18.9.20

 

 

morphine   heroin
                     angelic aides that assist people to find greener pastures or glossy monochromatic nihil

a junkie
          a dead junkie overdosed in a den or a room but hopefully not in an alley or a terminally-ill patient  quieted cared for by either Hospice or family members helping their transition
                                                                          he disliked the term  he bit his tongue
his daughter believed she was going to transition
                                                     as she had before and in the future

 

2207,  Twosday,  15  9. 20
1134,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  16  9. 20
Steppenwolf  Magic Carpet Ride  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPE9a_epmWw

17.9.20

 
“ . . herd mentality: It’s going to be herd developed.”
                                                         Hey asshole you should know it is called herd immunity Get your finger out of your ass no matter how good it feels

CDC head Dr Redfield testified the vaccine in unlikely until “Third quarter, 2021.”
                                                                                       https://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house/watch/dr-gupta-responds-to-trump-s-comment-on-herd-immunity-for-it-to-work-people-will-die-91932741949
 

 
 
Ill be backhe was coming back again
 
Hmm he wondered how many times he was going to be allowed that
                                                                          an curious who was allowing the AllowingWho was the swinging dick that would indicate – they didnt speak to the Lowly – YEA or NAY  like a fucking Roman emperor  Thumbs Up Thumbs Down

he only wondered  because there hadnt been one monkey in his life who had that authority over him
                                                                                                you have to give over authority he wasnt a cunt 
 

lotsa people tried

he sent them packing
                        when he couldnt send them packing he said No You can sleep on the couch Im sleeping in my bed
     they had been misguided or had misguided beliefs that men accommodate women that when they got their panties in a bunch he was going to minimise their discomfortcare for their comfort as a gentleman would
                                                                                                      Whamakes you think Im a gentleman Youre pissed at me he hated the wordthey knew it  he wasnt fucking around you can take your piss and vinegar an sleep on the couch  I got work early in the morning an I need my sleep more than you

he laid down in bed even if he wasnt tired

212 deadweight weighs more than 212 pounds
 


hed been coming back since he was a kid

17 broken bones not counting three busted noses

7 shoulder surgeries the right was trailing by 5OFCOURSE it would he was lefthanded

he recovered

rehabilitated

went back to the gym and swimming pool
 
the way he figured it
                       until he was dead and couldnt rebound hed be back

no Tom Dick or Harry he figured gods sported those names JesusChrist nope no Tom Dick or Harry was going to Allow him anything
                he was on his own

they were going to have to kill himget blood on their handshave skin in the game

otherwise
           he was coming back again Ill be back it was his line before someone stuffed it in Schwarzeneggers mouth
 
2333,  Twosday,  15  9. 20
1539,  Thursday,  17  9. 20

15.9.20


her tremulous health its sudden onset their intimacy made him think of his own

he was older than she
                        though as a matter of fact he wasnt sure he had been more fit in his life
true he couldnt run like he once did
his knees were pretty beatup
                                but he made his aerobics swimming and he could swim an hour non-stop

he tailored his lifting regime to machines to minimise riskingdislocating his cyborg shoulder

he didnt have what he came in with when he was born


they played backgammon Scrabble did puzzles though favoured shots and beer backed with music to play cut-ups

he had amassed an expansive librarythere were book shelves in every room  a small stand in the bathrooms fiction literature science history art scifi
                                   cut-ups worked well


maybe because of her health she began to use the game to portend answer questions
                                                                                            in the vein of tarot readings
but she would

she was a witch

she had skills about her that were uncannydefied explanation
                                                                  but not everything as he saw it needed to be explained or known

he didnt call it faith

meta- was a prefix that had a lot of roots following it  he slipped her abilities in a slot he called metaphysical

he called her queer uncanny  unexpected
                                             their relationship was unexpected                     
neither impressed the other the first time they met


questioning the cut-up they were going to play drawing from three books why use only one book he said she asked the question they would pursue 
                               How will my health continue?


they sat across the table from each other exercising the question in their particular manner and began when they wished

she began before him

she was better at incantations and concentration

he was better at moving being physical


How will my health continue?
                                he jumbled back and forth between the booksturning them in his hands his eyes closed shuffled them held them one at a time pressed between his handsfingers widespread 

until . . 
        
          and he began opened one book opened his eyes

--  he stands there petrified

--  had more faith in the Jews than in the Gentiles

next book

--  move in freedom

--  the entrance to the cellar, the steps are slippery and soiled with bat dung

--  everything was jumbled and tangled

third book

--  under the arcades, watching the kids

--  always the cluster of vultures who croaked and flopped their dirty wings

second book

--  he looked at me and touched me

first book

--  the menstrual flow carried away the seed

third

--  I love the scripts that flow

first

--  There’s a bunch of green grapes on the table and a bottle of wine

third

--  as if it had been written in lava


he was done  



she was still reading and writing

he sipped his Irish and watched her untroubled beautiful brow it would not pain him to lookadmire her every day until he died
         she would be the best thing he could imagine to see as the last thing he ever saw alive


he reread his piece

he couldnt make hide nor hair of it

maybe she could

she had a third eye


Finished?

he looked up from his revelry

she had no idea when he finished

he couldnt focus like that

I am

You ready to read?

Actually its your turn to read first

Is it?

It is


How will my health continue?

she read her cut-up

it was cogent

it inspired her to maintain the regime she had begun

her cut-up almost said that verbatim

How the hell do you do that

she was pleased with herself it shone in her eyes he only wished she was less harsh with herself and that he could enjoy more often the veritable lighthouse she became

Yours.

Yah  Mine 
            Get a load of th . . 
. . You have to state the question before you read.

