she startled himrapped at the motel room door usually she scratched like a cat she knew cats pussies warmed the cockles of his heart tickled his nethers that would be his cock and balls  

he didnt lock the door never did  Comonin babe

she didnt

Come in babe

still she didnt

he walked over to the turquoisepainted door to match the drapes -- nobody knew tacky like him and didnt bother with the peekhole she wouldnt fit  he didnt like the fisheye len look either

pulling the door openwithout looking out Whassup babe Didnt you hear me

OHgoodness

          wha a beastwha a chica he didnt know they came in Tall fullfigured curly jetblack hair jungle fullmouth fulllips  black lipstick  penetrating shark eyes  cateye eyeliner

she stood in the doorway she shifted her hips

Excuse me  err er he cleared his throat   Can I help you

Joe?

Yes  Im Joe

Ysabel her Spanish accent spicing her words Ysabel asked me if I wanted to stop by, she is unable to be here today.

Excuse me  asked you if you wanted to stop by

Si.

Si Nice  Understand that thats probably the extent of my Spanish Mexican as my father would say Twentytwo years older than me and theres Spanish spoken in Spain Mexican spoken by Mexicans 

I love my Dad

after a momentary silence laughter bubbled out of her throat bright champagne bubbles iridescent

                                                                                                         she didnt cover her mouth he thought maybe he saw fangs

May I come in?

If Ysabel asked you if you wanted to stop sure  Whas your name  he turned his back and entered the room

Daisy.

Daisy

Si, my name is Daisy.  she closed the door behind her

Family name

she laughed again it bounced off the felt wallpapered walls Gothic Damask flocked to incite lust  or murder

he saw fangs

              he may have gulped out loud

her laughter quit bitten off my her smile her mouth full of white teethbrilliant compared to her complexion he could see his cock in her mouth  Eat it DAISY we all have to die of somethingbleeding out in a cheap motel room sounds mythic

No, not a family name. My parents give me Daisy to upset their parents. Throughout my Mama’s pregnancy they hounded them, kept offering them names. Mama and Poppy figured that they named twentytwo children between them, they weren’t interested; but my grandparents, despite repeatedly being told my parents weren’t interested, they wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t. So they named me what they wanted.

Daisy  Im tickled they stuck to their guns

Huh? I do not understand, stuck to their guns?

Stayed with what they planned My motherinlaws Japanese so I appreciate vernacular swinging and missing Your grandparents were displeased

Yes. They call me pet names. They don’t call me Daisy.

I like that your name is incongruent to your appearance  Youre startling your names startling

That is nice of you to say, Joe.

I didnt say it to be nice Im not nice

Ysabel said you say that.

How do you know Ysabel

She is my cousin.

You share stories

We have been very close since we were little.

Thats nice

Yes, it is very nice. We share everything. There are no secrets between us.

I wouldnt think I was a secret

Not between Ysabel and I, no. Our families don’t know you.

Weve only been seeing each other a few months

Happy months, yes? Ysabel is very happy seeing you.

We hit it off really well an continue to enjoy each other

Yes, and that is why I’m here, why Ysabel asked me to come; to stop.

I appreciate you stopping by to tell me Ysabel wouldnt be able to make it this afternoon.

I didn’t stop to tell you that.

No  You didnt stop to tell m . . 

. . No.

Im  confused

I read people very well, some people, my family, think I can read their minds.

poker face

            Can you read minds

                                       

I should say what you were thinking when we met . . is why I came today. Ysabel calls you . . . voracious.

She told me, which she said you’d find funny, I could pinch hit for her this afternoon.

surprisedhe laughed hard maybe harder than hed laughed in a long time Pinch hit

Yes. Pinch hit.

               I am not seeing anyone. Men who I meet don’t interest me. You, through Ysabel’s words, her smiles, her happiness, interested me.

THAT  interesting

Yes.  THAT interesting.

Ysabel . . 

. . I said . . we share . everything.

