the dream escaped him

he was working on another piece that capturedarrested his imagination

                                                                           an capturing his imagination it vanquished the dream that had been so vivid he thought itd be waiting in the hall for sloppy secondswho the fuck wants sloppy seconds

he could commiserate

he once waited on sloppy thirds

but came down

came down off the dopeoff the boozeoff the testosterone that hardened his cock when he yanked her tits out of her blouse

        she Ooohed laughing threw her head announced  Ill fuck youse, but I’ll only fuck you one at a time

cut cards

he was miserable at cutting cards

his buddies werent as handsie as he FUCK he got her tits outmade the play  they were too shyfuckin right SHY  they didnt see where her cockteasing was going she wanted to fuck and she wanted to fuck them

but then she flippedbecame shy  she didnt want to take them on three at once 

Whadafuck she had the ability she had the holes she was definitely greased  he could smell her 

her tits out her nipples pointed like accusing fingers   

but it was her show

despite his blood uphed been there before several times  there was a thin line between wanton abandon and rape

shed blinked

wanton abandon crawled up inside itself and died 

                                                     yet she still wanted to get her rocks off

he couldnt believe he drew a three

his buddies pulled a king then an ace  he was fuckin anticlimactic  funny  climax-tick tock  tick   tock  ticktock  tick tock   tick   tock 

                        tick tock took its toll  he straightened out  wha straightened up fell  

the boys took their time

                          or maybe they were too fucked up to get things rolling

he stood outside the cabin in the Wisconsin woods by the Wisconsin River with one an then with the satisfied other  What a hole!  encouraging words cuz every guy must love fucking a holehuh

                                                                                   holehuh wholeholehuh  he was realisingbreaking his high hed rather jack off to his imagination of a gangbang event  than fuck her
fuck her hole
             huh

the king staggered out the heavy wood doortripped down the three steps and landed on his face

blackfaced with dirt certainly something to behold he spat dirt like a pale exhale of a cheap cigar Your turn. Just fuck her. Otherwise you’ll be sucking my cum.  he knew that he liked to go down on women  he was notorious for eating pussy

yah he wasnt stupid 

that was never in the offing not after drawing a three of hearts

he climbed the slotted step after sidestepping the collapsed kingstill lying in the dirt

amber light

             from a lamp on a side table acting as a nightstand a bad actor

she was naked  enthralled   heavingwaving her hips heavily on her heels stabbed firmly in the naked mattress  not even a fuckin sheet  

slick glistening  between her legs

                                     he could smell her

probably acted as smelling salts  tick  tock  TICK  TOCK  
                                                              Yah he wasnt into it
she shouldnt have been the shy one at some orgy

Might wanna finger yourself if ya havent cum yetDont think they were interested in you cumming

she sat bolt upright You cunt! she yelled

Youre the cunt I got sober Yamight say HA I got a peek at religion Im saving myself from myself Ya should have fucked the three of us at once he was more sober than he thought

he rather artfully ducked the lamp off the rickety side table she grabbed and threw at him

LIGHTS OUT

1329,  Saturday,  23  11. 19

Leonard Cohen  Last Year’s Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWNm9E73V9Y

he was returning from walking his daughters to school

he crossed to the opposite side of the street from the way he had gone for shits and giggles as many shits and giggles as one can possibly contrive while walking and reading

                                                          but the book he was reading Morgans Thin Air page by page inevitably bounced his eyes up out of the book in awedizzied by an array of astonishing descriptionsvisuals  terse dialogue

         and on one such bounce nearly to his exwifes house they alighted briefly on a crushed squirrel laying on the street freshkilled  its blood not yet coagulated

                                                 Muthafucker he muttered
The least you could have done was pull over confirm it was dead pick it up off the road

the squirrel had been runover several times since it was killed

the fact it was runover again and again maddened him

it wasnt degradationNo  it was disgraceful

                                            Whawas the word he was looking for

                                                                                                          Aaah
Desecration

maybe others might not think so

                                 however that made him laugh  he wondered how they might feel if he walked into a funeral parlour where a loved one laid and dumped their body out of the coffin onto the hushedplush carpet