I do 
     Wonder why that escapes me time to time

It escapes you because you do not prefer answering a question with a cut-up.                                                                                                                                shining she smiled
No I do not 
              Its your realm  You know it an I know it 
You just like beating me up

Yes. An you like me nursing you afterwards.

Yes



How will my health continue?
                                as he read to her he was distracted by the nursing that would happen later

Twosday,  2  6. 09
1127, Twosday,  15  9. 20



he still held Millers Tropic of Cancer

I have a question you might like to ask for a cut-up
                                                      his girlfriend his partner in crime
she took to cut-ups like a meateater on a thick ribeye

Whatcha got

What will happen to you tomorrow?

Happen to me

To you.


he turned the book over and over in his handshis eyes closed concentrated on what would happen to him tomorrow
that was a big question as she knew he was tremendously gratefulhappy when his eyes sprung open in the morning
that they and he were still there  not dead cremated


What will happen to me tomorrow what will happen to me tomorrow to me to me   tomorrow


he set Tropic down on the table opened the book tilted his head opened his eyes and dropped them on the revealed page

--  I like to think of him as the one who extended the boundaries

--  strange figures peer out at me

--  rubbing my hands again

--  returned to the provinces for awhile

--  when the cold weather sets in the princess disappeared

--  “That’s why they are keeping you there!”


--  inside me things are running smoother than any Rolls-Royce


--  beating my chest like a gorilla

Twosday,  2  6. 09
1310,  Monday,  14  9. 20

14.9.20



he wrote earlier this month that things come in threes

three cut-ups  this is #2


he also asked a question of Millers Tropic of Cancer 
                                                        What is tomorrow?

--  supposing the timid little rabbit

--  is an enameled sign, in perfect shape

--  like a helpless wretch

--  What a pain in the ass!

--  he tried to nourish me with ideas

--  things flowed

--  a glass of beer or a cup of coffee

--  Lollypops!

--  as he concluded his speech a whore gave us the eye

--  grinding grist for that paradise which is always a wet dream

--  I let him spill it out

--  to conceive of a paradise without

--  the sun setting

--  the tears streaming down her face


--  for one hundred years or more

Twosday,  2  6. 09                                                                                                                        1244,  Monday,  14  9. 20

$195K -- killed


Caputo political operative




he liked to play with wordswith books

books were his favourite friends
                                   while they were around he wasnt unhappy or lonely
not that he was prone to loneliness 

others assumed because he was alonelived by himselfdidnt socialize frequently he was lonely

they were projecting

if they were by themselves they felt lonely they needed to entertain or be entertained 


since a boy a book was pretty much all he needed



he read about poets and writers painters using a technique in the 50s cut-ups in France Paris the Latin quarter at the Beat Hotel 9 Rue Git-le-Coeur Brion Gyson shared it with William S. Burroughs 
                                                                                         he was a fan of Burroughs

he began playing with his books

randomly he opened onedropped his eye onto one page or the other and recorded a portion or a whole sentence of what he read on a piece of paper with a red BIC pen


later he began to ask questions before he played

he turned the book over and over in his hands asif washing them with his eyes closed and when the time felt rightthe question turned in his mind he began

he was in a new relationship that only he and she were fond

friends and family werent fans it wasnt their relationshipwas it

he asked his quiet leafed playmate if eventually they would accept their relationship not that it was important if they did or not


he opened the book Anais Nin Reader  dropped his eye in it

--  winter evenings his luxurious home was heated like a hothouse

he closed the book then reopened it to another random page thats how he played cut-ups

--  which drowned all vibrations

--  necklaces and bracelets of shell, gold and silver medallions and carved heads and amulets, animals and bones, all these caught the light as she moved

--  this was a dream

--  I heard a sound on the river

--  You said I was too young

--  doesn’t he hear the new voice of the new man in his son?

--  I found the palm trees

--  appeared with a large pot of paint and he was stirring it with a stick

--  using dreams is a kind of electronic echo sounded to chart the depths of the unconscious

--  the real climax of production

--  more important, creation


creation

Twosday,  2  6. 09
1056,  Monday,  14  9. 20



I confess she said

Ive never told anyone she said 
                                       Do you want to know

did he want to know

he wasnt a Peeking Tom

he wasnt riled or intrigued by mysterypeoples ohsodeliberate secrets
                                                                             Yawanna say

Do you want to know

No


No she asked she slipped the spaghetti-strap off her shoulder

No


Youre driving a hard-bargain

Im not bargaining
                    You can say Or not


Im willing to confess

Kill som . . 
. . No

So its not a crime whatever   you may want to confess

No


Either yawanna say or not
                              I aint a priest or particularly interested

But if it would save ya . . 
. . You cant save me
                       You sporting a God-complex  which is audacious for a woman givin the white man hanging on the cross
          A joke


Absolutely


Curious retort
                Youre not answeringaddressing  audacity

No


Absolutes

Yes 
     Youre fast

Not really I plug holes
                         Evidently I also plug holes in confessions


Absolutes

I dont use them Not nevers Not always

I dont either

Then sister we have something in common
                                              Though you can lose the drama

Drama usually works for me  for women

Maybe with stupid men

Sympathetic me . .
. . Fuck you  with men trying to get in your pants

Youre rude

No If you kept your mouth shut I would have been more interested in getting in your pants
                                                                                                Ya shot that in the head

Maybe if I make nice with you

I aint nice
            Youre hopeless Find a guy with a dance card aching to be filled
I dont dance either



he had a penchant for attracting disturbed women
                                                      a bright lightbulb for moths and night creatures

2026,  Friday,  11  9. 20
2306,  Sunday,  13  9. 20