1833,  Friday,  3  7. 20

1224,  Sunday,  5  7. 20

CSN&Y  Triad  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lp5Ope65mQ

she redefined acute for him

                                maybe  not redefined maybe he hadnt witnessed acute before

ICU  after four days inside  referred to her condition as acute he looked at the nurses particularly Lindsay their stalwart ally who two days earlier was on the team that revived hersaved her life

acute means that ICU recommended Hospice

                                               he rolled up on his heels they were going to beat this she was going to beat it he wished he was sitting in a good chair with wood arms that he could grip he was rocked they were going to beat this she was going to beat it bitter tears seeped into his eyesthey burned he couldnt blink them out they wouldnt fall he had to use his handkerchief to wipe them away they were going to beat this she was going to beat it his breath caught high in his chest he was afraid he was going to hyperventilate he felt he was losing his mind  it spun asif it were in a blender they were going to beat this she was going to beat it

end of story

they were going to lose

1841,  Monday,  27  1. 20

1115,  Saturday – 4th of July,  2020

Beatles  The End  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12R4FzIhdoQ

Independence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWKa8aENeGY

when he first saw Aerosmithhadnt heard of them they were fronting for Blue Oyster Cult at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago

support for Americas involvement in Nam was waning the war had caused terrific social unrest and upheaval he told his parents on the date indicated by the Draft Boards postcard he was going downtown but he wasnt stepping forwardhe wasnt going to serve they they never said how when he asked they pulled some kind of strings and enrolled him at the University of Illinois Chicago Circle Campus

                                                          after dinner one evening after he did up the dishes pots and pans and silverware they joined him in the kitchen sat at the table and said they needed to talk

they hadnt sat together at the kitchen table the three of them alone since they tagteamed him when he was in the Fifth grade the final week of three weeks to discuss the birds and the bees

innarestin

           he was curious

his father told him it wasnt a discussionhis mother fervently a stiff upper lip grimly agreed

his father excused himselfstepped out of the kitchen for a moment and returned with an arm full of textbooks atop the textbooks was a carbon copied class schedule

Son. You’re going to college. We’ve managed your draft deferment. You are our eldest and you’ve always lead by example. Your brothers and sisters look up to you. You’re going to college; not Canada, or jail.

he was aghast

they left the kitchen before he could pick his jaw up off the floor

from where they sat that night at the Aragon in folding chairs within a coin flip of Steven Tyler  Jane  his buddys date leaned overmessed inside her big purse at her feet and while still forward deftly shackled his left ankle to her right  there was about two feet of chain between the bracelets

                                                           which provided him just enough roomperspective to watch her writhe to the musicwatch sweat sheen on her breasts her blouse undone four button and them threatening to jump out their cups

he cajoled her best he could

they shared grinding hugs

he had said buddy

that was inappropriate

more an acquaintance

Hey man she cuffed me Those are her bracelets

Janes date took his date and they stormed out of the concert

Jane put her hand to her mouth Oops seductively

they were stoned

they were obviously delighted

they were going to have to stay in the city  get a room

Buddy drove

Jane tugged his cock and kissed him while they waited at the counter for the midnight desk clerk to wind his way from some impossibly deep dank labyrinth hidden behind the ornate pebbledglass OFFICE door

                                                                                                then with key in hand

You need any help with your luggage? the decrepit mildewed old man asked No luggage sir You can get the room at an hourly rate!  No thanks I expect Ill be at her for hours You sweet talker Jane said

                                                                                       with key in hand they ran noisily up the tired threadbare runner that scarcely concealed the wood stairs beneath it up to the fourth floor left into the hall slipped in the key and went through the door he hung the DO NOT DISTURB sign from the doorknob

in the entryway trying to yank off each others clothesthey never did they tumbled and fucked on the floor

                                                                                                              finished there he picked her uptrailing clothes that made them look like a tryst between the Mummy and the Creature from the Black Lagoon he carried her into the bathroom for a shower

he lathered hershe lathered him  erotically

they rinsedthey didnt dry

they quickfooted it to bed stripped the chenille he pushed her crosswise onto it leapt on top of her gnawed her big tits slipped down to suck her pussy

                               she was ticklish she barkedshe YEOWed she yanked herself out from under his mouth and when he got to his knees facing her she pulled him by his shoulders onto his side then over onto his back and straddledcrawled over him into a lusty 69

he flopped her off of him before he came

                                           he pinched her nipples OUCH!baby Holdem for me then fucked her tits   a rocket of jism struck her chinlaces lapped over into her mouth on her cheeks nose one lace crossed a closed eye she laughed gaily Ya tryin to blind me? he kissed herhe smeared with her 

they made out

Break he asked

Jane agreed

they cuddled facing each other

We’ve known each other awhile, why haven’t you asked me out? she asked

he smiled lasciviouslywolfishly  Because you expected me to  Ill speak for me some things are worth the waitthe anticipation   Im over the moon right now

Jane had classic bedroom eyes

she knew it

she also had a pout that cried Come hither, fuck me!

she knew that too

she tried anyways

Really Ya really wanna use your pout on me now You expected me to ask you eventuallyyah

Yes.