                                                                                                                 the thought nearly set him to howl but it was too early in the morning in an upscale LA neighbourhood  he had some couth  evidentlyit seemed just enough to suppress a howl  a disgusted  passionate   howl

Nono  This aint the way its going to goNot  No  Way  No  How  Cant seem to find it in yourself to slow downAVOID  or brake for an animal  he wasnt leaving its body on the street a moment longer for human beings to desecrate it furthur because he knew some shit would come by and hit it again just for the hell of it

                                                                                     a spoiled punk rolling in Mommys or Daddys car  running over it for an OhNoYouDidnt! shout out

he really ought to carry that brick in the canvas bag slung over his shoulder that hes threatened to do the brick to chuck through the windshield window or against the body of a desecrating car or truck 

he was a boy scout once Be Prepared

in black MagicMarker hed write on it  THIS BRICK IS FOR YOU 

                                                                     hed probably have to carry a second brickNO   no  hed just carry the sap and knuckles his father gave him that he had carried in Miami when he worked as an insurance agent going door to door and carried cash should a driver become disgruntled at the significant damage a brick would do to their vehicle

                     though it aint the same as being dead  Is it?

he picked up two large wood chips that someone had rather than a front lawn and walked into the street squatted facing into traffic should it come and scrappedgathered the squirrels destroyed remains  maintaining  somewhat  its symmetry  the best he could 

an eye fell free as he carried it to the woodchipped curbstrip

he went back for it  rolled it onto the more-spooned of the two chips  then rolled it onto its broken skull

0800,  Monday,  7  10. 19

1433,  Reggae Friday,  22  11. 19

Tool  Sober  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nspxAG12Cpc

the FAKE PRESIDENT went on FOX today  ohbrother   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIsnIt1p978

cunt  got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and yet says No 

                                                                   Yes  but it is his party and his party whinesfalls in lockstep directly behind him  cowards

2345,  Friday,  22  11. 19  President Kennedy is spinning in his grave

https://www.msnbc.com/the-beat-with-ari/watch/-miserable-trump-on-edge-as-house-dems-draft-blueprint-for-impeachment-73933893503

his daughter texted him  : :  Anxious? (1123 hours)

 : :  He’s anxious to see you. It has been a while.

Anxious. Excited. Happy.

 : :  I always think of anxious in bad ways.

 : :  I don’t ever use anxious in a negative connotation.

 : :  Okay. Good. (1131 hrs)   

 : :  Hahaha. I suppose I should read a series of text messages before answering, rather than going text by text; might save myself some time.

It is an innarestin’ perception to gather, how people read, consume their texts.

(1310 hrs) she texted  : :  I only use it with a negative connotation (i.e., anxious – stress to me).

(1315 hrs)  : :  Haha. Grab “anxious – stress” by its skinny neck and wring it.

Anxious is JOYOUS! filled with as much promise as when the sun rises on the day and colours it with seductive possibilities.

 : :  You make me laugh. Eternally positive.

(1321 hrs)  : :  I try to overwhelm negativity – helps to be an enthusiastic confrontational muthafucker damn sure, cocky, of my stand.

(1322 hrs)  : :  But then, I’ve been a muthafucker since I was 9; it’s my life.

(1330 hrs)  : :  Good job, Papa.

 : :  Good job, yes, but I’ve had wonderful, understanding help along the way. I will always be grateful that my prickishness wasn’t too much for those who loved me, and aided me. Very fortunate.

       

1123,  Saturday,  5  10. 19

1255,  Reggae Friday,  22  11. 19 – JFK would have concurred

yacant make this shit up

                         Bibi  Donny  the FAKE PRESIDENT  joined at the hip in Nazi lockstep highstep giving lip service to all the same old tired Republican talking points

though well have to wait for Bibis Show Trial which is salient  only in regards – should it be forgotten – to those trials Stalin invoked his Purge his Show Trials a million detained a halfmillion executed

                                                                                         that the United States House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence should be accused of entertaining a Show Trial  as Republican members of that Committee have intoned  is repugnant preposterous ludicrous  those GOP House members should not be returned to Congress

they have steadfastly defied their vowtheir oath to the American Constitution

2318,  Thursday,  21  11. 19

https://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/chris-hayes-on-the-parallels-between-netanyahu-and-trump-73859141916

https://www.crf-usa.org/bill-of-rights-in-action/bria-7-4-a-the-stalin-purges-and-show-trials

https://www.warhistoryonline.com/world-war-ii/10-facts-stalins-great-purge.html

“Life is a rental proposition with no lease; for everybody, tall and short, muscle and fat, white and yellow, rich and poor. I know that now.”

                    a sobering confession

a confession he concurred with he loved concurring  he loved concurring almost as much as he loved fucking You concur? Fuckyes.

life is a rental proposition

he rented his entire lifehe understood it intimately

never did get close to buying owning

too many billstoo many health emergencies and obligations

had he boughtthey bought they would have lost their home  

they stitched paycheck to paycheck and surprise! they didnt go under

some people went on vacation

they met doctor bills and hospital bills

                                        met their daughters college bills  priorities

it would have been nicewonderful to do something other with their money

when his wife complained Why is life so hard? 

                                                  from his experiences before meeting her all he could reply was  Whoever said it was going to be easy

maybe he could have been more gentle more compassionate 

                                                                        maybe

but compassion from where he was from would be phony 

                                                             she was the last person in the world he would ever lie to

he never did

he was skin and bone and brassknuckles  busted jaws

                                                           he wouldnt tell her anything other than what was true

an while she loved him sometimes she didnt like him very much 

which was too fuckin bad

he made a vow to love and honour her

                                         he didnt remember any bitch or lie to lessen their pain

it was their pain shared  an sharing somehow made the pain tolerable

fortunately their pain thresholds were extraordinarily high

they pitied people who whinedwho cried Ouchie ouchieouchie

                                                                 Get a fuckin grip  endure

they endured

               they endured until she died  leaving him to endure for them 

he had no doubt she would not have endured for them

                                                        not a single moment

   

1400,  Monday,  23  9. 19

1704,  Saturday, 16  11. 19

the young man walked on air

an attractive young woman walked into the store under his long armhis hand trailing before her breast through the huuush of sliding automatic doors

she was white

he was Mexican

they were quietly ecstatic  glee showing on their faces

How are you, man?  the young Mexican asked him

Im sensational  though I dare say you might have me beat

Yeah. She’s pregnant. She asked me to marry her.

And

My baby, we’re getting married.

he bit his tongue

                 getting married because youre pregnant  wasnt a good reason

he had buddies also his sister his brother whose pregnancies didnt avert eventual divorces or sidestepped the ensuing years of devolving ugliness that preceded them

get married

then get pregnant

two precedes three

                     at least by how he learned to count

the young Mexican man bought champagne not sparkling wine

he bought himself a nice cigar

It’s a time for celebration; right, boss?

he hated being called boss Every day is worth celebrating

It’s a fine day.  the young man said

Remember it an remember your emotions right now

I ain’t gonna forget, not ever.

he hoped so

1736,  Friday,  15  11. 19

1443, Saturday,  16  11. 19

The Supremes  Love Child  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdmGO-GvHyo

Blue Cheer  Peace of Mind  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjrrcF3sQuU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mFxUIH5IaE

                                                                                               takin a little trip

Sunday,  17  11. 19

some people might pay to have the dreams he had

                                                             she clutched at herself

her fingers working between her legs

on her knees

her breasts squeezed tightly together

her arms pressing themswelling them

AWWWshe came KAAhrist she gaspedpanted

                                                  when she collapsed on her haunchesher hands falling to her sidesher breasts falling hanging deliciously 

                                     the flush of her orgasm still tingling her cheeksher throat

he brushed her loosened hairs from her face with his fingers Baby that was seismic

she swallowed drily

nodded

she couldnt speak

0736,  Monday,  16  9. 19
1623,  Friday,  15  11. 19

You wouldn't know unless I said

: :  Golly, love  you ran across my mind again and left your beautiful footprints

“I believe in all that is unspoken.”  Rainer Maria Rilke  

he liked Rilkes poetics

                        though he didnt read him enough to . . to challenge him . . . challenging is  probablyNo  its the right word   his sensibilities took issue with the word “believe”

