his dream first one to ever reoccur descended upon him like a film trailer and enthusiastically he wanted to share the experience with his father and brother both Robert Stanleys the Sr  the Jr  the Holy Ghost he was mindfulgrateful his brother took that bulletmoniker despite born after him  he was no Bob had he been named RobertBob he would have had to drop it his personality would have wilded 

                                              it would have persecutedlashed him

he knew he   

the closest he ever came to being Bob was when he stopped his father from stripping a length of black Dymo label tape from a palegreen metal toolbox his father wanted him to have it when he left home for good he placed a few tools inside 

No no dont  Please Dad dont

What?  Excuse me?

Leave it as is okay Dad

Joe, the tape reads Bob.

You labeled it

I labeled it because it was mine, now it’s yours.

And I really appreciate your gift Ill always remember this moment but please leave the label intact

I’m confused, why?

I think its obvious

You always think things are obvious, but I don’t live inside your skull. What is obvious?

Ill have the toolbox on job sitesfigure Ill make a living as a labourer or a carpenter he nodded his head at his father as if that was explanation enough

And?  So?

Jesus  Suppose I gotta draw you a picture . .

. . Draw.

Bob  Agreed again his nod

Yes.  You’re wearing my patience thin . .

. . Ive always worn your patience . .

. . You have.

Then Ive been doing my job as your son an youve been doing your job as my father Sons are meant to irritate their fathers

You irritate your mother.

Hence as I said my job Every kids job If were carbon copieswhat a fucking bore

Yah Im nineteen an fuck frosts your fanny Ya might wanna get used to it  Aint no carbon copy . .

. . You can say that again.

Aint no fuckin carbon copy yaknow better than challengingprovoking me

Your provocation has thin skin. 

My provocation is reactionary Akinthough I dont believe in Gawd to not turn a cheek

No carbon copy

You’ve said.

Which returns us to our departure Drawing you a picture

Yes.

I dont want you pulling the tape off  Leave Bob

Again. Why not?

Simple . .

. . In your mind.

Frankly no  I want it to remain And I want it there to enforce who I am on the jobany future job site Ill be on

And that is?

Bob Beast of burden

Thanks not funny.

No notfunny Accurate Therell not be one person out there that will outwork me Ill always be worth more than they pay me

Say no more, I know that to be true. You’ve been the stalwart of our family. I’ll miss you.

I’ll miss you

begrudgingly his father and brother accepted

Hey Im buying the popcorn Quit with the peeved looks Try an enjoy yourself Its remarkablean only the three of us will ever have witnessed it

the dream rolled in wide screen

everything was hyperfocused hypercolouredit hurt their eyes a miasma flowedmagnified its contents superreal   overwhelming

               they werent eating their popcorn

there was a flutter 

                    a misstep anxiousness ensued he was perturbedangered

another flutter 

then the screen went bright white when the dream snapped

the projectionist shut it down

                               the screen went the deepestblack hed ever seen

noises in the darkness followed 

corrections

quietclamour

a buzz

FUCK

THERE

a switch flipped

the last image they saw POPPED on the screen a minor flutter then they were off again

images washed asif underwater a tide pool  a cleansing 

they couldnt eat their popcorn because they sighed

                                                     they were immersed in his dream

maybe hed finally gotten through to them why he was the way he was

                                                                          that they grasped him

the dream SNAPPEDwent brilliant hotwhite againNO! voidblack followed tinkering the Bobs actually getting impatience

This is something else. his father whispered

his brother  This is very revealing. I think I’m getting a handle on your obviousness, which, for the most part, has been inobvious to us. I’m really happy I’m not living inside your head . .

. . Gotta correct ya my fuckin head

Can’t give it a rest can you, son? 

Nope Cant Thatd be out of character an Im always in character

0357,  Saturday,  6  4. 19

1215,  Sunday,  14  4. 19

should the cunt ever pull his head out of his ass he might learn something rather than think he knows it all (every time he puts his right index finger to his head I hope it would go off)     

                                                                  we need only remember the confine from which he tweets

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/apr/14/ilhan-omar-trump-9-11-september

1025, Sunday,  14  4. 19

he always appreciated that his body tipped him offthought well enough of themtheir brain so that it awoke themnudged them a gentle elbow in the ribs middle of the night so they didnt shit the bed so they didnt wake in the morning unalone  Stickys alias anally conceived  

                                        not a Joy!

howd that work

nobody he asked knew the answer

everyone concurred who didnt like to concur but no one knew

                                                             and Religion thinks it has its Mysteries its undiluted indelible Truth

squatting on the potemptying his bowels  the banana peppers with his In-N-Out burgers proved his undoing  he was fuckin grateful to whatever the processprocedureprotocol was that he didnt shit in bed