I didnt expect this

It was time enough for me; sometimes a girl just has to take things in her hands.

I think youve always taken things into your hands

she smiled lasciviouslywolfishly  I have.

Your confession is very sexy

Ohshaddup, ravish mebut first . . 

Yes

I’m very happy your parents kept you in the city for school. I wouldn’t have wanted to see you in prison.

Jane I wouldnt have been in prison I cherish my independence too much

she gave him a smile a little girl might if you said youd give her some candy Ravish me she whispered

0834,  Thursday,  30  1. 20

1444, Saturday – 4th of July,  2020

Beatles  I Saw Her Standing There  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxwAB3SECtc

I’ll apologise if it’s necessaryif you like. I went into your studio and saw your writing beside the typewriterit’s an old type . . 

. . Yes  My mother bought it for five dollars at the liquor store where she worked from a drunk who needed a drink

My, that’s interesting.

A boon In the right place at the right time one could suppose

Yes.  But what I mean to say, I saw your writing and I was curious. I only looked at the top pageI didn’t mean to . . snoop . or anything . . bad.

You didn’t have to sa . . 

. . No. I did.  It’s, rather, none of my business, is it?

In a couple of days likely I would have shared it with you

Yes, yes, I thought that too. But what you share is after you’ve, what? reimagined it,  rewrote, edited . . . I was curious to see it in its raw form. You rarely share the raw form with me; seeds, as they are.

Ah  I didnt thinkwouldnt have thought you were interested  You neednt apologise 

Thank you.  I didn’t mean to intrude.

You didnt

she fumbled with the buttons on her blouse  it was childlike  very attractive

                                                                                 May I ask you something?

Always

The piece you shared with me last night; it was from that page?

Yes

The piece was nearly, what? sixseven hundred words?

Youre getting good  Yes  Just over seven hundred

On the page I looked at, there were only three words.

Yes

They disturbed me.

The piece didnt disturb you

No.  But the three words, timed, dated, underlined . . did.

The words were a trigger I wasnt going to forget

Hands don’t shrink.

Yes

It is an uncomfortable observation.

Its an observation

An observation . . like your dreams?you don’t have nightmares . . . you  have  dreams.

Perhaps  I havent given it any thoug . .

. . You could now, couldn’t you, talk to me about it.

Yes if you like

Please.

I thinkmy thought why violate something why create  unnecessary violenceits the same if you would when I refer to a personuse their name however avoid their sex if they are male female becausenow  their sex could be a step to stereotypeclassify them

Obviously their name will do that too or might Pat he laughed

                                                                  So I prefer to eliminate that   prejudice

Pain.

Yes

You also don’t talk of pain.

No

You use the word discomfort.

Yes

Why? If you’re in pain why woul . .

. . Why would I allow it to infiltrate me abuse me  I keep it away at least at arms leng . . 

. . As you often do with people.

Yes

A defense mechanism?

No

You wouldn’t describe it as a defensive mechanism?

No

Then what?

I dont care  That may sound cold

It is cold, and I find it difficult to believe . because . . you care about me.

I do  Perhaps you dont recall when we met the second time

I remember. We didn’t think much of each other the first time

We did not  We agreed

I don’t following.

When we met the second timeyoull recall  I didnt speak with you you were there with a friend 

I recall. Yes.  I didn’t think you liked me.

A cold fishwouldnt you say

Yes.

I was observing you I was wondering if I would be wasting my time I wanted to learn if I could care If you hadnt piqued mebeing who you wereme overhearing you

I was making a choice

And if I hadn’t liked you?

That would have been your choice

And that wouldn't have hurt you?

No I didnt know you well enough for you to hurt me

Hands dont shrink

                     when were beat downusurped by terminal illness and we fight we lose weight we shrink our muscles our bodies eat  our bones stick out our faces grow gaunt 

our hands dont shrink

he worked his daughters handsmassaging them her arms tried to quell their swellings every night

                                                                                                         every night he held her hands in his for hours 

they couldnt talk

her illness stole her voice many many months prior

                                                    she spoke with her eyesthey had long conversations without speaking a word

her hands didnt shrink

1256,  Twosday,  28  1. 20

1516,  Reggae Friday,  3  7. 20

Jewel  Who Will Save Your Soul  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ax56Bg17ezo