I believe

I think

I know

         believe is the least physical of the three  the weakest

he texted his girlfriend  : :  . . . you wouldn’t know unless I said                                                         

hed rather commit words to paper

                                    on paper in his hand words are decisive  declarative

they are less likely to be twisted out of shape or tortured  defied attempts to subvertchange the context they were used in

when he was younger he wrote incessantly  sixseven letters a week

in the few letters he received back he found his wordswhat he said were often taken out of context so often in fact that he began writing with carbons and mimeographing his letters so when he received return letters he correctedcombated their disinformation dysfunction 

sometimes his replies cited entire paragraphs

perhaps they didnt think hed be so thorough with his casual daily correspondences

out of sight out of mind  he minded

Who does that? they wrote

he did

       he had little patience being misquoted maligned Kaahrist Its family and close friends an always on his tongue was  State your source. Provide your evidenceNOT accusatory more from his staid point  one two three a b c  their reasons in descending order
THAT was his nature

it was apparentevident  one shouldnt get on the wrong side of him

he had a short fuse

whether in a letter or in person

1220,  Twosday,  17  9. 19

1519,  Friday,  15  11. 19

The Box Tops  The Letter  https://www.youtube.co+m/watch?v=HIWY8UyW9bw

the light was better in the livingroom to write

natural

         as opposed to writing under a lightbulb  

in the livingroom he was nearly under a skylight

                                                   to his right was a bank of windows unfettered by curtains or blinds

he opened the two French doors

as he did overhead he heard a hawk cry

                                           no better affirmation

he teased his daughterhis son-in-law that their home was as much childproofed as it was grandparentproofed  for him he couldnt speak for his son-in-laws parents
maybe they knew how to escape

Door ajar  the system warned

No a door is a door  it is never a jar

there was a shallow woven basket at his elbow that held a blackplastic controller likely it controlled the plasma television screen above the fireplace gas fed the music system  the security system 

he didnt have any ideahe didnt want to know

he chose to have no aptitude for the technology

there were three laptops in the livingroom

they were locked by passwords

                                  an even if he knew the words Word up! he wasnt enticed he preferred the security of his PC look at him and his acronym he despised acronyms he preferred his tower and screen and faulty keyboard the keyboard was reminiscent of a steel-caged Underwood typewriter he banged his school papers and thoughts out on

he was from the Stone Age

                           rather  the Stoned Age

unencumbered

freeer

less clothed

less madeup

rarely tatted
more humane

then he thought of the freaks today makingup policy 

                                                       fuckers commiserate to his agehis years though probably since childhood they were overinflated overindulged  they were taught they were exceptional Why wouldnt they buy into their parents and that cultures assessment
Money talks!

they were never exceptional

he would have loved to have a fistfight with one

but that wasnt possible

they had someone else who would do that  they didnt believe in physical labour

the livingrooms silence was a balm

                                     like the silence inside his twentyteight year old vehicle

no air

no heater

no defroster

no radio

no cassettes

the power locks still worked

                              though his familyhis daughters were grown  he didnt have to worry about protecting them

the power windows still worked

as did the sun roof the closest hed ever come to owning a convertible

driving in it he achieved mobile Zen

when he arrived at his daughters home she shared with him something she had written 

with it she gave him a blue lace agate

                                        the agateshe insisted would provide him gentleness 

You should treat yourself better.

You dont think Im gentle with myself

No. You seek adversity, which provides you a reason to confront, and to be antagonistic.

Im fine baby Mars is my ruling planet Aries is always spoiling for a fight Its my nature Either inherent or inherited
I dont give a fuck Im comfortable in my own skin

Im sorry if I distress you

You should try not to worry about me

Ive been on the planet longer than you 

Gives me a sort of seniorityhuh

she smiled at himtshe had this beatific smile a smile that understands  that encourages  that is accepting yet compelling

he hated when she smiled that smile at him because he couldnt be other than who he was even if he tried

she had to know that

he inhabited a wolf in sheeps clothing



woe to those who didnt see

1124, Twoday,  17  9. 19

1443,  Thursday,  14  11. 19