28.6.20


he liked visiting the apartment complex Gary lived in particularly at night the swimming pool lighting was left on until 10 PM when the pools were locked downClosed a pretty good fuckin indication that the pools were closedLights out!

he liked arriving after dark because of the coolblue light painted the courtyardsthe walls of the units bled softly up into the atmosphere
              on the pool patios or sitting on benches in the manicured courtyards were good places to blow a joint despite Gary crawling up his ass telling him he gets caught the police would want to know who he was visiting

That’s a fucking leap! Why would I have to be visiting anyone? The fence's at six feet, keeps the small kids out, the drownable ones, easily jumped by me and teenagers who wanna skinny dip or fuck in the pool.

Wha?

Yah. I’ve swam with them; and I might have had sex with an underage teenager after we blew a joint. If she was underage she didn’t fuck like she was underage – I’d use that as a defense against a paedophile charge – She fucked like a pro! Why aren’t you charging her with prostitution—really make the county, the system some doughHuh?

Jesus, Joe. You come around, you don’t go down to the pools, not if you’re stopping by me.

Fuckin uptight, Gary, man, fuckin uptight; maybe you ought to come down to the pools with me, blow a joint, get blown.
I’m telllin’ya, man, kids today are way ahead of the curve. Mommie, Daddy’s off to work, kids turn on the cable, throw on porn, they’re curious like we were, except our access was tamped – they’re products of their generation – can’t blame them. Me. I’d finger their parents and society.
Really need smut on cable?



Gary. I’m outside for a cigarette.

Don’t go down by the pools.

Yah, I’m taking a walk. Hate to fuckin’ stand outside yer place smoking a cigarette. Not cool. And smoking supposed to be cool, dig?

Yeah. I’ll dig you a six foot hole somewhere down the line.

You didn’t see Woody Allen’s Sleeper?

I did.  he deadpanned

Hey, you can lie to me. We ain’t sleeping together.

Go on. Have your cigarette . . you’re just having a cigarette, right?

Wanna blow a joint?

No. I was thinking we’d catch a flick, I’ll make popcorn while you’re gone. Then we can sip some drinks, a flick, popcorn.

I like the way you think.

I wish you thought.

Easy, Gary, I got lotsa bees buzzing in my skull.

Insects. Not thoughts.

That was an analogy.

Keep your anal to yourself . . have your cigarette, Joe, we’ll give it a go when you get back. I was thinking Gozu, Japanese crime horror.

We should get high.

On me.

Gozu, popcorn, drinks, high on you?

What are friends for? Scored some hashish. I gotta smoke that with somebody, not alone, difference between grass and hash.

Deal! I’ll be back.



walking past one of the lighted blue pool Joe thought he caught motionmovement in it real stealthy  agile   brown
maybe a chica  slender   jet black hair
impossible to be Japanese
though that would be a treat

he entered through the gate the while looking for a shadow or movement  he saw neither

maybe he just wasnt seeing what lies beneath the surface sowha if it was a pool whanot a transmission an image hiding its real self
                   the bees were busy maybe anticipating the hash he was getting ahead of himself

it was only water

he jumped in
               and underwater freed of gravity a liquid sky he did rolls and somersaults and twists flying had to feel like thisthough lighter and able to draw a breath
                                                    and underwater he transformed into an otter
                                                                                                     and as suddenly he was aware of another otter in the pool a female he thought but then he wondered if it was a different otter or if he hadnt split in twocloned that he was also the second otter but feminine

they played they complimented each other

in their headlong rushes at each other they veered at the last possible moment to avoid collisions  he recognised that the second couldnt be him he was erratic awkward she wasnt  she was sublime
she wasnt him
              then at a sudden he wasnt in the pool

he was not an otter
                    though the imagery of the playfulnessfeeling of elation stayed with him


he wandered back to Garys place




middle of the night he left

Gozu was a mindbender 

the hash enhanced it but it didnt need any help

Gary told him to use the spare bedroom Chill.

Nah, man, wanna sleep in my own bed tonight. Thanks though.

You’re your own man. Ya cool to drive?

Three hours of bullshit after the Gozu, I’m fine, a little edge, but little.

You’re sure.

Yah. I’m sure.

Be cool, brother.

You too, Gary. Thanks.



Joe went out to the pool again

no uplights

no coolblue water dark  reflecting the fourfive lamps above it

the water trembled for no apparent reason

the filter and machinery beside the pool were still just an electrical whisper  filtration on a timer

standing above the water he saw dark shadows moving in it under the surface  shadows which seemed to enlarge the pool making it deeper maybe hiding among reefs that looked like submerged waves starkly aeratedsolidified frothy and curling


he caught three large fish

he squatted in the grass beside the concrete apron gutted and skinned the fish  

he cut them into steaks
                         and walked back up to Garys place

he filled the Weber with fresh charcoal and began a fire 

the rising sun stole the beauty away from the high flames  then the smouldering coals

he rapped on Garys door

when Gary answered Joe asked Barbecued fish for breakfast?