4th of July

Frederick Douglass’ 4th of July speech  1852

                                                 https://www.democracynow.org/2020/7/3/what_to_the_slave_is_4th?utm_source=Democracy+Now%21&utm_campaign=bf7922bea4-Daily_Digest_COPY_01&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_fa2346a853-bf7922bea4-192501705

his daughter finally fell asleep

she catnapped usually

if she slept for more than tenfifteen minutes it was something

shed been asleep nearly an hour

he hoped that it would somehow rejuvenate hermake her feel a bit little better

sleep was grace

he looked across her as she lay in a hospital bed in the sunroom at the rear of her house

outdoors beyond the windows the wind chimes moved they soundedthey were muted but he could make them out they pealed as one might sing a lullaby to a child

                                               he cocked his head looking beyond them  the small potted decorative plants below the wisteria growing in the woodframed awning above the line of a brightgreen and hued bamboo hedge behind 

        he saw no evidence of breeze  a breath of wind

still the chimes moved and sang the slender metal tubes dangling crystals threaded seashells and slender driftwood sticks

       they playedwere strummed by unseen fingers a sheer presence foreboding perhaps but not evil  ancient  persistent 

            a patient presence

reminding himit reminded him   when he was a boy when his family lived with his grandmother his mothers mother

there was a knock at the door

he went to the door

no one was apparent

his grandmother sitting in the livingroom her difficult leg up on an worn ottoman asked him who knocked

I dont see anyone Gramma

You see no one?

I dont Gramma

there was another knock at the door

Do you see anyone?

No Gramma No one  he went to open the door

NO! she bellowed she frightened him NO! Get away from the door, Joe! Do not open it!

I could . .

. . NO! Leave it alone, come away from there, do not open it. her rheumy eyesslightly distended by a glandular condition fixed him in place

he did not defy her

she glaredhe didnt think she was glaring at him

he didnt open the door 

the way her eyes looked hurt the inside of his eyes 

                                                      an old woman down the street who was from Poland where his grandmother was born was treating her

he was allowed to walk alone to get her medicine he always gave the old woman two warm loaves of bread his grandmother baked

they didnt see doctors

                        she healed them she cared for the neighbourhood treated them set broken bones cured maladies made poultices salves elixirs  medicines

he couldnt pronounce her last name too Polish so he called her Good Witch that tickled her  she pinched his cheek and sent him on his way

he did not open the door

later the next day his mother took him aside and told him that Gramma didnt want him to open the door because she believed Death was knocking  if he opened it  someone would have died

Someone

Yes.

Someone in the house

Yes.

to this day the house he lives in doesnt have a speakeasy or door peek if there is a knock he doesnt answer it

hed been asked why he does not answer his door he defends itsays hes too busy he didnt hear it he wasnt expecting anyone  I aint wasting my time

And what if it is Opportunity knocking?

Yah an whatif Death is dressed to pass as Opportunity

2249,  Monday,  27  1. 20

1157,  Reggae Friday,  3  7. 20

$131K -- killed

listen to the first 2 minutesjust the first 2 minutes  slick Drumpf “It’s got a life. We’re putting out that life. It’s a bad life.” which Dr. Anthony Fauci refutes saying  We're not. https://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/joe-this-is-basic-science-this-is-basic-medicine-86959173988

Science versus snake oil salesman

                                     some people believe theres actually a choice

1650, Reggae Friday,  3  7. 20

Zappa  Dinah-Moe Humm  “I got a spot that gets me hot – an you aint been to it”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEtyYNFOIew   

Sonofabitch sometimes the ground looked furthur away than other times  a warning be alert pay heed

maybe this was that sense hed heard about which rightnow its name eluded him if you didnt exercise it use it or lose it yah anif ya don have it 

                          maybe it was what that was called

he went to squat to pick up an ad hoc bookmarker – a store receipt seven years old for gefilte fish – that fell from his book when it slipped in his hands a hot day sweated arms wrists

                                                                      squatting his bad knee began tighteninglocking up

before it did he hurriedly reachedstretched and snatched the receipt from the sidewalk he stoodlunged upright on the strength of his other legSONOFABITCH almost got him

standing on one leg he tucked the receipt between the pages he marked with a finger

gingerly he tested his knee

seemed it would hold some pain but nothing compared if it had gone out and hed fallen to the ground getting up then wouldnt have been even half the battle probably another three miles home

he limpedslightly over to a tree to help balance and gently did several toe rises like broken glass inside but the glass fell back in place  it wouldnt grind

when his knee seemed right he stomped a couple of times to pack the glass

                                                                                itd hold he be sore

turning from the tree to begin home he humoured himself before opening the book to read and recited When I was a child I bent as a child . .

1357,  Twosday,  28  1. 20

0958,  Reggae Friday,  3  7. 20

Cat Stevens  Oh Very Young  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTONWfCMDWg