when youre tired enough

                         fuckwhenyouare   nawh  when hewhen he was tired  tired enough

                                                                                                   when he got tired enough early morning  on occasion he went after the calluses on the bottom of his feeton his heels they remainedARE Ohshit brother are they they remained attached to nerve endings tacitly surprising him as he tuggedpeeled  the bleeding surprised him Hohohehehaha ahOuch 

                                         pickingtearing them free brieflyuncomfortable hed lay the irregular strips on his desk  flensedflesh in no time at all they driedwent brittle jerky 

                                                                    tickled him to think how to commodify them some kind of transubstantiation Body of Christ Blood of Christ but wayward of his baptism Church such transubstantiation made him think of Cannibals of Christ Vampires of Christ

                                                         Shoudnt think that wa . .

. . Please woudya shaddup

All Im saying is whaif theres a heaven

It woudnt have me I woudnt go even if I coud slip Peter a Benjamin an hed take it  My eye  him the first in an unbroken succession of popes

                               When women become popes I might pay attention

Yare a blasphemer . .

. . An yer one of my many interior parsons personsMariachi band members  Aware  Lively   Only cuz Im alive

Whereya gonna go when I cash in my chips

an audible gulp

              a deflating sigh   Whamakes ya think Im going anywhere

Parasite You a parasite

No

No

I said no

   An the rest of your cohorts Hanging with me all these years through thick and thin

                                                                                            I believe I believe were all going back to where I came from  Anit aint heaven

shaking their head  Blasphemer

Thawas good

Thank you I like ithavent used it in a long time

The others either

No they woudnt  Its my bit

Bit

We have our bits

                     Comon  yave noticed

Yes I have

Weve figured as much

Yes quite the cadre motley crew

Mariachis

Maraschino cherries

Real maraschinos  not jarred

Not jarred  Real McCoys

Are you flattering us

   I don flatter Yaknow tha

We do we do

                    Where were we

Picking my feet in Poughkeepsie

Awyes A bad habit

They heal up real quick My tenderfoot days are long gone

Were you ever a tenderfoot

his head slipped sidewaysscarcely a noticeable nod

                                                       Hardly My tabula rasa was scribbled all over  which is more than half the reason youse didnt surprise me

Didnthuh

Nah

    Did not

We don know where we came from either

Woudnt think so Spose well go back to from where we came   Ill miss ya if were untethered

Im gettin mistyeyed  Lets not talkbout it

0158,  Sunday – Father’s Day – Juneteenth,  19  6. 22

1139,  Father’s Day

Manson

Gacey

Dahmer

Epstein

          committed to prisonjail for heinous crimes

                                                     DYING there      Amen

this aint haiku

              aint three lines  five syllables first line seven second five in the final an third

 

  but lovely nevertheless 

                          Tenuous Really yes

Tenuous humans erased by other tenuous human beings 

                                                               Righteousness exists

Aint haiku

           But mebbe oughta be

after 1414,  Sunday,  12  6. 22

1300,  Saturday,  18  6. 22

 

   a chrysalis

              definitely a chrysalis not a cocoon    butterfly  not moth

crazyway hed admit for his deceased wife to appear to him twenty years later when it was her habit to rarely appear an rarely appear as herself 

                           she would come to him as other women but she couldnt hide her eyesher manner from him  he knew herloved her too well

they played her game in different historical settings 

                                                        then when he left he had to go she left him departing he would look in her facesay her name shed be flummoxed eversosurprised he recognised her 

                                                                                     Cant fool me babe  I love you

the chrysalis was uglyshabby made of stainedruinous cardboard folded aroundbout her like a failing burrito

to talk with her he pulledunfurled it desperately he was trying to reach other family he knew she could help share access

she did not want to

he begged he wasnt one to beg

she did not care 

                 an when she tired of his entreaties his violations she insinuated lazily disinterested she closed her eyes an telepathically folded the ruinous chrysalis aroundbout her

  the dream was episodic 

                           throughout the whole night with small variations he struggledunfolded the fleshy elastic cardboard to reveal her to her obvious dismay  Please he begged how do I reach them   I know you know

adamantly she refused

try as he may augmenting his reasoning he could not budge her 

                                                                     then dismissing him she folded the chrysalis stymieing his pleas that became more and more pitiful with each attempt

overlaying the reoccurring futility played the Stones Out of Time

he did not know if it played for him or her

 

when he woke in the morning he still did not know for who the song played

the dream would stay with him a long time 

a memory more than a dream

dreams are memories whether we he like it or not they are part of our collective unconsciousness our experiences

                           

early AMish and through sleepingdreaming,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  15  6. 22

1234,  Reggaefriday,  17  6. 22

Stones  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1xR8GglEh8

. . . random meat

Awman really . . random meat?  Maybe you ought to start your own religion.

Body of Christ

                 it was too bad he didnt have a camera to snap her expression an speechless  Good idear huh A rhotic accent  her expression twisted furthur still hadnt a camera

    finally  I have no words. actually once upon a time she did she just didnt remember like he did 

                                                                                                            he said Theyre Witnesses

I dont know shitbout em except they dont celebrate their birthdays because its paganand THATS a fucking sin  That an that they believe a little flock of exactly onehundredfortyfour thousand selected humans will go to Heaven when Armageddon befalls us All these fuckin End-of-Dayers theyd do us a favor if they thought like those with Heaven’s Gate  strap on some Nikes follow Hale-Bop Bop Bu Do Wop in an alien spacecraft hidden behind it into a higher existence  though to be fair most of the Heaven-Gaters came from Oregon an I know theyd argue it was suicide  Suicides a sin  But whaif suicide is the ticket to the A train  I dont know

The only thing I have in common with them is that they believe death is a state of non-existencethough Id refute their belief that there would be no consciousness  I like the thought of death as a holding pattern filled with dreaming

exasperated she had said then Maybe you ought to start your own religion.

she didnt remember

no matter he did why he did he hadnt a clue 

                                                 some things when you throw them at a wall to see if they stick they stick far longer than ya imagined   It stuck

random meat

awful offal

               so some say

he grewup eating offal  he was offally grateful 

                                                still  watching her expression he wondered what she was imaginingshe didntwouldnt eat organ meat   Xcept

You be comfortable being a canniba . .

. . Raised one I woudnt know the difference woud I

  No.  I suppose you wouldn’t.

I woud not

             Ill try anything twice Im just saying I believe it is inappropriate to malign or deny something if you havent tried ithavent had the experience  Were quick to judge  Prejudiced

                                                                       Thas wha I mean by random meat not literally

Why didn’t you say that earlier?

Wha an deny myself the extraordinary pleasure of your overthetop response reactionya jumped the gun

                                                                                                             No way in hell

You’re a real shit.

Im your shit ya love me

 

445preferred,  Sunday,  12  6. 22

1159,  Thursday,  16  6. 22

Moby said it  he had his moments

    Yes I like that a lot

You like that? clueless   not a freakinclue  tabularasa face

Yes

What?

had to let the cat out of the bag  Your sentence making sense

My . . my sentence making sense.

Yes thamade sense although Id augment it sensetence  he said it deliberately enunciating it

Sensetence?

Verygood pronounced it spot on

Great . . what do you mean?It makes no sense.

It certainly does

Saying it does doesn’t make it so.

Sure it doesfollow me

                       If it didnt then your sentence would be moronic ya don wanna be moronic  iconic moron  moronicon

Moron-icon?

Yah an going a step furthur  moroniconic

Moby tilted his head to one side doggiestyle he looked around the coffee shop people in earshot werent paying attention to their drivel

Woudya quit looking around Yare on your own

                                                 No one is going to swing in on a vinepull your ass out of the fire If yare going to feed me lines Im gonna twist thembraid em like seaweed seagrass into strands of fishing line Pacific Northwest First People caught fish halibut on them for thousands of years

                                                                    Thousands

Sensetence  

Moroniconic

Welcome my friend to mosaics English Exercising it opens ones mind to the possibility of new words Be grateful youve been graced to puzzle over their pronunciations definitions

                                                             Words can be anything ya wantanything ya make them mean

Hence sensetence

Mobys doggieness remained

he wasnt making headway

his turn to shake his head

                                 Free your mind En Vogue  an the rest will follow

looked into the same old same old tabularasa face

445preferred not 1645,  Sunday,  12  6. 22

1010,  Thursday,  16  6. 22

It’s a Beautiful Day  Wasted Union Blues  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQHtLK4JYRg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7iQbBbMAFE

Do you want to die? 

                      she asked him in black deathly earnest

her questionquestion bumrushed him

                                     doused his sensibilities in slick icewater surged his Aries defiance quickened his mad heart curled the bluegas aura that tided his brain shivered the ghostlywhite mitochondrial sheath cloaking his nervous system stemtostern

wasnt a question you want to field if youre not in the drivers seat

she was driving

                all sorts of exit strategies littered the highway concrete embankments overpasses railroad tracks bridges jumps rollovers perhaps a spectacular fiery crash that snuffs innocent lives thats a joke son a joke few who drive are innocent

she had the wheel

he ragedwas furious inside

poker face

            No I do not want to die  that opened a door he knew it 

                                                                       but whats he to say Yah sure  Commit suicide take me with you because I wanna go    nothing in the affirmative

if he killed her later no one would believe he was provokedhow she provoked him 

                                                                                      Do you want to die?

he didnt ever want to die

Lifes a good gig most of the time

shed been ill too longillegitimately tampered with to remember

                                                                 no matter how he babied her tried to humour her tried anyfuckinthing that occurred to him that might be joyous  redeeming

 

I see a red door and I want to paint it black.  

 

1320approximately,  Twosday,  14  6. 22

Beatles  Tomorrow Never Knows  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHNbHn3i9S4

Stones  Paint It Black  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmmCwSqNbl4

Wow look at thatthat lizard there  crazy small tail   Stumpy

Awcomon . . I know you know that these lizards can lose their tail to escape a predator. Tail comes off, twitches, the cat whahavyou fixates on it, the lizard makes a getaway, saves itself.

he took a breathrolled his eyes  Yah I know

Pretty phenomenal . . Nature’s way . crazy.

An amazing adaption Woudlove to see how it evolved

Ain’t that the truth.

   Yes it exited flat   he was distracted

That was a queer yes.

he nodded

Thinking on somethingsomething's occurred to you?

he nodded again

he sat back  Something . I’m going to find . . ridiculous?

his eyes clearedwas present again laundry washed rinsed hung out to dry  Not necessarily

Do tell.

 Yes  Intend to

                    Adaptation  Evolution

Which we acknowledg . .

. . Better yet

Better yet? Your betters tend to be strange.

I colour outside the lines

You had coloring books?  incredulous

I did not for long

                  Too confining

A coloring book confin . .

. . Lines borders bondage  Confining

I loved coloring.

I betya did

                Wanna hear me out givinya a choice

I’m trying to decide.

                       I appreciate you asking rather than your usual bumrush.           

Might suppose it depends on the bum  he smiled broadly

he didnt smile  Thanks.

Yabetcha

           Here we go . .

. . Can’t wait . .

. . Don be a pill

  Pill?  Who says that?

Just didEVOLUTION  Hear me out

I hear you out more often than you hear me.

Indeed

        But its not often ya have imaginings worth listening to

his face went slack

Quit with the Im dead look Reiterating isnt magical thinking wondering  Recitation Ya havent taught in years

possibly his face went more slack

Jaysus

          Evolution

Ya with me

I hear ya. 

 

Testing one two three . .

. . I said I hear ya. mirthless  humorless

Its unfortunate women havent the ability lizards do Creep at a bar hit on them boozeemboldened gets handsy feely touchy  grabs ass

                    Woman steps aside tail comes off fuck fascinated fixates  predacious  Anoff she goes to the powder room out the door leaves creep to the brief artifice of twitch

Problem solved

Standinground with a dead tail at your feet is damning 

                                                           Doncha think

I don’t think.

              I’m not even sure what you're saying qualifies as thinking.

Not thinking Imagining

Imagining with all your secret little cretins?

My roving Mariachi band banditsYah

                                        Imagining Yaoughta try it some time  Get the bug out of yer ass

suntime,  Thursday,  9  6. 22

1121,  Twosday,  14  6. 22

Now thas thinkin he said to himself 

                                      he might have to toss business her way wasnt a big shopfront small bay likely twothree chairs intimate 

                           like the intimacy of its name  written in bright red cursive neon partially obscured as he rolled buh bye adobe posts supporting a Spanish tile porch roof 

                                                             Shady Blonde Salon

he could dig a shady lady his barber would understand

they could take turns

at home he looked it up on the computer

couldnt find it on San Anselmo

found Suave Blonde Salon

he pausedcalculated

                      Suave Shady  he distinctly saw the S and a likely his eyes manoeuvred the v into a y  Suave Shady  Whellshit 

                      That changed things

So youre gonna blow it off without a deep dive

                                                one of his chippy interiorterror characters that insist on keeping him on his toes

Interloper I only thought That changed thi . .

. . We heard you loud and clear a bosuns whistle a gunsho . .

. . Hanging on my every word

Yamightsay

             Don pass things through us well take the initiative  pass them through you   Whad it change

Suave aint Shad . .

. . But yaint been inside

Theres tha  grantya tha

Then grant us an audience with the proprietor 

                                                 She may not be proper

An improper proprietor . .

. . Yes  a passionate prying improper proprietor

Yare really tryin to sell me

Yamiss every shot ya don take

Yado

We learned that from youNauhwha 

                                      Ya gonna let us down

Put it thaway I really cant

Nauh ya cant

out of the mouth of babes

he dropped his six year barber

                                 C’est la vie

1340,  Thursday,  9  6. 22

1416,  Monday,  13  6. 22

Robbie Nevil  C’est La Vie  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22_gslQ4cS4

Lady Marmalade  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sLsqLjz63M

usually the afflicted disabled handicapped attracted him

being the eldest of nine kids forced his handhe couldnt help being a big brother he excelled at it                                                                                                                              must have been a born caregiver

walking into the supermarket parking lot off main street he saw a person perched in a wheelchair beside a curbed island near the crosswalk which lead to the markets threshold

traffic slowed as it neared them

they did not roll forward

the hesitating cars then cautiously proceeded across the angled yellowpainted crosswalk

his first thought was they needed helpwere possibly waiting on their attendant it was odd to see them solo

                                                                                                                he quickened his pace needed to quell his and traffics apparent discomfort 

their cap barely showed above the back of the wheelchair from between the wheels he could see their feet turned awkwardly on the rests

more cars rolledup passed gibberishly  confounded

closing to within fifteen meterscontinually looking for someone who might be their aide he pulled upstep stammered  stopped an enormous plume of vapesmoke roiled into the air above them

                                                                             they began puffing like a little locomotive 

The Little Engine That Could

Whellshit God helps those who help themselves

                                                   Aesop mused alike in his fable Hercules and the Wagoner or Hercules and the Carter “Put your shoulder to the wheel . . . urge on your horses. Do you really think you can move the wagon by simply looking at it and whining . . . ? Hercules really he spoke of himself in third person ill-eism ill-eist  Jesus will not help unless you make some effort to help yourself.”

from his deadstop he coursecorrected angled across the traffic lane passing to their left at two carwidths difference  she did not look well  worse with the vape pen stuck in her puss

from there he called loudly to her Maam are you in need of help

she heard him  

she feigned she didnt

he always kept his eyes on the belly button didnt fall for head fakes 

her belly button didnt answerdidnt say

she wasnt helping herself

he wouldnt either

that grated him

 

collected his items leaving the market  she was not there

had she smoked cigarettes butts would have verified her existence

                                                                      now absencegone he decided to believe his eyes despite their inconsistencies trickery

they would have had to work very hardOvertimeImaginatively to summons a gnarled gnome vaping in a wheelchair at a crosswalk

suntime,  Thursday,  9  6. 22

1119,  Monday,  13  6. 22