemoth . . a real fuckin’ idiot.

he was tentative trying to decide whether hed take the stick out of his hand so hed quit beating himself or if hed rather enjoy it 

           a little while longer  he wasat heart a sadist everyone was

Whacha cryinbout

You weren’t listening?

To the whining unmistakable  how coudnt I

Whining, I was whining . .

. . Like a beat dog

                   I heard you  but ya didnt say

I didn . .

. . Hinted  always screwing the two up 

                                           Two You didnt identify them   Anya came out of the bluesomethin triggered a thought  obviously distasteful

Thought I was gaining headway with this woma . .

. . Ya went off in your head We werent talking about women let alone one woman  Your date last night went sideways

You keep finding ways 

Apparently. he shook his head pitifully

he wasnt going to pity him pitys like greed it just wants more an more

he kept shaking his head

nope aint happening wrap your chintzybrain round it he wasnt going to enable his horseshit   man up

You said you confused two words

                                       You understand you confuse words often 

I was so sure.

So you made an ass out of yourself   You offer any contrition his head kept working side to side to no avail  Doubleddown didnt ya really made a splendid ass out of yourself . .

. . But I was so sure.

Id think by now when yare sure youd be sure you were wrong the head quit working

What do you mean by that?

Wha I said  The wordswha two words

You’ll shit when I say.

the back of his neckhead ached immediately Ive heard you misuse them before an Ive corrected you

You have, yes.

Tell me

You’ll be angry.

I aint your folks Ill be irritatedIm irritated now  Ya fucked up you were the one with dick in hand last night

Jest.  Gist.

Amusement  Substanceessence     Christ

I said . .

. . I donwanna know 

                        In the future when yare sure be sure yare wrong

I was so sure.  the head started wagging again

even his sadism had limits he bid him goodbye and walked away

1514,  Thursday,  10  2. 22

1059,  Twosday,  26  7. 22

Billy Joel  Big Shot  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhF8AgBR8hM

what kind of house of worship operates in a mini mall  maybe operates is too  Wha   too mundane worship ought to be sanguine optimisticpositive however its root is Latin sanguis blood bloody bloodthirsty  he couldnt think of a damn thing more bloodthirsty than church religion

                                              what kind of church operates in a mini mall between a hardware store and a donut shop on the corner is a House of Pancakes

always tickled to find humour be it black he flipped a coin Sunday mornings before kickoff to see if he was going to attend worship or stop and have pancakes or waffles or sunnysideup eggs  loose  combating the annoyednot understanding look he got in return he told the waitress just to be sure they jiggled when she walked

   Sandy Gawd bless her eggs jiggledshe jiggled it was divine to witness her crossing the diningroom with his order

she also remembered he liked Tabascoliked his toast drycoffee black he didnt have to ask

                                                                                                she was a real peach

didnt make them many like her

how many times did the coin -- a silver dollar his grandfather gave him when he was a boyalways carried it with him made him feel close to the old man he died when he was eight he remembered him as the maniac who couldnt believe his younger brother and sister were riding bikes Santa brought them and he wasnt carried his bike in one arm him in the other parked his ass on the seat and ran him headlong at a huge catalpa on the parkway swervin round itlookin back he saw him in crazy pursuit he pedaled away like a madman leaving him in his dust -- how many times did the coin fail and send him to church  Like hed let a coin decidewhad it know

he didnt know its denomination certainly Christian likely fundamentalist demonation fund mental a cold day in Hellnot that he believed in it  Dantes Inferno cured him of that nonsense Nine circles of Hellhis favorite number was nine fat chance there was a Hell

he tipped Sandy generously

                              leaving to go home for kickoff if he had a hat he would have doffed ithe didnt instead he flipped it off and its gaggle

 

1443,  Thursday,  10  2. 22

0912,  Twosday,  26  7. 22

Norah Jones  The Nearness of You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsczuCzyUs4

ditto Sinatra  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8AEjDbnJvw

Ya look like a dildo

                     Take it as a compliment

he frowned as it worked its way through his skull not necessarily a perilous journey  actually ought to be pretty licketysplit very little resistance

                                     A dildo? 

Yah dildo

I don’t know how to take that, let alone take it as a compliment . .

. . Useful 

           Im not saying it literally thad fuck with him literally always had him at battle with himself over figuratively he saw the pawns move forward 

                           Listen to me he wasnt  for some reason he had to play chessmaybe he thought it snazzier rather than play checkerpieces on the gameboard WOUDYA LISTEN TO ME  Ill explain once again Literally is exact concrete in its meaning Figuratively provides ya room for interpretation exaggeration

he sighed took a big breath 

                              So yare listening   Yes.   I saidIm paraphrasing myself  I prefer not but I am understand paraphrasing to me is like being roughly yanked back through time thasaid figuratively ya remind me of a dildo being used when needed though not for sexual pleasure

I’m not following.