Gary said Sure. Why the fuck not? I got some fresh fruit we can have with it.


they wrapped the extra steaks in paper and put them in the freezer

Joe didnt say he caught the fish in the pool

Gary didnt ask

Joe asked him if he wasnt curious about the fishabout breakfast fish

Man, I don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

0837,  Friday,  20  3. 20
1622,  Sunday,  28  6. 20


Being a child is like nothing. It’s only being. Later, when we think about it, we make it into youth.
                                                                                                      China Miéville
if you arent reading what hes writing shame on you

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
                       King James 1 Corinthians 13:11 OH FUCK NO if youre reading the Bible put it down and read Mieville

as a child he disagreed  had Mievile been writing he would have disagreed with him too determinedly he disagreed with Corinthians Paul was writing the city of Corinth was Saint Paul a pamphleteer

he had a place in his heart for pamphleteers  he thought the 85 published in New Yorks newspapers by Saints John Jay James Madison and James Alexanders were wonderful if youre reading The Federalists Papers finish them  then read Mieville

OH FUCK NO
               as a child he disagreed for he knew that childish things ought to be the arbiter

he thought the trouble in the real world was that difference in those men 

this century the trouble was escalating because the men who truly put away childish things and were bereft because they were joyless became cocksuckers sociopaths psychopaths who played power games and the men who didnt bought computers to power their fantasy games on huge plasma screens

he believed the penultimate idea was to have feet in both arenas and retain ones youth  black holes of detachment and possession yawned to either side of the shared spectrum which would exert their particular gravity or temptation  sickly event horizons shimmer

an alert manchild remembers and tries hard not to forget their youth and should be able to navigate the roiling midstream

he is equally wet as he is dry

what is wet and dry is their connotation


he leaned towards childhood
                               probably because his memory was long and vivid and his mother his mother a historian of sorts  was the best person to either deny or confirm his quandary 

when last he asked her if he was remembering or fantasising she cut him to the quick  
                                                                                          I’m old now. I can’t remember as well. You’re closer to it. If you remember it as a memory, given your spooky, as your father says, given your spooky memory, I’d agree with you before I’d trust my own.

Aw cut it ou . .
. . You cut it out! Do you remember me ever correcting you, saying, No, that’s not a memory?

I cant say that I do but I still call you and Dad to tell me

Stop then. What you've remembered as memory has been; why you remember them is beyond your father and I.

But, please, my memory’s shot. I’m lucky if I can remember what I had for lunch an hour ago.

Joe; my son, as your father would say, you’re on your own.     

1612,  Twosday,  17  3. 20
1558,  Saturday,  27  6. 20

27.6.20


he couldnt say for sureTHAT drove him nuts
                                               he had it he had it had it had it had it   lost it went right out of his head
GO TO JAIL! 
DO NOT PASS GO.
DO NOT COLLECT $200. 
                           he didnt even get a chance to flip an orange Chance or yellow Community Card
GO!  GONE!
            what a bitch thought sure-as-shit itd stay tangledwrapped up in the clutter cobwebs and detritus in his skull

a fucking cat burglar

he didnt even know where to dust for prints


two days he ran any tape he could think of that might jostle the words free two words a vowel difference amiably opposed or so he seemed to recall
                                    should have written them down
rather he got caught up in roiling hypnagogic bit plays
who needed acid
who needed to get stoned
every morning he woke nuts YA FUCKIN KIDDIN ME


at the end of two days he ran the white flag up the flagpole Dont shoot Dont shoot  I surrendered 
                                                                                                            Now tell me

He wasnt saying an the other he wasnt saying or him or them or they or those monster dill pickle eaters

everyone kept their traps shut tight 

he was surprised they didnt pass out mouthbreathers all  they were just like him  three times broken virtually eradicated his ability to breathe through his nose



the best he could come up with was Want and Wont  Want and Wont tied up in a neat daisy chain chasing each other round and round his headbefore his eyes for the better part of the night until REPRIEVE
                                                                                            hed be remiss if he didnt admit to the daisy chain running counterclockwise for a bit a breathy voice Don’t say I never did anything for you. he didnt know who that was had to have been infiltrated he and his never used never Verboten Nein Nyet Non Ochi Bango  Ochi Greek Bango Japanese hed been told No by all flavours of women which only made all the flavours of women who said Yes more sweet

counterclockwised

infiltrated

toss his ass in an iron maiden an walkaway


Want Wont maybe one day the words would present themselves


his REPRIEVE was delicious

the words were gone

the daisy chain ceased

in their stead was a trembling iceblue circular cake with four identical candles on it the candles were lit they seemed organic to the cake it didnt look like the candles penetrated the smooth fluid icing  as they burned they cast an orangeish dusk light which heightened the colouring of the decrepit stained cardboard box the cake sat on

the cake celebrated something or other but he had no idea  what he knew was was he was there on purpose to witness to celebrate  and he was going to get a slice or handful of cake despite he didnt like cake
                                                                                                          not his Wont
but definitely his Want

