4.4.21

 

        overnite    rather  he began writing one day and entered the nexthe liked greeting a new day with pen in hand  at the end of a pen  penned 
                                     (some might think that – penned – Writing’s a pain, why do you bother? So inconvenient.  Bother  Lemme ask  ya like getting a letter doncha  I do.  Then why ask why I bother  Im doling pleasure)

he liked doling pleasure 
                           unfortunately that pleasure was rarely returned                             

he supposed he could stop

why would he do that


why would he bother

 


it was an obscenely huge doorway like double doors that lead into a cathedral a cathedral whose portionsgetting enormous proportions right always defied him likely there was a mathematics behind it creating lending scale but he couldnt see a reason why a door should be twentytwentyfive feet tall

he supposed at the end of the day that magnificence and luxuryluxuriousness were lost on him  they did nothing for him didnt titulatedidnt impress him 
                                 he was inured
hed leave it for others 
                        which made him laugh out loud

at the foot of the enormous doorway he watched a man count lengths of rope it wasnt it looked like spidersilk it suggested to him the man was actually a spider he counted lengths pulled them across his chest with his right runningguiding it through his left stretched a length between his handshis arms fully extended then he droppedcoiled what he gathered in his right on the floor then he reached leftbumped thumb knuckles grasped the rope with his right and pulled another length across his chest

he watched the mans lips tick as he counted the lengths he didnt bother counting  that was on the man

after a short while the man apparently having what he needed neatly coiled at his feet cut the rope 
                                                                                                         with that end he fashioned a seizing loop tied it off to a knob or ironbolt that extended out of the intricately woodworked doorjamb to its left nearly at its bottom then he pulledcinched it tight had he considered it he could have strummed a cord a note with it evidently pleased with himself he crossed to the center holding the tether where the doors met keeping it taunt in his armpit he picked up the loose-end fashioned a hangmans noose and pulled it over his head let it hang around his neck
then with both hands free he began to ascend the doors and proceeded to wind the tether around geometricallylocated knobs that were on their faces he wound his way back and forth at odd intervals curious turns and wove a loose fabric as he went sometimes he repeated loops  sometimes not                                                                                                    
slowly he ascended

when the man finally reached the stone arch above the extraordinary entryway reaching up he fiercely pulled himself over its pronounced keystone he saw thenfirst realised  others stood on the arch bearing witness too

they were familiar with the man they slapped him on his backheld him firmly at his shoulder they celebrated and encouraged him 


there wasnt much remaining of the lengths the man counted out before fashioning the unusual weave meshing the doors

the man turned his attention to the fabric again 

he began working his way down the doors on unlapped rather unused knobs and attempted no other weaving he hadnt much slack

shy of halfway down he literally came to the end of his rope

he stepped down to another bolt the fabric flexedthe noose tightened he hadnt much play

then he stepped into space

he plummeted fourfive feet

slack yanked out of the web

the noose tightenedcinched

watching  he thought it was a kind of a trick
                                              that the man by his neck would be able to rappel to the ground  somehow slip the noose

the man began a death dance

the mans soles were well beyond his reach 
                                            and before he could scale the tetherthe web  he unlike a spider the man went still his eyes bugged tongue distended his face purple  blood nowhere to go

the man was dead 
                        had he known that this was how it was going to end he wouldnt have lingered he wouldnt have given into his curiosity 
                         it perhaps encouraging the man

Day-between-Two-Ts – Thursday,  8  5. – 9  5. 17
1458,  Saturday,  3  4. 21

3.4.21

 

In the Cut
            a flick

he couldnt say why he put in for it at the library

frankly after it was over  he may have questioned why the library had it part of their collection 

this community was staid tame conservative  red   not too imaginative 
                                                                            his imagination bruised some people
though not that hed hold his tongue

his daughters while they were little knew 
                                            Wha do I say girls 
Fuck them if they can’t take a joke.

Thats right Thats my girls

his wife didnt approvehis motherfather didnt approve 
                                                       Careful wharya step  I may ask the girls wha I say

 

Jane Campion writer  director
                                 he was a sucker for writer/directors since writing precedes filming who could possibly know better or be more able to realise that vision to direct it than the writer  a resilient cinematographer helping 

Campion had won an Academy Award for writing and directing The Piano  and that when the Academy Awards were still legitimate 
               he tries hard to believe in it as he continues to try and believe in the Nobel Peace Prize for Literature the Man Booker Prize even though Man was emasculated and its now known as The Booker Prize

to be fair he hadnt seen The Piano since he saw it in the theatre 1993  he asked his wife out on a date she declined  he went by himself he couldnt remember if she didnt go because the film didnt interest her or if she was trying to punish him
      having forgotten theme and Campions deft frankness her vision it was quickly revived as In the Cut proceeded 

however
         one little hitch in the gittyup 
                                           smoking a cigarette while getting a blowjob

Really 
          granted it was a seedy bar basement Gawd love dive bars Ya met the most interesting people in them 

however theres an age cut off for seedy bars unless one has frequented it for years it was their bar they were a regular

he was a regular at no bar 
                             but if he were going to a seedy bar hed only enter with a seasoned Indian guide like one who helped the French against the English the Seven Years’ War the French and Indian War in the colonies

he wasnt an Anglophile a Francophile 
                                          put to a test  whatever test that might be aside from the hanging chad of being a white supremacist he might struggle to make the grade to be considered an Americanophile a Cannedophile  all those queer varied –philes associated with privilege entitlement exceptionalism  indispensable 
                                                                                                       OhBrother
Talk about drinking the Kool-Aid

 

but he digressed 


smoking a cigarette

smoking a cigarette while getting head

frankly that was as obtuse as smoking a cigarette while giving head

maybe neither party is invested  possibly because it was a blowjob in a seedy bar 

callous sex

animalistic

depraved 


FUCK 
          definitely not his scene

he was distracted

it took him awhile to wander back into the filmsuppress his interior yapping cuz he housed some clowns that were all about it 
         STOP muthafuckers 
that got their attentions

WE DON SMOKE

he could hear the mullingthe mumbling 
                                          Fuckin guy hes right we don smoke

2158,  Thursday,  1  4. 21
303 or 1503,  Reggae Friday,  2  4. 21
Aerosmith  Train Kept a Rollin  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EvGn22Mplg

 

he said he looked in the mirror the other morning after showering and thought he looked well-marbled

he thought that was freakin hilarious 
                                      he almost blew coffee out through his nose
but then he was high

gathering himself briefly wiping his nose with his handkerchief a dribble of coffee leaked 
                                                                                              Fuck man  he choked a bit on coffee  Well-marbled  Thats hilariousthats a howl

he didnt look like he thought it was looked a little dabberdown  
                                                                   That’s not funny; I didn’t say it to be funny.
It is  funny

I didn’t say it to be funny.

Yaoughta laugh

It wasn’t funny.

I laughed because it is funny its a funny thing to say   You ought to be able to laugh at yourself

Ought to be and is . . 
. . Woudja shaddup with that ought – is argument yare constantly givin me Shaddup  An while yare shaddinup I want ya to take a good look at my face a real good look I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror last night while I brushed my teeth I saw that I needed a shave to crop my beard 


Hmm.

Hmm  Hmm   Thats all ya got

What do you want me to say?

  Say 
       Man Ive told you threefour times now Its your responsibility to lemme know when its time for me to shave  YAH

Yes. Yes, now that you mention it.

Yes Now that I mention it  AGAIN 
                                   Yawanna tell me why Im mentioning it again please 
Ive told ya I don look in mirrors I don usually pay attention to my reflectionhalf the time  I could be Im a vampire I don have a reflection
                 AnIve asked ya nicely to please give me a headsup 

Anyet  Again  Im mentioninit to ya

Please Lemme know  Woudja


I don’t know why it should be on me.

Why
        Its on ya because during this Trump virus youve been the only person Ive seen  at  all  Ya gotta look at my puss 
      I don

It’s your face.

Feeble man 
               Help a brother out

2155, Thursday,  1  4. 21
1258,  Reggae Friday,  2  4. 21

2.4.21

 

      Yesterday 
                                    it was yesterdaywasnt it   walking up El Camino   walking along the edge of the streetavoiding the sidewalk avoiding its crackedbroken buckled concrete strand  walking on it reading at the same time likely hed stumble 
                     besides  the street was recently repaved

twice in a week earlier police had pulled up behind him in squads tapped their siren  his head popped up out of his book 

he waited for them to come to him he hadnt flagged them

they wanted to know why he was walking in the street

he told them Actually I wasnt 
                                he explained he was walking to the right of the bicycle lane he walked where cars could park but hadnt

the street as he understood what a street waswhat a thoroughfare was was where vehicles ran 

he was not walking where vehicles ran

it was an earnest explanation

they decided he wasnt being a smart ass

one said Why don’t you walk on the sidewalk where pedestrians are meant to walk?