  Please

           Canya recall our conversation preceding dildo

No.

Thawoud help

                Yawanna try

No.

Donwanna work tha hard

You got it.

Your buddy

My buddy. words blanched of any recognition

Your buddy She takes you out when she needs you Lemme sayat least  she takes you out to pleasure herselfhe started to smile he stomped on it Not sexually  Ring any bells he was getting hinted out

No.

Really thawas stupid to say

I’m lost . .

. . Because you cant remember where we left our conversation not ten minutes ago  Yasaid you were gonna to work on tha

I said I needed to work on that.

You can remember tha

That I need to yes.

Yare killin me

                Yare her buddy shes said so   But you don know tha yet 

Oh. 

      Your dildo analogy is lost on me.

Aint gonnabe the last thing lost on ya

1516,  Thursday,  10  2. 22

1033,  Monday,  25  7. 22

Dispatch  Two Coins  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ub2F_KMO-WY

the Former addressed the Turning Point Student Action Summit in Tampa this weekend

                                                                                             “A friend of mine once said – once upon a time who whos this friend – that I was the most persecuted person in the history of our country. I never thought of it that way. I never had time. I was always fighting these people that were trying to persecute me.” CRICKETS “I didn’t have time to think about getting persecuted because I was fighting persecution. Certainly, there’s been no politician or president treated like I’ve been treated.” 

                                                        CRICKETS 

don do the crime if ya cant do the time

he hadnt heard the Formers voice for months 

his speech remains inanely the same

                                        persecuted four times in six sentences

hambone deserved CRICKETS

1934,  Monday,  25  7. 22

Formers persecution  https://sports.yahoo.com/trump-met-silence-gop-audience-041933914.html

she was a cyborg

it wasnt sitting well with her shed hiss Frankenstein

he was trying to console her 

they were living together before the accident almost killed her

the room was palelemon coloured

he was confident there was another name for it and she knew it

he painted it while she was remediatedremade recovered in the hospital the rehabilitation clinic

it had been a point of contention

she adored yellow its nuances

                                 There’s more than one hundred yellows, did you know that? she could tell the difference between them she could tell the differences between any colours

he couldnt

she had taped the yellow paint card to the wall hellbent on it happening

then he wasnt

now he was hellbent on pleasing her

he counted the days

she didnt even notice

                       I hate being this!why didn’t you leave me alone?

he smiledhe knew she loved his smileloved he usually smiled during the most inappropriate times usually preceding a bout of disarming black humour

No. Don’t don’t you dare.

his smile grew larger whabig teeth you have Gramma better to eat you with 

                                                                                   Secretly their inside joke Did you want ice cream for dessert   No. Though secretly I do. they concluded itexclamation pointed it with swiftknowing winks secretly Ive always wanted a Six Million Dollar Woman all to myself  You had to do until you came along

stuffing her laughdropping her eyes I’m veryvery different than I was. big tearsnot pity tears

Look around woudya Im different too

she raised her eyes

                     Ohmy nearlyhysterical laughter big tears  like showering

he took her in his arms

                         Thank you for perseveringfor willingwilling from the very depths of your soul to accept to accept fight an come back

he gently wiped tears from her eye with the back of his little finger

I can’t feel that.

Tell yawha well find every place on your body thaya can

                                                             An I suspectknowing you theyll be like different huesshades of yellow an every other damn colour

she grabbed his hand by the wrist with both hands

it hurt

she didnt know her own strength

hed say later

he was grateful she was homethey were together pain be damned

theyd learn

You fought me, desperately, on painting yellow.

Desperate a touch hyperbol . .

. . You excel at it.

I can though methinks desperate is your turn Yes I fought you anIm sure we aint don fightin Theres much we have to learn 

Do you still love me?

Love you I love youyour new bits an pieces too

I don’t recognise me.

I do Im grateful yare home 

                             AnI have plentyenough gratitude for us  One foot in fron . .

. . Of the other.

Thas my girl

I am your girl.

Yare my girl  Thank you.

she smiledsuddenly beautifully

You got a joke

No. it didnt break her smile  I got two birthdays.

Look at you ya do 

                   Anwell tear em up when they fall  I love ya buckwheat I love every inch of youinside an out from the tips of your toes to the radiant ends of the hair on your head   

AMish, before 6,  Monday,  25  7. 22

1225,  Monday

Dispatch  Questioned Apocalypse  Live  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyhrsuSDMmg&list=PLSKE0Qj9jabzO2j464kw6c_KfpBVHQ8_V&index=7 

Studio  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SI5IkTjoDo

Elyse1 finally occurred to himhe thought so 

                                              all he had do was plant the seed spit on it give it a little time don pinedon stress  itd come to him 

                          Step right up little lady  Thanks for coming

Elyse smiled  sat pretty brighteyedbushytailed blinked her huge green eyes expectantly

My question  Baggage people carry    Is it linear or exponential

others at the table wondered when he thought it began accummuleating Yes two Ms and an E 

                                                                                                            Comon Stop  Yare not ignorant it comes onto us no escape  Id insist like our scribbled tabula rasa early on  We aint becoming adults without toting a sack of possiblychildhood definitelyteen spirit

Elyse1 you are a classically trained doctor psychiatrist   Off the cuff whaya think 

What do you think?

                     ohbrother the usual pingpong match  wha one thinks is more importantmore valuable than what the doctor thinks but he wasnt asking her as a consulting physician  he was asking her as another albeitmoreversed individual

   Really   Wha do I think

Yes. 

he could detect a slight scent of starch or disinfectant

                                                          I believe exponentially

Interesting.

which says nothing interesting is ambivalent

Yare not going to say

I have to give it some thought.

Fair enough ya do that

                       didnt matter  he was over the moon    he recalled Elyse1 weeks later

  

1607,  Thursday,  10  2. 22

1450,  Sunday,  24  7. 22

Nirvana  Smells Like Teen Spirit  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTWKbfoikeg 

Religion --- conspiracy theories

         or

Conspiracy theories --- religion

What are you saying?

Saying nothingequating them joined at the elbow

Equating them. Why do that? You’ll upset people . .

. . Certain people

                  Who are of no concern to me Theyre welcome their beliefs as Im welcome my privacy behind closed doors  They don darken my door Ill not darken theirs

They don’t thinkplay like that.

Yes I understand proselytising

                                 They ought to . .

. . You, your oughtsshoulds, makes no difference to them.

Doubleaughts would

he shook his head wearily Your wordplay implied violence.

Implied till explicit

You want to explain that?

No

       So is it YHVK over crucified Jesus’ head or is it INRI

I’ve seen both.

You know what they mean

You’re not swinging wide are ya?

Nauh

       A tight Uturn keeping it in the field of play

I don’t know but you do, correct?

I woudnt ask if I didnt Im not a stupid man  rather I try my best not to be stupid or ignorant I don think either looks good on people who want to be taken seriously  Many many unserious people   Too many for my taste

Am I ignorant . if I don’t know?

No Only if you begin to speak of something you don know of

Can I ask why you know?

Ofcourse Curious always

                             Then that persistent itch . .

. . Itchy?

Yes

Lemme guess.

Have at it

Known thy enemy.

Look at you speaking of whaya know

he smiled wily I have my momen . .

. . Don let it go to your head friendHA

HA yourself!

Are we having fun or wha

Maybe fun after the what. They’re not acronyms?

The INRI is Jesus of Nazareth the King of the Jews 

Well hell, you can see why they abbreviated, wouldn’t fit over his head.

Pontius Pilates idea John 19:19 King James Version

                                                         Latin cant say it though I can spell it Its been Englishised Latin I is Englishs J the Vs for Us   

I should probably write this down, figure you’ll quiz me sometime in the future.

he produced paper and pen from his breast pocket Way ahead of ya he printed  I E S V S  N A Z A R E N V S  R E X 

I V D A E O R V M 

                    The Early Church adopted the first letters  possibly the first acronym ever

And you dislike acronyms.

Bane of my existence

                         Exodus 15:26 “Y H W H your healer” is a name given by God the Real McCoy Isaiah 52:6 “My people shall know My Name.” The four letters the Hebrew Tetragrammaton yodh he waw he  its pronounced Yahweh

T M I  Christ, class over?

Indoctrination Sure

                      Religion  Conspiracy theories

Lemme buy you a beer.

Thatd be nice Throats a tad dry

1503,  Thursday,  3  2. 22

1023,  Sunday,  24  7. 22

https://www.fullofeyes.com/project/exodus-152325-1-peter-224/ 

https://biblehub.com/isaiah/52-6.htm

Jesus Christ Superstar  King Herod’s Song (Try It and See)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psJ7i7X06VE

We hold these truths to be selfevident there are deviants amongst us we are endowed by Slipshod with certain unalienable Rights among these once birthed are Life Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness – to secure these Rights Governments are insinuated among Men deriving their just powers – Justice revered figuratively as blindfolded Themis Dike goddesses of the spirit of secular moral order and fair judgement as a transcendent universal ideal – deriving their just powers from majority consent of the governed – and whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends it is the right of the People to alter or to abolish it . . .