1003,  Thursday,  25  6. 20
1404,  Saturday,  27  6. 20
Richard Harris  MacArthur’s Park  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iplpKwxFH2I        


he needed more time

Then I have everyone else’s order?

the table of men nodded

she excused herself saying shed get the coffee water and juices



returned  dispersed: What will it be, cowboy?

he cast a surreptitious glance around the booth to see if any of the others caught what she said she saw himsaw the roughneck the hard man sitting before her  despite the suit and tie


I'm still thinking.

Should I wait?

Yes. he liked it when people had to wait for him 

the man looking out the window through the venetian blinds into the parking lot said  He likes the items you have pictured on your menu; he’s wondering if you might have a menu that pictures all your items, he leaned forward to glance the nametag on her breast  Jody. 

she snapped her gum which should have been answer enough for most but cowboy held his menu tightly earnestly

No. she said

the ferretfaced man on the aisle to her immediate right said He’d like to know if substitutions are allowed.

she didnt reach across the table to cowboys menu and point it out  she wanted to badly At the top of the menu you can read it’s an additional Twofifty.

the ferret said  He doesnt like to read

I suppose that’s why he’s surrounded himself with you, guys. then only turning her head  Cowboy. Make a decision?




The coffee’s fine. he handed his menu to the man to his right who reached across the two others beside him and handed the menu to her

Okay. I’ll put the orders in and doubleback to refresh the coffee.


she returned she refilled everyones mug and left

immediately cowboy asked  How’d she do that, give me and Mike our Decaf?

a stunned silence descended on the table


Mike answered  Sir. You and I are the only mugs that have coasters beneath them. That’s a tell, so she and other waitresses can refill our coffee without asking decaffeinated or regular. It’s more efficient, sir.

And if I hide my coaster?

Then, sir, you get what you ordered.

I’ve ordered Decaf.

Sir. Then leave your coaster where it is.



cowboy didnt want anything off the menu
                                              he just drank his Decaf with powdered Cremora and Sweet ‘n Low

26.6.20


“Aides insisted there would be no change in White House strategy to fight the pandemic, and no additional money or new resources given to states dealing with spikes in cases." 

“ . . no change in strategy to fight the pandemic . . “

“fight”
       Hmm he thought itd be a wonderful idea to get these “aides” other White House senior officials head of the CDC ofcourse Trump ofcourse his cocksucker Vice President into a big room and have a battle royale
                                                                                                      the way they fight
hed walk out alone covered in blood their blood
1248,  Reggae Friday,  26  6. 20
Bob Marley  Buffalo Soldier  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5FCdx7Dn0o


he wondered if . . . if. when he fell asleep . that maybe his body wasnt inhabitedhe woke  found  albeit . . superficial . wounds  punctures   scrapes  long catlike scratches  his blood staining the bed linens

his wounds didnt comport with the dreams he had

he wouldnt be . . wouldnt . be adverse to whiling in his dreams suffering if he provoked it or joined into a melee he was willing to accept those wounds or punishments at least hed know from where they came when inflicted who he had offended

his life offended others why wouldnt his dreaming

seemed possibly a curious balance 
                                       a toy teeter totter


but if he were inhabited just to be taken like a used car for a careless run around the block hed have issue with that



he wokehe could still feel cool water on his skin his hair feeling heavy and matted 

it was a shallow pool filledfed with salt seawater

its submerged mosaic-tiled apron littered with happy sea creatures and seashells ran out towards the sea from three curved steps continuous like a surfs wash they provided entry into the pool

a twist of thick long seaweed undulated in the pool one end pointing to the soft waves entering through the breakwater

the seaweed curled up on itself formed a languid S


maybe high tide was sent to gather it but it failed  the seaweed turned and rolled in the shallow blue water quaked by the tide
         it shifted listlessly

he was compelledit wasnt his idea into the receding water to aid the tide and to drag the weed to the break where he would release it back into its elements help the sea reclaim it

dragging it it was heavier than he thoughthe hadnt bother to gather or bunch it its length worked against him

when he went to regrasp it part of it got hung up on his hand  tendrils wrapped his wrist yanking free of them they snappedPopped! at a sudden the weed quivered spasmed  it was alive  an eel a worm two red eyes appeared in rents and fluttered it twisted and shook in his hold its violence began to unravel the weedyness hidden inside the long vegetation was tangled dark hair  emerging it came off in ugly scabs clots clumps the beast shiveredreared like a snake and rising shaking its skull emerged from the falling weedweed like putrefying flesh  its skull white brilliantwhite shookwrithed violently and tall in the water defying physics its jaws openedhe thought to scream but they came unhinged as its long skull split in halves and fell away and from within as it began to fallfalling limply an astonishing small red eyed automaton emerged from the split skull a ribbed metal thing falling it tickled the air with thin insectlike appendages

he was horrified
                but he caught it by an appendage in midair and hurtled it at a pillar which held up part of a pink stone colonnade that arced before the pool 

his aim was true

it smashed against the stone and fell to the sand 

it twitched

he hoped it momentarily was stunned
                                        and splashing out of the shallow pool on a dead run he lifted a rock used to sit on above his head and smashed it  again  crushed it  again  pulverized it  again  again    again
                                                                                                        he was shotthrough with adrenaline he didnt stop smashing it until it broke into dozens of pieces pieces that no longer articulated or trembled insensate 

its red eyes were crushedwent out with the first blow


he was wounded

                        but he knew how
     

Twosday morning,  7  4. 20 
1109,  Reggae Friday,  26  6. 20 


which 16 members of the House Freedom Caucus identified statues and works of art of Confederates as historical – historical doesnt sidestep the Confederates avowed racist and treasonous identity


they want to crack down on “rioters”  theyre protestors 

wouldnt it be easier to crack down the inane 16 House members  bind and gag them

Biggs has the biggest mouth –ofcourse he would – “Rioting, looting and now mindless (he didnt think so), aimless (he didnt think so) attacks on statues and work of art – this is nothing less than mobocracy. The attempt is to sanitize the symbols of our history which are being destroyed by those who do not understand (yawanna bet?) or know our history (yawanna bet?).”

Eeny Meeny Miny Moe
                         Alabamas Mo Brooks  Gary Palmer  Arizonas Andy Biggs  Debbie Lesko  David Schweikert  Paul Gosar  Colorados Ken Buck  Floridas Ted Yoho  Bill Prosey  Matt Gaetz  Georgias Jodie Hice  Idahos Russ Fulcher  Iowas Steve King  Marylands Andy Harris  North Carolinas Ted Budd  Dan Bishop  Greg Murphy  Ohios Warren Davidson  Jim Jordan  Pennsylvanias Scott Perry  South Carolinas Ralph Norman  Jeff Duncan  Tennessees Mark E. Green  Scott DesJarlais  Texas’ Michael Cloud  Louis asshole Gohmert  Chip Roy  Randy Weber  Ron Wright  Virginias Ben Cline  Morgan Griffith  Denver Riggleman  West Virginias Alex Mooney and Wisconsins Torn Tiffany
1342,  Reggae Friday,  26  6. 20
Lesley  Gore  It’s My Party  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIsnIt1p978

$127K -- killed Americans


cant make this shit up
                        during the rising CoVid-19 pandemic the Trump administration asks the Supreme Court to overturn the Affordable Care Act (ACA) – theres a reason what Republicans shriek stamp their feet and say they hold their breaths until theyre dead – DIE – preferring to call it Obamacare!

“The president is moving forward with the legal attack, even as some republicans worry it will hurt the party’s electoral prospects.”
            Congressional Republicans are fucking idiots they havent learn three and a half years later Trump is who matters not the Republican party
1311,  Reggae Friday,  26  6. 20

25.6.20


it was another National holiday that few were able to share or enjoy the paid day-off

which one  he had no idea  what he knew was was he had work 

working constructionhustling theres no such thing as a National holiday 


he did that until an accident ended it  disabled him then forcedhe forced himself to work indoors had to eatkeep a roof over his head he didnt get National holidays off either
                                                         what a fuckin gimmick  why is it a National holiday if everyone doesnt get to enjoy the paid day-off he wasnt gonna blow somebody for that kind of job

his girlfriendgood for her had a job like that she didnt blow anyone for it but sheher cross to bear was she had to contend with an office full of cunts

hed met three of the clutch

they were cunts

he didnt think the others would be an outliers

she said it paid extremely well

he said Then baby please dont complain to me about the job

You could be more supportive.

You could pay me to be
                         the joke non-joke usually fell flat  he had her back  as a matter of fact if he hadnt asked her about the National holiday she would have gone into work not knowing she had it off

he asked because he thought hed take a personal day and they could spend Sunday and Monday together they hadnt seen each other 23 weeks

they didnt

her choice

they textedthey talked on the telephone

to be fair he always tried to be fair her health was dicey so he put the ball in her court good thing it was their ball and not his


they had a good relationship despite the absence
                                                    but he always said that he wouldnt do anything that would jeopardise their friendship

1759,  Monday,  21  1. 19
1129,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  24  6. 20
London Grammar  Metal & Dust  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=as5FZJI6xJU