Officer please yawanna give it a gander Does the city really wanna risk a lawsuit if I trip an fall break my arm break my neck because the sidewalk terribly needs repair Its treacherous Ya recall the old childhood bit Step on a line break your mothers spine never understood why it wasnt Daddys probably because he was the breadwinner  Step on a crack break your mothers back 

That sidewalk aint a sidewalk 
                                An I aint walking and reading on it when just off down broken curb is a nice flat surface 


end of discussion

 

Yesterday  it was 
                    while walking and reading a bright hot sunny day heading over the the gym he was suddenly aware the air seemed incandescent ethereal  he was bathed in white light  he actually wondered if he was ascendingwondered if a car hadnt run him down killing him instantly 
                                                                        although he imagined the Dead dont wonder
lifting his head up looking around he was in the bicycle path all the vehicles panel trucks parked to either side of Camino were white 
                    he walked in their reflected light

that section of the street was visually radiant

it was  awesome 
                   a brilliantwhite hyphen breaking up a maudlin sentence

0726,  Twosday,  9  5. 17
1133,  Reggae Friday,  2  4. 21

 


a crown of crystals were growing up out of her skull

                                                                              an otherwise winsome girl 
her lips were ashengray  blanched

she was not distressed by them

they were there when she was born and wounded her mother

they grew as she grew 


the crystals were magnificent when lighted by the moon when lighted by fire inside a stone ring or at the hearth of a fireplace

he couldnt help but be mesmerised 


she was not a comfortable image

she was however irrefutable

the crystals manifested Time 
                                and Time is often particular how it is marked

1515,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  5. 17
1149,  Thursday,  1  4. 21
and it is quite moving too if Valtari is started again over itself one-minute later

1.4.21

 

its been one helluva April Fools Day 
                                       but he had a sense of humour someone else might have been miserable 
it tickled him

seemed either telemarketers or robocalling had a hard-on for him

his telephone rang and woke him early this morning right in that sweet spot of where it may or may not have been someone calling him with bad news 
                                     Yaknow how those calls come in and make you suck your breath fearfully smack ya in the pit of yer gut

it did make him get out of bed fiftysome degrees windows open cold when yare naked

he didnt rashly take the bait

hed let the machine do its job

it wasnt his machine 
                      when his machine died he was content to not have one his daughters were not they bought him the machine his youngest on her return north from southern California where her sister lived actually stopped at his apartment installed it and recorded the greeting It’s your dime; leave your name, your number, the time and day you called, and we may get back to you.
                                      took the words right out of his mouth 

every machine and being had a job to do

when his daughters voice began there was no hangup just dead air a robocall clever computers those hangups when he could hear the clickthe disconnect a human those were becoming rarer by the day 
                                                                                          or otherwise a blithe message would begin  a blissful recorded human voice or a Ray Bradburyish telephone intelligence learning to speak by mimicry

hed let it mimic his silence 


point being 
            his telephone rang seven times and no one there most recently it rang hangup then rang again no one there

hed been a collector

that was an old trick 

let it ring twice hang up call again BINGO GOTCHA CRUMB 
                                                                  repossessions usually followed those were the days
B & E 
       to B & E or not B & E   if he did the repo there was no question he couldnt count how many he did but his customers failed to understand he had skin in the game because he was the one who rented the furniture to them and upfront he said you begin to have problems you lemme know because if you dont Im repossessing the furniture

it wasnt a line

unfortunately hed seen more shameful expressions than he would have cared to

Just  Be  Honest

if someone was honest hed take the heat from his boss regarding collections

 

then his cellphone began ringing 

four times

people he wanted to talk to were in his phonebook

if an unknown same areacoded number or Private number 
                                                           how did he teach his daughters Suck my cock 


itd been a fun April Fools Day

he couldnt wait to get outside out among people he liked to victimise men  Excuse me man your flys open
 
APRIL FOOLS        

 1213,  Thursday,  1  4. 21

 

an erratic a boulder erratics boulders were carried by glaciers during successive ice ages and deposited hundreds of miles from their original locations

errare Latin  to wander 


to errare is human

Hanoi Vietnam  a mammogram revealed a spot on Ms. Thien right breast she was asked if she believed rhino horn might help her if it was cancer 
                                I don’t know, but when you think you might die, it can’t hurt to try it.

to errare is human

 

word play he loved it 
                        he came upon it while reading National Geographic  erratics  which were surmised in 1871 by Louis Agassiz a Swiss scientist at Harvard who then popularised the ice age theory of how such boulders came to their odd contexts

he usually walked to his odd contexts and because he walked and read he typically was as surprised as those who were surprised he was in their midst 
                                      they didnt know him he didnt know them  Hello hed say 


that wasnt always true he still said Hello 
                                           he wandered over to Republican Party Headquarters to learn where large parties were being held to view MAGA rallies for Drumpf Drumpf Dumps he affectionately called them he took pleasure in being asked to leave as he made vocal exceptions in real time to the presidents inaccuracies misconceptions and lies that he was perpetrating against themagainst the American people and the world

as he was ousted he inveighed Hes serving the Kool-Aid anyer lappin it up like dogs

directing him out they told him he was being erratic ErraticHA told him he ought to thank his lucky stars that he was only put out and not beaten

Erratic  Sometimes but not this evening

at least he appreciated his word play 

1630,  Friday,  6  3. 20
1101,  Thursday,  1  4. 21
Olmstead Point  92-million-year-old bedrock  Elevation 8418 feet

31.3.21

 


Whacha don know ya don know

 

he ought to take his own advise

 

7                                                                                                                                          5                                                                                                                                             5                                                                                                                                                   2

it was dark 

the numbers were obscured

when some light passed behind himflickering he couldnt hear anything he assumed it was car headlights through trees and branches

he knew there were four 
                           one by one he was able to make them out

first he thought they were painted on a square post black paint

then he recognised as he watched carefully that they threw dull reflections

                      7                                                                                                                                          5                                                                                                                                             5                                                                                                                                                   2

cut out of black metal or tin

 

numbers on a post in a thicket with nothing to speak of around or near it 
                                                                              numbers on a post 
curious

Whacha don know ya don know

 

it left him to numerology

7  12  17  19  1 plus 9   10  or  1

 

the number 10 he read resonates with the vibrations and energy of optimism confidence independence creative powers originality adaptability determination individuality

the number 1 resonates with the vibrations and energy of new beginnings creation independence motivation – seemed very much like 10 – striving willpower positiveness  self-reliance tenacity initiative 
                                                                                     overall creating ones own realities 

he liked that it was realities  not just reality


he liked that it was realities emerging from dreams



his daughter would be very proud of him 

0747  concluded 1123,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  31  3. 21

 

 

WellShit he thought thered be something on the page when he opened to it

paper usually couldnt avoid the indignity of his scribbling 
                                                             particularly if it preferred black ink to red nibs to ball point
him itd always be ball point 
                               it wasnt that he wasnt fond of nibs and fresh ink but he spent five years in mechanical and architectural drawing  prejudiced for righthanders and instructors who wouldnt abide him when he flipped his board and T-Square to the right the room had to be uniform hed have to conform 
                                                                                     Cocksuckers  he was lefthanded
naturally he was a nonconformist

Not in my classroom, boy.

Boy   Boy being lefthanded he was the classroom nigger 
                                                             however when push came to shove they figuratively had to suck his cock none of the righthanded clowns in his drafting classes were sharper than he 
                                                                                                 which may have been inspired by him having to be surgical with nibs and ink taking great care not to smear what he just printed 
Hell must have Pains like that

 

he had an inklingHA of something going off in his head neurons sensingtingling  he was going to give it a moment

see if he had to duck shards of skullbone

 

 

WellShit 
        
             he thought he was more agile

he took a sliver just above his eyeball and like an icepick in the skilled hand of a lobotomist his lobe was shivered
he was pithed

he had nothing 
I got nothing
Nothing

Who was he writing 


Whas writing                               

 


the page was empty 
 
1038,  Monday,  29  3. 21
1328,  Twosday,  30  3. 21