                                                                         his queen october he didnt know she was a queen birthed three kittens between his legs one night he had to strip the bed wash the blankets sheets protector it failed dry them before he could go back to sleep hed be damned if hed have redundant bedding it was only himself and a bed his bluff called he was accountable he never had trouble standing at the bellnever had been coldcocked rocked knocked out of this consciousness into another STARS INKY BLACKNESS he had no idea what was on the other side of his consciousness if it reeked of his dream world hed have no trouble lingering there labyrinths mazes doors  people he didnt recognise  which meant it was unlikely their playtime would ever get back to someone he was intimate with

intimate

they were few and far between

he was loquacious social but only if he had to be if required

he preferred being an introvert

                                 like one inside church looking out through its stained glass windows 

outside looking in the beauteous coloured glass looked like shit hence  perspective matters

he didnt mind slipping into other peoples shoes

he was curious

to be incurious was a sin

being a sociopath was a sin

there werent enough Hail Marys or The Lord is My Shepherds at confessional to cover a sociopaths sin and scat with dirt

Hail Mary,/Full of Grace,/The Lord is with Thee./Blessed art thou among women,/and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus/Hoily Mary, Mother of God/pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death./Amen.

right

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want./He maketh me lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters./He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake./Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me./Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over./Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever./Amen.

Ahha  Hmm

Ye of little faith

he preferred reason to faith

maybe Thou protecteth he from a dropping a deuce in his bed

0353,  Saturday,  6  4. 19

1243,  Saturday,  13  4. 19

MSNBC Donny Deutsch 18:26 minute-mark https://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house/watch/trump-takes-tough-stance-on-immigration-to-a-new-level-1490219075589

Aaliyah  Back and Forth  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0pQjYk9150

whos a sociopath  really    who? 

MSNBC Donny Deutsch 18:26 minute-mark https://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house/watch/trump-takes-tough-stance-on-immigration-to-a-new-level-1490219075589

1158,  Saturday,  13  4. 19

ever smell Limburger cheese 

                              if a sociopath smelled like Limburger cheese  the FAKE PRESIDENT smells like Limburger 

“an attempted coup an attempted takedown of a president”                                                          

“They spied on me WAAAH”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQGEoNpHrRQ

coups overthrow leaders

methinks he thinks himself a Leader

Ohhorseshit

              cunt  at 0821 hours Saturday  tweeting (NO he hasnt read the Mueller Report because his attention span is that of a gnat a gnu  a gcunt): “Why should Radical Left Democrats in Congress have a right to retry and examine the $35,000,000 (two years in the making) No Collusion Mueller report, when the crime committed was by Crooked Hillary, the DNC and Dirty Cops? Attorney General Barr (political hack) will make the decision!”

"I am going to be reviewing both the oranges and the conduct of intelligence activity": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqqRUbI1rDQ

high time someone inside surreptitiously releases the Mueller Report think Chelsea Manning  a real American hero  Id like to see cunt and Barr withstand one year of solitary confinement  naked

thirtyfive million dollars was paid by American taxpayers 

ya buy a productya buy anything ya ought to have it

began @ 1014 finished @ 1041,  Saturday,  13  4. 19

he packed his toothbrush and toothpaste for the road trip in the wee hours of the morningtoo tired the night before after coming home from work he dropped into bed clothed

if he didnt time it right hed be driving east into the rising sun then the leg rolling due south forty minutes wouldnt help him escape its direct glare and inspection although he was really getting good at this trip gettin good  nine times over the last eleven years Fuck the Rising Sun!  few would ever imagine the irony of that cry

sixteentwenty minutes down the road it began pestering him that the toothpaste he may have packed was his grrlfriends mintedCHRIST Crest  at least it wasnt Colgates 

                                                          brushing his teeth was the last of his toiletry he may have been absentmindedanticipating the eleven hour ride  he picked up   the plump tube    not thinking

she used it only a couple of times a couple times  before she left    left  sounded ominous

sounded ominous

                       he tried it on for sizesaid it out loud A couple of times before she left

left coming out of his mouth sounded   final  left    A couple times before she left

he had upended the tube squeezing it lightly before she left how long ago had that been  he squeezed the tube harder 

it wasnt giving 

             it isntisnt Heinz Ketchup he squeezed harder  how long ago had it been

some paste crumbled out of the tube

some paste bounced off his wetted toothbrush 

some paste clung like cocaine sniffedclinging to his moustache

Itd been awhile

How longs a while

Three years  a while

he righted the tube

screwed on its top

tossed it in the enameled babyblue tin bathroom trash

he rinsed off his toothbrush

set it down

he walked into and up the hall into the livingroom to the couch that his duffel lay on to exhume his leather toiletry kit  he unzipped it revealing its contents a quiet shimmer off a sheaf of Lifestyles condoms There he snatched the canopic tube of Arm & Hammer toothpaste

it was easier to exhume than apparently  his relationship  

                                                                  at least his teeth would be clean

his breath fresh

he spit and rinsed the scouring down the drain

he relaxed

he had thrown away the old paste

he made the southern leg as the sun peered over the hilled horizon like a busybody