                                                    NOW  now hed be good with things

he wasnt much for breaking eggs

                                    though stepping on toesstomping insteps was in his wheelhouse

1353,  Sunday,  24  7. 22

Romanian Babardeala cu bucluc sau porno balamuc or Englishised Bad Luck Banging or Loony Porn 

                                                                                                           hed like to hear it in Romanian but he didnt know a one

the film fingered Parrhasius circa 410BC as the creator of pornography had to look him upcouldnt find him research stood him up against a bulletpocked wall with cats Aristides Pausanias aka Pyreicus aka Peiraikos a painter of low or mean subjects Nicophanes Chaerephanes Arellius “and a few other pornographoi are mentioned as having made themselves notorious for this species of license.” species of license   Krazy

his twistinturninround like a bug or worm revealed rhyparographer Whahe was curious  Rabelais fifth book of Gargantua and Pantagruel "I do not aspire higher, they would not deny me that of a puny rhyparographer, or riffraff follower of the sect of Pyreicus aka Pausanias aka Peiraikos.”

                                                              he learned through Pliny the Elder who referred to an ancient Greek painter Peiraikos painter of mean subjects Van Gogh The Potato-Eaters likewise painted small pieces of barbers shops cobblers stalls asses eatables similar subjects

                                                       he scratched his headCERTAIN that was not pornography a bad rap not that pornography was a bad rap rape murder bad raps havem hold their knuckleshands on top their heads an beat em with a baseball bat

where was he

took himself off point

No point yawere ramblin

Shush

You shush me

Yare interrupting memy thought process

Thought processwha thought process

Ive one  occasionally   this might have been one of those times

Jaysus heshe shehe rolled their eyes Carry on

Ive your permission

Whadahell  Whynot

     I thought  rape murder bad raps havem hold their knuckleshands on top their heads an beat em with a bat  Krazy

Kahrazy

     Hows it goin

It went

2119,  Thursday,  21  7. 22

1211,  Saturday,  23  7. 22

Erykah Badu  Rim Shot  intro  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTfa4RQhU4Y

Rim Shot  outre  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0ewsRlKAPc

she telephoned

it was late

no matter

hed talk whenever she wanted

she was drunk

he didnt mind

Aww . . you really don’t mind?

Ahnah love whenever you want to talk . .

. . I do

I don mind

           Unfortunately  Im here an yare there

Unfortunately.

                  You moved away.

   Yes

But you said since you were young you weren’t going to live here.

   Yes

         An I knew then Id miss you every day  Im happy you called 

Really?

he chuckled  Yes I am very happy you called . .

. . You don’t mind?

Not ever

          Whas up baby

Baby . . . I love you call me baby . no one else does.

Yare my baby

               Ever since I laid eyes on you when Mom and Dad brought you home  You were a beautiful baby curly auburn hair rosysuch rosy cheeks

I’m not so beautiful anymore.

                                she wasnt fishing  seven years battle cancer takes its toll

Yare beautiful inside an out love

                                 Nothing  nothing coud make me think otherwise  I love you

You better.

You bet

    You better . you bet . . ah The Who.

A favorite

When we were kids.

Were still kids

Still  ?

Still love Forever 

1346,  ReggaeFriday,  22  7. 22

0907,  Saturday,  23  7. 22

Marvin Gaye  Mercy Mercy Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efiDnHS3fzk

The Who  You Better You Bet  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCfO9zClQ8I

he was on a roll

                without tryingwhatever caught his eye he watched six foreign films in a row this evening hed watch The Secret in Their Eyes a Spanish film   seven

they were from allround the world

he noticed

it tickled him

no matter the country

traffic lights

Green means Go

Red means Stop

 No means No

                Yes

2003,  Thursday,  21  7. 22

0944,  Saturday,  23  7. 22

Y’Akoto  Y’Akoto’s Babyblues  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwGHiG-7CfI

Isn’t it about time you got a new car?

hed heard that shit before he slipped on his blanched disinterested puss  A new car if he wore glasses hedve slipped them down his nose too  They arent making a car I want 

I want transportation nahfuckin bells and whistles A key to insert in the doors trunk ignition Ill concede the luxury of power windows an locks

You’re not serious; they don’t make cars like that.

No they don an why I dig mine  PointA to pointB an back baby

How many miles you got on it . .

. . Her

Her?  On her?

Diggers gone threehunredfiftysixthousand miles

his head bobbed  She was made last century.

  I was made last century

                              You were made last century

You have to be a pain in the ass.

I didnt start this conversation

                                Do me a favor when they build one that takes a key an has bumpers separate from its body talk to me

1459,  Thursday,  3  2. 22

1515,  Thursday,  21  7. 22