2221,  Twosday,  9  4. 19

1017,  Reggae Friday,  12  4. 19

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nc_CCViZrFY

back

          intact

                    no worse for wear at least not that Id admit

whassup

          yakeep yer nose clean

1852, Thursday,  11  4. 19

                                 he was clinging to restlesssleep dreaming to catch a sliver a handful of something to take ahold of and bring out

                             then suddenlybestowed onesigh bellycramp vague  quiet   envelopingone then several coils of his brain he woke

What was that

onesigh bellycramp

Onesigh bellycramp

it didnt repeat itself

whawas he to do with THAT 

                              certainly something to have emerged   onesigh bellycramp                           

his bowels or bladder didnt waken him

he remembered his dreaming self hanging around  like a kid on a street corner waiting for buddies  

his friends were always a hoot

walking around town they came across corners that teemed with clowns miscreants

What’s a miscreant?

Not desirable Wannabe bad boys Bobby

How do you know that?

Miscreant I read a lot

Yah one sniped If he wasn’t hangin with us he’d be reading; he’s got paperback in his back pocket.

You got a book in your back pocket? Bobby asked

Slaughterhouse-Five  Vonnegut  Billy Pilgrim

An anti-war novel.

Its a humane novel a moral novel  I dont believe ya buy into Nam Jeff

No.

Though yer father does

He was a Marine; what do you expect?

I expect he fought in the South Pacific and Korea so his childrennot that he was thinking that far ahead wouldnt have to fight in trumpedup wars to make money for fat cats

If Im drafted Im not going

You’d rather go to jail?

I side with Ali  “Man, I aint got no quarrel with them Viet Cong.  Why should they ask me to put on a uniform and go ten thousand miles from home and drop bombs and bullets on brown people in Vietnam while so-called Negro people in Louisville are treated like dogs and denied simple human rights?”

You memorize that?

I did You find a hole in his logic

I agree with, Joe said Bobby

Jeff turned to Bobby Your polio fixed you 4-F, you aren’t sweating the draft.

And neither am I  You sweatin Jeff

My brother went into the Coast Guard.

You like me like Bobby like your brother white  Coast Guards obviously an option But I aint military materialI know that I dont like anyone tellin me what to dolet alone not answering my questions why I should do it Im not into blind faith religion or orders

Well . . hope you don’t go low in the draft lottery.

I expect to Karma

You expect to?

Definitely We should get together with the guys on draft nighthave whisky beers pizza twenty bucks apiece in a pot  first birthday turned gets the pot

I’d pay twenty bucks to see you become a draft dodger.

Money well spent  Would help afford me a road trip

You’re fucked up, man. 

No  Whafucks me up is seeing a human being turned into ground beef or a flaming torch  Remember Thich Quang Duc

God bless you.

Funny

No.

Thich Quanf Duc Buddhist monk Immolated himself to fight all forms of oppression  I didnt need to see that on televisionanymore than I needed to see General Nguyen Ngoc Loan execute Vietcong suspect Nguyen Van Lemshoot him in the head on a street in Saigon then walk over to reporters to tell them “These guys kill a lot of our people, and I think Buddha will forgive me.”    

Or anymore than the photograph of Phan Thi Kim Phuc the Napalm girl

You know their names?  What the fuck.

I know their namesI remember what they suffered virtually at our hands  by Americas wha  will   I aint being part of that legacy any more than I hafta assume as being an American

You know their names.

I know their namesremember their names  probably because I was a paperboy who read the papers while walking my routes

You'll go to jail.

Not if I and every draftee refuses to enter the military Think of the optics of every eighteen year oldour generation put in jail

Optics. Vonnegut?

Vonnegut  Reading   Thinking

onesigh bellycramp

 

thinking about it 

                   a bell being rung to pay strict attention to 

otherwise hed nobodyelse  suffer the consequences of ignoring it

early Thursday morning before 0800,  4  4. 19

1253,  Reggae Friday,  5  4. 19

War  Spill the Wine  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6qcafgLHe4

smegma

the viscous glue cementingsemening Israeli notions of apartheid has formed a miserable foul crust smegma

Netanyahoo stinks

                    or rather a stinking Netanyahoo  the Jews (those Jews who voted for him) are as unfortunate as the racists and white Nationalists who support Drumpf

https://theintercept.com/2019/04/10/netanyahu-set-victory-israelis-vote-never-ending-military-rule-palestinians/

2306,  Thursday,  11  4. 19

a stain a smegma on the World

                           joining 4thquarter on a free ride through the valley and wildflowersthrough the solitaire desert anup into the red rocks  my soul advised Time to traipse 

              traipsing

                                              yak when Im back!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GjYlTwWQHI

1434 aka 234,  Thursday,  4  4. 19